Motivation and the Alternative

Today I was totally bummed out when I had hubby take some pics. I had a delusional reality that I was a lot skinnier than I was previously, it put me in a funk. After some motivational encouragement from my mother, who is a fantastic cheerleader when she wants to be, she asked me: "What's the alternative [if I give up now]?"

The truth of the matter is there isn't an alternative. Well there is, but it's not one I would like.



This woman is so fat, she cannot even stand up to eat her own cake. How depressing.
I used to laugh so hard at this pic, but secretly I feared I'd become her. And now I know its true.

So time for some motivation and a nice list. Because I like lists. They make me happy.


Being Healthy vs Being Cake lady

Pros to being healthy:

More energy
Better self body image (we've already proved I am delusional)
Better self esteem
More confidence (it's not the same)
More sex
Long walks
No more indigestion
No worries of high blood pressure

Cons...?

Are there any? I dont think I'll turn vegan or anything. No offense to vegans I just have enough trouble with veggies now lol

Pros to being the cake lady?

....Are there any?! Besides eating all the peanut butter m&ms I wanted? Erm not really.

Cons: the less obvious ones

Poor dental health (even if you went in for cleanings regularly all the shit you stuff down your gullet can't be good for your teeth)
Getting tired from singing out loud.
Not being able to wipe your own ass. I am sure that you hit this point eventually, I can't imagine that.
Not being able to get out of bed, go down stairs, get in your car, etc
Not being able to pick up your kid, pet, etc
No more rollercoasters! :( I love roller coasters!


Even if I didn't lose a single pound (unlikely, but let's pretend) because every lb turned to muscle, I would be a body builder. But since that is physically incapable unless there are roids involved and hormones etc, I am sure I will lose lots.

I miss being able to cross my legs.
I miss boots. I miss short skirts
Midriff tops
Where are my collar bones?
I don't want to do the "parade wave" anymore so my arm fat doesnt flap in the wind
I want to go into Victoria's Secret and buy everything that fits. Pants. Tops. Dresses. Lingerie.


I distinctly remember running around all day when I was in high school back and forth across the football field for several hours at a time and only eating once or twice.

I miss deep, real sleep. Not the fat coma I have now
I miss wearing my husbands pants. Yeah, I used to be able to fit into them
I miss tank tops that fit


I want to go to an amusement park and walk around all day, ride every single ride. I miss being tan. I dont want to lug my fat ass outside. So now I am fat and vampire like but without any of the charm or sex appeal. Great.

I dont want to blow out a leg or a knee or anything from standing on it too long. I don't want another ankle surgery because I can't support myself any longer. I don't want to resort to a fat farm or Lap band surgery because I can't put down the bon bons for a year. I do not want the alternative.

I do not want to see the 200+ number on the scale ever again.
I do not want to have to search for a pair of pants that doesnt have the buttons missing or a top that is so strained to contain my gut.
I do not want to see the pity in anyone's eyes.
I do not want to be "cute" anymore(in fact, I banned that word from my husband's vocabulary, because it instantly makes me feel bad about myself lol)
I do not want to wait for tomorrow.

I will not compare my progress with anyone else's in a negative sense. My body will go at its own pace and I will go with it too. I will not set unrealistic goals. I will not look at people with naturally smaller frames and feel like I am a beluga whale.

Can't is no longer in my dictionary. I can't do this or that, will never come from my mouth or in my thoughts. I can. It's a matter if I will or if I won't.


I want to wear corsets not because they suck in your fat, but because I think they are sexy. I want stockings, thigh highs, did I mention boots?! Dammit I want some boots!

I am putting myself first. Everything else is a close second. I am not losing weight for my husband, to make anyone jealous, etc. I am losing weight for me.
As my mom used to say, "It's all about me me me me me me me!"

I know I am spoiled and used to getting my way so this will be a testament of will to keep going when I don't see immediate results. I want to change now. I will change now. And I will not stop. I will not give up.

Because I do not see the alternative as a viable option.