A (Bad) Pregnancy Day

Today was one of those "overly hormonal, what the hell is wrong with me?" sort of days.

I have them occasionally. I used to get them a few days before I started my period. Today I felt so overwhelmed about ... well absolutely everything, to be honest.

I felt so hopeless, stupid, worthless, ugly, selfish, shameful, and a thousand other negative feelings.

I know that it was pregnancy related because I felt detached, looking at my sobbing self, and kept thinking "What the hell is going on?"

I know it was pregnancy related because I was openly sobbing... over a video game.

Over a damn game.

That I didn't "win" or "lose"... it's not one of those games. It's a roleplaying/simulation game and those don't have "game overs" really.


..................but still....... regardless of what type of game it was, I still had a breakdown about it. I still cried. I still had snot running down my face and a crinkled up forehead....

But it made Brian laugh really hard when I told him.

I was so deep in self pity and loathing I didn't laugh at all. Usually if someone makes fun of me while I'm crying I start laughing too, but today was not one of those days.

I just cried, and cried. I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't want them to stop.

It took me about an hour to calm down. Way longer than usual.

I felt all my feelings. My eyes are tired.

I feel better. Still feeling a little blah. But sleep will make it better.

I know I'll have days like this. And I know what they are. It still sucks though. Like some whiny preteen prima donna got a hold of my body and did the classic "throw yourself on the bed and sob uncontrollably" bit for like... an hour....while I was locked in a room, banging on the door going "HELLO?!"

Also... I'm majorly blocked up and in so much pain. :(

Tomorrow is another day.

:)

Thanks. I'm done whining now.