Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A Long Road

It's been an interesting 5 months since I last blogged.

The main reason that I have stayed away from this blog is because my favorite reader and supporter has passed away. My Grandma lost her battle with leukemia in July and since then, I have been struggling a lot. I know my family has too. I think about her every day, and every day, I cry.

It's been brutal.

There are other things bothering me too, of course. I still struggle with ankle problems and I know that very soon, I will have to leave my current job because it requires me to be on my feet too much and it is disrupting my ability to function as a wife and mother.

I went back to my doctor and had a custom brace made, but it didn't stabilize my ankle, so it doesn't work. It frustrated me to no end.

I joined the YMCA because they have a pool and I do love to swim... once I get in the water. Brian and Drake go with me too and we try to go 3 times a week. However, over the last month and a half, it seems every time that we take Drake he ends up getting some sort of sickness from the kids at the ChildWatch. First it was a cold, then it was a 24 hour bug, then it was bronchitis.

My doctor diagnosed me with osteoarthritis. And once again, told me that I would need to have some sort of surgery in the future.

I don't want another surgery. The first 3 didn't help, and I am sure this wouldn't either.

I keep telling my job that I can't work so many hours, but I need the money. So it's a constant conflict of personal interest. Do I kill myself over something as petty as money? Or am I that desperate to live a semi-normal life?

Currently I am looking for other options, but seeing how it may take a few months for that to pan out, I just hope that I can hold on.

Drake is doing well. He is talking more and that makes me happy. He spends a lot of time with Brian's parents, because they come over to babysit for us when we are both working. They do it for free most weeks too. Sometimes we are able to provide them with gas money, or dinner, and sometimes we aren't. Most of the time we aren't able to.

I thought working outside of the home would provide more funds for us, but it really isn't paying out. Brian's started looking for other work too. We both know that if I keep on working like this, I really will be crippled and it will be either through another surgery, or just injury. I have no idea what to do and sometimes, I feel really lost.

Ok, make that most of the time.

Other than the existential crisis, I really am happy. I finally made some great friends, and I couldn't be happier in my life with Brian and Drake. I just really want a working foot so I can work.

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