ramblings

Winter is finally here. It started snowing yesterday, but was not sticking to the ground. Today, it's an entirely different matter. The roads are slick (according to Brian) and people are driving like idiots (according to Brian.) I have no car and no where to go, so I can't say if he's right or not... but he probably is.

Things are kind of weird around here. First there was a crow calling. Just one. Odd, since it's snowing, but whatever. Then another crow joins in and catches our attention. Then more and more start joining in. It sounds like something straight out of The Birds and I tell Brian not to go outside lest he wants his eyes pecked out. We check out of our blinds, and the tree is filled with crows. Cawing, flapping their wings, and making a racket. My dog is terrified (some guardian he is) and I quickly run from the window shuddering.

It was a scene straight out of The Birds. You know when all the black birds are lined up on the telephone poles and playground? Uh, yeah... Except imagine being nearly eye level with them in the trees. Creeeeeeepy.

Not that I am really one to judge the creepiness factor, I'm terrified of seagulls too. I'll tell you that story another time. It's hilarious to everyone who isn't me.

I woke up with a migraine, something that hasn't happened in ages and no amount of headache medicine/sitting in a dark, quiet room/ ice /heat would get rid of it. It was in the worst place too, right above my left eye. So I was pretty much gimped up in bed all day. I slept a lot and prayed it would go away. It hasn't. It's moved to the right side of my head, and it's a lot duller but it's still there. Sigh. Oh well. It's nothing compared to the pain of being fisted checked by the nursing staff.

I made my "famous" chili this morning at 5:30. I knew it was going to be a cold cold day and putting it in a slow cooker was a perfect solution. Brian loves my chili and always gets excited like a little boy on Christmas when I make it. Since it finally started acting like winter, I figured it was time to start making winter foods.

I'm struggling with the idea of going back to the doctor in a couple of days for another scheduled induction. I am very apprehensive, almost scared by it. The last one failed and certainly wasn't any fun. I did make great progress the first 24 hours, but the second day I barely made any. Since I've been home, I've had very few contractions, but other things have been happening down there. I can only pray that I am finally fully effaced and dilated by the time I go in.

 I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to have this baby naturally now, because I am so scared of this next induction failing. Where will that leave us? Well... if it fails, it will probably result in us going home (again) and waiting for it to happen naturally (again) while we put another induction on the schedule (again) or it will end in a c-section. My doctor does three separate inductions before a c-section unless the following criteria are met: 1) I'm over 42 weeks OR 2) Something is wrong with baby/me.

Thank goodness Baby and I are both healthy and we haven't had to go that route but it seems like each passing day I am getting closer to a c section anyway. Thursday will be 41 weeks.... so I really hope that I can pop the kid out sometime this week.

I sort of knew I would have a difficult/more complicated delivery because of how easy my pregnancy was. I am "even Steven" when it comes to things... it all balances out. An extremely easy pregnancy + complicated birth = average. So that is what is happening. Happens to me all the time in every other aspect of life. Roll with it.

When I say "complicated" I don't mean "life threatening". I mean exactly what complicated means... not easy. So I don't think baby and I will have any serious issues going on, I just think that things won't be natural. I have to sort of resign myself to the fact that a c-section is very possible at this point and be faced with the challenges of raising a newborn and recovering from major abdominal surgery.

I'm a tough cookie, so I know I can handle it! :) But the unknown... oh the unknowns. Anyway, I'm off to eat chili and crochet some snowflakes! Bye bye :)