Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Crank it up

1) Drake is sick with a cold. This means he hates everything in his tiny little life right now and I do mean EVERYTHING. He doesn't want to be held, put down, fed, or given a bottle (after some persuasion he will drink a bottle) doesn't want his toys, doesn't want to crawl, stand, sleep etc etc etc.... and I am smashing my head against the wall in frustration.

Every nap is a battle. Every bottle is a battle. Every diaper change. You get the idea. I've been pumping him full of liquid ibuprofen every 6 hours (I can't make it 8, that is just too far apart for us) and just have to wait for him to pass out from sheer frustration. Then I promptly do the same.

2) My stationary bike broke. I was using it today, and it started malfunctioning and then it just gave up the ghost. Brian said he will perform surgery on it tonight after he gets home to see if we can salvage it, or if it is destined for the scrap heap. Considering I am the 3rd owner of it, it might be time to let it die.

I still managed 20 minutes (barely) of cycling. I am done with machines for now. I've got plenty of DVDs that I can work out from as well as some free weights.

Right now I am net ZERO calories. My intake and my output are EQUAL. Woot. I am going to get my ass back in gear and count every bite. I've had too much fun drinking over the last couple of weeks, and drinking makes me hungry.

How are all of you doing? Hope everyone has a safe Halloween and that if you have any loved ones on the East Coast that they are safe.

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Queen of Hearts

That was my halloween costume this year. I had a lot of fun dressing up and really enjoyed going all out and doing the face paint, gloves, petticoat, stockings, costume jewelry.

Although I adored dressing up and taking pics with my girlfriends and other party people, I realized that... yeah... I'm still a fat ass. So after recovering from the party, I have been on point with tracking and sucking down my water.

The holidays are coming up and I really need to get my ass in gear, so I don't blow up 23905736739485 pounds over the holidays.

PS my peanut butter and cookies n creme truffles were a huge hit. As if anyone didn't know that my food was fantastic.

My son has a cold so I am doing my best not to get it myself and also keep him on his schedule as much as possible. He's resisting his naps today. But it's okay. For now.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Suck it in

I've noticed a huge difference in my abs since I have started working on my diastasis! The main way to fix or heal it appears to be sucking it in... hard... as much and as often as possible. So that is what I have been doing, and the difference from the first day to now is incredible! I can suck my stomach in so much farther and the diastasis has gone from 4 fingers to 2, so that is an improvement to say the least!

I found a video on Dr Oz's website about it and how to do the exercises to heal it, and I just did them. Man, my abs hurt like you wouldn't believe! It is nice being able to set a goal and work on something.

Our Halloween costumes came in the mail today and they look really awesome! I am going as the Queen of Hearts and while I am still sad that I am over 200 lbs this year for Halloween  I picked an awesome costume that is flattering and not slutty, it hides all of my problem areas quite well, and shows off my great assets without embarrassing anybody. Hahaha :) Notice I said "anybody" and not "me" because I am not the type who gets embarrassed easily.

I've been putting lots of miles on my bike recently. Over the last couple of days I managed to clock in over 20 miles. I am trying harder resistances which means I can't go for as long but it does stretch out my legs and gets the burn going, so that's okay. I am trying to work my way up to pedaling longer, though the harder is certainly helping.

I've been lifting my hand weights and doing tricep extensions, trying to firm up my bat wings and make them a little smaller and tighter. It's quite the work out.

I also got some new makeup in the mail today. It was a gift from Brian for my birthday, but it took a while to ship. It's the bareMinerals make up and I love it! It made my face feel... smooth, silky, perfect, and it really feels like I am not wearing anything at all. It came with two colors in my starter kit, one for light skin and one for a medium glow... well I am very light skinned, so I can't use the medium. Maybe I'll give it to my mom if she wants to try it (lemme know madre)

I have another gift on the way, still in transit. It's the Martha Stewart knit and weave loom. I am so excited to try it out! I am able to make all sorts of things on it, from baby toys to blankets to scarves and bags, it will be so much fun to play with. I have no idea what to make first hehe :)

