Lately I have been feeling really beaten down. Depressed. It's so hard to get out of bed lately. I want to sleep all day and all night. Sometimes, I get to sleep 16 hours a day. Brian is being kind and watching Drake for me. But I don't know that it is helping.
We paid off a few credit cards. We thought it would be a great idea to get health insurance again. Finally. Brian's work doesn't offer it, so we have to buy our own. Which is fine. We did some shopping around and essentially, we got about the same insurance we had before the baby, plus dental, for cheaper. I was so excited. All three of us having health insurance. Woohoo...
Then, Saturday came.
And the mail. In the mail was a letter, addressed to me from the insurance company. They denied me insurance. Reason being?
Height and weight.
Yes. I am too fat for insurance.
Miserable. Completely miserable.
I feel anger. Disgust. Unhappiness. I'm taking my pills, but they are only helping so much.
Anyway, I guess if the insurance companies aren't willing to give me insurance because I am too fat, I should take it as a serious sign that it is time to get in shape, once and for all. I mean, no excuses right? It's not like I can lie and say I am still healthy at this point.
I started tracking calories again on Monday. And so far I've done really well staying under my calorie goal. I also even ate veggies one day. Go me. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but its not working and I am dwelling. I'm surprised I am not curled up in the fetal position screaming and crying, because that is what I feel like doing.
I am down two pounds though! So that is exciting. Or it would be, if I could feel any excitement. Right now I just feel bitterness and remorse for letting things get this bad. Things are going to change though. They have to.
Since Thanksgiving, I am actually down 12 lbs total. Not bad for half-assing it. I wonder what will happen when I apply myself? Hmm.