Freedom

Today was a very emotional day for me. It was like the Universe just decided to give me a pop quiz to see how well I had been paying attention, and I felt like I had been caught sleeping. 

I don't know if I passed with flying colors, but I know that I scraped by. I was caught off guard on a lot of things that happened today. Aside from having a very pregnant/princess tantrum, I think I handled things as best as I could. 

But now I am at peace. I have taken the test. Regardless of pass or fail, I cannot dwell on it any longer. Y'know why? It's in the past. It does not do well to dwell on things I can no longer control.

What I can control is tomorrow though. I put my big girl panties on and lace up my big girl shoes and I make some very tough, very real decisions. 

Our emergency fund NEEDS to be replenished. Our checking account NEEDS to be replenished. So something has got to give. Actually, some things have got to go. I have some items that I am going to sell and Brian is staring at me incredulously. He cannot believe that I am going to sell my laptop, our roller blades and our Nintendo Wii. 

Even though we don't need this stuff, he has a hard time believing that I would be so willing to part with it. I'm over it, baby! It's nothing to me except dollar signs. 

I'm really trying to take to heart the principles I read about through Dave Ramsey. I'm really tired of not having any money and wondering where it all went. I'm tired of being called by collectors and I am tired of being poor. I am tired of it all, honestly. And with a baby on the way? It scares me. 

I know that everyone has debt. But I don't want to be like everyone else. So I am starting over. Brian is so on board with this (except for the stuff selling.)

I'm going to get my bills paid this month. I am going to start saving for the emergency fund. And I am going to get on track. I am getting another job. I am doing monthly budgets. I have wrote out where I "thought" our money was going and then seeing where it actually went. Believe it or not, I was right on target with our spending. I knew where it all was going, I just didn't realize that was where it was all going. 

We have a very loose budget right now. Next month we will evaluate it and tighten up where the leaks are. Our biggest concern is definitely eating out. We eat out all the time! It's appalling! But we made it work with our budget. We set aside a little bit of cash- yes, cash!- in an envelope and it is labeled "Eating out money"

We also made a rule: We eat out only on Thursdays. We also have a cash envelope for grocery shopping, which we have also started doing on Thursdays. 

The cash system is pretty hard for me to grasp, I guess. I think I have been brainwashed by debit cards and convenience, so having cash is going to take some getting used to. Maybe I'll get the hang of it when we have to put items back at the store because we don't have enough cash in our hands, and we left our cards at home. Humble pie for 1, please.

I am focusing on this feeling of freedom. On this thought process of being free from debt. On the idea that I can be financially fit. Right now, I am focused on building a small (uber small) emergency fund of $500 because $1000 feels so out of reach right now, but $500 feels challenging yet attainable. Like losing that first 5 lbs at Weight Watchers. 

Max is doing great today! He's been restricted to 1/4 c. of liquid at a time (water or broth) for 24-48 hours, and then can go bland with rice.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and definitely think positive thoughts on the job front. I want a new job so badly, I'm almost ready to burst.