So Long, Farewell, Until We Meet Again!

Good bye, Taurus. I junked you today. It was nothing personal. You lasted us 18 months with no problems. However, I cannot afford to pay the upkeep and maintenance on you, let alone the repairs. I have a baby on the way. I need the money. You may be torn apart (literally) and each one of your pieces sold. However, you will go on for greater things. Whatever those things are, I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors.

If you are wondering what I got out of you, it was no paltry sum. Originally, you were purchased for $570. We parted ways today and a very nice man hooked you up to a tow truck and handed me $420. You are obviously in high demand, little car. The last two cars we sold for cash barely scraped together $400 combined. You should be proud.

I handed over the title and the keys to the nice man and said my good byes. You and I had some fun times together. Like... you know what? We never had fun times.

Ah well.

Anyway, I gotta go. Have a good one, car.

Peppermint Patties

I'm addicted to peppermint. Thank God it's safe for use during pregnancy, because lately, I cannot get enough of it. Whether it's plain old hard candy, or a scoop or two of peppermint ice cream, I'm all over. Salivating thinking about it.

Right now, my guilty pleasure is York peppermint patties.

I love them and cannot get enough! I want to just eat a whole bag. I might. Don't be surprised if I do. I also am flirting with the idea of chocolate peppermint coffee. Mmm.

I woke up today and it was 62 degrees in the apartment. We have a strict "no heat" policy between the two of us until the first snow. Living on the third floor, we usually manage to hold off on using heat all winter long. It's been a few hours and now it's 66 in here. So it's a little warmer, but not much.

It may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm actually thrilled! I get the worst hot flashes lately so I already have all the windows open. Now I can put a blanket on and take it off easily without getting too overheated.

I was thinking of making some sort of soup or stew this weekend too in the crock pot. I wonder what I should make? Any ideas?

Mmm. I need some more York patties. See you all later. Have a great weekend.

Junk.

18 months ago, Brian bought my uncle's car off of him for $570.
A few months ago, the alternator went out in it. It was replaced for $120.
Yesterday, I drove it and it was the last ride that car will ever take.

In the 2 mile round trip the car and I went, it completely shut off and turned back on 1 time. It stalled out 4 times. The gas gauge went from 1/4 tank to 3/4 tank to below empty in 30 seconds.

Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with the car and I don't care. I wanted to junk it after the alternator blew but every one we spoke to told us not to do that. "What if Brian's car breaks down at work? You'll have to replace it that night!" was the biggest argument, but it is no longer a valid one.

We have enough money in savings to fix any sudden repairs we might have to make on the current car. We will save over $450 a year in not paying for insurance on the second car. I work from home. I don't go anywhere. If I go into labor while Brian's at work... well labor doesn't mean the baby is coming RIGHT now, it means I have plenty of time to call him and for him to get off work and come home. We're not ill prepared to be a one car family- again. We've survived as a one car family before. With winter coming up, I'm even less inclined to leave the house. If that's possible.

So honestly, it's time to junk it. It's getting sold to the junk yard for cash and I'm canceling the insurance policy on it. I'm ready to be done with this car. The next car we get (once we decide to get one) will be something more affordable and of course, paid for in cash. In the mean time, we can apply the extra monthly savings from insurance ($38) into our car fund and keep that stocked for those rainy day emergencies/regular car maintenance.

As frustrating as it is to be back down to a one car household, we've done this twice before so hopefully it will be less annoying this time around. In 4 years we have gone through 3 cars. Obviously we are picking the wrong ones. Ah well.

It's hard to believe this is the 3rd car we will be junking. The first happened right after Brian and I started dating. He had just paid off his car loan when something incredibly stupid happened. The support beam for the control arm rusted through and broke off. It was quoted at a $1400 repair, and Brian's original loan was less than that, so we junked it. The second car, a Mercedes, broke shortly after he got approved for the loan. We had dumped so much money into keeping it running, but it too was a money pit. We just left it to rust while we tried to pay off the loan as fast as possible. Now it's the Taurus' turn.

Sigh.

Good bye, car. Thanks for the miles.

Get it Done

I need to get this scarf done. I was a lot further than I am now, but realized I had made a few mistakes and had to basically rip out all of my stitches and start over :(

Not to mention I still have a baby blanket I need to start (and finish) so I really need to focus and buckle down on these things. I doubt I'll have much time to crochet once the baby gets here, because I will be too focused on sleeping when I can haha

So order of business for the next few days is Operation: Popcorn Scarf to get that done. My goal is to finish it by Thursday, Nov 3rd. I probably have about 5-7 inches of it completed, and it is supposed to measure 50" long when it is finished, so quite a ways to go yet.

Then I gotta work on the baby blanket. I'm hoping to do a ripple pattern and work 2 yarns together at the same time on a larger hook, so it works up quicker & also looks cooler. Hopefully. Or maybe I'll just do scallops. I have no idea, really. Sigh.

I'm going to limit my time in front of computers to just working and a little bit of gaming with Brian after he's off work at night. It should be.... interesting.

Normally I spend all day on the computer for work and then also goofing off so it seems like I never get anything done around the house. I'm wondering if this is going to be a productive week!

I dunno, but I'm signing off for now.

Week 31 Bump Update

Week 31. That means just 9 more weeks until baby Drake makes his world debut.

I had my regular check up today. I don't know why I go to these things. Sigh. I really hate going to the doctor when nothing is wrong, because I feel like its a waste of time and effort. I know what is normal with my body and what isn't (thanks to Google and the library!) but I go anyway, since my insurance has already paid for it. Sigh.

This week:

I was weighed (245 lbs) and my blood pressure taken. Every time they take my blood pressure with their fancy machine, it doesn't work! I'm always dead. So we use the stethoscope and count it out by hand. Turns out, pregnancy is great for blood pressure. At least for me. When I first went to the doctor, my blood pressure was 136/90 (borderline hypertension). Today it was 109/66, which was down from last time of 112/80. However if it gets much lower, I might be at risk for hypotension (low blood pressure). Right now, I'm still normal, just borderline low-normal.

The doctor was also very talkative today. The subject? Steve Jobs. Weird, I know. But it was a fascinating conversation.


How's Mommy-to-Be?:

I checked out What to Expect the First Year from the library (digitally!) and read some of the first chapters on it before returning it. I didn't want to get too far ahead, but managed to read the first 2 months after baby is born. I'm so excited!

How's Daddy-to-Be?:

Brian's doing alright. He's admitted he is getting anxious and more excited as the weeks go on. He is even reading a baby book. This guy doesn't read often, so it must be important. (it is. And incredibly cute!)
He's reading the Caveman's Guide to Baby's First Year. 

How's the Baby?:


This week, Drake weighs in at a little under 3.5 lbs. Almost half of his full term weight at this point, he is getting ready for another growth spurt. Hurray!

The Bump:


Here is this week's picture. I figure I'll document this last 10 weeks with pictures because that is when we will see the most change!

31 Weeks! getting bigger!

Our next appointment is going to be Thursday, November 10th!!! That will put me at 33 weeks! After my 35 week check-up, I go weekly! Holy crap!

New Vitamins!

Those of you who are pregnant or nursing, definitely listen up! If you hate nasty multivitamins as much as I do, you need these!

Yesssss my precioussssss

These babies are 100% all natural (not that I care, but you might) and taste like lemon, cherry, and berry. The gummies themselves are nice and soft, not all hard and tacky like the Flintstones ones get. These taste like freshly made gumdrops. Yum!

Okay, here's the ingredient list....

Glucose syrup, sucrose, gelatin, natural flavors, citric acid, natural colors (carrot and blueberry juices, black carrot juice extract), lactic acid and fumaric acid.

Let me translate to English for you: Sugar, sugar, Jell-O, lemon juice, carrot juice, blueberry juice, brain energy, and thickening agent.

Note: Contains fish oil (tuna) and soy. Free from dairy, gluten, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and shellfish.

How do they taste? 

Damned delicious. I love gummy candies. Gummy bears, sour patch kids; you name it, I scarf it. These taste really good and not at all chewy. Pleasant for the taste buds and the chewing sensation.

What's so special about them?


Aside from their taste, these have Omega-3's in them and lots of folic acid. Why are these things important? Omega-3's are heart and brain healthy and folic acid has been shown to reduce brain and spinal defects in babies if taken during pregnancy. A normal adult requires only 400mcg of folic acid. Pregnant women, double that, coming in at a whopping 800mcg. It also includes Vitamins A, B-6, B-12, C, D, E, and Zinc.
Also, they won the 2011 Chefs Best award. *shrugs*

What's missing?


