Someone please tattoo this on my forehead. Although I may never leave the house again if you do.
Last night I was to go to the gym. I got dressed, I got all my stuff around, I put on my coat and scarf and headed out the door. And when I got to the car, I stopped. I had a panic attack. Full blown anxiety, just POOF! out of nowhere.
I didn't want. to. go. I didn't want. to. leave. I was terrified of leaving. So I chickened out and then I went back inside the apartment and Brian asked why I didn't leave. I told him it was too icy out. It had been raining all day and the temps fell at night, so it was plausible it was icy. It really wasn't.
But he didn't question it and I went to get ready to go to bed. After a while though, the guilt of lying ate me up. And I started crying. I confessed it was really just a panic attack and I have been having a lot of them lately. I start thinking about doing things (going to the gym, getting a job, traveling, going to the store) and then I get all queasy and I stop.
I am a hermit. I've been hermitized.
What it really boils down to is I need a car of my own. I've been so stuck at home that its become really the only place that I feel...normal? in. Venturing out makes me anxious and irritable, especially if I go alone.
so, there. A confession.
Now I need to work on a solution. Besides getting a car, because that is not going to happen for a while.