Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Thoughts on Tomorrow

Tomorrow we are going to the hospital again. I still haven't told any one what time just that it is "tomorrow" simply because I want to avoid a lot of the emotional drama that we had last time. I could have not told anyone that we were going again... but still, family does need to know when someone is going to the hospital, just in case. And I have no problem saying that we are trying it again.

I just don't want anyone to tell me that "you should have waited for labor to start naturally" or some other bull shit like that.

It was the one thing that hurt the most, when we were told that. Actually, we weren't even told that to our face, but rather, it was posted online that the "baby will come when he wants to, not because it fits some doctor's time table"


I wasn't the one to see it, Brian was. But he told me (days later of course, bless his heart. He had the sense to wait until I was more myself) I'm glad he waited a few days to tell me, because I probably would have went off.

I don't have to justify why my doctor wanted to induce me. If that's how that person feels, fine.

This is why we haven't told anyone what time we are going in. We don't want to deal with the drama again.

It is STRESSFUL to go to the hospital and have nurses thrust their hands up you and give you medicine and the constant monitoring, the lack of progress. It is STRESSFUL. I know I look like I'm having a great time laid up in bed with my feet up and sucking down a milkshake, but that's only because they were injecting me with pain medication to take the edge off and it also helped my anxiety. When it wore off, my heart rate and blood pressure accelerated.

Pitocin gives you hard, painful contractions. Even if you aren't dilating, the contractions are coming. They are frequent, and painful. It's like being in full blown labor, but only at 2 cm. I don't know what full blown labor feels like, but the nurses have told me that is what it feels like. I know that at 2 cm and being on a IV drip for 8 hours SUCKED and they wouldn't give me an epidural until I hit 4 cm- hell, I wasn't even officially "admitted" to the hospital until I could hit 4 cm- but they were able to give me Nuban to take the edge off.

I tried hard not to take it. I really did. I did great for about 2 hours with no pain meds of any kind. And it sucked. I decided then and there that I am going the epidural route. I cried for about 15 minutes, alone, before calling the nurse to give me the shot. I had to be given sleeping meds too, so I could sleep.

I was on Pitocin for 2 days and was also given suppositories to ripen my cervix. I just had to efface all the way and they would have broken my water for me, to really get things going. After 2 days of medication and painful contractions/pelvic exams I was still not effaced. They couldn't reach my bag of waters to break it.

That's why I was sent home.

And now, I get to do it all over again, tomorrow. Fun, fun. Let's hope a few days of rest gave my body the chance to do what it couldn't last time and that things will go sooooo smoothly this time. I hope I get there and they check me and then WHOOOSH my water breaks naturally and weeee I'm in labor! Or, I hope the medication works this time.

I just hope I don't have to go home without a baby again.

Ahhhhh.... the countdown starts. Time for a Xanax and some more Dual Survival. I'm not going to worry about it, because worrying just makes it worse.

Pray for us. We need it. Everyone should chant "We want the baby!" and maybe your good ju ju will be sent my way :)


  1. Aw, girl! I'm sorry about what some thoughtless person's facebook said. I hope that it goes very well & that you come home w/ a baby! Praying! :)

  2. The same thing happened to me with my first little boy. I was admitted, induced for 2 days with no progress (and yes, it is REALLY stressful!!) and then sent home. When I went back and we re-started the pitocin, I had that baby in my arms not too long after! It's going to be just fine, and you will be holding that baby SO soon!
    Usually people who make comments about "baby will come when baby is ready" has either never had kids, or had them a long time ago... OR has never been in your situation! Ignore the ignorant!

  3. I can not imagine the pain and stress of having gone through an induction like that, only to be sent home. I am so sorry you went through that. I had a horrible 38 hour labour, with complications, with a c-section under general anesthesia at the end of it all, so I speak with experience about bad deliveries. I feel so sad that this happened first, before you got the real deal. Glad to see things ended up right for you and you have a gorgeous boy.


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