Weekend Shenanigans

Today I am not up to much, but tomorrow we are going to my moms for dinner. Woot! I love it when she cooks for us. And when I say "she" I mean usually me. I can't help it, I take over. But I love that she provides us food :)

Tomorrow is homemade burgers and fries, which will be delish! She makes excellent shoe string french fries! Her burgers are great too. I hope that we have a great day tomorrow, I have been missing them like crazy.

I will see you all Monday, with a weigh in and update on the weekend's activities.

Stay Peachy!

Something is Not Right

Something's not right. I havent eaten much in days, but everything that's gone into my mouth has been laden with salt.

I even had a "super smore" at the bonfire, which was delicious, but didn't eat anything else. It was almost like a regular smore except in place of a hersheys chocolate, it was a Reeses. Mm. You'd think, since Reeses are my known weakness, the Kryptonite to my Superman, that I would be inclined to eat more of them.

But no.

I made enchiladas last night. One of my specialties. Hubby loved it, but I took two bites of mine, it tasted like ash in my mouth. Disgusting. I traded him control of the XBOX for my meal, so he ate that.

I've only had ramen and chips for three days. It's all I am craving. Stupid salt.

I am also up 4 lbs from two days ago. Im pretty sure its salt related.

I did ride a mile on Stella today, despite still being sore from the other day, but I had to. I'm going bonkers. I can't stand being in the house anymore. Its been a tough week mentally. You know you are in a tough spot when even chocolate doesnt sound good.

But I will persevere. I know that it doesn't matter NOW what is happening. I just have to keep a stiff upper lip and everything will be okay. I have an exciting weekend to look forward to and I will do my best to keep my mind off things that I cannot change now.

Wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere.

Surprise at the Bonfire

We went to a bonfire tonight to hang out with some friends, but we didn't know all who would be there. Good thing too, or we probably wouldn't have gone.

You see, there is this *thing* that haunts my husband. It's called a *stalker*. It was a friend's sister who constantly hounded him whenever they got together. It's cool, I've been there. I used to have a crush on my best friend's older brother. For years, I secretly harbored a crush on him but was too shy to ever say anything. Plus my friend hated him (like siblings do) so it was a taboo subject. The truth finally came out a few years ago, but that was *after* I had met hubby.

See, the thing is, I grew out of it. It was a crush.

But this girl hasn't yet. And its especially annoying when she has her own boyfriend (who was sitting right next to her the whole night) and she is constantly trying to get hubby's attention so she can yammer on about something irrelevant to the current conversation. And she tried to tell me how great her boyfriend is, but she never talks to him.

When she noticed that he wasn't responding to her calls for attention, she turned on me and tried to get me to be mean to him. To slap his chest and poke and prod him while he was roasting a marshmallow, to throw things at him.

I put a stop to it by very calmly saying "No I'm not mean like that"

Then she tried to invite herself over, saying I should make her some lasagna (it's famous, what can I say?) and I said that I'd think about it.

Normally it would boil my blood that she was there, but I have learned to deal with things that are on the unpleasant side. Sure she may be annoying and hounding my man, but you know what? He's still coming home with me tonight. I am still married to the best man in the world. Nothing will change that. I know its a crush and nothing more. I used to get so angry and jealous, but I know now the greatest insult you can unleash on someone is to ignore them. And it felt good. But not holier-than-thou but more like, I could enjoy my friends without having to worry about what she would do or say. I even had a conversation with her for a few moments before talking to someone else. It was casual .

After we went home, hubby said he was very proud of how I handled it.

I think she just has a lot of growing up to do.

Bonfire

Hubby and I are off to a bonfire with some friends tonight. It's the first of the year for us, wooot! I guess thats the downside to living in an apartment, cant set things on fire or they get all upset at you....whatever.

I am in need of being out with other people. I have been solitary all week, minus the few hours I see hubster. Its okay. I just need to get my mind off of things I can't help right now, and enjoy a little bit of life.

Some day I will have a house of my own I can set things on fire at. Sigh.

Ps. I should note that I am not completely a pyromaniac. I don't set fire to things all the time. However, in video games, I constantly set everything on fire. Fire's nice. Mmmm.

Stupidly Sore

So you would think after working out for an hour I'd feel great.

you'd be sort of right.

After a few weeks of mostly inactivity, I am stupidly sore today. My everything hurts. I got up to stretch and every single bone in my body popped and cracked. From my spine to my ankles, snap crackle pop! Elbows, shoulders, knees, hips.... it felt great and horrible at the same time and gave the cats quite the scare. It must suck having great hearing, you'd freak at every little thing. I digress.

My thigh muscles hurt from doing squats. My forearms and shoulder muscles hurt from lifting my weights. It's amazing how much less I can do now, its only been a few weeks! UGH.

Also, my bad ankle is swollen and its got me hobbling around like ...well... a hobbit? I don't know. A gimp. Just call me Gimpy McGee. Not something I am unfamiliar with, but I thought I was in better shape than I was.

