Monday, February 27, 2012

Weigh in #5

If you noticed, I didn't post a weigh in on Sunday. I weighed in. I maintained my weight for the second week in a row, which is a bit surprising really.

I feel much better today. I think my cold has finally passed... to Drake. Dammit. He's been super fussy the last couple of days and he hasn't been drinking as much at feedings. He will only drink one ounce at a time and spits up more and more. His diapers are... gross. Let's just leave it at that. Poor kid sneezes and coughs a lot more than usual too. But hey- no hiccups! so there is something! (He usually has the hiccups for like an hour a day).

I have a doctor's appointment really effing early tomorrow morning. I was a little apprehensive about going... like usual... but this is sort of important. I think I am suffering from depression. I find it really hard to do anything lately. To get out of bed. To take care of Drake. To shower. To work. To read, or listen to music. To spend time with Brian. It's becoming ridiculous and I can't get myself out of it on my own. I spend a lot of my waking hours crying, and I have not been kind to myself. I can't seem to find any of my positive qualities lately. I think they all left when I decided to throw a pity party. I am not sure how long this has been going on... but it needs to stop.

So, tomorrow, I am going to tell my doctor that I need to be put on some sort of anti-depressant, because the Xanax isn't cut out to handle this.

Brian has the next three days off of work, and Drake is spending the weekend at my parents again. That means I will have help for the rest of the week. I am really looking forward to the break.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

To the Rescue

I am so thankful that I have such a supportive and helpful family.

I have had a fever of 101 degrees all day. Apparently, I've decided to go big or go home when it comes to getting sick! So my mom and my grandma came up to visit and help take care of the baby today so I didn't have to. Although... now that I think about it... I still ended up doing a lot.

We got this hair-brained idea that we should let Drake go diaperless for a bit to air out his bits... I think it was a fever-induced thought on my part and we all just went with it. Needless to say- little baby boys with no diapers equals a lot of chances to get peed on.

Everyone got hit.

Funniest was my mom. Hahaha.

I'll spare you all the details, but every time I think about it I laugh. Then cough. Then die. Repeat.

They came armed with the cold fighting goodies: Puffs facial tissues with lotion (OMG- lotion! feels so good on my nose) and NyQuil. Ohh yes. NyQuil NyQuil NyQuil, we love you, you giant f$cking Q!

Then, surprise of all surprises! Brian came home from work 4 hours early to take care of me. And by take care of me, I really mean to watch the baby while I pass out from the NyQuil.

When I woke up, my fever was gone and I feel much better. My whole family came to the rescue today. It was really nice.

I still have a terribly stuffy nose. I've de-evolved into a Mouth-Breather for a while, but it's okay. My biggest concern of course, is that Brain and Drake do not get it. It would be my luck that they both would.

Drake's diaper rash is looking a lot better. The few hours of air time seemed to have helped, as well as the more frequent changings and cleanings. I'm so glad. Seeing the pictures of what full-blown diaper rash looks like has made me worry about it constantly. Seems like I am never happy unless I am worrying about something haha. Good thing I am a mom now... means it makes a little more sense.

Anyway, here's my blog  for the day. My grandma told me "You must be really sick! You haven't blogged today." HA! Fooled her!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Small Success and a "Rash" Decision

So I have a cold. At least I am pretty sure it's a cold. I have been a walking ad for NyQuil. I have all the symptoms. Oh boy. Normally I don't mind being sick- its just a pain in the ass- but this time around it sucks even more. I am trying hard not to let Drake catch it. I haven't kissed him, or breathed on him as much as I could help it. I wash my hands and face more. I wash his hands and face more. I use anti-bacterial hand sanitizer foam.

Anyway, all that to say, that today I managed a small bit of success in the nursing department. We got latch on and feeding for 2 whole minutes. Then he got WAY upset and refused to try again. Since he was suckling and then got mad, I gave him my expressed milk in a bottle while I pumped on the one he started nursing on. What a huge difference in production. So it was worth it (even if it took him 15 minutes to calm down). I know what you are thinking- why would I try to breast feed if I am sick? Chances are the baby won't get sick from me, and since I am sick, my body is producing antibodies to fight the cold- which means it is extra important that he gets my milk now, more than ever. Antibodies show up in milk and can prevent illnesses. So, even though I was a snot rocket today, that is what I did. Oh the things we do for our kids...

I also happened to notice, while changing his diaper today, that he had small little bumps on his groin area. It looked like acne, but I knew immediately what it was: Diaper rash, in its earliest form. The bumps were so small, they weren't noticeable really at first... I'm surprised I caught it when I did. (I need a stronger RX for my glasses). That put into motion Operation: Baby Bottom (I love making up stupid names for mundane tasks) and made some adjustments to our changing schedule. Normally I change him after he eats, or if I feel him go poopies. Unless he falls into a deep sleep after eating- which happens a lot.

Today I was changing him after every meal, whether I woke him or not (probably why he was so cranky today) I also normally pat him dry and only use Boudreaux's Butt Paste if he is a little red on his bottom or groin area. It's a great diaper cream... but it gets everywhere. Also it's expensive. If he only has a mild redness, I just slather his lower half in Vaseline.

Today though, I wanted to make sure that he was very dry before putting on any creams or diapers, so I got out the blow dryer and used it on him. His face is hilarious! He always looks a little shocked at first- "Ohh! What's happening?" then he realizes it feels nice and warm and he relaxes and smiles- "Ohh yeah, a little to the left, mm hmm, you missed a spot".

