Inside My Head

Here's how my day went

-Go to store, get fixings for lasagna and ciabatta bread.
-Come home, start sauce for lasagna. Realize it is 1:30 in the afternoon and people will not arrive until 10:30
-Saute garlic and herbs in oil, add to tomato sauce and paste. Let simmer for 4 hours.
-Scrub kitchen from top to bottom and toss out anything I don't use/that went bad.
-Take a break and Pinterest for a while. Contemplate on starting my Granny Square a day challenge.
-Entertain baby while Brian leaves for work. Baby proceeds to bite my knees, nipples, and elbows. He then motorboats me.
-Cut baby's hair. Pray he doesn't lose an ear.
-Realize that my ciabatta bread recipe needed to rise ('proof') for 18 hours. I do not have 18 hours. I have 6. Turn the oven on warm- stick the bowl inside for 4 hours.
-Start on the meat mixture for lasagna. Realize that my skillet is too small for the amount of beef I have purchased. Curse. Cook meat in batches.
-Toy with the idea of making only a handful of spaghetti noodles so I can have a quick meal. Decide against it.
-Count how many people are coming, multiple times. Start panicking that I do not have enough lasagna.
-Panic about making bread in a rush when people are coming over. Worry about my 'reputation'.
-Hyperventilate, then text/Facebook/message all people, encouraging them to bring snacks/booze.
-Feel clever.
-Put baby to bed.
-Realize that none of my work out clothes are clean and I look terrible.
-Handwash all of my workout clothes and put them through the rinse/spin cycle and into the dryer.
-Realize I have hairy legs/armpits so shave haphazardly in the bathroom sink while I am blaring music.
-Decide my hair is too greasy to go workout and sweat (I know) so I wash it.
-All my clothes are in the dryer now and I still have to cook, so I am preparing the lasagna in my bra and underwear. It is 7 pm. No one will show up for another 3 and a half hours.
-Realize I am very hungry. Contemplate eating lasagna and not worrying about it. Decide against it.
-Eat a sandwich.
-Remember that I am worried about people not having enough to eat, so whip out the crockpot and toss in some chicken and rice along with stock and soup, putting it on high. Wonder if I am crazy.
-Text husband asking him if I am crazy
-He says yes
-I make extra food anyway.
-Collapse in a heap of exhaustion, in the middle of the floor, wearing only undergarments.
-Get cold, get dressed, resume the position.
-Realize I am nuts
-Write a blog post.

You Belong Here

I joined a gym, and went today for my first personal training session. Personal training is always free at Planet Fitness (one of the reasons I chose this facility) and the trainer is very friendly.

ready to go... 

The whole place is super nice.

The color scheme is purple and yellow. It's both comforting, yet high energy, cheerful. The ladies changing room seems like right out of a catalog, it's so pretty. There are cushioned changing seats, a huge mirror with lighted make up mirrors, hair dryers at each station. The lockers are nice and quiet (no loud banging or clanging/rusty hinges) and they are spacious. Fresh flowers adorn the room. It's more beautiful than my entire apartment.


Did I mention it is a judgement free zone? There are so many positive sayings around the whole gym! Even the doors say it! "You belong here!"

It really does feel judgement free. :D

I met with my personal trainer and she gave me a customized training plan. Compared to what I am doing now (ie nothing) it seems like I am training for a marathon! :S

I have 2 heavy cardio days where I have to do cardio for at least 30 minutes with half of that time being over 85% of my maximum heart rate (mhr) or 156 beats/minute and the other half in between 126-156 beats/minute. One day is heavy strength day, where I have to do 3 upper body machines and 3 lower body machines for 3 sets (of 10) each! To finish off that day, 15 minutes of cardio. In addition to that, I have to walk 10,000 steps a day! I barely do a thousand a day, so I think that one will be the hardest to get in.

She also requires I drink a gallon of water every day. That makes me feel a little overwhelmed! that is SO much water. But I will do it. Because I was told.

I got my membership tag and I put it on my key to my lock. That way, if I lose it at the gym, they will know whose it is! Isn't that clever? At least I think it is.

To top off my day, they gave me a club shirt, just for joining. Hurray!

Like a boss!

I'm going tonight after I get done with work. I also convinced one of my friends to join with me, so now I have someone to go with :)

Awkward

I am totally awkward at the best of times and completely klutzy and a hot mess at the worst of times. Yesterday was definitely the latter.

I joined a gym on Monday and yesterday was my first real chance to go in and check out the facility. Except... that didn't happen.

What did happen was a whole list of crazy crap that culminated in me just going back to bed.

-I locked a combination Master lock and have no idea what the combo is. There is no key hole, no serial number, and I didn't register it online with the company- There is no way to open it, other than guesswork.
Brian was not pleased
-I managed to call Brian while I was in the room with him, and my phone was not. It's a touch phone, so it shouldn't respond to anything other than touch, but somehow it did. He was not pleased.
-I managed to break open a piggy bank. Not in that fun "smash it with a hammer and squeal about all the shiny clinky coins" way either. I apparently hit the desk with my fat ass and it knocked it off and broke in half. Brian was not pleased
-I couldn't get the parking brake to release in the car. No manner of pushing, pulling, grunting, slamming, beating, crying, or pleading would get it to release. I had to call Brian (again, apparently) and get him to release it for me. Brian was not pleased

We decided that it would probably be in my best interest not to drive alone anywhere today, considering what a klutz I was. I might have driven into a store front or something, knowing my luck. So I came back upstairs and crawled into bed and felt sorry for myself.

