Stop Cryin'

So I finally put on my big girl panties and stopped moaning. Don't get me wrong- these are the worst cramps I've had in years. I just took some ibuprofen and laid around with a heating pad and watched Mythbusters blow shit up, as I am always inclined to do.

This has been an incredibly stressful last few weeks. Changing jobs, looking for jobs, and money issues are enough to worry anyone. But we had one more stressful thing happen to us 2 weeks ago. Brian and I had a contraceptive malfunction (a nice way of saying "the condom done broked") and I had no other back up. I freaked out. Flipped my lid. I was not ready to be a potential mom. I cried a lot. I obsessed over ovulation calendars. I couldn't remember what day, exactly, it was I started last- even though I had marked it on the calendar. I was early but I couldn't remember by how many days. And the way it was playing out on the ovulation/fertility calendar was not good. Either we missed the fertility window completely (oh please!) or we had our accident right smack dab on the most fertile day of the month for me (oh my god.)

No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not remember when I had started so I could get over this nightmare. I don't mind the thought of kids but right now we just could not handle it. We are too financially insecure to handle it. I was freaking out.  I took 2 tests on the 23rd. One said "no" the other said "yes". I took 2 more yesterday. One said "no" and the other said "invalid" and today, I started. So I definitely am not. I also ordered 2 months of birth control while I had the money to do so, and now I just have to wait until Sunday to NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN.

Having absolutely no one to talk to about this aside from Brian and my BFF Kayla until I knew for sure one way or another was torture. Kayla was happy- she's been bugging me to procreate since I got married, and Brian kept telling me "everything would be okay" and that he "was not overly enthusiastic, one way or another" What the hell does that even mean?!


BUT! That is why I decided to stop whinin' this month about cramps, cravings and what not. At least I am not pregnant! Hurray!

Thank god! Major feelings of relief!