No iron. None, zilch, zip. Chances are though, you're good. You can always take an iron supplement if you need to. I get enough iron in my diet that this doesn't bother me. But it's important to note, just in case.

What's a dosage?/How many per bottle?


2 gummies a day. 90 per bottle so it's a 45-day supply. It cost me under $12 for the bottle, so that's a reasonable price to me.

I wish I had found these vitamins earlier. I really do, not only because they taste good, but probably I would have been a little more diligent about taking them every day. I try to take the other ones, but they taste like ass crackers. Ugh.

I had almost bought them before, when I got my last set of vitamins, but was put off by the fact there was no iron in them. I decided that this time, I didn't really care if they had iron or not, because it was more important to take the folic acid. I'm more concerned about preventing spinal birth defects.

Oh, and if you're not pregnant or nursing (and want delicious vitamins) the company also makes One-A-Day brand gummies, so check those out. I did :) but they didn't have enough folic acid for me :(

Twitchy

This week has been dragging for me. Ever since I hit the 75% milestone of 30 weeks, the days have been dragging. Here is where we get so close, yet seem so far. 

Thursday is my next doctor's appointment. It's annoying to me that I am going every two weeks but it happens to fall on odd weeks (yep I'm weird). Thursday will be week 31. Nothing exciting is going to happen this week at the doctor- no blood draws or nasty sugar drinks- just weighed and measured like a horse going to auction. 

I seem to be getting a little anxious or twitchy. I keep wanting to do things. Paint the nursery. Put up curtains. Decorate. Rearrange the furniture. Clean. 

I feel like because I am not doing anything "productive" (painting is not productive- the baby doesn't give a shit if his walls are blue or white) that I am going to be totally unprepared for when the baby arrives. 

Truth be told- I'm solid on prepared. I have everything I need and probably a bunch of stuff I don't. I've been reading What To Expect The First Year and plowed through the first two sections of newborn and first month. I'm hesitant to read further, since the book itself isn't very long and also because I don't need to know the developmental milestones my child will be expected to hit at age 6 months when he is not even out of the womb yet. 

I keep talking to myself and trying to get myself to think logically. Right now I'm a hormone fueled fire that wants to engulf everything... but I gotta keep in mind that a small fire can heat the pot of chili just as well. More fire doesn't necessarily mean better results. I don't know wtf was up with that analogy. But now I'm hungry for chili.

Brian suggested I should write out a master to-do list. Everything we still need to accomplish in the next 9 weeks to get ready for the baby, and then start breaking it all down into weekly and daily chunks. 

My brother in law came over last night to catch up with us. He's been super busy with things and it's good to catch up with him. He's getting excited for the baby as well (he doesn't emote much, so it's hard to tell at times) but he agreed whole-heartily and readily to paint the nursery with Brian :) We talked about it last night and we decided, since our lease is up in March and moving with a 3 month old was probably not the best thing in the world, we were going to stay one more year here. 

It sucks. Every year when our lease is up we are bound and determined to move, yet we really like our apartment complex as a whole. We love our current building and our current neighbors. No one bothers us. No one bothers anyone. We are on friendly "hey how's it going" terms and that's the extent of the conversations. We do want to move and we want to move closer to my family.... but it's just been a matter of timing and finances. Ah well. 18 months left to figure it all out. 

I think the reason I am most anxious and twitchy is because I am reading all of these blogs lately where ladies have given birth to their children (a lot of them are new moms) and the babies are so precious. I guess I take after my dad- he thinks newborns are the most beautiful, while my mom gets more excited about babies when they can smile and be a little more interactive. 

I cry when I see pictures of my friend's baby. I cry when I look at blogger babies. I look at the ultra sound pictures and try and imagine what features Drake has from me and what ones he's got from Brian. Right now, I think he's got Brian's lips. LOL I'm weird, I know. 

The logical and the emotional are fighting for first place all the time. One minute I'm fine and "oh we've got plenty of time" the next I'm all like "WTF why is nothing done?!?! The freezer isn't stuffed full of meals what will we eat after the baby gets here!!!??" So yeah, it's been great. Max and Brian are loving it. They think I am insane. And I am, at times. Luckily, I have started to realize when an episode is coming on and can usually negate it completely or at least partially diffuse it. Brian's been amazing and understanding of it all. He keeps telling me that the only thing he knew about pregnancy before we got pregnant, was that pregnant women were a little crazy. Hahaha. Fair enough. 

I'm off to go write out this master list. Hopefully it doesn't become too long or annoying. Sigh. 

Adventures in Baby Land

Last night, after a hormonal meltdown, Brian decided it was best to get me out of the house. So we went to our favorite late night haunt- Meijer. There we looked at baby things and electronics and video games and basically whatever we could look at. 

I found a book called 100,001+ Baby Names and decided to look up Drake. Depending on which website you go to, Drake means either "male duck" or "dragon". I'm happy with both meanings. Ducks are cute as heck, and dragons couldn't be any more bad ass. 

In that book, Drake meant "dragon like" (let's hope he's not scaly or breathes fire) and then it listed all the alternate spellings with the same meaning. I like the original the best. Brian likes Drayk. My second choice was Draeke but that seems a little excessive. We decided it would be best if we just went with the original spelling. Drake isn't common enough to have to worry about alternate spellings. I feel if we chose one of the more unique versions, people would mispronounce his name and of course, spell it wrong. Having my name spelled wrong my entire life, it's frustrating. (Right, J?? lol) 

We then ventured over to the craft section where we found wood and foam letters of the alphabet. We thought it would be a cool and really inexpensive way to decorate his room if we picked out the letters and painted them. $2.35/letter in wood or $2.55/letter in cardboard covered rigid foam... We are going with wood. And paint was really cheap- $0.80/bottle. 

I nearly lost it when we went to the baby book section. I love Dr Seuss and remember being read my favorite story over and over again by my mom. Green Eggs and Ham. My mom was such a good story teller- she always got so into character. (Turns out, she got annoyed with that real quick) I loved every moment of it. To this day, we still quote it. I read it in the store and got teary eyed (damn hormones) and then started looking around for my other favorite book. Berenstein Bears Inside Outside Upside Down. Unfortunately they didn't have it. I will buy that book for my child. 

Brian was most excited about this turtle thing. It's a constellation mobile so it projects stars on the walls and ceiling and plays soft music or something. He thinks it is so cool. I'm sure we will have to get it eventually. I'm excited about books and he's excited about stars... seems like both of us are dreamers ;)

All in all, it was great to get out of the house and I was happy to see all the baby stuff. We didn't even buy anything either, that is the best part hehe. Well, okay, we got a frozen pizza and we each got a kit kat bar :)

Jam Packed

I decided that I was going to be ambitious and put away all of the baby's clothes in the dresser yesterday. We have a lot of baby clothes.

This grey tub is so stuffed full of baby clothes that I have no idea how it all fits in there. We got a great deal on all of the clothes and they range from 0-24 months. The tub came with the car seat (seen peeking on the right), a baby bath tub, a belly wedge pillow, and a postpartum belly band for $10. Yeah, I know. It wasn't so much a deal as a steal. The plastic bags and the party bag are filled with baby clothes too. 

I had started sorting when we were cleaning up the nursery a bit- putting all of the baby's bibs, hats, shoes, and socks in a white plastic drawer- but I was finally ready to tackle this mountain of clothing. And what a mountain it was. 

I have successfully stuffed all of the drawers full of baby clothes... except I only managed to get 0-6 months in and a handful of 9 months. I still have a tub full of clothes. I was debating on getting another dresser (probably plastic) or bins or something for it, but Brian brought up a good point. We will just keep those clothes where they are and in 6-9 months or so, swap them out for the bigger sizes.

No one knows that this thing could explode at any moment....

I also taped the paint swatch to the wall today so I could see the color Brian picked out. It's called Wonder Blue.

Brian made fun of me for taping it to the wall lol I wonder why? ;)

We aren't painting all of the walls, just a wide band near the top for a pop of color and we are getting some shelves and painting them the same color of blue. We aren't sure if we will still be in this apartment come March when our lease is up, but we might stay. It really depends on a number of factors. So we didn't want to commit to painting just because we might have to turn around again in 6 months and paint it all back white. I hate painting. Glad I get to sit this one out.