Still, I have to keep up the activity level. I have to lose weight. For so many reasons, sure the blood pressure, the cholesterol levels, oh did you know cancer cells feed on fat? Thats what they told hubby on his blood work...why they are telling him I have no clue... He's perfectly healthy.... maybe they knew his fat wife would be reading it... LOL! I also have to lose weight because my ankle cant support me anymore. I dont want to become wheel chair bound.

Sigh. This blog just got cut way short, because my stupid cat threw up. Bastard. I swear he waits until hubby is gone or asleep just so I have to clean it up.

Day 1 of Operation: HaD

Day one of Operation: Hour a Day was successful.

Here's how it looked:

Woke up, packed hubby's lunch for work.

Did 20 minutes of Self Magazine's Slim and Sleek workout (instantly streamed via Netflix on my XBOX 360)

Took a shower, did hair, makeup, put in eyeballs (ie contacts)

Did a load of dishes, started laundry

Went to Walmart for prescription. While there, walked 40 minutes. I literally went up and down ever aisle, twice. And it was one of the super-centers too!

Came home, finished load of laundry.

It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be but that doesnt mean I wasn't sweating! Its a hot day here in HTMLN-land and it was tough to convince myself to "just do it"

I noticed I suffer from "it's good enough for me" syndrome. I need to start pushing myself toward "I'll see it through"-itis. I don't ever want to become one of those "I'm never satisfied" people, which I don't think I will be, considering I hardly ever put in 100%. I stop at 75%. Which is a C+ in school

Let's go for B- this week. Then we can focus on A!

So far today, I've had 2 raspberry poptarts (400 calories)

I burnt 288 calories working out and walking.

I am having bbq pulled pork tenderloin stuffed into half a pita pocket with mac and cheese tonight, so that's gonna be my big meal.

I am excited for what tomorrow brings as well! If I lost 6.5 inches without trying this last month and a half (would have easily been 10"+ if I had tried a little harder) I can't wait to see what I can do when I actually try. Maybe I'll fit into some of my size 16 jeans again. That would be awesome!

July Measurements

Don't think I forgot. Ok, well I did. But then I remembered, so TA DAH! Here are July's Measurements, courtesy of hubby and a measuring tape.


Bust: 43.5 inches Down 1.5 inches
Waist: 37.0 inches Down .5 inch
Abs: 44.0 inches Down 3.5 inches
Hips: 50.0 inches Up 1 inch
R.Thigh: 25.0 inches Down 4.5 inches
R Calf: 17.0 inches Up 1 inch
R. Arm: 14.5 inches Up 1.5 inches

YAY! Look at that, I am down a total of 6.5 inches for the month of July! I lost 4.5" off of my thighs, which is great, as well as on my abs and waist, also great! I see a few things in red and that is okay. I am impressed really that I lost as much as I did. I guess that whole swimming thing has paid off!

Now I just have to update it on my sidebar thing. In two months I have lost 14" off of my body. Since joining Curves in January, I have lost 26.5" off my body in total. (That's over TWO FEET)

Wow!

I wonder what would happen if I actually *tried*?

Operation: Hour a Day

Hasn't even got off the ground.

Not surprising really, considering I have been LAZY

But thats all changing tonight. Operation: Hour A Day will commence. And yes, I will do some form of exercise for an hour each day. Whether its walking, swimming, Stella, or a work out dvd, I am doing an hour a day. It's no fun being lazy. I feel like a slug. I look like one too.

I just want to get out and *move* a little more.


I also have some news on the weight loss front, I'm down .5lb! Huzzah! I really want to get to 220. I know its only 5 lbs away from where I am, but its 5 lbs I have been struggling with a lot. In fact, every time I try to lose weight, eat on plan, exercise, I gain two or three lbs, get discouraged and then stop. But then I drop the two or three pounds and I am back at 225 again.

Now I have been wanting to get under 200 for a while now. In fact, 199 has been my first "milestone" that I wanted to hit by the end of the summer. It has not been in my favour and I know why.

I am not focusing on the *now.* I can't even manage to lose 5 lbs let alone 26! I am going to do it 5 lbs at a time. I have done pretty well maintaining my weight within a 5-lb difference for 7 months now. I am pretty sure that *if* I can lose the weight, it will stay off. If I can manage to keep 10-15 lbs off for 7 months, then I think once I get down to 20-25 it will be easier.

Hour a day to keep the pounds away.

I went grocery shopping with hubby last night and we got some good stuff for his lunches. A bag of clementines and these little veggie packs, with grape tomatoes, celery, and carrots with a small container of light ranch. They were on sale, in a good size portion that packs easily. Today he had a turkey breast sandwich with Muenster cheese on a mini sub bun, with a veggie snackable, and 2 clementines. He also got a wild cherry Pepsi too.

Today I had pop tarts, took a nap, woke up 6 hours later because I was starving, shaky with low blood sugar so I made two hamburgers and ate them. Plain.

Hmm.

Anyway, I'm off. I got to make hubby his dinner now that he is home and still got some exercisin' to do. I'll report back in tomorrow, letting you know how I am doing.

Medication

I had switched my non-baby maker medication recently, and I instantly noticed an improvement in my day to day moods. I was snapping like crazy, or yelling at people for the simplest things. I wasn't touchy. I wasn't quite so.... mean. I felt normal. Like for once, everything was going to be okay. I havent felt like that in a while.