Brian and I also gave him a bath when Brian got home from work. Normally I just spot clean him and give him a full bath once a week (poor kid has only had 7 baths in his entire life at this point) but I figured it would be a good idea to really clean the area as thoroughly as possible without scrubbing or aggravating the rash. I don't want it to spread.

PS- If you've never seen diaper rash, for heaven's sake do not Google it. You will freak the eff out. It is terrible looking if it is not caught right away. Poor little babies.

Drake has an appointment on Thursday for his first round of shots. I'm hoping his rash goes away before then.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

This Week

Shit, son! Lots of things happened this week.

-Tuesday Brian transferred to the new store. The new store? Didn't advertise. The stores that they took the delivery area away from? Didn't tell their customers. So it was a slow day. He had Wednesday and today off, so we don't know how it has been the last couple of days. He works all weekend though- so here's hoping things look up.

-Nursing.... isn't working. Oh no. No no no no no no no. I think I may have traumatized my son for life now, because every time I whip them out (to pump!) and he sees them, he starts crying his "I hate my tiny little life" cry. Fantastic. Sorry I tried to do what was natural kid, artificial nipples it is. I didn't want him clamping down on me anyway.

-My new parts came for my breast pump!! Hurray! I am so glad that I ordered them, because it is so much easier and more comfortable to pump. Proof that I needed to upgrade- I have already produced twice as much as I normally do, in half as many sessions. Oh yes.

-I scored an awesome deal today. I needed more prenatal vitamins (it's recommended you keep taking them if you are breast feeding) and they were on sale, BUY ONE GET ONE FREE. It's a 45 day supply and $11. I got two for the price of one! Now I have enough for the next three months.

-We registered Brian's car today. It was either pay $50 for two months and then re-register, or pay $120 for 14 months. It would have been cheaper in the long run to do the $120, but we just didn't have the money really, so I am glad that we were able to do the $50.

-Drake has started laughing. Not cute little baby giggles, just a small "hee hee hee" occasionally. Adorable. I try so hard to make him laugh and smile all day. It leaves me exhausted. He also has been in constant demand mode. I want my pacifier 24-7! hold it in my mouth! Don't let it fall out, or I will scream my head off! The longer you wait to put it in, the more I'll cry! Why are you crying, mom?? I told you I want my pacifier, and I meant NOW!!!

-I got a VERY late Christmas present! It is a WW cookbook! It's from 2010, but it has points Values and all the nutrition information, so it will be easy to update to the new points plus program. Seriously- my mom got it for me for Christmas (it was wrapped and everything!) but she wasn't sure if I wanted it or not. I did!

-My grandma's sweet friend loves Drake so much, she bought him a bear and a book. Drake has met her more times than I have. I am always so amazed at her big heart. She has given us money and toys for the baby. I can never get over how giving she is. I am so grateful. It brings me to tears when I think about it.

-I didn't exercise at all. Yesterday was just a pretty bad day for everyone emotionally. Baby was fussy, Brian was fussy, and I had to pretty much do everything until super late in the evening, when I finally got some sleep.

-I crocheted! I got one of the middle-sized squares done for the baby afghan... and then realized I missed a stitch in the 3rd row (of 8) and had to undo it all and redo it all. Fun!

-I fixed the dishwasher, ran 3 loads of dishes, and did 2 loads of laundry in the last 24 hours.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Just do it.

Brian sort of gave me a revelation, without meaning to. He was asking about my weight loss and why it seems I am struggling so much for so long... and he basically told me to "shut up or nut up" (although he didn't use those words exactly-Quoting Woody Harrelson in "Zombieland".)

I've decided to just "do" weight loss. Just do it, already. DO IT!! C'mon it wouldn't be that hard if you just DO the thing that you are supposed to DO. Do the shit out of it!!! (Quoting Louis C.K. now)

Since our chat the other day, I ate broccoli AND spinach AND apples... twice. For two separate meals. I know, I know. I just did it. I ate the shit out of the broccoli. We all know I love spinach and apples, so that wasn't hard. Broccoli is like the ultimate veggie  I wouldn't eat before. But it was chopped up pretty small so I could tolerate it... twice.

I also realized that I probably need a bigger flange for the breast pump and ordered the new parts. I got two different sizes. They arrive later today.

I'm still having trouble with pumping even though I am doing every suggestion I can- pumping more frequently, eating healthier, staying hydrated. I am tracking my fluid intake to the ounce. I'm hoping the new parts help with that but if not- I am prepared to call my doctor and get a galactagogue (lactation stimulant). The only trouble is, the pills can cause severe depression. So I will have to be on the look out for that. Maybe I'll just have him write me a script for Paxil while he's at it- just so I can have it ready, just in case.

I'm actively and thoroughly looking for more at-home work. I need another job badly so I am nutting up and trying to find another job. I am going to shut up about this now, but I found a couple of great opportunities and hope they come to some sort of fruition.

Later today, I'm going running. Fuck it. I waited 6 weeks.(Actually, MONTHS and MONTHS of waiting.) I want to get out of the house. Brian's home all day. I want to sweat a little and get back into running on the elliptical. I'm pretty sure I'll die running for 30 minutes but I will do it. (more like run/walk) I'd go now but it's 3:30 am and the fitness center is closed.

I tracked every bite. And I mean, EVERY bite. My grandma brought me a sandwich from KFC, I tracked it. I ate left over stir fry. I tracked it. I tracked all the diet soda I had today too. I tracked the apples, too. I tracked every thing I've eaten for the last two days.