With the rocking chair coming in and our recliner going out today, all we have left to do is paint and decorate. I do need a new lamp though, or one of those 3 way bulbs for the one we have currently.

Here's the rocking chair! It's one of those nice gliders.

Rock a bye baby... on the tree top...

Time flies when one is having fun! Poor Brian though, he's going to have to do all of the painting. Maybe I can bribe ask his brother to help out. Food and beer- always a winner, right?

Now I also need to just rearrange the furniture, and we will be done... but we will do that after painting!

A Wedge of Refreshment

Lately sleeping has been a drain... it seems like I never get enough "quality" sleep, tossing and turning all night long. A lot of it has to do with the fact that sleeping on my side is painful on my hips. Go figure, right, because that is the best position to sleep in while pregnant for maximum circulation. Pfft. My ass.

The most comfortable position for me to sleep in is also the worst. Seems like a theme here, I'm tellin' ya. Sleeping on your back is the worst during pregnancy, because the big ol' belly presses down on the vena cava, the major vein that returns blood to your heart. Which means poor circulation. Which means less oxygen for mom and baby... which means "don't do it".

Little did I know relief was where I least expected it. I had opened up a tub of baby clothes we got at a garage sale. I had looked through all of this stuff previously, but had no where to put it, so put the lid back on. In it, I found something amazing.

A little pregnancy wedge pillow.

This is a Boppy pillow. Not sure if mine is Boppy or not.

This heaven sent pillow is perfect! The thin end of the wedge is so thin that it easily slides under my belly, while the thicker end is thick enough to provide support. Also, it works in other positions. If I want to lay on my back and not worry about oxygen loss, I can slip a pillow under my right hip/ass cheek. However... that's insanely uncomfortable with a traditional pillow. Not so with the wedge. Again, the thin edge slips in easily and the thick edge gives plenty of support. I knew my hip was being lifted- I could feel that my hips were not in a straight line any more, but at an angle- and it felt like I didn't have anything under me. I slept like that for most of the night last night.

It's also great for stomach sleeping- another of my favorites!

I had such a great night of deep, comfortable sleep that I was able to dream all night, plus I woke up early full of energy and a bounce in my step. Both Max and Brian are still sleeping at this time hehe :)

To be honest, I slept on my side and my hips still hurt so that is still the most uncomfortable position ever. I think it's just because I carry a lot of weight on my hips, so it just doesn't work for me for very long. I did recover faster than I usually do from my nightly soreness because I was a little sore when I first woke up 15 minutes ago, but now I feel great.

I gotta jet. My parents are coming by today to do a furniture swap- more on that later- and I have to finish preparing their delicious meal. One guess as to what we are having! (hint: it's lasagna! okay, not much of a hint, haha!)

In The End

Today I called the Dr to get my results. I am relieved to say the the least, I was told my results are "fine" and that I do not have gestational diabetes. Which is great!

I can tell you two things.

1) It was worth the sticks to find out whether or not I was diabetic.
2) I am never doing that stupid test again.

Why it was worth it:

This is the one thing I was freaking out about. I have been worried I might have been diabetic for a while now and while it seems completely selfish (it is), I was not worried about the baby's development, was not worried about labor, or anything else. I was freaked out about being diabetic. Sorry I am not sorry. Some people freak out if their baby is developing properly, some people freak out about breast feeding, some people freak out about paint, cribs, and baby gear.

I admit my fear was completely selfish. Moving on.

Why I am never doing this test again:

If I have subsequent pregnancies (and I will, I'm sure!) I am not going to take this test. I will opt out. It was a headache and a nightmare, both times. My doctor did not require me to fast for the 1 hour test, so it caused me to take the 3 hour test. It took days for results both times. I spent so much time worrying about this (pretending I wasn't, by the way) that this is just not happening ever again. Also, if I am not diabetic at my heaviest, then I am sure once I get back on the weight loss/fitness journey that I will not be diabetic then.

Remember, I was concerned pre-preggers that I might have been diabetic. I actually ordered the lab work from my regular doctor and was waiting until we got decent insurance to go take it. Well now that that I have taken it (twice), no need for a repeat. Ever again.

Badge of Honor:

The bruise. Sorry for the super white flash, it kind of washed me out.

30 Weeks

Today is a momentous occasion! I am 30 weeks- 3/4ths of the way done with the pregnancy. This is where things get interesting.

Baby Drake is growing right along and weighs about 3 lbs and is about 15.7 inches long from crown to rump! Weighing roughly the same as a head of cabbage, it's no wonder the little kicks and punches are getting more forceful.

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: We are in the home stretch now! Hope these ten weeks go really fast!

Symptoms: Hips hurting and some swelling. This is alleviated though with movement and lots of Tylenol. Lots of heartburn, including things that normally don't give heartburn, like milk (!!)

Food cravings: Subway! Sandwiches, chicken, mostly good for me things.

Gender: Baby Drake is a boy!

Sleep: Not as restful, but still get plenty of it.

Labor Signs: Nope!

Belly Button in or out? Halfway in between. Super shallow now. I can actually see it shifting.

What I miss: Personal grooming "down there" and also bending over.

Milestones: 30 Weeks is a huge milestone! We are officially in the last 25% of pregnancy now! Hard to believe! It honestly feels like we just got pregnant.

The Bump (My Lovely Baby Bump!)

Previously: 24 Weeks/6 Months

Currently: 30 Weeks/7.5 Months

Brian's grandma, aunt and cousin saw us today and were remarking on how tiny my baby bump actually is! Sweet of them to say! PS That is the tunic from Old Navy. I practically live in this thing! 

What do you guys think? Am I glowing? :)

Just 10 weeks/2.5 months left to go! Did anyone else know that pregnancy is really about 10 months long? Me either... 

The Fast(ing) and the Furious

8:00 am. The alarm blares. I wake up Brian and tell him he needs to get up and make his own breakfast and coffee and to wake me up after.

8:35 am. We leave for the hospital. It's pouring down rain. I haven't had anything to eat or drink since last night at 9 pm. I didn't even brush my teeth, since I love to drink a glass of water after. I was miserable.

8:50 am. We arrive at the hospital to find out that the outpatient lab is uhm... closed. So we ask hospital staff and they tell us to go to the 2nd floor, first door on the right outside the elevator. We tell them that is the one that is closed. They look puzzled and confused.

9:00 am. Finally in another outpatient lab in the main hospital. We tell them I'm here for my GTT and my name, id and ins card.... no order for me.

9:15 am. They locate my paperwork. Apparently it is waiting for me in the closed lab. Sigh. New paper work is being faxed. I'm given a fancy bracelet even though this is outpatient lab work. I feel fancy.

9:25 am. Finally the new paperwork arrives and I can get my first blood draw of the day- the fasting one. This takes all of 30 seconds. Lab tech is surprised I am such a good bleeder. She uses butterfly needles (really thin, easy needles)

9:45 am. I finally get the glucose drink. 100g of sugar, so it's twice as concentrated as the last. My stomach is rumbling and I'm so thirsty. I chug it.

10:45 am. First of three draws. I'm having them use the same arm for all of them. My right arm is pretty much useless anyway and I don't want to be bruised on both arms.

11:45 am. Second to last draw. I'm so tired, I'm having trouble staying awake. Brian brought the laptop and was watching videos on YouTube. I brought my crochet stuff, but couldn't concentrate on it.

It's somewhere between 11:45 and 12:45 that I am becoming delirious with hunger. I am trying to think of what I want to eat- I've been fasting for 15 hours. It's a tie between a bacon double cheeseburger and a big greasy burrito. I definitely want cheese fries.

12:45 The last draw! Woohoo! Except the tech I was with all morning left and now some old man is doing it. He doesn't talk. He used a bigger needle- it hurt really really bad. And I bled. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. Again, he was surprised that I am such a good bleeder. This one hurt the worst.

We leave and decide to hit up Steak n' Shake. All I could think about at that point was sleeping. I was tired and very sore, and not even hungry any more. I fall asleep on the car ride over.

I order chicken fingers with honey mustard sauce, cheese fries, and a small chocolate shake. I didn't finish the shake. I gulped down a huge glass of ice water. Brian had a Frisco Melt (cheeseburger with Swiss and cheddar on sour dough toast, with Thousand Island dressing), a chili cheese hot dog and 2 orders of fries.

