Tuesday, August 27, 2013


I've never been a typical woman/girl when it comes to romance. I don't necessarily buy into all the things that are considered to be "romantic". Here's a list of things that you should- or more accurately, should not- do to impress me. Since I am married now, most of these don't apply any more, just some casual observations I made while I was dating. Although a lot of them do still apply, rejection takes the form of "Not tonight" instead of "I'm tossing you outside naked and letting my dog shit all over your clothes."

Do Not: 

  • Buy me flowers. Ugh. As if I need more dead crap in my house. I'm going to leave that intentionally vague.
  • Sing to me. Whether its a song you wrote yourself or you are doing kareoke, I don't care, okay? (See what I did there?) It just makes me uncomfortable having to pretend I like your singing.
  • Play an instrument. See Point 2. I don't like being put on the spot to tell you how wonderful you are at <insert instrument here>. I'm not interested in stroking your ego. Oooor anything else for that matter.
  • Write me poetry. UGH. I don't even like reading poems by famous poets so please, let's just move on.
  • Tell me how "hotttttt" or "sexxxxxxy" I am. You will get ignored at best, laughed at and brutally made fun of at worst. Don't risk it.
  • Ask me if I want to watch a chick flick, TV, or any sort of movie for a "date night". The answer will always be no. (I'm notoriously stubborn and/or picky about what I watch. It has to be my idea and on my terms. Usually I go without.) If we HAVE to watch a movie, make it a geeky comic movie. 
  • Buy me drinks. I don't really do bars anyway, so you won't likely find me there. 
  • Ask me to cuddle. Whether its in bed or on the sofa or whatever, just... don't. I like my personal space without you in it.

  • Buy me Diet Mountain Dew when I am out. 
  • Buy me a Reese's (or twelve) if you really want to get lucky.
  • Let me cook for you. Stroke MY ego.
  • Buy me food. Preferably cheese fries.
  • Let me be first player instead of second player.
  • Let me take a nap. You don't even have to cuddle. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't.
  • Use cheesy pick up lines on me. They make me laugh and that is a better way to get me to sleep with you
  • Buy me new kitchen gadgets
  • Make bad jokes. The worse the better.
  • Hold me while I sob over fictional characters
  • Tell me what a great mom/wife I am.
  • Buy me video games/video game related merchandise. 
  • Buy me books.

So yep, there you have it. When I see that my friends are all like "ohhh my boyfriend/husband/fiance is so sweet he got me flowers!!!?@?!@@34234@#$@%#WERWERETWE^$%Y^$Y!!!!"
I'm over here like... 

"Brian? Go buy me a candy bar."
*He leaves and comes back with a Reese's.*
"you're the best husband ever!" *Smooch*

And that is how romance is done in the Farrar Household.


  1. OMG there is nothing worse than poetry. Some chicks lap that shit up but holy hell is it awkward for me. It's like, yeah okay I write shitty poetry too but I stopped in the 10th grade. You're a half step away from My Chemical Romance screamo at that point.

  2. OMG yes to all of this! And Diet Mountain DEW?? I KNEW I liked you!

    An aside, a gentlemen did once write my a haiku that I liked:
    Jenn's hair glows red
    While walking in the water
    She won't get it wet

  3. I am with you on flowers! It's basically giving someone a pile of trash that they have to take out later. How romantic.

  4. We've always been pretty prolific, so things like poetry still mean the world to me. No one has ever sung to me (THANK GOD) and I've never returned that favor. lol Cuddling I'm usually okay with, but I gotta be in the mood.

    The crazy thing is, as I get older, I find that coming home to a clean house (that I didn't have to clean) or a mowed lawn (that I didn't have to mow) is probably the sexiest thing on the planet...

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  6. Bah last comment had too many typos...so trying again

    Once a soldier picked me a bunch of wild flowers in full battle gear and gave them to me while I was standing watch on top of a M60......(Not daddy so shhhh)

    On the other hand wtf was I suppose to do with them on a M60 but nice thought yes?


    Daddy made supper for me while I was working over time. He cooked the pasta noodles for 20 mins and said he didnt know if they were done yet. LOL


    Daddy would let me sleep in on Saturday mornings while you and he ate cookies for breakfast and watched Rin and Stimpy and Rocko's Modern Life


    We had absolutely no money and it was your Daddy's birthday. I put a match in a stale twinkie and woke him up
    He cried a little while laughing.

    Yes, the Farrar's do it different but over 25 years together we must do it right.

    Also I did write your Dad a poem once, Reasons I love my Boo. I found it in his ceder chest the other day....so yah that is romantic.


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