Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Good Intentions

I have started this blog so many times yet words fail me. That's not true, entirely. I get diarrhea of the keyboard and lose all train of thought. Or really get going with a train of thought but I go back to re-read it and I get tired... so I know you all wont read it.

I don't want to sound whiny or bitchy. Have you noticed? Lately I've been trying my hardest to count my blessings and just be thankful, dammit. Which is not that hard really.

I've been doing what I need to do. And that means applying for state aid. I have several interviews (two lol) set up this week so things are going smoothly.

I've finally been able to just relax. I've been so stressed out lately it's ridiculous. On top of pregnancy concerns like... appetite aversion and nausea, and my boobies hurting so bad I want to cry. My hormones all out of whack so I cry at stupid shit. Like last week, when I went to my mom's and Goober (the golden retriever) tried to cuddle with me on the day bed but he couldn't get comfy and started wiggling around. He dug his nails into my back on my spine. Normally it wouldn't hurt, I'd yell "get off you stupid cow" and hit him with a pillow, and then my mom would yell at me... but I just cried. And cried. And sobbed. It was really quite pathetic. Even worse, thinking about it now? Crying.


Went to a free clinic today for some paperwork and was told I was 8 weeks 4 days pregnant- hurray! This week, baby has ears, eyes, and limbs. As well as elbows. Crazy. Next week, baby will have fully formed and separated fingers and toes, complete with nails! and it's still only this big (    ) It's looking decidedly human, so no fish baby for us.

It's crazy.

My family has been so good to us lately. I'm really thankful for them and so glad that I have them to turn to for advice. Such a long long day today. I am mentally exhausted. It's hard work to be stressed out. I give up on that nonsense for a while. I'm ready to relax. Unfortunately, got a couple of busy days ahead so I won't be able to kick back just yet. I am pretty much determined to do all I can.

Just 1.5 weeks until I can find out what "baby F" is via Intelligender... Maybe I should do a poll?? Bets??  I'm secretly.. well it's no secret... hoping for a boy. Or twins. Haha. Not going to happen. Brian kind of wants a girl. MIL wants a girl. FIL doesn't seem to care... my parents just want a healthy baby. Baby F will be whatever baby F decides to be. I just want to know what colors to paint the nursery! ;)


  1. light green or yellow :>) love u gramma

  2. I really don't want kids, but if I were ever pregnant I would totally spend every day looking up charts to see what stage of development my baby was in. It's just so COOL, you know? Reading this post made me think of this XKCD comic:

    I hope your hormones level out soon. I just went off birth control because I can't afford to buy it and my hormones are all out of whack too. Maybe I should be applying for state aid...


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