I came home and fell asleep in bed almost immediately. My arm was killing me! I couldn't bend it, I couldn't hold my purse, and I felt like crying. I wake up and already got a lovely bruise blossoming.

I'm told tomorrow I will know the results. I'm anxious to know the results but at this point I also don't care. I'm so over being stabbed with tiny needles.

I could never be anorexic, that is for sure. I could hardly stand fasting for 12 hours and by the time 16 hours rolled around I was ready to kill someone. I woke up hungry. I ate. I'm still hungry. I become ravenous and insatiable.

In exciting news, Drake is head down! I get hiccups in my pelvis region now and forceful kicks near my ribs. Tiny punches somewhere in the middle. So things are moving right along. I'm 30 weeks today.

Gray Area

Reading a little more about this GTT (glucose tolerance test). I was so afraid and angry. I decided to get educated, because knowledge is power. I didn't understand why I had to take this test again. I thought it meant I had gestational diabetes. It turns out that it is actually just a gray area.

Straight from Baby Center's article on the GTT (read the full article)

What is an abnormal blood glucose level?

     Different practitioners use different standards for determining whether your level is too high. Some will say that if your one-hour blood sugar level is 140 milligrams of glucose per deciliter of blood plasma (mg/dL) or more, you need to have the glucose tolerance test. Others put the cut-off at 130 mg/dL to catch more women who may have gestational diabetes, even though there are likely to be more false positives this way.

     If your blood glucose level for this test is higher than 200 mg/dL, most practitioners will consider you diabetic and you won't be required to take the glucose tolerance test. But any score between 140 and 200 means that you'll have to take the three-hour glucose tolerance test for a definite diagnosis.

So I have fallen in this 140-200 range and its enough concern for the GTT to be taken. I am angry because I was not told to fast for the first test. I am sure if I was, then I would not have fallen in this gray area. But I can't be mad any more. 

The 3-hr test will suck. Fasting for 12 hours (which starts here in an hour and a half for me). When I arrive, they will stick me and draw a sample. Then I get samples drawn again at the 1, 2, and 3 hour marks. I will either have to drink a more concentrated version of the glucose medicine or a larger dose. Either way, I welcome it. I'm not allowed to even drink water, so I will be ready for anything at that point. 

Further information found in the article:

If one of the readings is abnormal, you may have to take another test later in your pregnancy. Or your practitioner may ask you to make some changes in your diet and exercise routine. If two or more of your readings are abnormal, you'll be diagnosed with gestational diabetes and you'll need to talk to your practitioner about a treatment plan. This chart shows the levels that the American Diabetes Association considers abnormal at each interval of the test:
Interval Abnormal reading

• Fasting 95 mg/dl or higher
• One hour 180 mg/dl or higher
• Two hours 155 mg/dl or higher
• Three hours 140 mg/dl or higher

As if that's not annoying enough, if I am diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I will have to take another GTT 6 weeks after giving birth. 

In any case, I will know Thursday whether or not I have it. And if I do, then I get treatment. And if I don't, then I have nothing to worry about. 

Now that I am informed, I can go back to being annoyed. Annoyed because my arm is already bruised from the first test. Annoyed because I have to be there for 3 hours. I'm also a little on edge because I've had heartburn all day, which never puts me in a good mood hehe. Oh well. 

I just want this all to be over with. It will be. In 16 and a half hours, it will be over. And I will know what the results are on Thursday. I'm not scared or afraid any more. I can handle whatever comes my way. I just hope that tonight and tomorrow go quickly :)

Scarf

Tomorrow is the big day.... so yesterday I went to Joann's for some yarn. I saw online they were running a special on Lionbrand yarn being 25% off! So I scooted on up there and to my surprise, it was actually a better deal in store- buy 1, get 1 50% off! Now some of Lionbrand's yarn is pricey. The kind I was after yesterday wasn't too bad. 6 ounces for $3.59.  (it can run as much as $15.00 per 0.88 ounces- that's for cashmere!)

I went with the Wool-Ease in Oxford Grey

The all-important gauge swatch. 13 single crochet x 12 rows= 4" square.

I bought 2 of course, not just because of the 50% off, but because I am working on a scarf for Brian and the pattern called for 2 skeins. I started working it up last night to make sure I understood the pattern. Here's what it looks like so far.

I was worried it was a little too 'girly' but he thinks it looks cool.

No, my desk isn't crumby, it's scuffed up pretty bad :(

Wool-Ease is beautiful- I may work exclusively in it from now on. It's 80% acrylic and 20% wool, so it's completely machine washable and dry-able. Being a wool blend, it has the warmth and softness of wool without the scratchiness that often accompanies it.

I also bought another skein of Full o' Sheep in Peony because I needed it to finish a pair of booties. Thank goodness I bought it, because while I had enough to finish the booties anyway, when I felted them (made them fuzzy) one of them turned out and the other didn't... so now I can make a new one, no problem.

I spent about 2 hours today winding yarn into a pull-from-center ball by hand. It's easy to do, just time consuming. It take about an hour per 5 or 6 ounces. But when it's all done, it is so much easier to manage. When you pull yarn out now it doesn't flip or move around. It's coming straight from the center of the ball. I did this because I'm taking my yarn stuff tomorrow to work on the scarf, and this makes it "travel friendly".

I keep going back and forth on wanting to get a ball winder. Yes it would make it less time consuming and neater looking balls... but my method is free. The ball winders are hand-cranked so it's not completely machine done... I think it takes the same amount of effort, just less time? I have no idea. All I know is I have about 4 lbs of yarn that needs to be wound into balls and that is a lot of hand winding!
I just did the math- that's 11 hours of ball winding. Maybe I'll do an hour a day or something while I watch Biggest Loser.

I have never done popcorn stitches before- those little poof balls- so I wasn't sure how to do them. Luckily I have this book

And it seriously has every answer about every thing, ever. All the special stitches, all the questions about yarn weights, gauge, zippers, free form crochet, adding beads, buttons and embellishments... you name it, it's in there. Such a helpful little book. I can quickly dive into it at any time, because it's small enough to carry around.

After this scarf is done, I'm going to work up that baby blanket I keep putting off. I actually decided to try something new! I'm going to strand two yarns together- yellow and green- and work them both at the same time. Hopefully it turns out cool. I'll have to work up a swatch and see how it looks. What I really want is this Amazing yarn- it is self striping... but kind of expensive. $6.99 for 5 ounces... and most of the patterns need 3+ skeins of it. :( I could have picked it up yesterday for BOGO 50% off, but I couldn't find the colorway I wanted to use for Brian. And since it was his scarf, well, I couldn't make it pink. I mean I could... but I don't think he would have liked it! :)

The Results

This morning I got the results of my glucose screen. I have to take the 3-4 hour glucose tolerance test (GTT) because my sugar was high. This could have been partly because of what I had eaten the day of, so now I have to fast for 12 freakin' hours. If I don't eat every four hours or so, I start getting shaky. This is going to suck.

She asked me if I wanted to come in tomorrow morning- pffffttttttt no. I want to eat today. I'm going in Wednesday morning at 9 am (the lab opens at 8:30). No food or drink after 9 pm tomorrow night- this includes water. I'm not allowed to have any water either! Unless I am "dying of thirst" then I get "one or two sips" uggggh. Fine.

I have to stay there for the 3ish hours (the nurse said three, the lab techs can't seem to agree if it's 3.5 or 4) so I need to bring something entertaining I guess. I'm thinking of hitting up Joann's today for some yarn and I'll take along my crochet stuff.

I will know Thursday afternoon what my results are.

I've decided not to stress out about this because I need to know if I am diabetic. I need to know what is going on. If I am, well, then it's time for treatment. If I'm not, hallelujah!

Either way, I'm sleeping from Tuesday 9 pm to Wednesday 8 am and I better not dream about food.

That glucose stuff they give me makes me all jumpy and hyper. I can't imagine how this is going to work after I've not had any food for 12 hours and then have to drink that stuff.

Anyone ever done this before? What about those of you who are diabetic- not just gestational diabetes- did you have to do the same thing?

I am going to savor my food today and tomorrow for sure. I feel like I am being sent to the electric chair, I'm already trying to think of things for my "last meal"... what should I do for it? Any suggestions? I want something filling! Immediately I think "pot pie" lol

Whoops.

