Thursday, August 23, 2012


So my husband is a major gimp today and that totally sucks. About once a month or so, maybe every 6 weeks, he ends up getting so stiff in the neck and shoulders that he is basically useless.

It is really painful and I feel for him....... so I called around to some spas today and booked him a last minute deep tissue massage. He always complains that it hurts when I massage his shoulders and I don't like doing it anyway, so I figured might as well pay someone who knows that they are doing.

I had a choice between a woman giving him a massage and a man..... I almost picked the man for the hilarity of it, but decided to be nice.

I'm pretty sure that his neck and shoulders get knotted up from his terrible posture and his unsupported pillow, and the fact he always sleeps like his limbs are made of spaghetti. He does some weird yoga in his sleep. Here's to hoping he gets all loosened up and that I don't have to hear him complain worry anymore.

Massages? You've done them? Thoughts?

Also, here is a cute pic of my kid because I can.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Too Damn Cute

So I entered him in the Gerber photo search. And I am hoping to win $50K. We will know in November. But hey, I think I have a shot, right?

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

It's your stomach.

Okay, Internet friends. Most of you haven't had the pleasure of being a guest in my house (and we will keep it that way, thanks) but those of you that have know one thing about me.

If you are invited to my house, I will cook for you. 

I say it in bold red because, well, honestly, I love to cook. And- if I do cook for you, you better eat it. 

Or someone gets a fork in their head.

So that was all a little preface to say that we invited a friend over Saturday and I made a delicious, nutritious meal and this person flat out refused to eat it. I asked why, was it something that they didn't like? or were allergic to? you know all the normal questions. But I was told that they didn't like anything but meat and cheese and (I quote) "that [they] will just pick up some Taco Bell on the way home" 

blink blink.


Normally I'm very accommodating when someone comes into my home... but that totally threw me for a loop and I am not going to lie, I was totally offended, even though I know for a fact this person didn't mean to offend me. But still... 

I didn't offer anything else to eat. Our cupboards weren't bare, but I wasn't going to waste my time trying to kiss ass.

Later when he said he was getting hungry I told him there was still food available. He turned me down again. I said he must not be that hungry. He left after that, said he was going to Taco Bell, but he actually went to another friend's house and asked them if they had anything to eat. 

Blink. Blink.

The best part? I was chatting with the other friend, and they told him that they didn't have any food and why didn't he just eat my food? "Wait, weren't you at Christie's? Didn't she cook for you? She's a really good cook." Aww love. But they told them no, they didn't have any food and that he should have ate at my house, so he left and got Taco Bell. 

Then he got sick off of Taco Bell.

TRUE STORY. I laughed my ass off.

So the moral kiddies- don't piss off the cook. She might have a voodoo doll. The Gods of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice took a poll and decided that they were going to punish the bastard. Now if you will excuse me, I promised them a goat blood alter bath by Wednesday, and the clock is running short...... Actually I am about to go practice making caramel sauce. But it's the same thing right?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Fever Pitch

Things got crazy for us today. Drake's got another tooth coming through- somewhere. Not quite sure which one it is exactly but he's got rosy red cheeks, drooling WAY more than usual, spitting up suddenly and today he had his first low-grade fever to accompany it. I'm going to guess it will be his other front tooth. I know it's another tooth coming because all the others have broken through the gum line, so they don't cause him any more trouble.

I didn't have anything to give him to break his fever. Sadly, I don't have a car and my husband was at work, and I was NOT about to take a screaming infant on the city bus just so I could get some children's Tylenol or whatever. So I just froze a bunch of his teething rings and sat the fever out. Like I said, it was low-grade, so I wasn't worried about it. But tonight, Brian is going to pick up some on his way home from work.

He also didn't want to take any naps, but he was VERY cranky. So pretty much today was spent on trying to get him to take a nap. I spent two hours going into his room every couple of minutes to tell him that I was still here, I still loved him, and that everything was okay, he just needed a nap. He would stand up in his crib and then throw himself down on the mattress and sob his little heart out. Temper tantrum. BUT I DONT WANT TO he was screaming at me in his little baby wails.

And I was all like--- yeeeeah, but you're gonna.