I also noticed that my lady-time was more predictable, and it was a little easier to bear this month. But two days ago, I got the worst cramps. I was tired all the time. I just wanted to sleep and make it go away. I think that I had some "cleaning" out to do, as before I wasn't quite as....regular... and that usually caused a few moments of panicking, a pregnancy test, followed by sheer joy when I started the next day, and also disappointment that I spent money on the test. Sigh.

Other months would be quite the opposite.

However despite the craziness over the last few days I feel better as a whole. Its so strange how medications can alter your moods so dramatically.


Also it probably helps I have been eating ice cream and sleeping a lot. :)

Health Credits

Hubby had to take a health screen for work and he just got back his report today. Most of it was good, but there were a few things that were a little alarming.

They said that he was at high-risk for cancer (though to be honest, almost everyone is at high risk for some sort of cancer... its everywhere....) and that he is at moderate risk for a heart attack. Which I think is bull. He is 25, in great physical shape, and has normal blood pressure, but I am not going to say it couldn't happen, its just highly highly highly unlikely.

I think that they say that sort of stuff to scare you into your 5-a-day veggies and fruits, exercise, etc. I know that he has low levels of the LDL-cholesterol (the good kind) and moderate levels of the HDL (bad) and that is probably mostly from eating out a lot, which I think is another symptom of our society. Guess what? It's linked to cancer too. Hurrah!

Basically, it said: Eat healthy, exercise. Actually, it said that he needed to strength train! Ahahaha.

But other than the standard, text book scare they said that he was all healthy. His health age was 28 years old and his physical age is 25 years old, so he is within the normal range.

The thing that worries me the most though is... if he got some black marks, what would they say if I went in? "Uhm... You are half fat. HALF FAT!"

So, as if I needed any more motivation, I have it. Operation 5 A Day (Even if it kills me) commences. 5 fruits. 5 veggies. Yes that means 5 glasses of juice a day (fruit) and I am going to make everything with V8.

I asked hubby if he would like to walk with me after work and he said that he is so tired from being on his feet all day that walking doesnt sound appealing. I have some strength training vids on Netflix and iTunes. He said that he would do those with me, so that's cool. Maybe we will do some TaeBo, Billy Blanks style! Blanks-fu.

I am feeling a lot better today, thanks for your comments and concerns. Turns out, I was just suffering from "lady time" and was completely back to normal today. Yep, I even cleaned the kitchen, and played the part of plumber today. Stupid construction messed up our waterline for a few hours, but its all taken care of now.

Hurray?

I havent been eating much. Sleeping much. Doing much of anything really. I have a messy kitchen, laundry piling up and I am feeling lethargic. I dont even want to get dressed to go get the mail.

I've been playing a video game lately, its the first one in a long time that I have liked so much. Its an interesting story about space travel, annihilation, etc.

I guess its a good thing that I havent been eating. I havent felt well the last couple of days, things arent going well in the regularity department and I'm having difficulty adjusting. My tummy has been in knots for a few days and I am just trying to ride it out, with lots of fluids and not much else.

Almost like the stomach flu, a constant pain in the stomach.


I have my days and nights mixed up. Working some wacky hours, and then making hubby's lunch. I like to see him off when he leaves for work, but that leaves me up until 7am and then its like the tiredness gets pushed to the side and I am running on E but it feels like I cant sleep.

I havent exercised. I haven't done anything. I got a hair cut today and highlighted my hair, but that was the highlight (*snicker*) of my week.

I keep meaning to visit my mom. I keep meaning to clean. I keep meaning to get moving.

Why am I suffering from summer blues?

Seeing Friends. Pie. New Recipe.

We spent the day out of town seeing our friends, who were recently married. They have a nice house (jealous) in a nice town (jealous). We had dinner there, which she made this delicious chicken-tomato-spinach-cheesy pasta (delicious, and only 500 calories!) I made special delicious pie for dessert. Sorry, family recipe on that one, so you dont get that recipe!

It was fun seeing them and reconnecting. Unfortunately we don't get to see each other much, as we live about an hour and a half apart.


This chicken pasta dish was really good, and I am going to find the recipe so I can post it on my other blog, He Took MY recipes. Maybe it should be I take all yummy recipes haha.

Hubby works 8.5 hours a day. This gives me plenty of time to exercise. I will have so much time to myself, I think its perfect so I will be able to spend more time focusing on my health and exercise, not as likely to get distracted. If I could manage an hour a day, that would be great.

Its the new goal this week.

Exercise an hour a day.

Financially Healthy

If you like Suze Orman for whatever reason, you will know that she picks the biggest loser winner based on their financial health. It is a direct correlation, she says, to be financially fit and physically/mentally fit.

Interesting concept, and I can't say that I disagree with it. As much as it pains me.

We do have a substantial amount of debt. I didn't listen to my mother when she said don't get a credit card. In fact, we have several credit lines and I have only managed to pay off two. It's not all credit cards though, car loans, engagement ring, student loans. Some are a little easier to manage than others.