I swear my doctor said to call the office Friday after noon because my results would not be in until then? Or maybe it was before noon, because when I called (at 1 pm) the office was closed for the day.

Now I have to wait until Monday. Whoops.

But oh well, nothing I can do about it. Actually I even forgot all about it until about 10 minutes ago lol

Things are great here.

Brian got involved with a couple of guys who have actually made mobile apps. One is seriously the geekiest programmer ever. The other guy is the story/music guy. And they want Brian to be the art guy. The guy in charge (programmer) runs his own business, can code the shit out of anything, and now he wants to make a mobile app game. The great thing is they are all friends with the other group he was working with, so now he can have 2 projects going on.

The new group is offering Brian free hosting on their server for his website as an incentive. Once the game is out on the marketplace, Brian gets 25% of every sale. Brian said he doesn't even care about money, he just wants to have a published product. I just hope that this one actually goes through. Not that we lose anything out of it except time, but I'm tired of these half-baked schemes.

We paid all of our bills on the 12th. All of them. We have enough money saved back for groceries for the next two weeks and now we can just concentrate on rent. Brian has 14 days left of work up to November 1st. He gets another paycheck. We already have $150 for rent. Brian makes an average of $43/night in tips. Based on that, he is going to make rent on tips alone. And if he doesn't quite make enough, well his paycheck will cover the rest of it. It's such a great feeling! Based on our budget and our earnings, we should be able to finish off our baby emergency fund this month, with an extra $100 or so to start the debt snowball rolling.

I've given up on knitting. It is just too frustratingly difficult for me. I don't know if it's the yarn, the needles or what, but I keep dropping stitches 3 rows down somehow (magically, I swear!) I'm counting stitches, then all of a sudden, there is unraveled yarn in the middle of a row! I don't know how that happens. I was trying to complete a gauge swatch, which has to be a 4" x 4" but it takes me too long to even knit 2". I kept trying but I am just not happy with my results/efforts. So screw it. I'll just keep crocheting. I like it better, I'm at an intermediate level and I am pretty fast with it. I found some patterns I want to try, so I'll have to get some more yarn and get to work on them.

My ligaments in my hips are stretching/softening. I can tell because it really hurts to do just about anything. Sitting, laying down, walking... yeah it's all a pain. But it's alright. I am not complaining (too much) because I just finished Biggest Loser season 9 with Michael weighing in at 526 lbs... I can't even imagine his pain at that size, so I don't have much to complain about :)

The Screen

Mmmmm so I spent all of last night trying to get to sleep but couldn't. Then I had the glucose screening, which was not that bad. The sugary drink they gave me was sort of like flat orange soda. After that, they tested my urine sample and told me I had sugar in my urine. Really? Wow. Sarcasm. The sugar drink hit my system HARD. I am jittery, and ADD and fidgeting like crazy. Also it gave me horrible gas. I don't know why but it was noxious.

My blood pressure is even better than last time. I'm at 112/86 instead of 120-something. I told the nurse that I would not like to see my weight, please, because it upsets me. She was great about it. My blood draw went great, found the vein immediately- one stick! Woo! Probably because my veins were bulging out from all the sugar.

I got some questions answered about when I get the results back, which should have been today, but my appointment was so late in the afternoon that the doctor's office closed shortly after my draw. I will get them tomorrow before noon. I met with my doctor and his new nurse practitioner. Once again, I'm right on the money for my growth, I'm average in heartbeat and everything else. I found out that I can start taking Xanax again if needed after birth, since my dosage is so low. He also said that anxiety medicine was okay to take, it is class C and D drugs that he is worried about (whichever those are!) He also thinks I won't need it as often as I used to, but I told him we will see. I don't deal with stress very well.

I got some recommendations for pediatricians and how soon he wants me to go to the hospital, which is really really.... early. As soon as I start having contractions or as soon as my water breaks, they want me to go to the hospital since it's my first one. Hmm we will see about that. He said not to worry, we will talk about this more after I hit 36 weeks.

I now go every 2 weeks to the doctor, woo hoo. Sarcasm. I go every 2 weeks until December 1st, then it's every week until I'm ready to pop.

Anyway, I'm off to play more Plants Vs Zombies.

Tomorrow's To-Do's

Thoughts of tomorrow are weighing on my mind. I really hate going to the doctor. I know I need to go, but it's just one of those things that seem to take forever!

I'm 29 weeks today. Wow, hard to believe I am that pregnant already. Time certainly has gone by so quickly. It's hard to believe that I am due in 2.5 months. I swear I just got pregnant!

My to-do list keeps growing! I have to call one hospital to sign up and complete a Parents Q&A class so I get a free portable play pen playard. I don't really have any questions though. There is also a free 4 week class being offered at another hospital that I would like to take. It's free, so why not? And I have to schedule an "expectant parent talk" with a pediatrician, see if they take our insurance (they should, same health network as my OB). This is on top of the glucose screen and the OB doctor's appointment. And I guess now I'll have to come in once every two weeks, since I've hit the third trimester. Gag me with a spoon.

I guess I should write down some questions. I try to be a very good patient and actually ask questions so I can be educated. I ask my gyno and family doctor questions all the time. But because I've read so many articles and baby books I feel like I don't have a whole lot to ask any more. And then of course there is Google. I ask Google everything! (come on, you know you type your query in the form of a question too... don't deny it. 'Why does asparagus make your pee smell funny?'..sorry that was the only thing I could think of!)

I mean, I asked about my weight gain, I asked about my blood pressure. I will probably ask a bit about lactation consultants (hey, if it's free, I'll do it, if not... meh) I'll probably ask my OB if he recommends a pediatrician. Heck, I think he is also a pediatrician. Let me ask Google. Nope, not one. Darn. Guess he only deals with va-jay-jays and deliveries.

And after all of that? I still have to go grocery shopping. Ughhhh. AND we are having company over too. Brian's friend/boss is coming over and they are designing a website for his friend's father in law. The father in law is going to help them with starter funds for the game studio, and is willing to pay a lot of money for this website. We get a small percentage of it to keep as payment for the website design, but most of the money is going to buy software licenses. Actually, I'm not really pleased with the amount that Brian will be getting for the website design, as it's not even 10% of what the man is paying. So he's going to talk to his friend/boss and see if we can get a little more. He's not going to push the issue though; they definitely need the software licenses and those bitches are expensive. (Besides, it's basically free money. Brian designs websites in his sleep and this one is actually really simple.)

I'm off to go Google a list of questions I should be asking these various doctors, nurses, and whoever else I will be seeing in the next few weeks.

I guess I do have some questions but they are not really... hospital questions. More like government and insurance questions. Oh well, someone will be able to answer them all!

It Feels Good to be a Gangster

We are so on top of things this month. Financially, we are more at peace than we have been. Emotionally, I feel like I am now 'ready' to be a parent. I don't think I am prepared- that's quite a different matter entirely- even though we have all the essentials we need to raise a child, I don't feel like I quite have all the knowledge. But I have a fantastic support system and a fool-proof plan in place. When in doubt, ask Mom. :)

Each day that comes I feel like we are one step closer to realizing our dreams.

Each day I feel like I am a little stronger, a little more ready, a little more knowledgeable about something.

Today I feel inspired to take on the world. I think it has to do with Biggest Loser being on Instant Streaming on Netflix. I'm watching Season 9 - it was the most inspirational to me. With Ashley, Daris, Koli, Sam, Sunshine and O'Neal. I was bawling the first episode. I'm on episode 7 now. I'm still bawling over it. After I'm done with Season 9, I plan on watching the other seasons, starting back at Season 1.

Tomorrow is my gestational diabetes testing. I thought a lot about what it means and what it might mean. It might mean nothing. It might mean something. If I do have it, well, then I'll get educated about it. I realized that the only reason I am afraid of having it is because I am afraid of the unknown about it. If I'm educated about it and what it means for me and the baby, then suddenly, it becomes less scary and more manageable. Done.

Each day I feel stronger, in so many respects. I spent a little time moping and bitching about my weight gain and how unhappy it made me, but I've come to realize (again) that the number on the scale doesn't make me happy. It doesn't dictate who I am. And once I have the baby, I'll start right back on the weight loss thing. I'm okay with myself.

