Decisions

A new store is opening up just down the road from us. Brian's store manager was offered the position to take over the new store and he asked Brian if he wanted to transfer over.

Brian's going to take the transfer. It will mean that we won't be able to move... but the more we think about it, the more we want to stay. Maybe not in this apartment complex forever... Fort Wayne feels like home now.

The new store comes with a host of benefits. Shorter commute. Closer to home. Large delivery area. Primarily to businesses. Seems people are always more generous with company cash than they are with their own ;) The residential area is a little ritzy too. There's an apartment complex in the area that the rents are about double what we pay here.

There's no guarantee that we will find a house to live in come March when our lease is up here. We aren't moving to another apartment. I'd rather stay here until I could afford a down payment for a mortgage. Brian feels the same. We like the management here and our neighbors don't bother us. The only reasons we really wanted a house was so we could have a yard for the dog, and a little extra cash to help pay down our debt. But if we use our tax return to pay off my car, we will be able to free up an extra $230 a month. ($190 for the car payment, and my insurance would be cut in half!)

I can't really see a downside other than not being able to move. Is it really a downside? hmm...

Anyway, Brian's got to work today and is going to put in for his transfer. It will be an exciting new chapter. There is always the option to transfer back or to another store, should we decide to go ahead and move anyway. So really... is there any risk? Mmm... a little. But that's half the fun :)

Optimistic

Optimism is a strange thing for me. Despite being a huge worry wart, I think I am rather optimistic. At least, I have hope. But there are times when I feel like nothing will ever go right again, I wonder if I am just a pessimist? I don't like being pessimistic in the slightest, it's no fun.

I try to always look on the bright side of things. I really do.

I also tend to over think things and come up with elaborate plans. I like "grand schemes," plans that sound delightfully elaborate and exciting. I tend to dream big....

But the downside is, those things often fail and when they do, I fall. I fall hard.

I've embraced two new mottos.

I did my best. Give 100% of myself every day. No regrets. It's not hard to let go of regrets since I have virtually none... but it is more challenging to give 100%. Work as much as I can. Put all my effort into it. Do as much as I can around the house... not half assed. You know... just pick a task no matter how big or small and just do it 100%. Feel good about that. And then feed off of it.

Keep it simple, Stupid. Ah, an oldie but a goody. I'm hoping that the simpler I keep things, the simpler things will be. Makes sense right? Trying not to make mountains out of mole hills, so to speak. I'm approaching this in every aspect. Bills, housework, working, baby stuff, you know... just keeping it real, keeping it old school, and keeping it simple.

Well that's my self reflection for the day. I've picked my brain and my nose for long enough. I'll see you all later.

I'd Be Lying....

Well I didn't pass the second part of the exam. Luckily I was invited to re-take the exam this Thursday.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't sad. I'm actually really really bummed out about it.
I'd be lying if I said that wasn't what I (half) expected... it seemed a little too easy, and I sort of rushed it last minute since I was going out of town....

I'd be lying if I said I was confident I was going to pass this time. I know what I need to do. I need to read and study the guidelines (all 125 pages) and run the simulator until I get them all right. It will be tough work, but I really want this job.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it.

Because I do. I want this job so much. I feel like crying. I feel like sleeping, like hiding, like eating chocolate chip cookie dough... but I am not going to. I am going to take a Xanax, go to bed, have sweet dreams, and get up and deal with all of this tomorrow.

Thursday I get to take part 1 again. I know I passed part 1 the first time, but scores don't carry over, so I have to take it again.

I was explaining it to Brian. "It's like the test for your driver's license. Just because you fail it the first time doesn't mean you're a bad driver. It just meant that you were unprepared. You practiced and studied a little harder, and passed it the next time."

And that's true! Brian failed his twice, but he's never had an accident. Me on the other hand... well... I failed the written portion once (and lost my driving test waiver), then I failed the driving portion once... and then I had 3 accidents in a year... so... uhm... I really need to study. I may not be the best example for that analogy!

Anyway... I'm going to watch some Mythbusters and really try not to dwell on this anymore. I feel all funky and not myself at the moment.