But I have been feeling a little financial unrest. I work so hard, my husband works so hard, yet we don't have much to show for it. I am wanting to get things taken care of. I want to have a good savings. I want to be able to move. I want to hire big, strong, muscular men to come move my heavy things for me so I dont have to recruit friends or make hubby do it, because lets face it, I'm not going to.


With hubby's new job comes great benefits, stable pay (better than being a pizza delivery boy, where your income depends on how cute you are or how generous they are feeling at the moment)

I really want to pay off my car the most, it would be three years early and I would be able to lower my insurance too. Huzzah!

If your head and your heart are in the right place, then surely the body will follow, right?




By the way I figure it, I will be able to pay

After My Own Heart

Dear Hubby got a new job this week. I am very proud of him for finding full time work, especially in this economy (but hey, things seem to be picking up around here!) He started said job and likes it very much. Its not as stressful as the last job and has him exercising some of his technical skills as well as a bit of heavy lifting. It's a great job in a great location with fantastic benefits.

But the thing I am most excited for is the opportunity for overtime. As its not a very demanding job, I encouraged him to take advantage of the opportunities should they arrive.

He tells me today that he took overtime today, they let him. First week. And he is already working more than 40 hrs. A man after my own (capitalistic, opportunistic, greedy) heart.

You see, when I was growing up, my mom always worked hard. Even when she didn't have a job, she still did all the housework and babysat 10 kids, including me and my best friend. She told me to get a job when I was 16. And since I was 16 I never worked less than 30 hours a week while going to school. I was so happy to get my first full time job, and the first time I got overtime. It runs in the family. We are workaholics.

So for my husband to have the same views, to be the same way, makes me very proud to call him my husband and to be his wife. I believe that he knows that you cant expect something for nothing. I am so happy.

I'm not trying to work my husband to death, though. I only require 40 hours a week. Its entirely his choice to work overtime. But for such an easy job, why wouldn't you take the opportunity?

Anyway, thats not the point of the blog, even though it makes me happy. The other perk of his job is that I get to pack his lunch. And leave little notes. Squeeeal!

He is working 15 hours tomorrow, from 7am to 10ish pm, and I got to pack his lunch for the first time. I made him two sandwiches, a bowl of strawberry and pineapple slices, a baggie of chips, and two string cheeses and a brownie. Since he will be away all day, I had to make two meals and a snack. Of course I left a little note in there too.

The only downside to working more, is seeing him a little less. But he gets weekends off, a consistent schedule, and a secure job. People don't quit this company, they retire from it.

He is a strong man, willing to work more than what is required so he can provide for his family. And he has a strong wife, who is willing to make his lunch at 1:30 in the morning, clean his house, and run errands, make dinner.

I'm sorry if this post grosses any one out, but you have to remember, we are still newlyweds. ;) I'm sure there will come a point where I won't be so in awe of him working 50 hours a week :P

Fasting

Hubby has bloodwork he has to do for his new insurance, and he has to fast today, for at least 12 hrs prior to the test. He said it was going to be a miserable, long day. I decided to fast along with him. I think that it was probably harder for me than it was for him. Here's why:

He hardly ever eats. He goes DAYS without eating. He only eats because I am constantly badgering him. I'm hungry, can we eat soon? Please? Starving here for goodness sakes!!! He is always focused on something else, other than his stomach. I wish I had it so easy!

Plus he is working all day. Doing work related things. I am here, sitting alone, in the house with no one to judge me or see me shove my face full of things. And yet, I haven't yet. I am made of steel today. Also it helps I woke up an hour ago. But I slept through hunger pains, so that counts for something.

Last night I got to thinking, as I often do, that I am the only reason that I am not succeeding at my weight loss in the manner that I am wanting. I realized that I am the only one standing in the way of what I want... there will be a whole blog on that later, but suffice it to say, that after thinking that, I went on to exercise, I did a dance video. It was meh at best, but it got me moving. It was supposed to target abs, but all it did was make my calves hurt. My abs arent even sore today!

Anyway, back to fasting.
Hubby works until 3.30 and then he has to go to the hospital on the north side of town and sit there for who knows how long before he can come home. I planned on going to the store today, and grabbing groceries for the week, but something about going to the store hungry doesnt seem like a good idea. Especially as the store we go to likes to put cakes and snack foods in every aisle. Tricky buttheads.

We dont have anything in the house to make for supper, either. I am going to have to venture out at some point and make the voyage of shopping. Sigh.

As a side note: I didn't go to curves.

Weigh in Day at Curves

UGH I've gone to Curves maybe three times this last month. Yes, I have been swimming a lot, but not really been riding my bike, or walking much. I haven't done a lot of activity this past month, not like I had been, but I know that I have still been doing some, which is good. Considering I have a mostly sedentary lifestyle, anything, anything at all is better than what I was doing.

That being said, I am so nervous. I know that I won't have lost any on the scale (I weigh myself every day) but I haven't touched my measuring tape. I am hoping to lose some inches, to at least feel better about myself and justify something. lol

sigh.

But to be honest with you all, I am okay with it, if I don't. I will be disappointed, yes. I know the reason is I am not pushing myself to exercise. And if you aren't willing to put in the effort, then you can't be upset with the results. End of story.

