Feeling lonely....

I dont have many friends in life. Honestly I do best one on one and have never really enjoyed the companionship of others outside of my own family. Im one of those weird kids who would prefer to sit alone in my bedroom all day playing with my Barbies.

I miss Barbie.

Even in day care, where I was thrust amongst the throngs of children, I only had ONE friend. And if my friend didnt come to day care that day, I would sulk in a corner. That being said, I did enjoy going to day care. I learned how to play chess and paint and be messy. I was always jealous though of the kids who got to take naps. They never let me take one. But I did go roller skating. Bonus!

Side tracked.

Back to the blog.

I dont have a lot of friends. Even now, my best friend has moved 3 hours away from me. My small family and my husband are really my only sources of companionship. I feel incredibly sad and lonely every time my hubby has to leave for work. I feel sad if he falls asleep before I do. Am I nuts and super dependent or what?

Not that I can't be on my own. I just dont enjoy it as much as I used to. I do find however I miss reading and it helps ease some of my tension and worry.

I also ate 3 bowls of chili over the course of 8 hours, which was delicious. Its also the only thing I've eaten aside from a few spoonfuls of sugar free orange jello.

I find myself constantly wandering into the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for *something* and I think I just figured out, I am bored and lonely and trying to eat for comfort. I find myself longing to stuff my face with BBQ pizza. Something about it just satisfies me. Also, missing chocolate. I fixed that though, with a chocolate soy protein shake. It actually tastes like off brand peanut butter cups, bonus!

Part of me longs for companionship, but the other part of me vehemently refuses that I need anyone that isnt related to me by blood or matrimony. LOL

I think if I had a normal job, I would have to be more social. I would have coworkers, whom I would politely decline their requests to hang out after hours. I would just talk a little more. Right now I am a hermit, hunkered down in my little cave of wonders that includes cable and internet, crochet hooks and books, two insane cats and a cupboard full of things I want to eat but lack the initiative to dump in a bowl that i would have to wash by hand or unload the dishwasher and shovel it in my face, wearing my nightgown for the third day in a row and lacking motivation to get out of bed. Its heaven.

I like being a hermit. I go outside for the mail. Occasionally.

I like to flirt with the notion of friends but am not sure I can really follow through.

I feel loads better now that my husband is home. I am looking forward to sunny weather and bright skies so I can ride my wicked bike I may even take pictures. Thats a lie, I will take pics but I may not upload them lol :/ That requires effort.