Perfect Timing

Brian quit his last job because it was too stressful. He did not put in a 2 weeks notice. He thought he was going to get back in at his previous job. They sounded like they really wanted him back, but didn't have any hours they could give him. So he applied to other restaurants of the same chain across town. I think there is 9 in the city? At least 7. So probably 8. He applied to all of them.

This was 3 weeks ago. No one called him for an interview but they all expressed interest in hiring him. He knew managers at most of the restaurants. It was very frustrating. All the while, I'm hoping I'm not "with tiny human" because we have no money and this would just be so so stressful.

Tuesday he had an interview with one of the managers he knew. They said off the top of their head, he would be able to get about 20 hours the first week, and then in 2 weeks another 30 hours will become available and he can have his pick of hours then. They said they would find out if he had to go to orientation or not and they would call us back at the end of the week.

It's Friday. They haven't called. Every time his cell rings, we hope its from them. It's not. It's his mom calling to ask if she can tell all her brothers and sisters and etc. Brian said he'd really rather wait a little longer before that- he just wanted to tell immediate family (Yet he told Minecraft Chick! And I blogged about it... oops)

Then he calls another restaurant, to check up on them, to see if they are still interested. He gets a "maybe, we will call you back." Discouraged. Hours later, he gets a call. "We want you for an interview Tuesday." He says okay. He calls back the first restaurant, and they say

Welcome aboard! You start May 10th. Call us next Friday and we will get your uniform sorted.


Perfect timing! Brian is going to take the highest level of insurance they offer, even if it does cut into his paychecks. We will be living off of tips anyway, so it won't really seem like a big bite.

I had an interview today for Sam's Club and it was not that great. It seemed like the manager could not focus on me and when I told her I wanted only 20 hours a week, she laughed at me and said that was highly unlikely. She wanted me to do 32. On a concrete floor. With a bad ankle. And a case of "tiny human". Hahahaha no thanks. Also she said that there were 2 more interviews I had to go through. Thanks but no thanks.

Brian said that was for the best anyway- he doesn't want his pregnant wife to overexert herself. I can already tell he is going to drive me insane  be a concerned, loving father.

We just got his last paycheck from his old job and I put away 20% of it in savings. I think this baby is really going to force Brian and I to get our shit straight. I got a check for $3 for doing surveys.

He's relieved he has a job again (actually, we all are!) and now he is determined to provide for his growing family. It's so cute how he is all gung-ho now. I'm off to watch some more Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs.

:) Thanks for all the well wishes and congratulations, every one! Such a huge outpouring of support. You all supported all over yourselves!

Baby on Board: It Starts Here

Our friends Jon and Carissa came by last night to surprise us! They brought a bottle of wine for Brian and a bottle of grape juice for me! Jon, who has a daughter about 18 months, also brought over a couple of baby toys that she no longer plays with. I've started my collection!

Today is a great day. I had a crappy interview, but that's okay... I wasn't really interested in the position anyway.

Brian, feeling a little hungover from the wine, decided he wanted to eat at Bob Evan's, so this is what I had.

Hot chocolate.... no caffeine for me!

Multigrain pancakes! Made from wheat flour and oat flour.
Surprisingly moist.

Turkey sausage links and sugar free syrup. Brian called these "pacman pancakes"

I couldn't finish all of my food (YAY!) and I left about half a huge pancake and a few bites of sausage left. See?

Stuffffffffed!

I started my prenatal vitamins. 2 tablets 2x daily, so 4 total. Horse pill sized. Blech. I was pretty bummed out when I called my doctor. I can't get in until May 23rd. But until then, I'll just WebMD it all, taking it one day at a time. Just gonna eat healthier, not over exert myself (do not want a miscarriage!) and probably stay off the elliptical. Drats! ;)

Meemaw and Gamma are going to hit the garage sales on Thursday and promised to find the good baby stuff. Meemaw has made it her personal goal to try and get absolutely everything gently used. I've made it my personal goal to enter as many baby giveaways as possible to gather resources like diapers, gift cards, etc.

