Friday, June 6, 2014

Steroids, Pain Pills, and a Boot, to boot.

I love working my new job. It's right up my alley, in terms of what I want to do with my life. I really want to be a librarian but you know that requires going back to school, which requires funding, which I do not have. But HEY- this is a step in the right direction and will keep me happy at least.

Sadly, my ankle is not really up to snuff for this running around sort of job, at least not yet. I went to see my doctor on Monday and was prescribed steroids, pain pills and modified working conditions in addition to wearing a walking cast/boot. I have a love hate relationship with the Boot.

I hate that it is bulky, and that I have to wear it. I hate that I am asked 1,000 times a day what has happened and why I am wearing it. I hate being weak. I hate it, because there is literally nothing "wrong" with my ankle. Nothing happened. It's just weak. And that is a shitty feeling. It's weaaaak. My favorite response to "what's wrong with your ankle" lately has been "Nothing, I wrestled a bear." And that usually diverts it to a more humorous situation, in which I can come up with all sorts of crazy details about a non-existent bear fight, and how I managed to escape mostly unharmed.

I love the boot in that it allows me to walk and to work. End of list.

Look, my ankle hurts REALLY bad when it hurts. And it always kind of hurts a little bit, especially if I have to do any standing. I went from sitting on my (ever-expanding) ass for 5 years, to working a part time job where I have to be on my feet anywhere from 20-35 hours a week. It is stressful on my ankle, no doubt about it. It's stressful on the rest of my body too.

I know the boot helps, and I am grateful that I have it. I am not grateful, however, for the stigma that comes along with it. However, seeing that it allows me to work, and to keep my job, well, the Boot and I might be having drinks this week.

I hate being on steroids as well. I know they are great for reducing inflammation and swelling, and they do work--- but I hate the side effects. I am constantly hungry. I am gaining weight out of nowhere (like 10 lbs in a week.) Look I know I am eating a bit more on steroids, but I track every bite that goes in my mouth and nowhere did I eat an extra 35,000 calories.

I also was told that I needed to exercise my ankle and really focus on losing weight. I joined Planet Fitness again but haven't been able to go a whole lot, I went once. I really do like the atmosphere, but I have trouble finding time to go. I will just have to do better and make it a priority. Now that it's summer, I am hoping too to get in our apartment complex's pools and maybe do some water aerobics.

My ankle really bothers me mentally, not just physically. It bothers me that I am weak and unable to do a lot of things that most people take for granted. Not just running or wearing fancy high heels. I mean, like being able to hold down a minimum wage job and work 35+ hours a week. I mean being able to go to the bathroom without help. I mean not having to become personal with the Boot.

So be grateful, children, that your legs work as the Maker intended and you're able to do all those things. Because some of us are insanely jealous.

That being said, I am going to go take my steroids and a pain pill, and play some video games until my husband gets home. Then I will hit the gym.

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand the joys of having your body punk out on you for no reason. Hang in there and don't be afraid to get a second, or third, doctor opinion.

    Glad to see you are enjoying your work! :)


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