How I Got Fat aka Life

I was over at Paula's blog reading her self interview and decided to do one myself.

1. Did you realize you were fat?

Honestly, I think the information was there but my brain couldn't accept it. My mother had called me often and asked if I was okay, and she told me I gained a lot of weight. I even stepped on the scale at her house and it said 220 lbs and I thought "Her scale must be off" but its right on par with my doctor's scale and I knew this. I was that deep in denial.

2. What was your "aha" moment when you realized you were fat?

I had realized it shortly after losing my job. I was a mess during the last few months working there that I was having panic attacks and passing out. It was then I called my doctor and got on Xanax. He told me, bold faced, that I need to lose weight. But the desire to lose wasn't there.

3. What motivated you to lose weight?

Firstly, I was just married. When we got the wedding pics back I did a loud OMG! Is that me?! I flipped out. And I gave my doctor a call. He put me on Meridia and I lost 20 lbs in a little under 6 weeks. But it's so expensive and I was unemployed and still, not really motivated, so I gained it all back. Typically, January rolled around and I finally had the desire. I wanted to change, for me. I always said I was going to do it for my husband but I realized that I can't do it for him alone. I need to put myself first on this, if I wanted to succeed. It was a very emotional moment and I cried myself to sleep that night.

4. How did you feel at your heaviest?

Stressed the fuck out. I was planning a wedding. LOL how else do you feel? But very happy. I just knew I could be thinner. I even tried to lose 20lbs before the big day and managed to lose... nil.

FANTASTIC motivation.

We went to an amusement park for our honeymoon and I remember getting checked, double checked, and triple checked that I was secured in the rides properly because I borderlined on "persons of exceptional size" Luckily I was not booted off any rides. That would be traumatic and there would be no telling how I would have handled it.

5. If you lost all the weight would it make you happier?

YES. But mostly because I accomplished something I put my mind to. Also because I don't give a shit who you think you are, you will be happier if you are not in a muu muu. LOL
Also I am a bit self-absorbed and I love to shop. Mmmm. Clothes. Let me wipe this drool off...

6. What do you look forward to most about losing all the weight?

Being pain free. With a weak ankle and knee, the extra weight kills me. It hurts so bad. But I am also looking forward to more sex and not feeling like my husband is just pitying me. LOL Again, shopping too.

7. What is the hardest part of losing weight?

Keeping myself motivated and in control. I am seeing slow results and usually this is discouraging, but I dont want to be a muu muu lady. It's the only thing that keeps me going. Not to mention, one slip up and I gain 5 lbs. Okay, to be honest my slip ups are more like mudslides (YUM) because I spiral out of control. Its learning to forgive myself, put down the fork, and get over it and back on track.

8. Can you imagine life without sweets? Reeses cups?

OMG please. I ate one like 3 weeks ago and it tasted like ass. they used to be my favourite. Sugar free pudding is very yummy. And Weight Watchers have these peanut butter cup sundaes. But I stopped buying those after I bought 5 boxes (10 sundaes) and didnt eat anything but those for a few days lol

Aww. I'm out of questions. :( Post lots so I can answer them. I love surveys/questionnaires.