Its hard to *see* it for myself though. I mean, I have only lost 12.5 lbs since January. That's not even 2 lbs a month! but I have lost over 20 inches in that time frame. TWENTY inches. (Hopefully more today haha) Last month, I lost a combined 8 inches off of my body. That is a LOT. It is obviously showing, but I catch only glimpses, almost like its a mirage. Is it really there? No. Perhaps.

Its like having a sudden moment of clarity. Like driving through dense fog and suddenly realizing that your exit is coming up now, it sort of jerks you awake. Like OH that girl in the mirror? Yeah thats me.

I often wonder if my husband is really being honest with me when he says that I am looking so much better. I feel like I am a failure (ie no lbs lost) but he is never prompted to say those things. I never say, do you think I am looking slimmer.

He says it when I am loading the dishwasher (nice view from behind, I guess :P ) or when I am sitting on the sofa, legs crossed "Indian style" which I couldn't do for a while. Or when I stand up and stretch. Little things. Every day things that no one thinks about.

I have 8 hours until weigh in. But it seems I have already weighed in on the matter, lose or gain, it's still a journey. Nighty night all.

Exciting!!

Lots of exciting things at the HTMLN household, kiddos!

*Hubby got a great new job. Not only is it full time work, it has FANTASTIC, AMAZING, INCREDIBLE benefits. To sum up, when we had our fancy, high paying, full time jobs with benefits almost two years ago, it pales in comparison to this job. He is never allowed to quit. EVER.

*My mom and gramma are (supposedly) coming swimming at my apartment in 7 hours. I say supposedly because my family is not what I call diligent about keeping plans made. I'd say we are flaky at best, but I don't consider that a bad quality. It keeps things interesting. Will they show? Won't they? I'm the same way, so I can't say anything bad. Yes it is an Aquacise day, but meh. I'd rather enjoy some sunshine.

*I'm getting my hair styled. I'm not allowed to say I'm getting it "cut" though, because everyone seems to freak out. Grandma looks worried, like she might be physically ill, mom tries to sound encouraging and tells me to "let [the stylist] do it, she knows what she's doing" and hubby outright whined. "nnnnnnoooooooo you caaaaaaaaannnnnnnt"
Look, I only had my hair chopped off twice (that I can remember). Once because my grandma let me pick out my hairstyle (can you say bowl cut?) and the other when I had the horrible perm (and that was almost to my shoulders, so it wasn't really that short) But everyone likes my long hair, me included. I just want layers again, and like *cough6inchescutoffcoughcoughmumblecough* Just wait. They will love it. If not, I'll wear a bag over my head. I don't care, haha!

*I havent had heartburn in 3 days! Huzzah! I'm on Prilosec OTC, and I have to say, yeah, it really works. It was getting to the point where almost everything was irritating my stomach and now, I'm good. I'm still not you know, drinking 8 gallons of garlic butter and eating raw onions or anything.


*I went to Curves today. While I only burned 275 calories, at least I went. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I did. It was fun(ish). There were the crazy, talkative cows there today. Both skinny older women who look like twigs and continually STOP on the machines to chatter, while us fatticans are sweating, gasping dying, wondering when they will move their arses so we can get our three laps done and we can guzzle down our water that we keep eying in the cooler. Not that I am complaining or pointing fingers, but there should be a fast lane and a slow lane. Seriously.


Considering the very real possibility that I will have company coming over today, and I am planning on getting up when hubby leaves for work on his first day, I should probably say "Good night y'all" and get to bed.

Fish out of Water

I went to the Fresh Market store today on a search for pine nuts. I have been wanting to make some pesto lately. I saw them at my regular grocery store but didn't buy them, and decided, hey pesto would be awesome. I went back, and they were gone. Seriously.

So I had been back every day for a week looking for them. I scoured the other stores I go to too, and no luck.

I had a bit of a break today from work and decided, hey, if the Fresh Market store doesnt have them, then I am SOL. I went and looked around. I've never gone in before because it is, as I like to refer to it, a hippie store.

All natural, raw, organic, blah. 100% grass fed meats, blah. Come on.... Seriously? But since I am trying to change my lifestyle a little, I decided to keep an open mind. Its not a hippie store. Its a store. A good store. Just go.

I walk in and its DARK! Why is it dark? Probably because they dont want you to see what all the healthy food looks like, crap. Or maybe its dark because they can't afford to pay their electricity bill since no one buys this stuff. Stop being negative, I say. Look around, its packed. Packed full of yuppies! STOP IT. Find the darn things.

I start looking around, and find the nuts. I go through the bins and bins of nuts and not one of them were pine nuts. I give up, sigh, and decided to poke around and see what all this healthy stuff is about. I wander up and down the aisles, looking at things. Wrinkled nose. Intrigued. Boring. Eww who would eat that? What is that anyway? I finally come to the spice aisle. I think all the spices are fresh, ground or chopped because they were all in little ziplock baggies. At the bottom, on the shelf were... Pine nuts! Huzzah! I pick up a package and start to head to the checkout counter.

Are they really pine nuts? I check the label to make sure. Yes pine nuts. Great. I see the price. Not so great.