Not to mention eBay and Craigslist!

I started on the baby blanket. It looks cute so far. It's about as big as my unborn zygote right now :) Plenty of time to work on it though. I'm not in a rush. I need another color though. The pattern I have uses 3 colors and I only have 2.

I also bought- gasp!- fruit and veggies. I got a bowl of cut up strawberries and a tub of chocolate fruit dip. I also got a veggie tray of carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and grape tomatoes with organic ranch.

My mom told me to make sure I drink lots of milk. Brian said I could have all the chocolate milk I wanted! YAY! I also sent him to the store so I could stock back up on WW meals, fruits, veggies, cheeses, etc
And Tylenol.

I'm really trying to eat better. I'm supplementing WW meals with real foods. It will be awesome. I feel better already. I hope that by the time I get to the crazy cravings stage I will have established a lot of good eating habits. I keep thinking... does the baby need that Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar? and that stops me.

Want to know what I am looking forward to the most? Maternity clothes shopping! ha :P

Baby Details and Gameplans

Weeeelp.... I've been reading baby literature. I've been kindly forbidden from buying anything for the baby by my mom, or Meemaw as I am going to forever call her now. Gamma and Meemaw want to buy everything from a garage sale, and I think that is a fantastic idea. Also- Open invitation- if you have any lovely baby treasures that you do not need, or someone you know does not need, well, send them my way. I'm poor and I love second-hand goodies :D

I've been thinking of what I should and should not do not that I am a momma-to-be and I have decided on a few things for sure, and the rest I'll hash out after I've talked to my lovely OB. I need to call him tomorrow and make an appointment to go see him. Office was closed when I found out the news officially.

Gameplan:

I am going to severely cut back the caffeine. Reading some horrific things about it and I need to severe my own addiction. I found the most I could have is 150 mg a day, and that is plenty. I am going to be drinking lots of water and a Diet Dr Pepper or 2 a day. Instead of my usual 6. So that will help me a lot.

Also I am no longer going to take aspirin or ibuprofen. Tylenol is what is recommended, so that is how it will be. I don't take a lot of medicine any way. I'm also not going to take any of my Xanax- not that it matters, I take it pretty scarcely. I will be adding this to the list of things to ask my OB about.

As for weight loss and eating healthy- I am not using this as an excuse to give up, but I am definitely not going to expect to see losses on the scale for a while. I do want to start eating more cleanly- ie whole foods, fruits veggies blah blah blah... I was talking to Brian about it and he said "well, it's a great time to start because it's no longer about what you want." So true. That man has wisdom. He also amended, after I gave him some side-eye, that he would still go get me Mexican or ice cream as I saw fit. LOL He knows me too well!

But of course- nothing is for certain until I go in and talk to the OB seeing what they recommend and what they don't recommend. I am going to try really hard not to become Momzilla. Slap me if I do.

Hubby and I made the calls to family members and every one was really thrilled! We did get a spot of bad news though- his grandpa Tom passed away yesterday. Grandma Ruth is doing okay though, she said she was happy he was no longer in pain. The baby news helped a little too, she said. Also, Grandma Dottie fell down the other day and broke 3 ribs. Geez! Brian told her she had to be extra careful now that we have a baby on the way (<- how effing cute is that??) She said that she is doing alright and it's not too bad.

I also broke my promise not to buy anything- I bought 2 skeins of yarn to make a baby blanket. While I am 99.99999% sure we will have a boy, I picked gender-neutral shades. Pastel yellow and pastel green. I am going to make an afgan. I've got 9 months so I figure this will be the perfect project. I will absolutely, positively, 100% make sure my gauge is correct and count my stitches. :D It will be awesome, I can't wait.

Oh, and I tracked it- My due date is going to be somewhere between December 30th and January 2nd. If at all possible, my Granny wants me to have the baby on New Year's, which is also my father's birthday.

