I don't know what to make of this blog any more. I mean, it was always a healthy living/weight loss blog with just a little bit of everything else thrown in.
I dont know what to write about any more. I'm obviously not trying to lose weight now that I am pregnant and I am still trying to eat better, especially more now that I am expecting. It's so weird. I feel like I have lost part of my identity. Just hang with me while I try to figure out who this new person is. Not just the one growing inside of me, but the mother I have to become.
Being a mom is something I am ... not looking forward to. I don't know if I will be a 'good' mom or not. I know I will try my hardest to be. What is a good mom? Is a good mom someone who is a great example or is she just someone who provides the best she can, with all the love she can?
I don't know. Maybe both. I'll have to figure it out. I never planned on having children this early, and this pregnancy came at a very difficult time financially. I will just have to do the best that I can do with what I have. I know that everything- in the end- will be alright. I just pray that I am doing the right thing now.
I still havent seen a doctor, and I can't until we get insurance. I just don't have the money to go. But that's okay. I'm focused on health(ier) eating, and taking my prenatal vitamin, drinking lots of water, and getting rest. The exercise I am not doing so well on. Like usual, its hard to multi-task for me. I find my appetite these days lacking, and feeling full faster, and usually nauseous after. I don't vomit, but I do feel really queasy and have to lay down for a while. I tried eating more often, and smaller meals, but somedays it's all I can manage to eat once. I do drink lots of water to stay hydrated. I have been steady at 223 lbs. anywhere from 223-224 for the last week or so, and that's good. I read in Your Pregnancy: Week by Week if a woman is obese she should only gain 15-20 lbs for the pregnancy. I am aiming for the low end (15) since I am already on the high end of obesity, but I won't know for sure until I can get into the doctor. This is why choosing what to eat now is so important. I have to pick healthy foods now, especially since I am not feeling so great, until I am told how much to gain.
I feel like part of me is missing, or maybe it's just become something else? I'm trying hard to figure out what that might be. I don't know. I feel blah... and icky... and... lots of other things. I'm very scared.
I know I'll be alright though, logically. Women have been having babies since the dawn of time, and I am sure if an animal can care for its offspring I will be able to, too. I just got to keep telling myself that.
Brian has today off, and I think I will ask him kindly if he will bring in all the baby stuff so I can take pics of it and upload it. How does that sound? Cheerful, right? Baby clothes make me happy. It will be a picture heavy post, so I am warning you now... better put aside a few moments to look at it all.