I feel like such a bad ass :)

The Cutest Thing

The cutest thing in the world at the moment: Drake has been getting hiccups. It may seem weird, but babies in the womb can get hiccups just like the rest of us. Why? No one knows. They aren't swallowing air, so it doesn't make sense. But they are practicing their breathing techniques, so it might just be muscle spasms of the diaphragm. The human body really is amazing when you think about it!

If I hadn't read that babies get hiccups then I would not have known this was going on. It feels very faint and rhythmic, way more frequent than a kick or punch, and about half as strong. It happens every 2-3 seconds and continues for about 1-2 minutes. Yes, I time them. Why not? It's good practice for contractions!

Yesterday he got the hiccups twice, and this morning around 10 am he had them again. Brian even got to feel the kicks and hiccups this morning, which is rare, because usually when I call Brian over the baby stops moving hehe. What a brat ;) I love it though, it cracks me up. Poor Brian. The baby has been kicking me for over 12 weeks now and he's only felt it twice. Not for lack of trying, but Drake is usually only active when a) Brian's at work or b) when Brian's asleep.

Now I can tell where the baby's head is at when he gets hiccups. A lot of the time, he's head down near the pelvic region, so it's good that he has found his way down there. Let's hope that he stays that way come end of the term.

I just thought I would post something positive since it seems like I don't have anything positive to say lately. I'm trying not to let my negativity get the best of me but it seems like I slipped up recently.

Dogs Part 2

Maxwell and I ventured into unknown territory yesterday: the nursery. Everything I have read about preparing dog for baby is let them sniff everything.

Max loved this exercise! He sniffed everything, except the hamper. He's terrified of that. Probably because it's one of those wire and mesh hampers and when I took it out of the package, it sprung out and scared us both! But his favorite thing to sniff? Clothes! He loved all the baby clothes. It's probably because he has a doggie sweater and he loves to put it on. Don't believe me? If I bring out his sweater, he runs in circles and prances and sits eagerly waiting for me to put it on. It's really funny. He probably thought all the baby clothes were for him! He also liked the swing and the vibrating chair thing.

I've been pretty gimped lately- my bad ankle is suffering from edema or swollen feet- so it makes it difficult to walk around. It feels a lot like recovering from surgery to be honest. Only cure for it is to keep it propped up and alternate ice and heat, which is doing the trick beautifully. However, it does have to be constant. Max seems to think I am going to die or something because he has been sticking to me like glue today, on my left side, near my feet. We took a 4 hour nap today. Every time I went to change position, he eyed me nervously.

I know my dog is smart-you can actually see him try to reason things out. I just need to be a little more patient with his sensitive nature and show him through example and training that things are going to be okay.

Dogs.

I am not sure what happened yesterday, to be honest. I was working, and our internet went out. I have been watching my tone of voice lately. If I say anything louder than my normal voice (which is loud anyway) Max freaks out. Even if I wasn't paying any attention to him when whatever it is occurred.

Anyway, it goes out and this time I didn't say anything naughty. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I didn't throw anything around. I just said "Oh no!" and rebooted the router, my computer, and the modem. I have no idea where Max was at this time and nor do I care. But I was still careful to watch my tone and volume as not to upset him.

My shift is over, and I try to play with Max as is our custom. Except he won't play. He won't fetch his ball. He won't eat, he won't drink any water, he doesn't perk up when I ask if he has to go out (and it had been 6 hours, so I know he had to go) all he did was shake and shiver and twitch, and look extremely guilty. Every time I would ask him where his ball was or why he was looking so guilty, he just ran to his crate and sat and shivered in there.

Thinking maybe he had an accident somewhere (uncommon but could happen) or got into something he wasn't supposed to, I made the rounds but couldn't find any indication of foul play or foul mess. Perplexed, I just let him sit and shiver in his cage. I am not going to reaffirm the behavior by telling him everything is okay. I start thinking maybe he just is afraid of me now because I am pregnant.

I Google various articles and forums. Not one of them says why my dog is acting afraid of me. Every article and instance I find is about dogs becoming over protective or distant. Not practically-epileptic. I take him outside and he is happy outside, running around and wagging his tail. He does his business and gets lots of praise, we run (he runs, I waddle) back inside and up the stairs and suddenly his demeanor changes completely. Back to shaking, twitching, shivering and guilt.

Sigh. I try to get him to play again. No. I cut up an apple. His favorite. Nope. He won't eat his apple. I try to  do a little confidence building with some basic commands, like Sit, Stay, Roll Over, Shake... but he just crawls on his belly either toward me or away from me and refuses his treat.

Maybe he's sick, I think to myself. "Go lay down," I tell him calmly and devoid of emotion, although secretly I'm starting to get annoyed. He runs to his crate, tail tucked between his legs where presumably, he shook himself to sleep. I didn't go check on him, because I didn't want to terrify him with my very presence anymore.

Brian calls me on his way home from work. Normally when my phone rings, Max bounds out to me and sits eagerly, watching me with wide eyes. He knows that I only answer the phone for "Daddy" and that if I am talking, it must be to Daddy. If I tell him "Daddy's home!" he runs in circles and then waits patiently by the door until Brian walks in. He could wait for HOURS if need be.

Not today. He didn't come out when I answered the phone, or when I told him Daddy was coming home. I got no response. I tell Brian of the weird behavior and we both think that it's because I am pregnant. After all, each dog responds to things differently.... Brian arrives home and doesn't receive his usual enthusiastic welcome from Max. He calls Max and Max won't come. Eventually he comes out, tail tucked, shivering, and Brian can't get him to do anything either. Normally they roll around on the floor and wrestle until Brian gets hurt. He won't even go pee for Brian.

After a while, when the shaking doesn't stop, Brian asks Max. "What's wrong?" And Max looks at me. I'm not even paying attention, I'm playing Plants Vs Zombies. "Did Mommy do something to upset you?" Raised eyebrow from me, but I say nothing. Max looks away, and goes to lay behind the couch, staring at it intently.

Brian decides to look under the couch, for whatever reason. And there was Max's ball. A Kong ball that he got 4 days ago and destroyed in 15 minutes and hasn't played with since. After Brian gave it to him, he was completely fine! Happy, stupid dog happy, tongue out the side of his mouth, rolling around on the floor, running up and down the hall, the only kind of happy dogs get.

I am beyond annoyed. This dog had me worried that I was causing him distress, that because I got pregnant, he was freaking out. Or maybe he was sick, or maybe he wasn't happy with us, or maybe this maybe that.... but no, he was upset because he could not get at his BALL that he had not even played with in FOUR DAYS. Never mind the fact he got another new ball and that new ball still squeaks!

I am still not sure what happened, but I can kind of guess. He must have been digging at the back of the couch when my internet went out. My proclaiming "Oh no!" must have made him think he was doing something bad. Even though I was not looking at him or paying him any mind.

And I guess he was shaking and looking guilty because I did keep asking him where his ball was- "My ball is under there, I'm sorry I lost it! I'll try to be a good boy! I'll try harder, honest!" seemed to be the response.

Today? We played fetch with the found ball for hours. All is well.

Part 2 tomorrow.

How to Feel Sexy While Knocked Up

Or really, whenever you want to feel sexy- no matter if you're expecting or not.

Step 1: Find some really cute clothes.

I got 2 sweater/tunics from Old Navy Maternity and the rest of my clothes are garage sale/Wal-Mart maternity.

Styling really matters here. In fact a lot of the same techniques that make maternity clothes flattering also flatter bigger women as well, so read up on those! Empire waists are especially flattering. Tunics too.

Step 2: Go for layers.

Pregnancy is an odd time. I get hot/cold so often that I feel like I am either going through menopause or coming down with a flu. It's not uncommon for me to wear a t shirt, long sleeved shirt, and a jacket so I can peel off layers and start putting them back on.

Step 3: Buy new bras that fit.

Fit is the key word here. I had to use a measuring tape and several charts online to find a cup size that made sense to me. For a while,  I kept getting told I was a C cup. Pfft. I have never been a C cup in my life. Finally, I found a chart that gave me a reasonable result. 46DD. I tried one on, and while it fit, there wasn't a whole lot of room for growth. I went up to a 48DD and found that not only fit me now, but there was plenty of space left in case my boobs got bigger. My boobs haven't been so supported and my shoulders didn't even feel the straps. Fit is important. (A great bra: Just My Size reasonably priced, great fit.)