$21 a pound. The package I was holding was $13. I went back and found a smaller one. $5 for .25 pound. Outrageous.

I only needed them for pesto, so I start looking for pesto. Its a healthy, fresh food sort of place, they should have PESTO, right? I couldn't find it anywhere. They had everything BUT pesto. In the cases they had fresh meats, a butcher, and then like a little deli area that had everything from meatloaf to fresh made soups, to pizza and individual serve lasagna! YES both vegetarian and meat varieties. I was intrigued.

But I left without buying anything. I felt so out of place. Like they were all going to start pointing and laughing. Look theres that fat girl who didn't know pine nuts were magic nuts and cost that much! Look theres that poor fat girl who's looking for the doritos. Can I help you find something miss? Cow milk? We dont sell that nasty stuff here miss, here's some soy milk. HAHA look at her cry that its made of soy beans.

It was traumatizing.

The Cure

I've got an itch. Its a special kind of itch. There isn't any visible sign to it. No swelling, no rash. It's not a mosquito bite either.

Its almost like I *crave* movement. Like I just can't sit still. My foot is bouncing. My fingers drumming. I'm humming. Singing. Wanting to dance.

Maybe its cabin fever. Its been hot lately and with it being the weekend means I am pretty much house bound. I have been cleaning like crazy. I did the Wave. I am thinking I will do it again.

I have been moving a lot more in these last few days than I have in some time. I can't stop thinking about running. I cant stop thinking of swimming. Biking. Hiking. Curves. Tae Bo. I want to do it all.

It's almost like a craving.

In my head, I see the skinny me. The me I used to be. The one who is longing to return. In my visions, there are surprised faces, happy faces, jealous faces. They didn't think I could or I would but I can and I did. I see it. I see it so clearly.

I've gotten my resolve back. It took a little vacation, but it's back now. Maybe it was because I thought I would "get around to it eventually" Maybe its because I was putting the blame on others... "You don't care about me or you would do it with me"

Maybe it really is all about me. And I do have support. How can you blame someone for not wanting to exercise? Its not enjoyable at the time. Especially when they are already working all day or on their feet all of the time.

Its time for me to put on my big girl shoes and lace them up. Every fat person looks for the cure. The easy way. The magic pill.

It's not there. We don't need it. We have what we need. We just need to dig a little deeper. And not berate ourselves when we fail. Why are we so harsh on ourselves when it comes to what we put in our mouths, what we see in the mirror? I certainly don't do that with every aspect of my life. I don't say woe is me about my job, about my husband, about my apartment (construction and all) about my cats (hairballs and all). I am so happy with what life I have. I treasure it. I am not in a rush for things to change.

So why, when I look at the mirror, do I see failure? Why, when I look at the scale, do I see it staying the same or getting higher when I have been good all week? Why, if I am exercising so much, am I not seeing the results I want (the tummy trimming down)?

Maybe I am expecting too much. Who cares what the number on the scale says. No one but me needs to know what it says, anyway. Who cares if I am not losing lbs but continually lose lots of inches every month?

Whats the cure for the itch? Its movement. Movement and letting things flow. Life has its ups and downs, just like the scale. Its all about finding your zen place, your happy place, the balance.

Now if you dont mind, I'm going to go balance a load of laundry and a load of dishes.

Frequent Heartburn

Well well well. Here we are again. Heartburn. God I hate it so much.

I looked it up and it seems as if I am experiencing all of the symptoms of acid reflux disease. Boo.

I bought some Prilosec OTC and am going to take the pills once a day for 14 days and hope that it works. I took two Zantec today and a few fist fulls of antacids and am still in mild discomfort. I think I have shoved more pills and medicinal products into my gullet today than I have food.

I know something's not working right because once again, I vomited. And this time, it was undigested. Why, you say, does that matter? That's what happens when you regurgitate.

Well, the first time I did so was 5 hours AFTER my one and only meal of the day. (Which happened to be frozen pizza)

I've decided that I am going to cut out tomato based products. Believe it or not there is some family history to this. My mom has IB and my cousin (who is younger than me) can't consume anything tomato based or she vomits uncontrollably for a while. I'm wondering if I am somewhere in the middle.

It sucks because so many of my favourite meals are tomato based. Lasagna, spaghetti, enchiladas, chili, pizza. Note none of them are really good for you. I'll have to make alternative versions of them if I am really keen. Pesto for pizza. Chicken Alfredo.

I'm also going to detox these two weeks. Eliminating garlic, onion, tomato based products, etc from my diet. It will be a little tough but its okay, I'd rather not be in pain for hours on end. I made some chicken broth and have been sipping on that for a while and it's sad to say, but it's pretty damn good.

If that doesnt work, I will have to go see my doctor and get some tests done. Hopefully I can put it off for long enough that hubby will have his new insurance for his new job (haha... sad isn't it? Foregoing healthcare until one gets better insurance) He's been breathing down my neck about blood work for a while anyway. I'd like to lose a little more weight before going in. Skinny bastard says "it's only food." Like he was ever fat in his f$^&ing life. Seriously.

