I finally bought another scale- a regular, dial scale. Brian tested it for me, and he still weighs... less than me! Hehe, any way, I got on the scale and it said 235.........
Wow. That is a lot. And that is not all baby.
I mean think about it, I haven't had a scale in the last 6 weeks and I gained 12 lbs... this is right on track of what I would have gained, pregnant or not. When I do not see a number glaring back on me at the scale, it keeps me in the dark.
I knew I had gained some weight. But I was not entirely convinced that it was ME who was out of control, because I didn't FEEL out of control.
It sucks because now I have to get things under control again and this time it's not just for me, it's for the baby. I am not setting out to lose weight. I just want to regain control. I want to say- hey, this is what I will eat, when I will eat, and walk for 30 minutes a day. Drink lots of water.
Lately I've been a soda fiend. We bought fifteen 2 liters in the last week and they are ALL gone! My cravings have been out of control.... Did you know I ate a whole cheesecake pie? Out of the two I made? I threw the other one away this morning- even though there was more than half a pie left. I had to get rid of it.
I just want to get back to feeling healthy, to making informed decisions, and to keep my weight in check. If I just maintained this weight, fine. I won't be upset. But to gain even more when it's not medically necessary (like my doctor keeps telling me) is stupid, foolish, and down right dumb.
|...reminds me a lot of this picture.|
In it, we weigh the same. One is where I weigh enough for a person and a half, the other is me with a half a person inside me... It's crazy. Yes, I know I do not look like the latter picture anymore. I realize my face is thinner and I am pregnant. But I am saying it could easily happen again.
The baby bump picture was my first wake up call.
"Oh my god!" I said when I opened up the pictures.
"What?" Brian asked
"Is that what I really look like?" I stared in disbelief.
"What do you mean?"
"I feel like I look very fat."
"You're pregnant. You look nothing like you used to."
It's true, but it still feels like I am on that verge. I just want to take back control.
It all started this morning when I threw away that pie. And it happened again when I downed my first glass of water (12 oz). And it's about to happen again when I go on that 30 minute walk with Max. He doesn't know it yet, bless his heart, but we are going.
I need to find some socks and put on my walking shoes.
Today, I start walking proudly again.