Step 4: Take good care of your skin/hair

Use a nice shampoo and conditioner on your hair. I use Suave (cheap) shampoo and then Nexxus (pricey) conditioner. I only condition every other shower though, otherwise my hair gets too greasy. Skin care is also important. If you want the best bang for your buck, go with either baby oil or Udderly Smooth. While it's made for cow udders, it has so many more uses. Even night cream! Hahaha... but seriously, it works. $5 for a tub, can't beat the price and a little goes a long way. Same with baby oil. Slap it on after a shower, a dab will do you!

Step 5: Stay off the scale

Nothing says "Hello fat ass!" quite like stepping on the scale. So don't do it.

Step 6: Take lots of pictures

Even when you hate having your picture taken, take it anyway. The more I have my picture taken, the less I hate it, and even start to like some of my pictures. Not all would win a modeling call out contest, and some I would prefer never see the light of day... but still, it's important to have pictures of yourself. Don't edit yourself out of your life.

OR you can just do what I am doing now! Wear a knit tunic and a pair of underwear around the house singing "I'm Too Sexy" at the top of your lungs. To each their own :)

14 hours later

After 14 hours of sleeping I feel much better! I can scarcely believe I slept 14 hours, almost all of which was straight through... but apparently I needed it. Hubster is feeling loads better too, thanks to some OTC meds and getting out of the house. Me? I laid around in my nightie all day drinking water and listening to my favorite audio book while drifting in an out of sleep.

One thing I noticed about sleeping... it's getting more difficult to change positions. I have to hold and support my belly now if I want to swap from laying on my left to laying on my right, otherwise, I get HUGE muscle cramps that feel like charlie horses. In the uterus.

Also, my butt fell asleep while laying on my left side. I don't know what that was about, but it was awkward.

Knitting is going fairly well today! Practice makes manageable, as they say. Or was that perfect? I'm far too lazy to shoot for perfect, but I'll go for C+/B- any day. I'm 5 rows in and got about an inch of work done. I need 8 inches. So 5 rows x 7 inches = 35 more rows until I am done with my first project! Woohoo! I don't think I will be using this yarn again though, it unravels too easily and is generally frustrating to work with. But do I start over with a different yarn, losing my progress? Or do I forge ahead and say "screw it" and get it done as soon as possible? Hmm. Only time will tell. Some great advice I got from a friend, use circular needles even if knitting flat instead of in the round. Which seems like a lot of knitters do. My needles are almost too small to hold all of my work on, but it's manageable for now.

I'm absolutely loving my new maternity clothes. I will have to wait to take pictures though, it's been too hot to wear them. Everything about them is awesome. The tops fit wonderfully, are incredibly soft and flattering, and they weren't too pricey. $60 for the tops, $40 for the pants. Okay, so a little pricey. I spent $100 on two outfits... but it's worth it. I rarely buy clothes, choosing instead to wear the heck out of them, so this is a nice little reward. I might shop exclusively at Old Navy though after I have the baby, and maybe buying 1 article of clothing a month as part of my allowance, and having cute and fashionable clothing. That would be nice. If you are plus sized and looking for cute, fashionable clothing that doesn't make you look like a cow stuffed in some fabric, check out Old Navy's plus sized section. Unfortunately, it's all on line only, but if you spend $50, free shipping. Which is a great deal, since they have stuff on sale all the time. And it's sizes 16-30 so I am sure you will find something you like!

It's 5 am here and since I slept all day yesterday I am finding it hard to go to bed now. I think I'll work on my knitting some more. Hope everyone has a great day!

Narcoleptic

All of a sudden, I wake up! 


Hello children, here it is 4 pm in the afternoon and I wake up for approximately 10 minutes to eat a turkey and colby jack sandwich (on wheat, no less!) and now my eyes are heavy again. I feel achy, sore, and very tired. I think... I'm catching whatever Brian has. Which appears to be a head cold.

Goodie! He is apologizing every 5 minutes for getting me sick, but it's alright. I work from home. We bought drugs! Yay drugs! Daytime sinus headache and decongestant! It's safe for me to take too! So I'll probably load up on that here in a minute and shamble back to bed.

I did wake from the land of the dreamers long enough to pick up my package from the post office. I got my maternity clothes from Old Navy. More on that tomorrow. For now, it's sleepy time.

My head feels very stuffed up and like it might just explode, which seems to be how Brian feels too. Oh well. He has to work today, so I hope that he doesn't have too rough of a night. Time for me to go cuddle the puppy dog and sleep away this cold before it actually starts. Hi ho blankie, away!

Oh Baby: The Name

"You do realize his name means 'male duck' right?" 

Yes, I realize what a drake is. I also don't put a lot of faith into name meanings, because they just don't have any power over what a person will become.

My name, for instance, means "Bearer of Christ" and I am not religious in any sense of the word. Further, my middle name means "field" so... yeah. Brian's is "Noble" and Edward (his middle name) means "Wealthy Guardian" so his name is Noble Noble

Wtf... I better not tell him that lol

But apparently, I'm giving birth to the new Jesus in a field, so we each have our own problems I guess!

We finally decided on a middle name, we had been going back and forth on the ones we had listed and we just didn't really like the way any of them fit.


Finally the middle name came to me last night while I was laying in bed. Alexander. Drake Alexander. LOVE it! Of course, kids might call him DA for Dumb Ass but let's hope my kid isn't a dumb ass.

Anyway, according to this website I found Drake means "dragon" which I love. And Alexander? "Defender of the People"

So cool. I sense artwork in the very near future, once I tell Brian.

Poor Brian, he's still suffering from a man cold and has been sleeping all day. I think he's getting better though, he seems to have stopped being nauseous and is now ravenous, eating everything in sight. He even ate multiple servings of cake and ice cream, and he doesn't like cake... so he's definitely sick! He's currently snoring on the couch with the dog sleeping next to him. Max is making weird noises in his sleep too, and occasionally they wake each other up and then fall back asleep. It's quite amusing. I try not to laugh too loudly.

Birthday!

Yesterday was my 24th birthday! woohoo, I'm officially a "20-something" :P

I got lots of birthday wishes, a sick husband, and 2 sets of knitting needles, birthday dinner, and birthday cake and ice cream. 

The day started off perfectly when the FedEx guy arrived with my maternity pants! Woohoo! I tried them on and both pairs fit me perfectly! I got one more package coming Friday, and that has a couple of fall/winter sweaters/tops so I'll be sure to share then. I'm just happy I have pants now. 

Brian's got some sort of man flu- he's had a sore throat and feeling nauseous for the last couple of days. I told him he had morning sickness since I never got it, but he didn't think it was that funny. So he chugged some NyQuil and took the day off work.

After we woke up from our deep sleep, we decided we were hungry and seeing how it's my birthday, we should probably go out to eat. We hit up Applebee's for their 2 for $20. I got 3 cheese chicken penne and he got a chicken fingers platter. I also got a free dessert shooter (ice cream sundae) for my birthday, which we split.

I got 2 sets of knitting needles and am learning Continental style (basically 'left handed') after I failed at English style. 

We got a frozen Pepperidge Farms cake and some Breyer's blast Reese's ice cream. What a perfect end to a lovely day. Tomorrow is Brian's scheduled day off work, so it looks like I get an even better gift: 2 whole days off with my boo :)

I'm exhausted! I'm going to go practice 'casting on' my stitches and learning how to knit and purl so I can make some awesome knitted things.

I must be psychic.

So yesterday, I was trying to convince myself that it was alright to see the numbers 240 staring at me on the scale. I looked at my pictures before and now... and I was feeling okay. I tried to talk myself out of feeling bummed and I said, out loud, to the mirror: "At least you haven't split your pants open!" Because that did indeed happen to me one time when I was out to dinner with my girl friends.

Embarrassing.

I laughed and went about my day, thinking of how clever I was.  I was wearing the only pair of maternity pants that I have that fit, a pair of khakis. I was feeling pretty sexy all day too... until I went to the bathroom about 10 pm and had noticed I ripped my pants all down the front.

Yes, the whole crotch had come unstitched. Thankfully I hadn't been out in public when it happens, but it just goes to show the universe has an evil sense of humor.

I didn't get emotional (although I have a strong craving for a shake right now) and I didn't even let it get me down much.... my new clothes are arriving tomorrow.

Brian and I went for a walk for 30 minutes with Max today. It was a nice walk and very tiring. I definitely will sleep well tonight. I have also been off soda for 2 days and only got a minor headache today. I've been drinking lots of water. I drank 2 gallons in 2 days. I have been eating fruit, cooking and eating at home, and talking myself out of chocolate milk shakes and bags of Halloween candy.

