Brian sort of gave me a revelation, without meaning to. He was asking about my weight loss and why it seems I am struggling so much for so long... and he basically told me to "shut up or nut up" (although he didn't use those words exactly-Quoting Woody Harrelson in "Zombieland".)
I've decided to just "do" weight loss. Just do it, already. DO IT!! C'mon it wouldn't be that hard if you just DO the thing that you are supposed to DO. Do the shit out of it!!! (Quoting Louis C.K. now)
Since our chat the other day, I ate broccoli AND spinach AND apples... twice. For two separate meals. I know, I know. I just did it. I ate the shit out of the broccoli. We all know I love spinach and apples, so that wasn't hard. Broccoli is like the ultimate veggie I wouldn't eat before. But it was chopped up pretty small so I could tolerate it... twice.
I also realized that I probably need a bigger flange for the breast pump and ordered the new parts. I got two different sizes. They arrive later today.
I'm still having trouble with pumping even though I am doing every suggestion I can- pumping more frequently, eating healthier, staying hydrated. I am tracking my fluid intake to the ounce. I'm hoping the new parts help with that but if not- I am prepared to call my doctor and get a galactagogue (lactation stimulant). The only trouble is, the pills can cause severe depression. So I will have to be on the look out for that. Maybe I'll just have him write me a script for Paxil while he's at it- just so I can have it ready, just in case.
I'm actively and thoroughly looking for more at-home work. I need another job badly so I am nutting up and trying to find another job. I am going to shut up about this now, but I found a couple of great opportunities and hope they come to some sort of fruition.
Later today, I'm going running. Fuck it. I waited 6 weeks.(Actually, MONTHS and MONTHS of waiting.) I want to get out of the house. Brian's home all day. I want to sweat a little and get back into running on the elliptical. I'm pretty sure I'll die running for 30 minutes but I will do it. (more like run/walk) I'd go now but it's 3:30 am and the fitness center is closed.
I tracked every bite. And I mean, EVERY bite. My grandma brought me a sandwich from KFC, I tracked it. I ate left over stir fry. I tracked it. I tracked all the diet soda I had today too. I tracked the apples, too. I tracked every thing I've eaten for the last two days.
Dishes? Done. Laundry? Folded and put away. I did the shit out of everything today. I even had Crank Master McGee today (that's Drake) and he did not want to be put down. He was super clingy today. To the point if I put him down he screamed and wailed and carried on. I knew he was just being clingy so I just let him cry it out for a few minutes and when he calmed down, I picked him up again. Weird kid, some days he doesn't want anything to do with me then others it's like I am the only person he wants.
I'm exhausted and ready to hit the hay. I get a small nap in and then it's back to baby watching... although.. I think I might be "mean" and have Brian be on baby duty. See, Drake won't sleep in his crib/bassinet, he only wants to sleep on his Boppy pillow. So we usually take turns and sleep on the futon while Drake is on his Boppy on the couch all night long. I guess we could put the Boppy in his crib and both sleep in our bed... but it makes me uneasy.... Anyway, all of that to say that I usually only get to sleep from 4-7, then I watch the baby and "nap" maybe from 7-1 while he sleeps... but since he has NO PLANS and doesn't have to work, I can sleep the whole time. AND I WILL. I watch the baby all week. Can you tell I am a little excited? Haha....
Anyway, off to beddy byes.