I got two creme donuts and a microphone

Today! My dad came over to help Brian remove his alternator, and what a production that was. The piece of crap thing did not want to come out, and they finally managed to remove it... which just means the new one? is going to suck going back in.

I decided that I was going to get soda before my dad came over. We are Mountain Dew drinkers (I know the worst one!) and I thought it would be nice of us to have some cold soda for my dad. I got a 12 pack of regular and a 12 pack of diet. They drink diet at home, but I know my dad hates it. My husband hates it too, so they can share the 12 pack of regular. The diet is all for me.

I also got donuts- Boston Creme donuts. Chocolate iced, vanilla pudding filled donuts. Pure heaven. Boston Creme is Brian's favorite cake/pie/dessert so he loves these too. 6 for $3, and there are only 2 left. I had 2, he had 2.

It's retarded hot out today, which is good, I am so tired of rain. However, I get so tired so quickly and being out in the heat doesn't help any. I shouldn't complain, because my dad (who's in his early 50s) is helping my husband on his stupid car in this weather, the two of them sweating more than a prostitute in church (lol I love that expression) and I am sitting in the nice A/C apartment.

Thanks to my lovely friend, Belle, my dog rope burn is looking loads better. She recommended baby oil/vaseline for some skin protection, and it's helped a lot. My skin feels less tight, and it's also less tender now, which is amazing. Before if you looked at it wrong, I would cry out in pain, now I can slather vaseline on it and doesn't hurt at all. It also soaks it up too, it's weird. I swear I just put some on ten minutes ago... now it's dry again!

I'm wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. I know that I don't have a bitchin' bod, but I am confident enough in myself to wear shorts this year. I'm tired of suffering through the summer because "no one wants to see that". This year, I don't give a damn. First off, I am not the type to wear uber short shorts and belly tops, so every thing is covered. Secondly, I may be pale and chunky, but I look a lot better than I did 2 years ago. I'm over being self conscious about silly things like that. No one is going to say anything so I don't worry.

It's nice not caring. You all should try it some time. Find some flattering summer clothes (dresses, skirts, tops, shorts) and just GO FOR IT. Don't suffer because of some weird mentality. Also, I need a new bathing suit. Yes I am going one piece again this year, but that doesn't mean there aren't attractive options. There are.

Being pregnant in the summer is going to be miserable (hell its miserable no matter what time of year it is) but I can't wait to go swimming, and walk the dog, get some sun. Staying active will certainly help me during labor and delivery, and I want to be in the best shape I can be in, given the circumstances.... that's why I ate 2 donuts today? LOL

What I should say is... it doesn't matter that I ate 2 donuts today. It's better than the 6 I would have ate 2 years ago, sans bun in the oven, and I am still more active now than I was then.

What I think I am trying to say is I am finally comfortable with who I am now. Sure there will always be thoughts of "well if I lost weight" or "if I was skinnier" but that takes too much effort and just depresses me. When I look in the mirror, I don't see "fat Christie" I see "pretty Christie, full of confidence, ready to take on the world, and cant wait until my baby bump shows"

Life is so much simpler when you stop worrying about where you should be how you should look and just do your best. It makes me feel like a winner every day.

I'll admit, my biggest fear with pregnancy is that I will balloon up to 240 again and I don't want to get there. I  am worried about that a lot, but at the same time, I don't think I need to gain that much weight, since I am already overweight to begin with, it's best to just go slow. If I hit 240 I hit 240 and that will be that. I am going to try hard not to, but I can't predict the future.

This got very rambling, Hmm. It happens.