Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A little background history.

As it says at the top and side of my blog, when I got married, I weighed 237.5 lbs. I was closer to 250 than I was 200. At a short 5ft5 that put me at about a 39 BMI, almost 100 lbs over what I should weigh at the max.

After the honey moon I felt so miserable, I didn't know what to do anymore. I was supposed to be so happy, after all, I had just gotten married. I loved my husband but couldn't help but feel that I was no good for him because I was a fat slob. (totally completely not true btw, I know we are a great match, but it seemed logical at the time)

My mom, probably tired of hearing me bitch, and sad that I was a Macy's Day Parade float, convinced me to go to my family doctor and get some magic little diet pills.

I went, he looked horrified at my numbers on the scale. 240. Shit. Even heavier. He took my blood pressure several times, each time it was barely within the normal range, and that was after I had calmed down. (I get anxious he will tell me I have high blood pressure, so then I get high blood pressure... vicious cycle)

He wanted to do blood work but as I didn't have any insurance at the time and was recently unemployed and still collecting benefits, I declined. I know I probably have a low thyroid or some other underlying condition. The main thing was I was fat. All that other stuff can be treated after I get out of the danger zone.

He gave me Meridia. It's super expensive.
I took it for 6 weeks and I lost 21 pounds. I lost 15 of it within 2 weeks and the rest dropped off a little more slowly. It made me not want to eat. Food wasn't even slightly appealing. All it did was make me anorexic temporarily.

So I quit taking them. I stopped losing weight, they stopped making me feel that way, and to continue to lose weight and suppress hunger, I would have needed a larger dose, which cost more. Wasn't worth it.

I got down to 216. I remember when I hit 219 and was out of the 220's. I FREAKED out, because I read the scale wrong. I thought I had GAINED weight. It took me several attempts at reading it to make sure I wasn't insane.

I didn't bother to try and change my eating habits, sneak in my veggies or even exercise. I didn't bother tracking calories or anything because I wasn't eating. And after the psychological effects wore off (ie the hunger suppressant) my body reacted violently. Suddenly I was so hungry I could not get enough to eat. EVER. It was like I was stranded on a desert island for a few weeks and just got rescued. I was a mess. But again, I wasn't ready to face the fat. I gained it all back. Every. Last. Pound.

Around September, I decided, hey, I'm going to lose 20 lbs before my birthday! (In October) and I got down to 224, considering myself a failure for not hitting 20 lbs in 4 short weeks, I got depressed again, and in January, I decided to do it this time, for realz.

I signed up for Curves, got weighed and measured. 229 is what the scale read. I went twice. Mostly because of car related issues and also because everyone was very nosy, wanting to know everything about me and yammer at me all the time, and I don't do well with people. Plus, I didn't have anyone that I actually liked to go with.

So I started doing Wii Fit and EA Active, got my exercise bike, started tracking calories, and taking control and responsibility for my life. I am 22 years old. I should not be on blood pressure medicine, diet pills, or anything else. I should be in the prime of my life.

Since the end of January, I have lost 7.5 pounds. In 6 weeks.
I have to say that I am a little disappointed in the scale movement, but I have had lots of NSV's that have been rewarding. My pants fit better. I can now carry groceries and go up 10 steps to my apartment without wheezing. I can ride Stella for increasingly longer periods of time. I walked 3 miles yesterday and felt great. My ass is firmer. My thighs are firmer. I subconsciously hold in my stomach when I walk, and I started noticing that it's getting easier.

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