But today is another day, right? I think I'll have Brian drive me, just in case.


I think I will call and set up a personal training appointment, so I am forced to go. Ha, what a good idea. Sometimes I am a genius.

Mobile Mama

We had no food in the house, save ramen noodles and mayonnaise. I am not sure how that happened, but whatever. It wasn't going to be my best culinary day with those sorts of ingredients. NEED FOOD BADLY became the headline of the day

I had to work until 1 pm and Brian had to be at work at 2 pm. This left no time for grocery shopping (not with a baby anyway!) so we had a clever idea. I would drop Brian off at work and then go grocery shopping with Drake.

Sounds scary as hell. I was planning on going ALONE tomorrow, so I could spend some time making a price book, comparing items and using coupons. I wanted to go with a specific list, buy things that were only on my list and on sale, and that I had a coupon for, and pay only in cash.

But sometimes life throws a curve ball and you do what you can. I went to the store with an empty stomach, a baby, no list, a jumble of coupons, and a dying phone that was my only calculator. Luckily I did do a couple of things right: I only used cash, and I only bought things on sale. I bought meat, but only if it was $2/pound or less. And I did get some awesome buys on meat. I bought 6 pounds of drumsticks for $5.30 and 2.5 pounds of chicken breast tenderloins for $5.20, plus I saved an extra $2 for using my store loyalty card. Awesome!!

The grocery store was PACKED. It was 3 pm and everyone and their brother was shopping. I sometimes forget that normal people have weekends off.

I managed to keep track of my spending, pulling out coupons at the very end of my shopping, and I did surprisingly well. I had $80 to spend on groceries. I kept track of my spending like normal, and after all the coupons were applied, I spent $63.04. Not too bad! I put the rest of my cash in the piggy bank, and I pretended I spent it all.

My happiest find was Gerber formula! I had a coupon in the form of a "personal check" for $5.95 to any retailer that sold Gerber formula. This sucks, because it meant less cash in my hand at the end of the checkout, but it's cool because I still paid less for the formula. It cost me less to get the name brand formula than it did the store brand when the discount was applied. Awesome! I only get one of those coupons every three months, but whatever! Works for me :)

All told, I saved a shade over 20%, which is pretty awesome in my book, considering. Next week, though, I think I am going to go ALONE and see how much I can save.

Brian gets off work at 9:30 and I have to work at 10, so I am not sure if I am going to pick him up or have someone else give him a ride home (and they all owe him rides home lol)

I definitely enjoyed driving (alone) and I think I am going to do it more often. I have a special errand in mind tomorrow so I would love to be able to drive myself. It's a big girl panty moment, so I am going to see if I am still able to put them on ;) More on that tomorrow, or maybe the next day. Soon. I promise.

The Guilt

Oh man. Guilt. It's every mother's double edged sword. The favorite tool of getting your children to behave, yet the very kryptonite that leaves us incapacitated.

Let me explain.

Drake gets tired, and hates every thing in his tiny little life. This is how I know it is nap time, when he is crawling along the floor, sobbing in tears. It comes out of nowhere, no signals, no warning signs. BAM. He needs a nap NOW. He's a lot like Brian in this regard.

So in his crib he goes, with "aww are you sleepy? do you need a nappy poo?" and laid down with a bottle and his favorite Pooh rattle. If he is in the right zone, he takes his bottle and falls asleep before the nipple hits his lips. More often than not, he is FURIOUS at the prospect of a nap, and just screams his fool head off.

I kiss him on the head and tell him to take a nap anyway, and I leave.

This is where the guilt comes in. He cries. And cries. And cries. I go in there every few minutes to kiss him, lay him down, tell him blah blah blah you know that everything is okay, and I swear to God it's not really torture, just take a nap, you will feel better blah blah. He throws his bottle. He grabs my shirt, trying to climb out, and his little face is wrinkled up and drenched with snot and tears and drool. It breaks my heart. Because he doesn't have a "WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" cry. No, he has that heart breaking sob. That "booo hooo hoooo nobody loves me they make me eat worms and my life is like a fart" cry that makes you feel like you have truly severed his trust in you. Although he has always cried like that, even for diaper changes, it is still gut wrenching.

If I cave in, and bring him out, hold him, kiss him, tell him it's okay and we can just play some more, he still cries anyway. Because he is tired, and he hates his tiny little life at this point. Nothing makes him happy. He just cries. So back to bed he goes, and the whole cycle repeats.

And I am torn with guilt. I know that what I am doing is what works for us. He sits there and cries his tantrum out, with me peeking in every few minutes to tell him the world has not ended, and eventually, he realizes he needs sleep. But it kills me he cries. I have no idea what to do.

So I blog about it, hoping that other moms will send me a drink (vodka or Bailey's, please!) and tell me it's okay to go cry in a corner. Or at least, give me some advice. If you have any. If not, that's cool. I'm going to go sob now.