Friday, October 4, 2013


I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I am sure I have... I absolutely am going insane staying at home all the time. It sucks ass.

Like, it's not for me.

I tried it, for four long, grueling, self-inducing hate filled years I tried it.

I'm proud to say that that is no longer me.

I got a job outside of the house!! YAY ME!! Guys, I feel so much pride, and joy, and accomplishment. I am so excited for myself.

It's strange, because I feel at odds about myself. I mean, I know I should do what I need to do that is best for me and my family, but still somehow I feel like I need to explain myself or validate it for others. It's a new concept I am working on- this not giving of fucks, and just doing what needs to be done, but it is refreshing and raw and a whole new experience.

After 4 years of being sheltered inside of the house and constantly seeking approval for anything, and being afraid of everything, I think it's safe to say that I will be breaking out of my self-induced shell and be happier, once again. God, I missed being happy.

I'm happy sobbing right now. You want to know why? Because when I came home yesterday, my son ran up to me and gave me a hug. I've never gotten a hug from him voluntarily. He's always been kind of forced into it. Yesterday he gave me a hug and he waved when I walked in the door. It was fucking awesome.

And I am so proud of myself- doubly proud, even. Because I had set a limit for my goal. A deadline to get a job by my birthday. I was officially hired October 3. My birthday is October 5. So who's a bad bitch now? Setting goals and accomplishing them and shit? ME.

This goal setting business is pretty legit, I mean, I would set goals before but not really stick to them and it's hard to do anything long term right now- BUT- now that I had accomplished a goal in a short amount of time (well relatively speaking) I think I can do another.

I think my next goal will be to sit down and write out three more goals- a short term, mid term, and long term goal and see how that goes.