It's your stomach.

Okay, Internet friends. Most of you haven't had the pleasure of being a guest in my house (and we will keep it that way, thanks) but those of you that have know one thing about me.

If you are invited to my house, I will cook for you. 

I say it in bold red because, well, honestly, I love to cook. And- if I do cook for you, you better eat it. 

Or someone gets a fork in their head.

So that was all a little preface to say that we invited a friend over Saturday and I made a delicious, nutritious meal and this person flat out refused to eat it. I asked why, was it something that they didn't like? or were allergic to? you know all the normal questions. But I was told that they didn't like anything but meat and cheese and (I quote) "that [they] will just pick up some Taco Bell on the way home" 

blink blink.

Ooookay.

Normally I'm very accommodating when someone comes into my home... but that totally threw me for a loop and I am not going to lie, I was totally offended, even though I know for a fact this person didn't mean to offend me. But still... 

I didn't offer anything else to eat. Our cupboards weren't bare, but I wasn't going to waste my time trying to kiss ass.

Later when he said he was getting hungry I told him there was still food available. He turned me down again. I said he must not be that hungry. He left after that, said he was going to Taco Bell, but he actually went to another friend's house and asked them if they had anything to eat. 

Blink. Blink.

The best part? I was chatting with the other friend, and they told him that they didn't have any food and why didn't he just eat my food? "Wait, weren't you at Christie's? Didn't she cook for you? She's a really good cook." Aww love. But they told them no, they didn't have any food and that he should have ate at my house, so he left and got Taco Bell. 

Then he got sick off of Taco Bell.

TRUE STORY. I laughed my ass off.

So the moral kiddies- don't piss off the cook. She might have a voodoo doll. The Gods of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice took a poll and decided that they were going to punish the bastard. Now if you will excuse me, I promised them a goat blood alter bath by Wednesday, and the clock is running short...... Actually I am about to go practice making caramel sauce. But it's the same thing right?