I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I am sure I have... I absolutely am going insane staying at home all the time. It sucks ass.
Like, it's not for me.
I tried it, for four long, grueling, self-inducing hate filled years I tried it.
I'm proud to say that that is no longer me.
I got a job outside of the house!! YAY ME!! Guys, I feel so much pride, and joy, and accomplishment. I am so excited for myself.
It's strange, because I feel at odds about myself. I mean, I know I should do what I need to do that is best for me and my family, but still somehow I feel like I need to explain myself or validate it for others. It's a new concept I am working on- this not giving of fucks, and just doing what needs to be done, but it is refreshing and raw and a whole new experience.
After 4 years of being sheltered inside of the house and constantly seeking approval for anything, and being afraid of everything, I think it's safe to say that I will be breaking out of my self-induced shell and be happier, once again. God, I missed being happy.
I'm happy sobbing right now. You want to know why? Because when I came home yesterday, my son ran up to me and gave me a hug. I've never gotten a hug from him voluntarily. He's always been kind of forced into it. Yesterday he gave me a hug and he waved when I walked in the door. It was fucking awesome.
And I am so proud of myself- doubly proud, even. Because I had set a limit for my goal. A deadline to get a job by my birthday. I was officially hired October 3. My birthday is October 5. So who's a bad bitch now? Setting goals and accomplishing them and shit? ME.
This goal setting business is pretty legit, I mean, I would set goals before but not really stick to them and it's hard to do anything long term right now- BUT- now that I had accomplished a goal in a short amount of time (well relatively speaking) I think I can do another.
I think my next goal will be to sit down and write out three more goals- a short term, mid term, and long term goal and see how that goes.
He took my last name when we got married. I took on the challenge of motherhood and losing the 80 lbs I gained
yay! congrats!
ReplyDeleteYES! Congrats! Attainable goals! Remember this feeling? EVERY GOAL YOU MEET FEELS LIKE THIS if not BETTER, chika. Promise! It doesn't matter if it's a health goal, monentary goal, etc. I'm excited to see where you go from here! Please keep blogging! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yea - Validating yourself is just... pointless. People who will get it, will get it. They might ask questions to better understand it, but they'll get it. People who are hell bent on not getting it won't get it no matter what you say. (I see it a LOT in the adoption arena. "Why don't you IVF? That almost always works." or "Why don't you Surrogate instead?" 'Cause I don't want to doesn't seem to be 'good enough' for people who 'don't get it'. For those that 'get it'- they respect that I've thought things through and I'm ready to make it happen. I get the same thing with people who don't 'get' weight lifting, Paleo, etc...)
Awesome job with the goals, and congrats on the new gig!
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