I'm doing what's right by my body and my baby, even if it feels like I am taking 1 step forward 5 steps backwards. Brian assures me I don't look like I used to. He keeps telling me that I am "in a unique situation" meaning I can't hold myself to my previous standards (pfffft... what standards?)

Exciting news- I have my baby book now! It's a cute Pooh one and I can't wait to fill it up. It has so many places for pictures and writing. Aww. I started tearing up while looking at it. We also have a baby hamper and a few extra bottles. I returned the breast milk storage kit I got, since it turns out it needs a special bottle system for that (uh, no thanks) and I got some thank you cards which I am going to be sending out today. I am also going to scan and upload my baby shower pics to my computer and send copies to my Granny in TN because she wanted me to send her some.

Tomorrow I am officially in the third trimester- 28 weeks. Wow. Hard to believe that I am so far along already. Today, Drake was kicking me and my whole belly started to shake. I had my laptop on my belly (because I can balance it there!) and it started jumping. What a little kicker I have. Each day we get baby stuff, Brian gets more and more excited. I can tell because he tells me. Also I catch him in the nursery playing with the swing or trying on the baby carrier. Any babies we see we both break out in awws and giggles.

I think this month with my allowance, I am going to get a mani and pedi. It's been a while since I have had a mani and even longer since I have had a pedi and if there is one thing I need right now, it's some pretty polish and a nice leg massage.

Weird news- I am producing colostrum aka "first milk". For a while I didn't know whether it was colostrum or some oil to lubricate and prepare for breast feeding but after a little research, yep, I'm producing. Heavily. I don't think I will have a supply problem.

This is good for ...who?

Normally, on Mondays, Brian works a long shift. 11 am - 8 pm (usually even later). However, last couple of weeks he has only been working 11-4.

Me: What do you want to do today?
Him: I don't know.
Me: I'm not used to having you home so early.
Him: I know, it's nice
Me: I don't know what to do with all this time together.
Him: Me either! What do we doooo?
Me: I don't know!!
Him: Do you want to go on a w-a-l-k?
Me: That's a great idea.
Me: It's such a nice day out.
Him: I know
Me: And it would be great for You-Know-Who too!
Him: Max?
Me: No, Voldemort.
Him: ..... Seriously?



If anyone needs a little sunshine and exercise, it's Voldemort. :) And no, I am not still obsessed with Harry Potter, what makes you think that? ;)

Acceptance

Yesterday, I cried because none of my clothes fit. I sobbed for a good 10 minutes.
Brian let me use some of the money we got from the baby shower as money for new clothes, bless his heart.
I bought a couple of sweaters and a couple pairs of jeans and I should have them by next Wednesday.
I paid a whopping $2 for shipping :)

Lately, weight gain has been pressing on my mind. I am stressed about it, I think. I've spent so long trying not to be fat and to lose weight that the very idea of gaining it all back (and then some!) has been horrifying. I know it's for the baby. I know it's different because I am not getting fatter. I am supporting a life. I know this. But it also makes me very sad. I feel like I am at the bottom of a very big hole and only have my hands to dig me out.

You can tell that it is not "fat" weight I am gaining, but baby weight when you look at my pictures. Here I will show you.

5/14/09

baby shower, 9/24/11

As a point of comparison, here I am last fall, right before I joined Weight Watchers.

9/2010

So I know that I am not "back to where I was" yet some days I still find it hard to accept that I am up at my highest weight ever. And likely will surpass it.  I think my face is fatter last year than it is this year.

It's a struggle daily, but I think I am coming to grips with it. I know I was fat before I got pregnant, I know I will gain weight while pregnant, and I am sure I am going to be fat immediately after I have the baby. I know I will lose *some* weight (whatever Drake weighs when he is born hehe)

What is really pressing on my mind is the gestational diabetes. While only 5-10% of women get it, I am still concerned I might be one of those women. Having diabetes is a very real health scare for me, whether it's gestational or not. I'm very terrified to be diabetic. But if I am, I am. And that just means getting on track and getting it under control.

Yesterday I was an emotional wreck. Today, I'm back to being normal. I feel normal. With the exception of having this infernal heart burn and a constantly congested head, I feel like I am not even pregnant. I actually woke up with heart burn today. Weird.... but you know what? They say the amount of heart burn a mother has while pregnant correlates to the amount of hair the baby has when the baby is born. A load of crock, because my mom had heart burn every day and I was bald for the first 2 years of my life lol. Brian was born with a full head of hair, of course. So we will probably have a mix and our kid will look like he has mange or something. I'm kidding. But that would be hilarious.

Today was a lot of fun. We went to my mom's to help them move my grandma in. Brian, my uncle, his girlfriend, and my dad did all the work, while the Three Stooges (me mom and gamma) sat around and supervised. We were all pretty useless. Me, the most. I didn't life anything except 1 basket of laundry. Hahaha. Poor Brian got the brunt of the hard work, being the youngest male there. He had to lift dressers, mattresses, lamps, mirrors, etc. He even carried a huge box tv up my parents' Suicidal Staircase.

We got a bench and a small 3-drawer dresser. The bench has been in the family forever and passed back and forth between my mom, me and my gamma, and now it's back to me. I am so excited. I love this bench. My mom was teasing "don't be selling it!" As if I would! The dresser is lovely as well, a dark wood finish. I love dark wood. Brian was teasing the baby had more furniture, and it was better quality than what we have! haha

So it was a good day. Mom made us a nacho feast for all of our hard work (to be honest, I should have been cooking since I didn't do ANYTHING, but oh well!)

And... end ramble.

What's Really Wrong?

Oh today is an awful day. I don't know what it is, actually. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's working almost twice as many hours as I am used to. Maybe it's a little of everything.

I woke up and couldn't find clothes that fit. Even my maternity clothes just don't really fit as well as they used to. It's depressing. I know it's because I am pregnant and not fat, but that doesn't make my clothes magically fit again. They still don't fit. I tried to find more clothes online but they are all stupid expensive and I am now worried none of them will fit me because I am only going to get bigger from here on out.

I worked a few hours and became so frustrated that I ended up taking a Xanax so I wouldn't lose my marbles. I tried to make toast. I thought I'd be all cool and make toast with jelly and put on a sausage patty and make a breakfast sandwich thing... which is normally very good, and I was craving one. Except, somehow, my hand failed at holding the jar of jelly and it dropped, breaking into a thousand pieces of glass and globs of jelly went everywhere.

I had a bagel, instead.

The Xanax wasn't helping. I was just as frustrated as before, except now I was sleepy. This, of course, didn't help my bad mood any.

The dog hates me. Every time he sees me he starts shaking and twitching. One would think I beat the poor thing every time I turn around, but I don't. I know it's just because he is a shelter dog and was probably abused or maybe he's just sensitive. I don't know. But it's frustrating. Part of me knows it's nothing I've done, but another part of me makes me feel like it's some how my fault.

So finally, all of that, all at once, just caused me to lose it. I just started crying. Uncontrollably. After about ten minutes of this and lots of hugs and kisses from Brian as well as promises to go clothes shopping with me tomorrow, he finally calmed me down. Then my Xanax kicked in.

And now I am feeling pretty good. Still tired, eyes are sore, still need a break from work... but at least I don't feel like I am going off the deep end anymore.


I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have a shaky dog, but at least he isn't eating our clothes any more and doesn't piss on the floor. My clothes don't fit me, but I work from home anyway. I didn't really want jelly, as we don't have any peanut butter. I had a good cry and can see things a little clearer now.

I am still sad of course that I don't have any clothes but I am not going to worry about it. I am going to just do what I can and maybe buy a couple of pieces in the plus sized section, since they are so much cheaper than maternity clothes. The biggest challenge is the winter coat. Winter coats are stupid expensive for maternity.

Okay, I need to get some fresh air. It's about 55 degrees out and perfect weather for a little jaunt around the complex, and I think Max would appreciate a walk too. I know it would help me out both mentally and physically. Maybe my feet won't swell up so bad if I walk a little more. First things first... I need an apple.

Tomorrow will be all rainbows and sunshine again, I promise. My grandma is moving and she needs us to help her out, so I'll be doing some light moving for exercise. Thanks for listening. Reading. Skimming through.