- Buy me flowers. Ugh. As if I need more dead crap in my house. I'm going to leave that intentionally vague.
- Sing to me. Whether its a song you wrote yourself or you are doing kareoke, I don't care, okay? (See what I did there?) It just makes me uncomfortable having to pretend I like your singing.
- Play an instrument. See Point 2. I don't like being put on the spot to tell you how wonderful you are at <insert instrument here>. I'm not interested in stroking your ego. Oooor anything else for that matter.
- Write me poetry. UGH. I don't even like reading poems by famous poets so please, let's just move on.
- Tell me how "hotttttt" or "sexxxxxxy" I am. You will get ignored at best, laughed at and brutally made fun of at worst. Don't risk it.
- Ask me if I want to watch a chick flick, TV, or any sort of movie for a "date night". The answer will always be no. (I'm notoriously stubborn and/or picky about what I watch. It has to be my idea and on my terms. Usually I go without.) If we HAVE to watch a movie, make it a geeky comic movie.
- Buy me drinks. I don't really do bars anyway, so you won't likely find me there.
- Ask me to cuddle. Whether its in bed or on the sofa or whatever, just... don't. I like my personal space without you in it.
- Buy me Diet Mountain Dew when I am out.
- Buy me a Reese's (or twelve) if you really want to get lucky.
- Let me cook for you. Stroke MY ego.
- Buy me food. Preferably cheese fries.
- Let me be first player instead of second player.
- Let me take a nap. You don't even have to cuddle. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't.
- Use cheesy pick up lines on me. They make me laugh and that is a better way to get me to sleep with you
- Buy me new kitchen gadgets
- Make bad jokes. The worse the better.
- Hold me while I sob over fictional characters
- Tell me what a great mom/wife I am.
- Buy me video games/video game related merchandise.
- Buy me books.
So yep, there you have it. When I see that my friends are all like "ohhh my boyfriend/husband/fiance is so sweet he got me flowers!!!?@?!@@34234@#$@%#WERWERETWE^$%Y^$Y!!!!"
I'm over here like...
"Brian? Go buy me a candy bar."
*He leaves and comes back with a Reese's.*
"you're the best husband ever!" *Smooch*
And that is how romance is done in the Farrar Household.