Steady On

Hmmm... let's start this off by being completely honest: I quit tracking Weight Watchers weeks ago. I quit moderating my food intake. I was all wrapped up in clearing up my depression, taking care of my son and husband, and trying to maintain a somewhat clean house. At least- keeping up with dishes, laundry, I'm not the best housewife, nor do I even pretend.

Anyway, all that being said, is it really any surprise that I regained all of my weight I had lost? No. Is it a surprise I didn't gain more? You bet. Is it shocking then, when I stepped on the scale yesterday, it said I was at 235, exactly where I was when I quit caring? Uh, yeah. Yeah that one was a bit of a surprise.

So I have been steady. Not losing weight, not gaining weight. Well, actually I have. Up down up down, maintaining somewhere in the 235-240 range. Steady.

Since I saw the number on the scale, I started tracking again. I've only got 2 days in this week, but that's two days more than I have been tracking. Also, my mom paid for my WW subscription so I should um... use it.

Right? Right.

My lovely friend Carissa mentioned how she was going to Zumba a few nights a week. I tried Zumba on my 23rd birthday and ended up wrenching my knee. Other than that, I had a lovely time and really enjoyed both the actual class and also the Kinect game for the Xbox. Of course I asked her what days she goes. Currently she goes on days I can't, but I am sure that Brian would be willing to re-arrange his schedule at work so I could go. I know that seems a little ... haughty of me, but it's really not. Brian is always begging me to get out more anyway, so this will give him the feeling of him really helping me out, plus I get to see my gorgeous friend again. I miss her so much.

You know how you have that one friend who always sort of makes you feel like a huge cow when you are standing next to her? Who always makes you feel self conscious about your weight, clothes, or whatever? Like you are "the fat girl" and she's "the hot one"? Well, I've never felt that way about Carissa, even though she is literally probably half my size. When I'm with Carissa, I actually feel like myself- confident, sexy, gorgeous. The real me. Probably because she and I get along on so many levels.

I'd really like to be able to get out with her and have some fun with her again. I know it would boost my confidence and help me get out of the house more.

I ran out of magic pills today aka Paxil and I could really tell a difference. Even though I got a load of sleep today, I still feel ... blah. And icky. And sad. Lonely. Out of touch. It was only today that I was out, but man... I felt... wrong. I think I really need them. Luckily, I am getting a refill tomorrow, so that should put me to rights.

I've been reading. A lot. And I love reading. A lot. It makes me want to write. A lot. I keep bouncing around ideas in my head trying to piece together a story. I think that I know what format I would write it in, it would have to be first person. It's really the only perspective I am good at and comfortable with. Unless I did a children's story. Which I might, and Brian could illustrate it. Wouldn't that be awesome??? Imagine if we got that published. I keep laughing at the idea that I would write a children's story, because the other genre I'd write would probably end up in the romance/erotica section. Oh well, romance leads to children sometimes right? ;)

But anyway, every once in awhile (okay, about once an hour) I get a little snippet of an idea in my head and I write it down. What ever it is, wherever I am, I write down the core idea, in as much detail as I can, and if a whole paragraph or thought comes out of it, I continue to write. Then I save it on my computer. I don't edit anything, I just write to write. Okay, that's a lie. I edit spelling mistakes. The ideas aren't always of the same story or they might be, I don't know. It's more like descriptions of people or places, not really a concept or a story arc. I'm hoping that a) it will help me flesh out a story idea and b) that it will stimulate my brain juices and get my writing skills a-going.

I got my beloved little boy to laugh again today. He was so happy and cheerful just about everything I did made him laugh. It was precious. He really loves it when you touch his nose. And he has started grabbing his toys when they are handed to him, which is exciting. He loves this Pooh rattle. It's just Pooh's head and arms wrapped around a silky red blankie that is velvety and soft. He sticks the Pooh head in his mouth.

Good Lord this post just rambles on doesn't it? But that's what I get for not blogging in a few days, all my thoughts sort of jumble together. I'm off to bed. I figure I got maybe 2 hours of sleep before the spawn wakes up demanding a bottle.

Car Shopping and Doctor Visit

Today was incredibly, incredibly busy. I am soooo worn out.

Drake had his eye doctor appointment today. We were a few minutes late, because someone (me) had no idea where the dr's office was located. I knew the area, not the address, and couldn't remember the phone number. I blame being tired.

We waited nearly an hour and a half before being seen. I am so so so proud of my little dragon, because he did not really fuss at all. He did here and there, but quieted quickly. When we were finally seen, he sat on my lap in the chair and the dr checked out his eyes, put drops in (which Drake didn't care for much, but didn't complain) and then he left us in the room. Drake's eyes were dilating and we were left to contend with a baby growing increasingly fussy. We never hit meltdown point, because Drake gave up on being fussy and decided sleep was a better option.

We got the news- his eye is FINE! The worst case scenario is maybe he might develop a lazy eye, in which they would patch the good eye and force the lazy one to work harder. Which is like... nothing! Hurray! I must take this moment to say I am probably a terrible mother- because I stopped worrying about the welfare of Drake's vision when Brian totaled the car- but I know I am not a terrible mom, because I kept my baby calm and collected at the doctor's office and I knew his eye was probably fine anyway.

Which brings us to the next point- WE GOT A CAR!!! Hurray!!!! Not only did we manage to get a car in as little as a day, but we got a GREAT deal on it! It is a 2007 Chevy Aveo hatchback- Brian's been wanting one f-o-r-e-v-e-r, and it was a great deal and a great price. $7,000- 50,000 miles, 1 owner... it is a manual tranny though, which Brian did not know how to drive... but learned in the parking lot, and is a natural at it. We put down $1500 and got it for a better interest rate and lower monthly payment (by $20) than the last car.