Dishes? Done. Laundry? Folded and put away. I did the shit out of everything today. I even had Crank Master McGee today (that's Drake) and he did not want to be put down. He was super clingy today. To the point if I put him down he screamed and wailed and carried on. I knew he was just being clingy so I just let him cry it out for a few minutes and when he calmed down, I picked him up again. Weird kid, some days he doesn't want anything to do with me then others it's like I am the only person he wants.

I'm exhausted and ready to hit the hay. I get a small nap in and then it's back to baby watching... although.. I think I might be "mean" and have Brian be on baby duty. See, Drake won't sleep in his crib/bassinet, he only wants to sleep on his Boppy pillow. So we usually take turns and sleep on the futon while Drake is on his Boppy on the couch all night long. I guess we could put the Boppy in his crib and both sleep in our bed... but it makes me uneasy.... Anyway, all of that to say that I usually only get to sleep from 4-7, then I watch the baby and "nap" maybe from 7-1 while he sleeps... but since he has NO PLANS and doesn't have to work, I can sleep the whole time. AND I WILL. I watch the baby all week. Can you tell I am a little excited? Haha....

Anyway, off to beddy byes.

Monday, February 20, 2012

The New Schedule

Tuesday is Brian's first day at the new store. Usually he has Tuesdays and Thursdays off but this week, he has Wednesday and Thursday off, which means I need to rearrange my work schedule. Not a big deal, but not exactly what I wanted to do. He's also working Saturday mornings. Saturdays are crazy lucrative at his current store, so hoping that the new store will also be the same way.

I'm excited about this new opportunity. I hope that he is able to make at least the same as he was at the other store, but other than that I think it's great he will be closer to home. It will really save on gas money. (Although, since we got the new car, we've put $0 of our own money in for gas. That's pretty awesome.) We might even come out ahead and make a profit on gas money. You never know!

I also got another side-job. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to work it, but I am hoping that I can make a little extra money every month.

Pumping... isn't going well. I am drinking my fluids. I am eating much healthier. I am taking the supplements. I am pumping 8 times a day, 10 minutes each. I go every hour. I put off sleep so I can pump. Maybe that's the problem. It's really frustrating because all through my pregnancy, everyone told me that I would have no trouble producing breast milk since I am so busty. I didn't think I'd have any problems either, but it seems like I can't do it. Of course, I am not going to give up (again) because I really want to be proficient at it, so I will keep trying. Every little bit helps. I barely made 1.5 ounces yesterday. Drake eats about 24 a day. The longer I do it, the more I hope that "this time" will be the time that I start making more. Maybe I need to pump more frequently. I don't know.

Any advice?

Anyway, I need to get off the computer. I get a three hour window to sleep, and I am going to make the most of it.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Weigh In Week #4

Hey, guess what? I tracked virtually all week! Woohoo! I did really good with my eating mostly too. I tracked the not-so-great choices as much as I tracked the great-job choices! It makes me smile that I was able to do that AND work AND take care of the baby. Seems like nothing is impossible for this mom!

How did I do?

I ate a LOT of fiber. I got high-fiber foods this week (beans, anyone?) I have also been eating a lot of protein and surprisingly, a lot of fruits and veggies (for me anyway). I also drank a lot of beer. Way more than I usually do. I am not normally much of a drinker, but I missed the option of being able to have a drink. Now I can have one or two and just wait 2 hours before pumping. Hurray for metabolism!

Anyway, without further procrastination, I maintained this week. Not a loss or a gain.

Just because you track everything doesn't mean you will lose- especially when you eat all of your daily, weekly, and THEN some points.

Today starts week #5, hopefully I can continue things in a more positive direction. Also- no beer this week. Or for a while. I think I got it all out of my system, both figuratively and literally.

I need to just trudge along and do the best that I can. Maybe WW isn't right for me right now. It's really hard to take care of the baby and myself... but I know that if I don't keep myself accountable then I will continue to gain weight and be more unhealthy. It's a catch-22. Hope that I will find more balance as I continue to practice being a mom and a weight watcher. I'd like for Drake to never know me as fat. Somehow I have to "man-up" and find time to eat well, take care of my son, work, pump, and exercise- as well as sleep, shower, and do household chores. Sigh. It will be a challenge.

But that is my path. And I will walk it.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I Missed Him So Much

My sweet little boy.

Friday, February 17, 2012

A Healthy Start

Is it any wonder that not changing what I was eating/drinking was severely impeding my progress at the pump? Drinking lots of diet soda, eating whatever I wanted (but tracking it) and not staying hydrated enough meant that even with supplements, I was lacking in the pumping department in a major way.

I quit soda two days ago. I drank water and juice. Since I have been drinking more healthful options, I started eating better. And what do you know? Progress!

I now know why Weight Watchers gives nursing moms a whole heck of a lot of extra points each day. (If you're supplementing, you get +7 extra, if you are breastfeeding exclusively, you get +14 extra) it's because it burns a lot of calories- technically, you are still eating for two. (Actually, you are eating for two more than you ever were while pregnant.)

Anyway, this morning I made myself a really healthy breakfast.

1/4 c. egg whites
2 oz sliced ham
1 slice Kraft cheese
2 slices of 100% whole grain wheat + fiber toast
16 ounces of apple juice

I cooked up the egg whites in a skillet, placed them on the toast, and warmed up the ham in the skillet. I put cheese on it to melt and then slapped it on the toast and had myself a ham, egg (white) and cheese sandwich with apple juice. It was a whopping 16 points. I get 44 a day right now. After I ate and drank my meal, I pumped and the difference was amazing and the results were clear. I pumped WAY more than I was doing. I was maybe getting a half ounce per side per session. It would take me 4 hours to make 1 ounce, if I was lucky. Today, I did 1.5 ounces per side. That is a huge increase, 6 times what it was. (Still, I don't think I could make a whole day's supply, but I am getting there)

I know a small portion of that is thanks to taking the supplements, but a large part of it has to be eating better/staying well hydrated. It's the only variable that has changed.