We took Brian's mom out to lunch and I learned some interesting facts. Brian got bacterial meningitis as a toddler and almost died. I knew he had gotten the meningitis but I didn't think it was that serious. She said for the first 48 hours it was touch and go, and that the doctor said he would have hearing problems and back problems later in life. That makes sense now, why he can never hear me. Surprise! so I have been more patient and slow to anger now that I know it's not his fault. I also try telling him things while I am looking at him so I know that he can see me and is paying attention. After lunch, his mom took me shopping for a belated birthday gift (I love late gifts- makes my birthday seem extra long) and I got a lovely dress that was $45 marked all the way down to $16!! So that was quite a steal :)

Well that's pretty much all that I have to say. Have a good one all :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Not A Gully

So I was spending all my waking hours on Pinterest and I stumbled across something that caught my eye. It  was a post about repairing your abdominals and core after giving birth. Well, I thought, not that I had fantastic abs to begin with, I am sure that I still need them repaired anyway... even though I had a C-section rather than natural child birth.

I continue on reading, skimming really, and thank goodness for bold text, because I would have missed a crucial bit of information: that having a c-section may actually be worse for your abs. Hmmm. Okay. I go back and read the whole thing- now I am interested.

Here is the original article I stumbled on from Pinterest.

Basically, after being pregnant and carrying around a baby for 9 months, your ab muscles separate. The baby says "Move, bitch! Get out the way!" and the abs politely step aside. All of this so your little baby can thrust his tiny little feet through your abdominal wall because things get cramped in there.

This condition is called diastasis recti. You can check for this condition by laying on your back, and lifting your neck and shoulders slightly, while using your fingers to press down on your belly button. You have diastasis if you can feel your ab muscles separating under the movement, and it is more than 2 finger-widths wide. It will feel like a little gully. When I tried it, I could practically stuff my whole fist in there! I don't recommend that for your self esteem, by the way. My diastasis is not a gully, its a freakin' valley- nestled right between the twin peaks of the Fat Sisters Mountains. I always wondered why my fat looked worse after having a baby- it kind of separates and sags on either side of my belly button, creating like a mini-butt crack-with old-lady-sag (GREAT visual, I know.) If I were not so disturbed by it myself, I'd post a pic. But you can all be thankful I won't, so you can keep your lunches down.

Anyway- Moms, have you got this diastasis? Have you heard of it? Anyone else able to fist their belly buttons or is it just me?

I'm going to go back to researching this. Thanks for your input, as always.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Expired and Exasperated.

So my license expired on my birthday. I do not understand why it expired on my birthday, since it's technically the 4th license I have had. I got my first when I turned 18, got a new one when I moved, got another new one when I turned 21, and got another new one when I got married (basically because we changed our address again) and now it expired on my 25th birthday. Such a pain. 

This compounds the issue because 1) I could not buy alcohol even though I am 25. Apparently you have to have a VALID id proving you are 25 or older, and if it's expired, it's invalid. 2) I was going to renew my license today at the BMV but it's closed on Mondays. What. The. Heck. 

So tomorrow I am getting up butt slappin' early to go to the BMV so they can make fun of my poor vision, take a shitty picture, and secretly scoff at my weight. Because I am going to tell them my correct weight. I want to go into the BMV again when I reach goal weight and slap my old license down and say "I need to update my information: I weigh 100 pounds less now" and then dance and prance my way to the shitty picture area to take another one. 

Okay that's my rant, over. 

I'm so tired now. I just got done doing 30 Day Shred, and once again, I couldn't make it through the whole video. I got about half way through the second circuit (of three) before I had to stop. I was so shaky and off balance that I needed to stop. It's 5pm and I have been up since 11 and haven't eaten yet. Not because I am all like "only eat once a day, fattie" but because I have been cleaning and cooking, taking care of my son, and just a myriad of other things today that eating has been very low on my to-do list. 

Now, however, it is at the top of my to-do list, so I am going to go make something to eat before I start gnawing on the linoleum. 