Source

(PS how hokey photoshopped is that picture? I mean, seriously.)

The only terrible thing was somewhere between me counting the money in the envelope to paying for the down payment (a span of mere minutes) I lost $100. So instead of having $1500 in cash, I suddenly only had $1400. We looked every where for it. I counted 15 then only 14. We counted and counted and counted and it was only 14. So I put $100 on our debit card. Whatever. I don't care. I would gladly lose $100 extra dollars for a car. It wasn't a big deal to me. Also while I was sitting in the new car at the rental place and Brian drove the rental just next door to top up the gas, they closed the rental place and locked me in for the night, and Brian got back JUST in time to see the guy starting to leave!! Hahaha... weird.

Brian really got into driving the manual quickly, and only stalled out once (when we got home! haha) and we even drove it to my parent's house to show off. We are so impressed with ourselves. We totally feel like grown ups.


And, for the icing on the cake? I am back to my wedding weight. 238. Just 16 lbs to go until I am back to my pre-pregnancy/last WW weight! I am joining WW again too! Hurray!

Lucky

I'm trying my best to stay positive during this whole car fiasco thing. So far, we have maybe $350 of the $500 we need... which is great! We can probably have it all by Tuesday, as long as I do some creative budgeting (ie put off some bills until later this month) we need the car fixed ASAP so bills can wait. It sucks to prioritize bills again... but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. We need the car to make money, so it comes first.

But today, I am incredibly lucky. The Dragon and I have been hanging out all day. Mostly, sleeping. I swear, since I stepped up production (thanks, boobies) the babe has been sleeping longer and deeper. It's a very welcome present! Even Brian got an insane amount of sleep (for a new parent anyway) he got NINE whole hours. 6 of them in a row!

Drake slept from noon to 6 pm tonight. Then he woke up, ate 4.5 ounces, needed a diaper change. Changed him, changed his outfit and while he was naked, he got a baby massage. He really likes those. Stretches out his little limbs and looks around the whole time, soaking it in. Then he zonked out and fell asleep by 7 pm.

Tomorrow morning I get my staples out. I have been looking forward to this all weekend. Two of my staples are pinching my skin really badly and I'm about to take them out myself! I won't of course. My doctor gave me a sterile suture removal kit to bring to the office tomorrow... is that weird? It's got us weirding out over it... like wtf dude, you don't have your own suture removal kits in the office? Maybe he's hoping the staples piss me off enough that I remove them myself? I dunno.

I love not being pregnant anymore. I have no heartburn. The pain pills are magnificent. Even the iron pills don't suck that much. I love snuggling with my little boy. I still feel like he is not quite mine... like how did the last 9 months sneak up on me? I sort of feel like he is a loaner baby to get me ready for my kid... but he's not, he's my babe through and through. Looks like his dad, acts like his mom. Lord help us, he will be a heart breaker for sure. I noticed too, that I am not always constantly hungry! I really feel like it must have been the baby, because now I have to really struggle to eat. It's like, oh yeah, I haven't had anything in 12 hours. I should probably eat this sandwich. I'm really trying to eat as normally as possible (hard to do with a newborn,even a lazy one like mine). I do fantastic with the fluids though.

Ok, I've looked this gift horse (Dragon) in the mouth long enough, I need to go take another nap while I can. Brian's working until 11:30 tonight, and we have an early day tomorrow, so I need all the rest I can get.

Funny How Life Works

So in 5 hours, we are headed to the hospital to embark on our latest adventure and newest journey: childbirth. But apparently, life had other plans.

I was commenting how I thought Brian was having panic attacks. He was vomiting and had diarrhea. It's not that uncommon to become physically nauseous when you are overwhelmed... and having a baby is overwhelming.

Turns out, I was wrong (surprise!) I know, I was shocked too. He came home and felt very feverish, so I took his temperature. 99.8. Okay slight fever... no biggie. He slept a bit and I checked his temp every hour, and it got as high as 100.2 but then quickly went back down. Today he's normal. Thank goodness.

He woke up at 6 am and ravenous (a sign of him being normal again....) and we went to Steak n Shake for burgers, fries, and shakes. We decided to leave Max out of his crate, since he has been doing so well lately. I thought, hey, we won't be gone for longer than an hour... no big deal.

We came home and when we walked in the door, we saw it. The destruction. Foam everywhere. From what? Our sofa.

He chewed a big fat hole in the middle of the sofa cushion. The cushion that can't be removed. Siggggh

He knew he did wrong too because as soon as we saw it, he tucked his tail, ducked his head and bolted for his cage. I just locked him up and didn't say a word. Brian tried really hard not to go off... and he managed pretty well. I felt sick to my stomach.

What is wrong with this dog?

So we put all the stuffing back in- we had no choice, otherwise one side of the cushion would be lumpy and the other flat- and we jury rigged a patch with some duct tape and a blanket as a cover. We called an upholstery place (if you live in/near the Ft Wayne area, I'm sure you can guess who we called! They only have the most annoying/pervasive radio ad ever) and got a quote.

$300.

The sofa cost $650 brand new.

We haven't decided whether or not we are going to replace it.

But we know that we are going to be prepared now for kids- they are always sick and destroying your shit!

Anyway, I'll probably be tweeting (nothing tmi) all night and all day until the action happens, so you can follow me at @christiefarrar and Brian's is @befarrar and we will use the hash tag #babyfarrar so you can keep updated if you so choose.

I'm outta here. See ya on the flip side.