For a snack/light lunch, I am going to have a smoothie

1 c. mixed berries
6 oz pomegranate-applesauce
1 c. low fat vanilla yogurt

(5 points)

And for dinner I am having stir fry. I haven't figured out the points for that yet, though.

I still need to get in my 8 glasses of water for the day. Nursing moms should get 13 cups of water or juice each day. I have had three glasses of apple juice total so far, I think I will end up with 5 glasses of juice and 8 glasses of water.

I also bought apples! So I am going to eat them for snacks.

Drake is over at my parents' house this weekend and from what I've heard, things are going really well. I think they are all enjoying themselves. Drake even has been sleeping good for them, so that is a relief. I miss him a lot more than I thought I would! I mean, I know he is at my parents and in good hands... but I miss holding him and giving him kisses and just being around him. The time alone is really nice though.

On the agenda today

~ A nice long, hot shower
~ Crocheting for a few hours.
~ Playing The Sims 3 to make some more YouTube videos
~ Cleaning the kitchen/doing laundry
~ Strength training for 30 minutes

A busy day! I can't wait until my little man comes home tomorrow. I have so much to tell him and can't wait to "hear" all about his trip! I hope he hasn't forgotten me ;)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Dragon Feet

Technically, it's dinosaurs

I love his little dragon feet. Aren't they just ab-fab?! This is the outfit our friends bought for him, and he fits into it. It's just a little too big, which is great! Means he can wear it more often!

He has been sleeping a lot lately. At first I was relieved, then I was kind of worried, and now I am so like "whatever". He seems to be going through a sleeping-spurt. He can't stay awake after he eats. Maybe he is growing and he needs the rest. All that growing is hard work.

It's nice to have some time to do other things- household chores, crochet, read, sleep, eat, you know all those important things. I find that I am checking on him more often though "is he still breathing?!" He is. I've been checking his temperature too, almost obsessively. He's still eating just as much and we aren't having any other symptoms, he's just tired. I can relate. I am tired too. I guess this is how I know he is my son, he definitely likes his naps just like his mom! Can't blame him there :)

Tomorrow is his first real adventure- a sleep over at his grandma and grandpa's! Everyone is super excited. Except Drake, he doesn't seem to understand yet, but I am sure he will figure it out :) My day will be spent washing bottles and pacifiers and clothes in preparation for packing them. Then it will be packing diapers, wipes, formula, blankets, and all that good stuff. Brian will have the fun task of packing up the bouncy chair and the bassinet. If it will fit in our car. I'm sure that it will. One awesome thing about the car is the back seats fold down independently, so we can have one up (with the baby in it) and one folded down. How cool is that?!

I'm really looking forward to him going over there and having some "Mommy and Daddy" time where Brian and I can do whatever we want. I will probably sleep and he will probably play video games. YAY! Our favorite activities.

Tomorrow will be 6 weeks postpartum for me, and that means I can resume normal activities like house work... and lifting more than ten pounds... wait I was doing that already! Never mind!

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Difference In Attitude

Attitude is everything. Especially if you are in customer service. A real life example between the difference of good customer service and shitty customer service.

Example 1:

A lady called Brian and told him she was calling to collect on a medical debt, stating that it had been turned over to a collection agency. Brian calmly apologized and explained that we just had a baby, so money has been a little tight and he is willing to work out a different payment option. The woman asked him how much he could pay and he told her the amount. She refused to give him a physical address to send a check to, saying she could only take payments over the phone by check or credit card. She wanted to set up a 3-month pay off plan or settle the balance for less than was owed. Brian explained that he does not hand out personal information over the phone and if she would like a payment, to give him the address and she could put down in the notes on his account that they spoke and that he was mailing out a payment. (Dave Ramsey says not to give external debt collecting companies your bank account info, as they could bleed you dry). She refused again to give him an address, saying that he had to pay today on the phone. She was very rude and bullied him. I overheard the conversation and told him to stand his ground and get the address, or he would call up the hospital himself and make payments that way if she couldn't help him. She heard me talking to him and demanded to put me on the phone.

I told her that we just had a baby and really couldn't afford to pay more than x amount of dollars, can she please give me the address in which to send a check? She told me no, that she could not give the address and I said well I don't hand out personal information on the phone. She said we either had to pay the balance in full or take a hit to our credit if we mailed out a payment via check. My response? "And? What's your point?" She got a little deflated after that and said that she had sent out a letter with their address on it, and I said I did not receive any letter from your company, only the hospital, so that is where I will be sending my payments to. She yelled "Then I will note it in your account that you would not be reasonable and chose a different option!" So I said politely, sweetly, "Thank you, have a nice day."


Example 2:

A lady called me not even 10 minutes later and asked if I knew that my account was in default for another hospital bill. I told her I was very sorry that I was not paying, we just had a baby and things are quite hectic around here. She told me she understood completely, and was wondering if I would be willing to work out a payment arrangement? I told her that I was, and asked what my options were. She said I could do a 3-month plan and pay it that way, or pay the balance in full. I told her I did not think I would be able to afford the payment plan and she told me that she could turn my account over to an internal debt collector and they would be able to set up smaller payments for me. I told her I wasn't wanting to go that route, and she said that many of their accounts end up over there and that it does not reflect on our credit reports. Many patients can't afford to pay lump sums or even standard payments, and this is just how corporate has it set up. I thanked her again and said if I go the 3-month route and can't pay what will happen? It will be turned over to the internal service and you can set up smaller payments if you need to. I told her we will try the 3 month route because I want to keep my account in good standing, do you need me to make a payment today over the phone (see what I did there?) and she said no, we will send you out a new statement and you can pay online at your convenience. "thank you, have a nice day."

