Thursday, March 1, 2012

A small update.

I got on an anti-depressant. Three months, then back for an evaluation.

My doctor says that some people are just more sensitive to others, so other people's moods can greatly affect me. I agree- my mom has always called me "overly sensitive". It's not a bad thing, she says, it's just how I am.

I think I may be a little more sensitive than usual.

For example, my mom loaned me The Hunger Games trilogy (a must read!!) and I devoured the books over the last two days. However, I can't get the conflicts of the two main characters out of my head. I won't post any spoilers, but the third book really upset me. Still upsets me.

I cried after it was done. Sobbed hard, even. Tears spring to mind as I think of the book.

Of course, it's silly.

So I've spent the last two days pretty much locked in my bedroom, not interacting with my family and just sleeping the day away. Not because of the books, that would be extra silly, but I just haven't felt like interacting with anyone. Part of me feels really bad leaving Brian to handle Drake alone for hours on end, with me only coming out when I have to, so he can sleep. But most of me has the attitude of "So what? Let him see what I deal with all day, every day." He still gets more sleep than I normally would.

It's made him a little more appreciative, that's for sure. Bonus.

Anyway, Drake has a doctor's appointment today- weee he's getting shots. Someone gag me with a spoon. I don't want to go. I don't want to see them poke needles in my son. Not on the best of days, and certainly not now. I feel awful, even though I know its necessary. I'd just send Brian, to let him be the bad guy... but then I would really feel like the bad guy. Would he know that mom wasn't there to hold him? Would he be upset. These are the things that keep me up at night and drive me bonkers.

I haven't decided what I am going to do about that yet.

Plus, we are dropping Drake off at my parents today at 5, until noon Saturday.

So basically, I will have had minimal contact with my son from Tuesday through Saturday. The only time being there is when his dad is asleep or when he is getting shots. That doesn't make me feel like a very good parent. But I really need the break. Better to have a happy, healthy mom after a few days away, than a perpetually sad mom every day, right? Right. I try not to dwell. He won't remember this shit when he's older. I probably won't either lol I've got a terrible long term memory. Besides, he gets shots like every month until he's 6 months old now, or something.

Any way I'm off. Everyone enjoy your Thursday.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you feel better. It sounds like your husband is being very supportive.


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