Because I am a good mom. /sarcasm

Also if he wasn't in his crib he just would have done the exact same thing in the living room with me and then I wouldn't be able to hear Doctor Who so you know, better off this way. Now that he has decided that I am a mean horrible mommy, he has cried himself into blissful sleep (an exhausted baby sleeps longer and deeper!) and I can break out the wine.

Cheers, mate.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Once Upon A Time

Drake's diaper rash is still there and still really red. I decided to let him air out a bit and put down- get this- a spare shower curtain liner I had but had not ever opened. Genius, I know! I laid it out on the floor and he promptly cried. He hated the sound it made and how cold I guess it was. I covered it with towels, baby blankets and other assorted items that I didn't care if he pissed or shit on but he still hated it.

I sat on the floor, holding him, willing to take a piss fountain to the face, just so he could air out his winky a bit and get on the mend.

And that, folks, is when I realized that I am a mother. Forget having my child forcibly ripped from my uterus, or the many sleepless nights. It was not when he fell asleep on my chest and a small secret smile crept onto his face. It's not the endless compliments of what a precious angel he is. Nope, it was risking being pissed on so my son's penis doesn't fall off from a rash. It's not the sweet things you do for your child that makes you their mother, it's the crazy shit you'd do to make them feel better.

The end.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I've been terrible with blogging. I've been terrible with doing pretty much anything lately! I just haven't had the energy much. Sorry. But that's parenting.

Lately, I've been dreaming of getting a journal. A real, leather bound journal with freshly cut paper pages and  the sweet feeling of a pencil in my hand. I need a more creative outlet than just blogging. I like blogging, but there are things I want to express that I don't really want anyone to read about. Things I need to get off my chest but can't really talk about it to anyone (yet).

I've also been delighting in the fancy of colored pencils. Oh how I love colored pencils. I want to draw and color again so badly.

I bought some fat girl clothes yesterday. Go me! I am in the process of cleaning out my closet and sorting out clothes. I am sad that my clothes don't fit me properly but at the same time, I know its not healthy to hang on to the "what if" clothes. What if I fit in this again someday? It's just clothes. So I am purging. And it feels good.

I got Brian to do 30 Day Shred with me yesterday. All he has done today is complain about how badly it sucked and how much he hates it and doesn't want to do it again. I am not even that sore. I had to do a lot of encouraging for him yesterday to keep him going. It feels nice, knowing that I may be 50 lbs heavier than him, but I can work out harder, longer, and be less sore than him. Although, he does have all the muscles. I just have more endurance, I guess.

Tracking is going well. I am using MyFitnessPal again so if anyone wants to add me, my user name is christiefarrar :)

Drake had another tooth cut through last night. He now has a total of 5 teeth, 4 on the bottom, and one on the top. He stands in his crib now and protests. He realizes that when you put a blanket over things, they do not disappear. It's so amazing to watch him learn. I am just in awe of my sweet baby boy. Growing up so quickly!

I'm off. Baby is asleep, husband is asleep, dog is asleep. I think I will join the party.

Friday, August 3, 2012


On weight

-Brian mentioned a few times that he is not happy with my weight, that he is worried about me and blah. This is comforting to know that he cares about my health, but lately I feel he has been nagging me about it. I know that he is just trying to help, but it's the way he is saying things that is making me feel like a pile of fail. Finally today I told him to just shut up about it. I know he wants to help, and I appreciate it, but to really just shut up and instead of "lecturing me" or "nagging me" or "talking me to death" about it, to just GET UP AND DO SHIT with me.

It all started with this picture, which I showed him as a joke, but apparently he took it seriously.

He picked great sex life (surprise) and works full time- but only because we need the money. Otherwise he would have picked fit, trim and well-groomed.

Nice. I think. Since then, it's been sort of a topic of conversation for him. At work. With all of his friends. And one of them said that I wasn't "fat like, disgustingly so, but you can tell she likes her food". Thanks, I think. I'm glad I'm not disgustingly fat. I think.

I kind of feel like I am getting to the point where I must not care about my weight, otherwise I would have done something by now. I don't know. I am just lazy I guess. I don't really have any excuse not to at least put in 30 minutes of exercise a day.

Time to change the subject, because it's making me upset.

On Exercise-

The card workout I posted a while back is a lot of fun, well like poking needles in your eyes is fun, but you know what I mean. It keeps it random. Unfortunately, Brian only wants to do it together and ONLY on his days off which means that it happens once, maybe twice a week.