What a nice lady.

Both of these calls were about the same thing: We owed money to someone and hadn't paid it. One lady was sweet and understanding, the other was a vicious shark. Honey and vinegar, and this fly prefers the honey.

As an interesting side note, I Googled the first company and found their address on their website. We are still going to call the hospital and confirm it was indeed handed over to a collections agency and ask where it is we should send our payments to.

Anyway, one day at a time. Lucky me, all of our important bills are paid this month so I think I will be able to afford my hospital bills.

Sleeping Beauty and Company

I don't know what happened but today Drake could not get enough sleep. He has been asleep pretty much all day. He woke up at 8 am for a bottle and a change, then was back asleep until 11. He was up until 3, and slept for an hour. We had our friends Jesse and Alisha over to finally meet the baby, so I think he wanted to stay awake for company. He kept dozing off while they were over, but wouldn't really fall asleep. Unless I was holding him, so he spent a good portion of the day in my arms and passed out.

I was glad that he was so sleepy and relaxed today. Nothing is worse than a randomly fussy baby with people over.

After they left (around 7:30), he fell asleep in the Boppy pillow and he has been asleep ever since. It's 1:30 am right now and he has not woken or stirred, according to Brian. I slept from 7:30 to 1 myself, so I wouldn't know hehe

When he does wake up, he will probably be incredibly hungry and his hunger siren will start a-wailing.

Jesse and Alisha bought him the cutest outfit ever. I am going to try it on him tomorrow and if it fits, I will take pictures and share... something about waking a sleeping baby to put him in a new outfit is not on my list of favorite things to do, so I will have to try it when he is awake. This out fit is too cute not to share, so I really hope it fits. I can't stop giggling over it.

I was so happy to see our friends today. We don't see them enough by my account!

It was a great day on plan for me today, I tracked everything and managed to stay within my daily points, even though we got TGI Friday's delivered to us. I got a BBQ pulled pork sandwich. It came with fried onion strings on it, and I removed those. I also didn't eat the french fries. I still tracked the whole sandwich though! It was a good sandwich, but not 26 points good, so I won't be eating that again.

Brian took the day off yesterday to see our friends, and he picked up a few hours tomorrow, so our week is a little different. Thursday Drake is headed off for his first-ever sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's. I am really excited for him (and us!) but I am also a little sad... he is growing up. He will be gone Thursday night through Saturday afternoon. It's a long time and I am hoping it all goes well for them, otherwise they will be bringing him home hahaha :D I'll have to leave my camera there too, so they can take LOTS of pictures for me.

I'm trying to think of what I will do with my day off on Friday, since Brian will be working and I won't have to watch the baby. Maybe I will... sleep! Haha!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weigh In Week 3

So... I think that this week was pretty much the week from hell. Despite tracking, and drinking lots of water, and even getting in some exercise, I am reporting a 4 lb gain. Yes.

I am on my lady time. My first real lady time. I can definitely tell my body is reacting much differently now. The cramps are much worse. The PMS is much worse. I was a little spit fire yesterday and not in a good way. I was lashing out at everyone and everything. I finally got re-lactated and things are going much more smoothly than before. I am positive that is also a contributing factor, since my bust is full and heavy again. Sounds like some bad line from a romance novel, right? "Her full bust was heaving with desire" bahahahah

Anyway, that is neither here nor there. I'm easily distracted today. Probably because it's easier than talking about a 4 lb gain.

All I can do is track, drink more water, keep hydrated, and keep to my points as best as possible. (I know it will go down quickly- yesterday I was at 238 and today I am at 235. One day at a time.

Drake was cranky yesterday and refused to sleep. He actually refused to do anything other than scream and eat. So it was a tough day. He fell asleep FINALLY at 11 pm and then stayed asleep until 9 am, only waking up to eat then going right back to sleep.

It was blissful.

I finally caught up on some sleep.

Thanks for all the kind words and support yesterday. I really needed it. Today is better. So far.

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Today has been an incredibly stressful day. The bills for the birth have started to pour in, and after insurance, we owe about $24,000

Yes, 24 THOUSAND dollars. It's because I had to have a c-section, and all of our insurance coverage was used up on the stupid inductions that didn't work. So I am a little upset about all of this.

I'm currently going through all of our debts that we owe- the car, the credit cards, the medical bills, the student loans. Every last penny.

I am desperately in need of another job. I am applying to everything in hopes that I get something. Anything. I'd sell one of my kidneys right now if it paid off a debt.

So I took a Xanax. I am doing alright now, it's kicked in and the feeling of hopelessness has lessened. I know I will get through this. Everyone has lots of debt. I can get it under control. I've gone from "victim" mode to "fighter" mode now and you better believe I will come out swinging. I always do and I always manage.

I also haven't had any sleep Drake has decided that today, eh, he's not going to sleep. Which is fine. It's okay. It doesn't bother me.

Pumping is working again. I started taking fenugreek last night. I am taking 6- 610 mg pills a day and I went from pumping .25 ounces every hour to pumping 1 ounce every hour, so it IS working. I should be amplifying production to maximum in another 48 hours. That will cut $50 out of the budget. Maybe I will even make enough of a surplus that I can sell it. It's legal to sell and it sells pretty well actually, the going rate is somewhere around $1.50/ounce.