Maybe its all the chicken broth that I have been drinking, but I am seriously craving chicken noodle soup :)

I'll map out my diet for the next couple of days to have high protein and very low in carbs, taking care to see what triggers my heartburn. I bet I have to give up pizza. Dammit. Oh well. it's worth it in the end.

I did the Firm Wave again today, and it's TOUGH! I have the coordination of a drunken moose, but I was able to do most of it. I can feel it in my calves.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

A Clean Kitchen

Nothing on earth feels better.

Hot Hot HOT

Its really unseasonably warm. Pretty much a heat wave across the whole country. How is everyone handling it? Me, not too well. Its really hot.

HOT.

We've had our air conditioning looked at twice with in the last week and now we have figured out we are losing a lot of cool air from our sliding door, it doesnt stay closed properly. So we've taken a dowel rod and used it to help keep the door closed. Its already much cooler. I am so excited.

Tomorrow is Curves. I plan on going really early (10 am lol) and getting it over with before the temperature soars into the upper nineties. Also we are going swimming. I love swimming so much. Nothing better than laying in the pool after a hard workout and soaking up some sun. Or water jogging. Which is awesome!

We didnt go to aquacise today but that's ok. I don't mind.

Our holiday weekend was fun. We burnt our steaks a little, but I saved most of it from certain destruction lol

I have been working lots so not much time for anything else and I have been trying to catch up on sleep. I have been eating low carb all day except for dinner, and its really curbed my appetite and cravings for chocolates and sugars. I crave pasta, and then I have it for dinner. And then I am good.

I like eating lots of protein, its my natural instinct, and I have been putting my veggies in as well. I am making lots of meals and we are eating out much less. I even started a chore chart and a journal to help me reflect on the day and stay motivated, to look at the bigger picture. I am also back down to 225 lbs.

I found a picture of me the other day, and I considered posting it but I have decided against it. It seems I was the only one excited about how much weight I've lost and how different I look now. Everyone else who has seen it just looked at it and said "Yeah... you were pretty bad"

So there you go. Now no one gets to see it. But it makes a great before pic. I'll wait a little more, until I get to my first milestone (20 lbs lost)

I am really enjoying summer this year and I have spent more time in the sun than I have in the last few years combined. I have noticed that I am feeling a lot more human-- ie happy, and peppy-- since I have switched my medications. I really think that was a contributing factor.

I guess what I am saying is "stop worrying, start living"

Life is a ride. Get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on!

Happy 4th of July

To all my American friends, celebrate your freedom today and remember all those who have served for us, today, yesterday and tomorrow.

To everyone else, have a happy and safe weekend, but go about your usual business.


I'm actually celebrating tomorrow! We are going to have steak and garlic mashed potatoes yummy!


I think hubster and I are going to go to a fireworks display if we can manage to find a spot, but if not, I'm not too bothered.

-4 lbs in 2 days

It could be I havent eaten out at all in the last two days (Not even Taco Bell, which is relatively cheap in calories and on the wallet)

It could be that I havent had as much salt in my system.

It could be that I have been sticking on plan and under budget.

It could be lots of things

I don't care. I'm not over analyzing a good thing. I am down 4 freaking lbs in two freaking days.

Thursday I was as high as 229. Yesterday I was at 225.8. Today I was at 225.

I have to say that I am super pleased!!!!!!

Lets keep it off and keep moving downward!!! YAY only 26 lbs to go til Onederland!

Who knows, Maybe I'll dress up like Alice when I get there. Hubby can be the Mad Hatter and I'll make the cat into the white rabbit. LOL

Saturday Weigh in

Keen observers will note that I am down 1.2 lbs from 227 to 225.8 lbs. I was up as high as 229 yesterday before I got sick and couldn't go to the bathroom for a few days so its nice to see a pay off to that.

I've been keeping up my fluids and have been a good girl, eating all my food at home. I am planning on this for the rest of the upcoming week.

Next week's menu looking good so far. I am having chicken basil pesto pita pizzas, bbq chicken pita pizzas, home made taco bake, and a few other things. I am also going to incorporate cauliflower into my meals for the week too, but I'll have to obliterate it in the magic bullet, as I am not fond of the taste or texture. Let's hide it in things and call ourselves spiffy.

I am thinking of mixing it in some mashed potatoes. I've heard it done before and I am sure it taste delicious. Hard to hide things from yourself sometimes but I will try, come hell or high water!

My goals today are:

Clean the kitchen, one load of dishes.
One load of laundry
Cook a meal

Bring Your Own Crazy...questions

Stolen from Journey Beyond Survival who stole it from some one else who came up with it one magical afternoon. Was it really afternoon? I don't know.

1. Seeing that it’s a patriotic holiday of sorts I thought of this one: Where were you on September 11th?

Ooh. I always feel a little guilty answering this. I was supposed to be in school that day, and taking a standardized test, but I had had surgery on my ankle the week before (Sept 4th) and I was at home, with my dad. I was doped up on pain killers and I remember through my drug induced haze, my dad yelling at me to turn on my tv and watch the news, I had to watch the news, are you going to put the news on now? turn it on!

