Christie, Lately.

Ah, let me just sweep the cobwebs off the ceiling before I let you in...

I know it's been a little while since I blogged. I tend to be sporadic at best these days. I think it's because life has just been so overwhelmingly busy that I tend to push the blog to the side. Really I do think about blogging more but it always gets put into the "Later" pile.

Munchkin and I at the park for a picnic

Dirty Fingers McGee and I have been busy doing all sorts of fun mama-baby goodies lately. We play in the dirt, we go to the park, we finger paint... I fall asleep on the couch while he watches Thomas & Friends.

I'm doing okay on WW; I lost motivation again but I decided that I must just need more support and encouragement so I started posting on the WW boards. This is unusual for me, as I tend to be a lurker when it comes to message boards. There are just too many stupid people and I weep for humanity when I read them, but a lot of the boards at WW are all about encouragement, celebrating success, and picking each other back up.

I definitely need that last one.

I haven't gained any weight (phew!) but I haven't lost any in a few weeks either.

I went to the gym for the first time in about 2 weeks last night. I spent an hour there, running on the elliptical and lifting weights. I am very sore today.


Last week was really hectic. Drake developed a lung infection. I guess it's been going around, or so the dr said. Luckily we got an antibiotic and some cough syrup so things are better. His coughs are violent sounding now, but I can tell the bacterial infection is clearing up. He is producing mucus now, which is good. I hope it goes away soon though. It breaks my heart to watch him cough so hard.

Brian's on shutdown starting the end of this week. They are having a 3 week shut down at the factory and that is going to be nice. He won't go back to work until July 15. During that time we are having a birthday party for him (his birthday is on the 25th, but the party will be the 22nd) and we are going to Chicago on the 29th. We are also going to the zoo to meet up with one of my best friends from high school the first weekend of July. THEN we are also going to fit a visit to Brian's grandparents in some time as well as a garage sale at my parents' house. Lots to do!

Look at the water! LOOK AT IT!!

We also took a trip to the zoo a week or two ago. Drake didn't care much for the animals. He liked the aquarium and this play fountain.

I've been much better about taking pictures of myself and my family lately, those two pics are just an example of the beauty my camera has caught.

I planted a garden. Tomatoes, green bell peppers, and strawberries. The tomatoes and the peppers are sprouting. We will see what happens with the strawberries.

Tiny garden for the novice gardener.

So, yeah. Life lately. Pretty good.

Working Out, Body Issues, and Food.

I've been working out like a fiend and also trying to force myself to stay within my allotted daily target. Most days I do really great, but some days, like today, I do not. I ate WAY TOO MUCH food and all I can give myself props for is tracking it all. Ashamedly, of course. But at least it's there.

I've started trying something new with motivation at the gym. There are many days I don't want to go but the main thing that keeps me motivated is that my anniversary is in less than 4 weeks. May 15th. So I have been telling myself to get to the gym. I bought a dress and it fits, but I want to work on my bat wings and get them a little more firmed up so I've been using that dress as motivation.

Other things that keep me motivated:

1. Brian started his new job and has lost nearly 10 lbs just from going to work everyday.
2. My rule is "just 15 minutes". I force myself to go to the gym for 15 minutes, and if I am not getting into it by the time that is up, I can leave.
3. Summer is on its way and I am determined to go to the pool this year.
4. I really want to go to a convention and cosplay as some of my favorite geeky characters- but, surprise!- none of those bitches are fat, so I best be getting my ass in shape.
5. It's fucking time. I've been over 200 lbs since 2008, so that is FIVE YEARS of being completely miserable and hating my self image. So I keep saying ITS TIME and it helps.

I've been working out like a beast, and I do mean like a BEAST. I try to give it my all whenever I go. I manage about 30-40 minutes on the elliptical most days and even do some strength training sometimes. I sweat A LOT. And one of the most disturbing things I have noticed is the amount of acne I get now. I've always had pretty decent skin. I get pimples like everyone else, but it's never been.... gross. But now, I've been noticing a lot more acne and some of it is really gross. I've started calling them Blimples. Blister-pimples. These occur in places where there is a lot of friction going on and they are big pimples with a head and grossness, but they sort of feel and look like blisters, as well. They are all angry and agitated looking. Does anyone else know what I am talking about, or is it because I am fat and lazy and wtf is wrong with me?  I've noticed them on my chest, probably from my boobs being compressed and hog-tied down by my sports bra, and even found one in crease of my leg where it meets my crotch.

That scared the crap out of me, I thought I had a disease or something. But no, my crotch is just sweaty from running and I've rubbed the area raw from running. Because I am fat and it all rubs together. Beautiful sort of visual, isn't it?

So I am battling this weird self image thing going on, where I feel like a BOSS from working out so much and so hard to constantly wondering if my face is about to erupt like a volcano, and it makes me just want to hide.

I've also been forcing myself to do my hair and makeup most days and get dressed some days and it's really helped with my self image, to feel like a real human instead of that slob-slave thing called "Mom". I also purchased some self-tanner lotion and foam and I am enjoying being tan looking without looking like a carrot or a leather bag. I am very paranoid about skin cancer.

Onto food.... Since Brian started his new job, I've become a full time home cook. Which is almost practically my dream job, minus a kitchen cleaning staff. I prepare awesome delicious meals for Brian, 3 times a day. Yes I make his breakfast, lunch and dinner. EVERY DAY. My kitchen is constantly a wreck and I hate how tiny it is.