I also need a shower.

It's just not my day. But I am handling it rather well, thanks to my buddies Xanax and diet Dew. Also Brian helps a lot, he always brings me back from the edge of panic.

Have a good weekend, friends. Hope that none of you open any terrifying bills today.

You Called Me WHAT?

I had Brian run out and buy me the fenugreek supplement to help improve lactation and he told me to text him the name of it. I just sent "fenugreek" and he got it and said "What did you just call me?! What kind of geek is that?!" LOL fenuGREEK not geek.

So funny.

It's probably funnier than it should be to me at the moment. I've gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep all day. That's the problem with sleeping all day on Thursday, Friday I was just not tired! And now here it is, wee hours of the morning on Saturday, and I am awake, running on empty, and hoping I can keep the baby asleep so I can go to bed. At least for a couple of hours.

I thought it would be easier to get Drake to fall asleep on his own since he can now sleep on his tummy... but that is not necessarily the case. He likes to sleep... but only in his Boppy pillow. He sleeps both ways on it now, which is funny. I guess I could move his pillow to his crib and put him sat on it and let him sleep that way... because that is what he does now, sleep in it on the couch. Is it really any different?

Anyway, a bit of humorous irony... isn't all irony humorous? I guess it can also be bitter. Anyway, take this how you will.

Fort Wayne was ranked as one of the top 10 safest cities in the United States. The criteria were crime rates, likelihood of natural disasters, and driving safety. We are smack dab in the middle, number 5. This was the big story of the day yesterday. Today's big stories? "Teacher with knife suspended" and "student brings grenade to school" and "$500k pot operation found in Fort Wayne home"

...I shit you not.

It's like the residents of FW decided to have some secret meeting where they decide to be the world's biggest douche bags.

Anyway, here's the rest of the list

#10 Anaheim, California 
#9 Aurora, Colorado 
#8 El Paso, Texas 
#7 Phoenix, Arizona 
#6 Henderson, Nevada 
#5 Fort Wayne, Indiana – Fort Wayne residents go nearly twelve years without an accident, which, combined with their low crime rate, makes up for their mediocre 25 in natural disaster safety. Go Hoosiers! (The news team put that comment in, not me)
#4 St. Paul, Minnesota 
#3 Tucson, Arizona 
#2 Colorado Springs, Colorado 
#1 Mesa, Arizona 

Think I will move to Mesa. Actually, anywhere in Arizona seems safe. What about you guys, your cities make any top 10 lists?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Postpartum Week 5

Sorry that this is a day late... I slept most of yesterday. Drake was very cranky Wednesday and it ran me a little ragged. Brian looked after the baby all day, thank goodness.

I took a little "me time"  yesterday and took Max for a walk around the apartment complex (believe me, that was enough for me!) It was a brisk 20 minute walk. Brisk as in "kinda effin cold out" and also the pace.

Drake has been kicking me a lot when he lays on my stomach and it is irritating my incision. It's not red or anything, it just gets a little sore. I just take a Motrin and all is well. I try not to let him lay directly on it, but as I am shrinking (yay) and he is getting bigger (yay) his legs tend to stretch out and flail about.

I'm in the process of trying to re-lactate. Reading up on the literature of it, it is possible, but it will take even more effort. I am pumping 10 minutes per side for every waking hour. It is... exciting. I am up to making a quarter of an ounce (hahaha) per hour.

I also read that fenugreek herb is proven to increase lactation. It is an herb that stimulates the sweat glands. Considering that the milk glands are actually modified sweat glands, this is probably why it works. It's been proven to increase milk production up to 900% in most women, and is safe if you keep to the recommended dosage. I think I'll have Brian pick me up some today before he goes to work. From what I've read about it, it seems as though once the herb has helped increase supply, you can stop taking it. It starts to work in 1-3 days. Exciting.

I've gotten my yarn ball winder from Amazon. It works pretty well. The only trouble is, I have a LOT of yarn to wind into pull balls, and it only does them in 4 ounce increments. It's taken a bit of figuring out too. They recommend using a yarn swift to help speed up the process but I don't have one of those. They are expensive, so I have been using the spinning bottle drying rack ;) I feel so god damn clever sometimes it hurts!

Now that Drake and I are settling into a routine (when he doesn't have cranky days that is) I think I can start doing other things instead of sleeping while he is sleeping. I desperately want to get back in the groove of crocheting and I have been saving lots of patterns I want to tackle. I want to finish the baby blanket I didn't get around to finishing. Part of that though, is winding all the yarn. I think I'll shut up now so I can go do though.

:) Have an awesome Friday all

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Tummy Sleep and Other Things

Oh man... I've corrupted Drake.

He now only sleeps on our chests. While I love how snuggly he is, I know this is a terrible habit. And it is going to suck breaking it. He just falls asleep almost instantly all cuddled up and it's such a relief... but when you try and move him, he wakes up screaming. Who can blame him? One minute, he was very warm and close to Mom/Dad then the next he's all alone (although not really, he is just in his Boppy right next to us)

I'm wondering if he would do alright in his crib on his tummy. He loves to sleep on his tummy and sleeps very peaceful. I am kind of nervous because they say you aren't supposed to let them sleep on their stomachs any more... but Drake can roll over and lift his head up. He also sleeps with his face buried in my boobs and doesnt have any problem breathing. I think as long as I dress him warmly and don't have anything loose in the crib, he will be alright. I think I will start with a nap and see how he does, making sure he can breathe alright.

