Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Beaten down

Lately I have been feeling really beaten down. Depressed. It's so hard to get out of bed lately. I want to sleep all day and all night. Sometimes, I get to sleep 16 hours a day. Brian is being kind and watching Drake for me. But I don't know that it is helping.

We paid off a few credit cards. We thought it would be a great idea to get health insurance again. Finally. Brian's work doesn't offer it, so we have to buy our own. Which is fine. We did some shopping around and essentially, we got about the same insurance we had before the baby, plus dental, for cheaper. I was so excited. All three of us having health insurance. Woohoo...

Then, Saturday came.

And the mail. In the mail was a letter, addressed to me from the insurance company. They denied me insurance. Reason being?

Height and weight.

Yes. I am too fat for insurance.

Miserable. Completely miserable.

I feel anger. Disgust. Unhappiness. I'm taking my pills, but they are only helping so much.

Anyway, I guess if the insurance companies aren't willing to give me insurance because I am too fat, I should take it as a serious sign that it is time to get in shape, once and for all. I mean, no excuses right? It's not like I can lie and say I am still healthy at this point.

I started tracking calories again on Monday. And so far I've done really well staying under my calorie goal. I also even ate veggies one day. Go me. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but its not working and I am dwelling. I'm surprised I am not curled up in the fetal position screaming and crying, because that is what I feel like doing.

I am down two pounds though! So that is exciting. Or it would be, if I could feel any excitement. Right now I just feel bitterness and remorse for letting things get this bad. Things are going to change though. They have to.

Since Thanksgiving, I am actually down 12 lbs total. Not bad for half-assing it. I wonder what will happen when I apply myself? Hmm.


  1. I am sorry you are having a hard time, friend. I feel you. Hoping things get better with time.

  2. Time to get angry and fight back! Turn that sad into mad and take it out on the gym. Remember, however you're feeling right now, it WILL pass. You know how to lose weight. You've done it before and you CAN do it again! WE can do it again! I came back from vacation feeling bloated and rounder than ever. Let's make this happen - for us, for our families... the best way to beat stress is to get moving. :)

  3. I feel like the real problem here is those insurance people are assbags.

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  6. I'm sorry you were turned down for insurance. Damn insurance companies. It's all about their bottom dollar. You know friend... I've learned a few things lately. Shitty things are going to happen to us in life. The only real thing we can control is how we react to them. It's okay to be upset. You have to go through to get through but ultmately, YOU DECIDE how you're going to react to these things. You have a good husband, a wonderful child and you can be proactive with your health. You've gone down this road before. You know how to lose weight. Maybe if you started an exercise progrram i.e., walking or slogging. The endorphines will help boost your mood.

    I used to read you blog years ago and I am just getting back to reading and catching up with friends from past.



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