Since he works so hard, I try really hard to give him healthy, balanced meals both for his packed lunch and his home meals. This makes me realise just how nasty my own diet is, and how I wish I could incorporate more fruit and veggies into my diet. I am going to have to pull out the Deceptively Delicious cookbook again and start adding more veggies that way. I'm also toying with the idea of gradually going meatless. I keep coming back to it, and wondering if I cut out more meat, would I be willing to eat more veggies and fruit? Can I reset my taste buds, and my thinking process? This obviously requires more planning and research, but I feel I am at that position in my life where I need to be eating more responsibly, both for my health, and Drake's. The little monster always wants what I am eating, so I should be setting an example, right? Right.

I feel like I am at that point in my life where I am actually caring about what happens to my body and the future, so maybe this time is it? Either way, I am not going to give up, because I am tired of starting over.

Back and Milestones

Well that was a nice 2 month break from blogging. I had deleted my blog but un-deleted it, because Google can do that.

Let's see, a brief (ha) description of the events that have transpired these last two months:

I love the gym. I try and go at least 3 times a week, although we did get some snow/ice after Christmas and that prevented me from going for a few days (a week, actually)

I got a set of kettle bell weights along with Jillian Michaels' Shred it with Weights dvd... it kicks ass -literally! I do the 5 lb kettle bell and the next day I am so sore! I have a 10 lb and 15 lb ball that I have yet to touch.

If I go to the gym at least 3x a week, I do perfectly fine without my depression medication. If I don't go for a few days in a row or longer, it sets back in and then I need my pills or a quick gym fix. So far, working out has been fantastic for my depression and I hope that I can only keep going. Once the demotivation kicks in, it's very hard to pull myself out of it, and it quickly spirals into depression.

We got a cat, although that may be short lived now. Our friends moved to a new apartment, and didn't want to pay the pet deposit so we adopted their furball. They were also expecting their first child, but they had a miscarriage and now they want the cat back. We get to keep the furball for another month, until they can sort out the pet deposit, then he is going back to his home.

Christmas was insane. We had 3 of them this year. On the 22nd with my family, on the 25th I hosted for Brian's family, and then on the 27th we went to his grandparents in Valpo.

We had a smallish...medium?... get together on New Year's Eve. Our apartment has kind of become a hub on Monday nights anyway, where our friends all come over and I make some sort of delicious food and freak out about cleaning, and they play games or watch some retarded show/movie (Ancient Aliens, anyone?)

New Year's day is my dad's birthday and we took him to dinner on the Saturday before. Drake's first birthday was Jan 5, and he was truly spoiled.

He walks now. He runs, actually. Like a lot. Everywhere. We are eating with forks and spoons, and he is into climbing on everything. He plays really well with the cat (surprisingly gentle for a baby) and the dog always makes him laugh.

Speaking of running, I signed up for my first 5K in March, called the 5 Kilt, and it takes place on Saturday March 16. I am terrified and absolutely excited. I have never in my life thought I would want to run a race, but over the last few years I have really wanted to. It is on my Bucket List for 2013 and I am doing it. I have started training and my goal is just to finish. Preferably running, but finishing nonetheless. A huge motivator for me is knowing my son will be at the finish line waiting for me. It makes me cry now, thinking about it, I can't imagine what will happen that day. I will probably be so tired, exhausted, and in shock that I will throw up all over him. In joy.

I'm still a huge fat ass, but I have lost a few pounds and I am really trying to follow my personal trainer's advice. 2 days of heavy cardio, 1 day of strength training + moderate cardio, and 10K steps a day. I average a measly 500 at home all day, so that is really the challenging part.

I've been so far behind on EVERYONE'S blogs, the only one that I even manage to read occasionally is the Beer Bitch's blog, simply because she plasters it all over facebook so I click the link :)

We are doing so much better money wise. Not only were we really blessed at Christmas with money from nearly everyone, we started using cash-only. That means we cash Brian's paychecks and immediately put them away. Out of sight, out of mind. We only put money in the bank when we need to pay a bill, since most of them are online anyway.

We entered a 3 month payoff plan with Best Buy- they canceled 30% of our debt, and we owe them $310 a month, for three months. Then it's done, gone, poof! Paid off. At first we were freaking out, like how can we afford this, but since I said we do cash only... suddenly we are spending WAY less.

We get an awesome tax return this year for popping out a kid, and we will not only be able to pay off all of our credit card debt, but probably have enough left over to make a few extra payments on Brian's car.

My Goals for 2013 are very specific.

-Get out of all consumer debt (credit cards, car) <-- This is a priority
-Run a 5K <--This is to prove to myself that I can do anything
-Get a new/second job <--This is because I am a money whore and need more money.
-Lose 50 lbs. <--This is not negotiable.
-Learn to sew <--Because it is faster than crocheting.
-Make at least 1 quilt <-- Because I want to decorate my house in 8-bit video game geekiness.

So far, I look at my goals every day and I think to myself at the end of the day "What have I done today that progresses my goals? What can I do better, tomorrow?" and it's working. Especially when I am thinking about how badly I need that chocolate bar... and I say, nope, this isn't going to make me healthy, it's not going toward my goal.

Also, I paint now. Like, a lot. I've done two paintings. And I am actually really good at it. It's something I guess I have a bit of natural talent for and that makes me happy.

Anyway, there is my "short" update... aren't you all glad that I took a hiatus? No more, you say? Okay :)