You know, conventional wisdom years ago was to let babies sleep on their tummies. Now it's not. I think it's all up to what works best for each baby. I have mixed feelings about the subject. I am sure I could rant on and on about it, but I don't think I will. Hardly interesting material.

Drake is doing really great at sleeping through most of the night. He goes down around 9-10 and then wakes up at midnight for a quick meal (usually 2 ounces) then falls back asleep until 3 am. He then sleeps in about 3-4 hour increments until midday.

Anyway enough of that, I've been having a great day on plan. I am tracking everything and trying really hard to stay within my daily allotment of points. As a consequence, I am STARVING. I feel soooo hungry. I guess that's a good thing. For snacks, I have pop-sickles, Fiber One brownies, sugar free pudding, fat free yogurt, frozen berries... all between 0-3 points. 

I just got the bill for my birth in the mail today. Let me say this: THANK GOD for insurance. I still can't pay it, but hey, it's not a whole hell of a lot. I'm just broke. Same shit, different day.

Overall, a great week. I'm so tempted to just pass out now. I'm very tired. And hungry. Being awake and out of points and hungry is miserable. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Groceries, Personal Trainers and Other Things

Today my mom and grandma ended up coming over on a whim (I love it when family does that) so Brian and I took the opportunity to go grocery shopping.

Here is what we walked out with:

Smart Ones meals (Chicken Enchilada Suiza and French Toast and Sausage, 5x each)
Fiber One chocolate peanut butter brownies (2 boxes, 6 in each box)
Lunchables turkey and cheddar (5x)
Velvetta cheese, 32 ounce slab
Diced tomatoes with chilies, lime juice, and cilantro
2 bags of tortilla chips
2 packages of chewy chocolate chip cookies (for Brian)
1 package of chocolate covered peanut butter patty type cookies (for me)
1- 4pk strawberry daiquiri coolers
1- 6pk hard fruit punch coolers
2 containers of low fat yogurt
1 bag frozen berries
1 container of BBQ pulled pork
1 package light hamburger buns
1 package 60-cal sugar free Jello pudding, dulce de leche
1 package sugar free Jello, raspberry & orange variety pack.

Tonight I made crock-pot nacho dip

1.3 lbs lean ground beef, browned and drained
1 can diced tomatoes with chilies, cilantro, and lime juice, undrained
1/2 cup diced onion
16 ounces of Velvetta, cubed
Dash pepper, garlic, and taco sauce

Combine onion and ground beef in a skillet, brown and drain. Transfer to crock pot. Add all the rest of the ingredients and turn crock pot on high for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve hot with tortilla chips. 

Oh it's so good. And a little spicy.
I have no idea how many people this feeds. I'm going to assume 16 servings. Which means, about 4 people, since it is so darn good :)

I tracked every bite today. Even the entire box of chocolate covered peanut butter patty type cookies I had. I ate those in the car, on the way home from the store. It was my lunch. Don't judge. Judge if you want. There were only 16 cookies and I gave Brian 4 of them, so I only ate 3/4 of the package in a 5 minute drive home...Shh! I tracked it.

I think I got some fairly decent healthy fare at the store this week. Much better than usual. I know I bought 3 packages of cookies, but I already told you, I ate my box. The other two are Brian's and they will be gone probably within the next 24 hours. He loves cookies.

In other, healthy news... Our apartment complex has added a personal trainer to our fitness center. I find this a bit strange because the fitness center doesn't really have a lot of equipment (a few treadmills/ellipticals/stair steppers and then one of those all-in-one weight machines, like a Bow Flex, or whatever) He is going to be there on Mondays and Wednesdays. Unfortunately, I can't meet with him because Brian is not going to be home and someone needs to be with the baby. I am also curious if they have updated the fitness center? I haven't been in nearly a year, so who knows!

I changed my points on WW. I am not breast feeding any more. It's upsetting to me a little bit, because I am so busty, but I can't produce enough milk. No matter how often I was pumping, I never ended up with more than 16 ounces a day. Drake eats at least 24 ounces a  day. So I made the choice to just go to formula so I could get more sleep and be a more competent mother. It's working out great so far.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Weigh In #2

I'm so so tired. I think I have a slight touch of insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep. Every time I try, I end up tossing and turning and inevitably, I get up because there is no point in laying awake. I'm cranky beyond all belief. I'm doing okay with the baby, Drake's crying doesn't bother me any more. I don't get upset when he cries. Babies cry.

Anyway, in my sleep-deprived stupor, I weighed in today. Wee, two weeks on WW and I'm already not tracking. I'm not making excuses: I just didn't track.

The official weight is 231. That makes it a loss of -4, and down 7 from the start. I am officially 7 lbs lighter! My pants from Old Navy are way too big now. I am going to wash them and give them away. Kind of sad, since I just bought them, but oh well- I can't be upset that I lost 7 lbs and will have to buy new clothes again. What kind of silly thing would that be! I'm 11 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. So awesome.

I'm celebrating the small! I'm reveling in a 4 lb loss this week, a 7 lb cumulatively, and that I did not weigh myself once this week. I feel so much more in control.

This week's goals are simple: Drink more water and track at least 1 meal a day. I am going to try and track every bite, no matter what it is I am eating, but I am celebrating the small, and working toward small goals as well. The key to success is the little things. Small steps equal big rewards.