I do the arm exercises 3x a week, which is pretty good for me, considering. It only takes 6 minutes but it is definitely working. I feel it during and after, and of course the measurements don't lie. I've taken an inch off my arms in a week. Wee!

I am riding my bike as well, at least 30 minutes a day. I wanted to do Zumba too but I can't get to classes. Maybe I can find it somewhere online??

I walk for an hour a day, sometimes we go to the outdoor mall to get some much needed vitamin D and sunshine and other times we go to the air conditioned indoor mall so we are not overcome with heat stroke, either way it's a nice way to waste an hour with the family.

On tracking-

Yeah so having not lost any weight on weight watchers, it seemed selfish and cruel of me to have my mom continue to pay for my subscription, so we just canceled it. it was nice of her to give it a shot, but I don't think it's for me. I re-activated my MyFitnessPal today and when Brian gets paid on Monday, I am buying a new food scale and going to accurately track everything.

On food-

Brian promised me that we would rid everything in the house of anything "boxed" like mac and cheese, frozen meals, etc, as I would rather eat that stuff than do make anything healthy to eat. I also decided that I am going to go through the whole Deceptively Delicious cookbook and make every single recipe in there. I'm making it all from scratch and eating strictly at home. We have been doing really good about eating at home anyway, but I really need to be in total control of my environment.

On parenting-

Drake has his third and fourth tooth coming in. Three on the bottom, and one on the top. The top one broke through today. Man, it's crazy how many teeth he has.

On social life-

Tomorrow is the wedding I mentioned that we were going to. Turns out I can fit into my bridesmaids dress from last year from my best friend's wedding, and it actually fits me better, so yay for being a non-preggy fatass, I guess! It's that purple satin one. I also have a huge flower headband and some new jewelry to wear as well. I have a cardigan I can wear over to disguise my batwing arms.

On crafts-

I finished my crochet market bag and now I am going to start on a prayer shawl for Brian's grandma. It's my first paid project, so that makes me excited. She is reimbursing me for the yarn and also paying me for the finished product as well, so I am eager to get it started so I can put that money in the bank. I have no idea what to charge for it, so I guess I'll ask around on the forums and see what others think.

the bag

Thanks for listereading.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Crawling Standing Biting

Drake is crawling like a pro now. Hand, hand, knee, knee.

We baby proofed but that is a constant vigilance! He especially likes the dog's water bowl. Splash, splash, fingers in the water. Dump it on his head and cry.

He still doesn't like baths.

He has diaper rash and digs at it. We have triple action medicated cream and that seems to be helping. He digs at it and tries to suck his fingers so its a two person job every diaper change. Someone has to hold his hands or otherwise keep him preoccupied.

He is tired of crawling. He is very "meh" about it. He's a lot like me. Once he knows he can do something, he chooses not to perfect it, but to try something else.

So he pulls himself up standing now.

This scares the piss out of me because he isn't strong enough to support himself on his legs.

So he falls. And hits his head.

Spend a lot of time cuddling and kissing him and telling him its okay.

And then I spend the rest of the day holding him up so he can practice standing.

His other new trick is biting.


Feet especially. Fingers. Noses. AND LAUGHING

Oh the laughter. The evil, cute laughter that comes out of his precious little head when he bites my nose so hard I cry and bleed.

It's enough to make a mom go mad I say! So I tell him no and put him down and tell him it hurts and it makes me not want to play with him anymore. I am sure he doesn't understand the words yet, but he understands the actions. It's like training a dog really (sorry, other moms, but its true) and you have to teach him how to behave the way you want him to.

His third tooth broke through tonight. Thank god. Now I know where to put the Orajel instead of ALL OVER HIS FACE BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHERE IT HURTS DRAKE and I can put it on his tooth. He went to bed at 8:30 tonight. The first time in a week. Normally we are lucky if we can get him to bed at midnight. Did I mention he WAILS from 6 pm to his bed time, because he is tired but doesn't want to sleep????? So imagine that for SIX HOURS A NIGHT

and you will now know why I have been so inactive.

I'm trying to stop time just for a bit so I can rest my eyes.



PS- I love how much he is growing and changing but if I don't vent a little I will explode. Ta!