Sunday, September 8, 2013

Who Are You?

Saturday, my little boy was demon possessed or something. From the moment he woke up (ass crack of dawn) to the moment he begrudgingly fell asleep for the night, he did absolutely nothing but throw temper tantrums.


1. He woke up as soon as Brian left for work this morning- which was 5:45 am. It's like he had a little Daddy Radar and that fucker went off when Brian left- and I couldn't find the off switch. Drake screamed and screamed for a good 3 hours until he passed out from sheer exhaustion- for an hour. Plenty of time, it seems, to recharge his lung batteries. What, you didn't know that toddler lungs ran on batteries? Those fuckers use Energizer. Even the Bunny looks at a screaming toddler and goes "Just let it goooo"

2. He points to the peanut butter and does his "I have to have this in my face right this moment or I will spontaneously combust" dance. This is where he tugs his hair, grabs his lower eyelids and pulls them down, and tugs his ears and stomps his feet really quick and with obvious demand, until you shove some food in his face. Anyhoo, it takes me approximately 23.5 seconds to make a sandwich- I hand it to him and he THROWS IT ON THE GROUND, then runs from the kitchen, collapsing on the floor, kicking his legs. This happens EVERY HOUR.

3 That sandwich? Yeah the dog ate it. Because it's on the floor and it's peanut butter for gods sake, and he's a vacuum cleaner. God forbid the dog eat food that the toddler leaves around or even tries to feed him, at least on this day. It was like Max had taken a giant shit all over the sandwich with how Drake reacted to it. CALM DOWN SON. I will make you another one. If you eat it.

4. Cartoons. Boy, was it a bad day to be an animated character on the TV. He flipped his lid anytime anyone sang, laughed, or repeated anything. There went Dora, Spongebob, the Bubble Guppies... hell all of Nick Jr. 

5. I turned off the tv. Again, it might as well have been committing a cardinal sin. 

6. I gave him milk in a sippy cup instead of his bottle- which had been nighttime/naptime only for over a month now. We regressed HARD today.

7. He didn't want me to hold him.

8. He didn't want me to put him down.

9. He took off all of his diapers. One he let his shitballs roll out onto the floor. Great.

10. Brian came home.

11. They left to go to the mall and the indoor playground.

12. He played.

Seriously, he screamed every single moment he was awake. It was a hellish day. He went to bed finally around 7:30 pm so hopefully he sleeps until his normal wake up time of around 9.

I needed so much alcohol. I could have drank an entire liquor store after this day. Luckily for my liver, I settled on a 2 liter of Diet Mountain Dew. And yes, I drank the whole thing. Most of it straight out of the bottle. Judge all you want. This bear don't care.


  1. It is the greatest irony that another mother's bad day can make another mother feel better. My guy was teething and had a not-so-good day today, but yours takes the cake. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with it, but you are such a patient mom! (BTW - polished off an entire bag of Milano cookies yesterday after Day 1 of teething fiasco, Round 4.) Stay strong.

    1. I'm sorry you're going through teething. Those days sucked. I feel your pain. Maybe literally :) Hope you're better today! Lord knows I am.


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