Thursday, April 11, 2013

My New Full Time Job

Since Brian got in at GM, I've taken on a full time job as well. Housekeeping. Ugh.

I've never been a clean person but I am not absolutely disgusting, either. If I had to place myself on a grading scale where "A" was "OCD/Magazine Photoshoot" and "F" was "Hoarders", I'd rank probably a C-minus. I'm not a hoarder, but I could definitely step up my game.

Brian scoots off to work at 5:45 in the morning. That is butt-crack of dawn early for me. I am struggling to get used to the schedule, though Brian has adapted pretty well. I am assuming it's because of the following:

5:00 - Wake Brian.
5:15- Make Brian's lunch and breakfast, simultaneously.
5:30- Remind Brian of any important things he needs to do today.
5:45- Brian leaves, I head back to bed.
6:00- Pass out.
7:00- Rugrat awakens.
7:15- Breakfast for Drake. Usually in the form of some sort of cereal and a piece of peanut butter toast tossed onto his booster seat tray, which is on the floor, while I put on Blue's Clues.
7:30- Simultaneously suck down a cup of coffee and nod off.
10:30- Naptime! YAY! I pass out again.
12:00- Awaken. Regrettably, on my part.
12:15- Lunch. Usually in the form of some sort of sandwich for Drake, and a Weight Watcher meal for me. Which Drakes eats most of, as he has no interest in his own food.
12:30- Suck down some sort of caffeinated beverage. More Blue's Clues.
1:00- Rejoice that only 2 hours until Brian comes home from work.
1:01- Panic that nothing is thawed for dinner.
2:00- Start some semblance of dressing child and self. So far we have lounged around in pajamas all day.
2:45- After wrestling with an angry toddler and getting exasperated, I give up. Good enough. I look like a cross between a soccer mom and a librarian, mixed with a tad of crack whore. Fantastic.
2:50- Panic that Brian will be home; pick up living room.
3:00- Brian comes home. Hug him and sob, thanking him for all his hard work up taking care of Drake every morning until now.
3:15- Start dinner
3:30- Share baby's exploits and adventures with Brian.
4:30- Dinner time.
5:00- Father/Son time. AKA Mommy's about to lose her shit, so you take care of him while I go cry myself to sleep
7:00- Drake's bedtime.
8:00- Husband/Wife time AKA play different video games until Brian goes to bed.
10:00- Brian's bedtime. I usually cuddle with him until he falls asleep.
10:30- Get ready to go to the gym
12:00- Come home, high on endorphins
12:01- Decide to clean everything.
3:00- Finish cleaning. Decide to stay awake to make sure Brian gets up at 5. Play Skyrim until then.


I have discovered two things: 1) I get approximately 5 hours of sleep, spread out over a day and 2) This shit is HARD.

Props to stay at home mommas who have been able to keep their shit together this long. No wonder most of them seem bitter on the internet. I am determined not to be one of them, but it's probably already happened. I am just glad that Brian gets home at 3 so that means there is still plenty of daylight left in which we can go to the park or something. Unfortunately, it's been storming all week. Sigh.

Drake went down for a nap right before I started typing this, so I am going to go take a nap and wake up drowning in my own drool. How's that for a visual?


  1. I dream for the day I can have your "full-time" job!! We're waiting to have kids so I can take on that role--until then, I need to keep working. I may be one of the last few females in the 21st century who can't wait for the day to become a full-time mother. My sister in law has two kids and her husband (my husband's brother) just got a swanky new job that is more than enough for her to stay at home, and they could save on daycare, etc...but she doesn't want to stay home, as she feels overwhelmed with two kids and would rather go to work. Ahhhhh! I'd switch roles with her any day!
    Good luck to you!

  2. What a great (and true!) post. Hahahahaha I'm trying to convince myself right now that any of us need pants on today. I mean, we are st home, who cares ;)

  3. Hm.. How much water are you drinking? The only other suggestion I'd have is to shuffle your gym time (if at all possible) to earlier in the day, since that seems to really be your daily boost! Or maybe add in a walk w/ Drake to help keep you boosted?
    Hang in there! Parenthood is the toughest job in the world! (Says the woman who has to close her adoption application today)

  4. You should read the site Truuconfessions, you'd love it-especially the mom section.

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  6. You and I share the same sense of style! I count on that touch of crack whore to pull my look together.

  7. How do you function on five hours of sleep in two days?! I would die. Anything less than eight a day makes me miserable. (Then again, I have Lupus, so yeah.)

    1. it is through the magic of parenthood. Believe me, if there is one thing I miss about not being a parent, it is sleep! also I didn't say I functioned well! just... autopilot basically. haha!


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