Once I hit 6 weeks postpartum, I might try and add in a little exercise. I want to do strength training and focus on that this time instead of so much cardio. Cardio was my downfall. I loved how I felt- a runner's high sort of thing- but it left me so hungry all the time. I would earn so many Points+ running on the elliptical/biking and then eat them all (and then some) and not track it. I think if I do a little weight lifting (just hand weights for now) I will be able to build up arm strength. Lugging a baby around is heavy and hard work. To be honest, Drake weighs more than my hand weights, so I can just lift him I guess!

So far, so good. I am going in 5 lb increments for goals, that way I can feel like I am making progress and not be faced with a huge, daunting number. In my weight tracker, WW set my first "goal" for 5% lost, which would put me at 226. That's 5 lbs away!

It was a great week, not just in regards to weight loss, but over all. I am aiming to make weight loss a priority, but not the main one in my life this time. I think having a more relaxed approach will probably help me in the long run, since I won't have all the self-inflicted pressure to lose x amount each week.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


I've been very sleep deprived the last couple of days. Not because the baby isn't sleeping well, but because I am getting used to less sleep, so it's harder for me to fall asleep, if that makes any sense. Once I am asleep though, it's that great deep sleep, where time flies by so quickly and dreams don't happen.

I haven't tracked a bite since Monday or Tuesday. We haven't ate out much though, so that's great. I know it's all food I've got at home that I have been eating. I've done my best to stay off the scale until tomorrow to see what it says.

One thing I noticed, quick foods are definitely appreciated. Anything that can be eaten with one hand, little hassle, and can be dropped at a moment's notice and come back to later... perfect! Granola and cereal bars are great for this. Cereal itself, not so much. Big meals, again, not so much. Half-sandwiches are good. Popcorn, peanuts, trail mix. Consequently, snack foods are in short supply here because they do not last very long!

I've been having some trouble organizing my thoughts into coherent sentences and trying to convey what I am thinking and feeling... probably because writing about exhaustion is exhausting and not very interesting to read. I don't really have anything exciting to talk about (unless you count the many versions of poopy diapers I get). I could gush about the baby, but I don't really have anything new or exciting to talk about. He grows every day and his personality is starting to blossom. I know I am going to be very busy once he can start crawling (which will probably be in a month or two, according to the pediatrician) but I am hoping that I also have time to take more interesting pictures. The only time I can really take pictures is when he is sleeping and that gets boring quickly.

I still find it hard to believe I've been a mom for over 4 weeks now. I still feel like it's all a dream really, and that this little baby isn't really mine... I think it's because of his manner in getting brought into the world that really makes it seem unreal. But I love him, he is so special and sweet. I adore being a mom, which is something I never thought I'd say. Although, to be honest, I feel a little more tied down. Now it's almost impossible to pick up and go anywhere (to the store, let alone on a spontaneous trip) Actually, I feel REALLY stuck at home. Even when Brian is home, I can't go anywhere. I don't know how to drive a stick yet. I feel like I am starting to get a little twitchy in that regard. I can't wait until Drake is a little older so I feel more comfortable moving him in and out of the house. We can go on walks. It will be nice.

Keep your fingers crossed for us- Brian got word that the official transfer date is February 21st! He will have a much shorter drive to work and he will be so much closer to home. We are really excited about this. Also, since we got the manual, the money he gets from the company for gas has actually been too much! He is able to fill up his gas tank and still have money left over, which never happened before. I love that. We might - gasp!- make a profit on gas money.

We got our state tax refund today- that was interesting. I wasn't expecting it for another 2 weeks and was really surprised when I got an alert from the bank that something had been direct deposited. We only got a small sum back, but every little bit helps. I'll probably blog about what we are going to do with the money over on the other blog.

I'm going to try and make some spaghetti with meatballs now, while I have Brian home to watch the baby while I attempt to cook. Have a great weekend! Weigh in tomorrow, so be sure to come back for that.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Postpartum Update Week #4

I feel very full of confidence lately. I haven't had anything to worry about in a week or so, which is a very odd feeling. I have been worried about something in some manner or another all this last month, and now it feels like I am getting in the swing of things.

I feel capable of taking care of my son. I feel I can calm him down (most of the time) with little effort. I feel more comfortable holding him (not worried I will drop him or anything) and more comfortable bathing him.
I feel like I am in my element... this week, anyway. Babies change so much.

I feel strong. Hefting the baby around all day is no easy task (especially since he got weighed today- he is 10lbs 13 oz) I feel like I am more myself again.

I am eager to get in the kitchen again. I am eager to cook and bake and to even do some dishes. What can I say, I'm getting bored. And although we are having unseasonably warm days, I don't really want to take the baby for a walk in the stroller, probably because I haven't figured out how I'd get the baby and the stroller down 3 flights of stairs and then BACK up them.

I'm happy with how I look, considering. I am happy with the image in the mirror. I do want to continue to lose weight and get healthy, but it's different this time. It's sort of a casual, gradual journey this time, rather than trying to go from 0 to 60 and then getting so upset things aren't going the way I want to. I'm still bigger than I've been. I am wearing size 22W, the biggest ever. But I am choosing flattering cuts and colors, and trying to dress well, that way I always feel good about myself. The clothes fit wonderfully. I feel wonderful in them. So size is not really an issue. I don't want to be a 22W forever, or even for the next few months, but I know that size isn't everything.

I still haven't taken a picture of myself. It's not because I am ashamed or anything like that, it's just I don't have any time. Any time I do get, I'd rather do anything else! I mean, I enjoy sleeping as much as possible these days, editing YouTube videos, and watching DVDs. I don't have time for anything as mundane as taking pictures of myself.

Anyway, that's enough time spent blogging. :)