Not getting what the fuss was about, I turned it on in time to see the footage after the second plane hit the WTC. And then I asked what was going on, he told me, and I went back to sleep. It was in NY, I was here. I didn't understand the situation, or really even care, until I was able to comprehend it with a clear mind, two weeks later.

2. What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do? (assume you’d be by yourself)

Spending any length of time outside of the house with my husband. Maybe I'm not so hermit-ish after all.

3. Suggestion from a follower. Some blog questions.

How many blogs do you follow?

27

Do you read them all or just your faves?

I read them all. I am constantly looking to add new blogs too, I like frequent posters.

Do you comment a little, a lot, on all?

It depends on the post. Sometimes I will, sometimes I won't.


Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn’t like their blog?

I have unfollowed a few people, but mostly, I wont add to my blogroll if I dont like what I have read, and I usually read two or three blogs before deciding.


Do you routinely unfollow and why?

No its too much work.

4. Repeat question. Pick one day and one healthy thing you’ll do for just that day next week.

Wednesday. As its my comic book day, and we tend to always meet at a restaurant with really great, moderately expensive food and I pig out, I'd like to NOT eat. So I will cook before hand. Huzzah!

5. Repeat "Make someone a superstar" question. Whose blog or blog comment stuck with you this week and why?

Lyn over at Escape from Obesity. This woman has been through so much emotional pain this week. Having to care for a small child who is sick and other, more personal issues pertaining to her other children as well, its a wonder this woman is even functioning. Not to mention that even under stress she didn't go out on an all out no holds barred binge, but did eat a little off plan and coped with her emotions in a healthy way, is simply amazing.

I can't fathom how she is feeling. I can't believe her resolve. Its one of those things that I will not know about until I have children of my own and I am amazed at her strength. Great job, Lyn. I know its been tough for you, but I am so amazed and awed at what you have done and who you have become.

No More

UGH

Last night I was violently ill. Heartburn, vomiting, constipation, hot sweats, cold sweats, shakes, shivers. You name it, I experienced it. I wasn't in a happy place at all.

We still eat out sometimes but not as much as we used to, and I think my body kind of resented us going out for burgers and fries last night, as well as some other issues I have going on.


I feel a lot better now. Hopefully will be back in business tomorrow.

Not to worry, I'm a pro.

I have taken on a new challenge, bloggie friends.

Don't Panic.


There was a book written about it. And a movie made too. You might have heard of it.

Its a new concept for me, but every one has told me for ages that I am a worry wart, it doesn't help anything, and to just STOP IT ALREADY.

I have been wanting to dye my hair for a while but I havent had the money to do it professionally like I usually do, and I have been severely put off of dying my own hair for a few reasons, probably because I am always *worried* it will turn out like crap, then what will I do? *whine*

But I decided today, so what? I work at home, hardly ever go out in public, and if I mess it up big deal. Its not like I am getting a perm or anything... again. lol. *shudder*

So I go out to Wal-Mart and buy a $6 box of strawberry blonde. Except they don't call it that anymore. Now it's called 9B Light Reddish Blonde. In 30 minutes you will have blondy red like hair. Woot!

I figure, why not? I like strawberry blonde. I really like it. Why not? What's the worst that could happen? My hair will fall out? I like the idea of a powdered wig. I'll wear one of those.

I slap the color in and 30 minutes later I look at myself in the mirror, checking on my hair. It is BRIGHT ORANGE. OMG.

Don't panic. Just rinse it out. Dry it. I looked it up online. If the color turns out crappy, wash your hair with liquid detergent a few times and presto, back to the original color. Im rinsing. I'm conditioning. I'm blow drying.... and the lights go out.

I blew a fuse blow drying my hair.

I BLEW A FUSE using the BLOW DRYER.

I'd like to point out that we have only ever tripped a breaker once before, and that was when we had every single light on, the tv, a game system, and the vacuum. Haha. Anyway, we fix the breaker and then I finish blow drying my hair and I do not look in the mirror until it is done. It looks great.

Like the box.


See what not panicking does? It allows you to live.

Journaling Helps.

I love my little notebook. I use my different colored gel pens to write about how awesome or not so awesome my day has been. I also put little star stickers next to my daily goals when I complete them! YAY

In fact, todays goal was to take a bike ride then go swimming. I did both! wow! The bike ride sucked, I was just not in the right mind set but I was proud that I still went, even though I didnt want to.

We only went about .5 mile or so before coming home to get changed for the pool. We spent an hour in swimming and goofing around. The Hubster got some awesome goggles and I am jealous lol

Then when we were dried off we watched an episode of Dirty Jobs. My eyes are so tired I can barely keep them open but I am not feeling sleepy over all.

I had some great news last night from my comic guys. One of them saw what I colored and asked "Who did this, really?" He thought Hubba-Bubba did!! Hahahaha but no. It was all me. That is a HUGE compliment and boost to my self esteem! I was so worried that I would be bad at it, but some how got in the groove and it turned out awesome. No one had any criticism either (just how I like it, I don't handle it well lol)

All in all its been a very awesome week so far and I hope it continues. I think it was a good idea for me to reflect on my day, celebrate my small successes and generally learn to stop worrying so much and enjoy my life. Why worry?