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Too Fat To Bleed

I have a confession to make. I didn't suddenly get my ass in gear and start tracking calories and exercising because I decided "This is the day!"

....I started tracking because last month, something very scary happened to me. I didn't get my period. I am normally VERY regular. So regular in fact, I knew when I was pregnant, though I tried to deny it. I am so regular, that I don't even bother to track when my period is supposed to begin. It's like a bill- it ALWAYS is due the same date. 

I am on the pill, and I was reasonably certain I wasn't pregnant. I didn't feel the same as the first time I was knocked up, and I certainly wasn't getting any action in the bedroom (I had a yeast infection). 

But still, because the thought of having more children literally turns my stomach and makes me vomit out of sheer panic, I bought some pregnancy tests and peed on one a day for the next 7 days. Still no period, and definitely not pregnant. 

I was officially too fat to have a period. I knew that is what it was, because what other reason was there? I wasn't stressed (save for the whole "missing menstruation" thing) and my habits hadn't changed. 
I didn't know what would have been worse at this point: to be knocked up again, or to come to terms with my weight causing my period to stop. I decided it was actually worse I was too fat to bleed, because at least a baby brings joy and happiness. Being so fat you can't ovulate or shed your uterine lining... no bright side there. Unless you really hate buying tampons.

I hopped on the scale and the number stared back at me: 252 pounds. 

I was closer to 300 than I was to 200. I had to admit that I was miserable, even though I had clothes that fit, and my husband was still attracted to me. I've been treating my depression, but my depression is a symptom, not a cause. The cause is my weight. It's always there, in the back of my mind. 

I decided I needed to get my ass in gear because there really wasn't any where else for me to go but down. When would I stop this cycle? When I couldn't walk upstairs anymore? When I needed a cane to help support my immense girth? When I couldn't wipe my own ass anymore? When I couldn't leave the house? When I become diabetic?

....But none of that scared me. It totally should though. I should be terrified of that existence. What really scared me, was not having my lady week. To say "oh well" and just enjoy being period free... ending up getting pregnant, and having a toilet baby because I become so fat and massive that I mistake baby kicks as indigestion? Yes, that absolutely terrifies me. 

That, and I am pretty sure my husband would leave me if I became a living Jabba the Hutt, because he is so good looking that he could definitely find another woman in a finger snap. 

I set a goal for myself. To lose 104 pounds. I am going to weigh 148. I am going to have a BMI of 25. That is my promise. And it is one I am going to keep.

Friday, October 5, 2012

25 Years

Today is my 25th birthday.

I celebrated by doing this

Eating 3 slices of pizza

Along with this

Of course I wasn't that happy to shower

Followed by a lot of this

Except my kid was in his crib and I was sleeping alone! YAY!

I also finished my day off with this

Yoga Meltdown... NOT EASY

...which thoroughly kicked my birthday butt.

I weighed in today, and I have lost another pound, so I am down 12 lbs in 4 weeks. I am impressed I am down at all this week because it is my shark week (blech) and I gained 7 lbs in bloat + water weight this week, so I was surprised to see it all come off in time for my weigh in this week. Wow, talk about a huge birthday gift!!

My husband threw me a reverse-surprise party. Haven't you ever heard of these? No? I'll explain it. He decided he was going to throw me a surprise party tomorrow, except he didn't know if I had the night off work. So he didn't tell anyone BUT ME about it.  Then he invited everyone last minute. Haha. It's the party that none of the guests knew about until today. It makes me laugh so hard. He is the sweetest guy.

My parents are watching Drake tomorrow and they made cupcakes for us to enjoy. I get one. Which is nice of them to make cupcakes and not a huge cake, and two, to give me ONE. I love that they are actively participating in my diet. Well, with results like these... I definitely can't binge on cupcakes tomorrow. I'm being a responsible adult and saving all my calories for booze. What? You thought I was going to just turn down cake? Hahaha you are funny. I don't turn down cake unless I have something better. I'm opportunistic.

I promise to start being a little more active in the blog world. I have things I want to share, but I am just too damn lazy, so I will get around to it "eventually".

Happy birthday to me, to me!