A Long Road

It's been an interesting 5 months since I last blogged.

The main reason that I have stayed away from this blog is because my favorite reader and supporter has passed away. My Grandma lost her battle with leukemia in July and since then, I have been struggling a lot. I know my family has too. I think about her every day, and every day, I cry.

It's been brutal.

There are other things bothering me too, of course. I still struggle with ankle problems and I know that very soon, I will have to leave my current job because it requires me to be on my feet too much and it is disrupting my ability to function as a wife and mother.

I went back to my doctor and had a custom brace made, but it didn't stabilize my ankle, so it doesn't work. It frustrated me to no end.

I joined the YMCA because they have a pool and I do love to swim... once I get in the water. Brian and Drake go with me too and we try to go 3 times a week. However, over the last month and a half, it seems every time that we take Drake he ends up getting some sort of sickness from the kids at the ChildWatch. First it was a cold, then it was a 24 hour bug, then it was bronchitis.

My doctor diagnosed me with osteoarthritis. And once again, told me that I would need to have some sort of surgery in the future.

I don't want another surgery. The first 3 didn't help, and I am sure this wouldn't either.

I keep telling my job that I can't work so many hours, but I need the money. So it's a constant conflict of personal interest. Do I kill myself over something as petty as money? Or am I that desperate to live a semi-normal life?

Currently I am looking for other options, but seeing how it may take a few months for that to pan out, I just hope that I can hold on.

Drake is doing well. He is talking more and that makes me happy. He spends a lot of time with Brian's parents, because they come over to babysit for us when we are both working. They do it for free most weeks too. Sometimes we are able to provide them with gas money, or dinner, and sometimes we aren't. Most of the time we aren't able to.

I thought working outside of the home would provide more funds for us, but it really isn't paying out. Brian's started looking for other work too. We both know that if I keep on working like this, I really will be crippled and it will be either through another surgery, or just injury. I have no idea what to do and sometimes, I feel really lost.

Ok, make that most of the time.

Other than the existential crisis, I really am happy. I finally made some great friends, and I couldn't be happier in my life with Brian and Drake. I just really want a working foot so I can work.

HAPPY 2014

Thank goodness the holidays are over, friends. Each year I feel they get a little more emotionally draining for me and I wonder if it will get any "better" or if I just have a lot going on.

Anyway, how is everyone doing now that it is officially 2014? Any progress on your resolutions yet?

2013 was a strange year for me- emotionally and mentally very little growth happened for me. I did have the opportunity to discover that I no longer need my anti-depressants to function like a normal adult. I am grateful for that, very much. I was in a dark place and it was really scary, but through a lot of patience (on Brian's part) and forgiveness of my short-comings, I was able to realize that most of my issues were not so much depression as lack of growth.

Moving to a new apartment really helped kick start things for me in that area and since August, I have been off my medicine. I still have days where I am not myself, but those days are fewer and becoming farther apart.

In late October, I went to my doctor and asked him if he would be willing to prescribe me a new weight loss drug. I had heard and read about a lot of people having success with it with very little effort on their part and I wanted to try it. For the most part, it is an appetite suppressant but it also has the benefit of helping with migraines. I suffer from migraines a lot- around 2-3 of them a month is average for me, and it usually ends up with me curled up in bed sobbing with an ice pack, or slumped in front of the toilet vomiting. Light sensitivity is a huge thing for me when I am experiencing a migraine and trying to raise a toddler while having a migraine... not good.

I was started on a trial dose and it helped greatly with my migraines and my appetite and while I didn't start seeing any sort of weight loss until I was on the full dose, I can say that after 1 month of being on the full dosage I have lost 12 lbs. It's a fantastic feeling. I feel like I finally have the thing that has clicked for me. I am counting calories and I occasionally exercise, so this in combination is really what is driving it home for me.

2014 has been a mix of good and bad so far- I realize it's only the 3rd day of the new year, but hey, that's how life goes.

I bought a bunch of Kindle books with an Amazon gift card I got, and I have been reading so much more. My soul is so happy because of this. Honestly, if I had read half as much as I have this year, last year, I would have been surprised. I am already through 2 books.

I started drawing again. I just do 30 minutes a day. Doodle and then flesh it out a bit.

I have been working so much more. I have a renewed interest in making as much money as I can and saving, as I want to be able to travel this year. I already set out a couple of places I want to go, so I've made little savings jars for them and working while I have those vacations in mind makes it easier to focus.

The bad?

Weeeelllll

Mom, please. 

Drake had to get 2 stitches on New Years Day. Brian had his company Christmas party that day and I had worked all night long and didn't get any sleep. He decided that he and Drake were going to go and it would be no big deal. As soon as they got there, Drake ran smack into a metal-edged table and sliced his eyebrow open. They were at the ER for over 2 hours. I was asleep the whole time and didn't know. Not like it would have helped any, Brian said, since we only have one car and I couldn't have got there anyhow.

So he's okay, and he leaves them alone, which is nice. I feel bad for him though, his birthday is in 2 days and he had to fall face first into a table and screw up his face. Oh well, he is a boy and that is what boys do. Children are surprisingly hardy little creatures so I am trying not to worry over it.

I'm also trying not to feel guilty, because I am sure it would have happened regardless if I was there or not.

It's adorable because the way that the stitches are placed, it makes him look all puppy dog eyes and sad all the time.

Sunday the little man turns 2 and that should be a lot of fun. We are also having a belated holiday party with our friends that night, so that means I WILL BE PARTYING ALL DAY LONG WOOO...