And yes, we have names picked out.

Boy- Korben Dallas Farrar (Yes, that is Korben Dallas of Fifth Element!)
Girl- Miranda Kelley Farrar (I was going to go with Sabriel after my favorite book, but couldn't think of a good middle name or a good nickname for her, so that one is out.)

Squeal!! I am so excited. My best friend, Kayla, told me that she is going out on the town and telling everyone she is a godmother now, and she and her fiance would have a drink to "successful sex" for us!

Any good reads for me? I've been looking at the American Pregnancy Association for info, but you know, I'd also like to read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and other shit treasures like that.

And Baby Makes Three

So... I lied. I did not really start the other day. I just THOUGHT I did. I had the worst cramps ever, my boobs were swollen, and I was so sure I was going to start. I even had minimal (barely anything spotting)

But....


I didn't start.

I took a test about an hour ago. And it came up 100% positive. Now it's time to make appointments, start reading baby literature and what not....

I'm going to be a mommy!!

Omg... I'm going to be a mommy...

Summer Lovin' Week 2

uhm... this is why I don't do challenges... I completely failed AGAIN this week.

But! As you likely know, I tracked all of yesterday, and every thing so far today as well. I am a superstar in that regard....

I'm going to print off my GOALS and then you know... follow them... I am still in the running... I promise!!

Regardless of whether or not I am meeting my goals for the challenge, I am very proud of myself lately. Don't be fooled. What you see here, is not an illusion. I really am feeling awesome.

Proof?


I'm wearing shorts today. Right now, in fact. Yep.

Living the dream.

I'll try to pay attention complete the challenge this next week! :)

Tracking Tuesday

Allow me another blog to brag. I told you I had diarrhea of the keyboard!

I finally said to myself "Self," I says, "self, you need to get back on tracking!" And that is what I did with my Self today. I put her on a strict plan of "you bite it, you write it" just to see where I am at. And the numbers aren't fantastic, but they are definitely better than they were last week.

Breakfast: Weight Watchers French Toast and Turkey Sausage - 7 Points+. I could seriously eat these all day.
Lunch: Wendy's Jr Bacon Cheeseburger- 8 Points+
Weight Watchers Chicken Fettucine 7 Points+ (This was eaten an hour later when I realized that - duh!- the cheeseburger left me hungry!)
Dinner: Stouffer's Meatloaf and Gravy, 2 loaves (5P+ each) with 2/3 cup instant mashed potatoes (4P+) 14 Points+
Snacks: Quaker True Delights Pomegranate Blackberry 13 crisps- 3 Points+
Weight Watchers Chocolate Brownie ice cream 6 oz cup ($1!) 4 Points+

Now if you add that up you will see I went over my points. I get 35 a day, and I ate 43, so I had 8 points more than I should have... what was 8 Points on my meal log... the Wendy's! UHM COINCIDENCE? Not!

I'm proud of myself.... because I ate mostly at home today .....because I drank a lot of water .....because I did not have 4 cups of coffee creamer with a smidgen of coffee (lulz) .....because I tracked! ....because I made smarter choices. I could beat myself up saying what a horrible failure I was... but I am not. It's my first day back on tracking. And no one is perfect their first day. Least of all me.

I'm also impressed with Wal-Mart lately. This is where I made my ice cream run at midnight. I normally shop at Meijer, and while Weight Watchers are on sale this week at my usual store... I made a startling discovery. They are cheaper at Wal-Mart!!! What?!?! Also, more variety?! That 6 ounce ice cream was not at Meijer. Also my favorite tortillas- you know the Mission Low Carb tortillas that are only 2 points??- they are almost $2 dollars cheaper at the Wal-Marts versus Meijer. Meijer- $4.50 for 10 soft taco sized tortillas. Wal-Mart- $2.68 for the same package. I'll be shopping there from now on! POM juice was cheaper too. So I bought a small bottle to supplement my iced tea and to use in my smoothies.

I'd also like to point out that my ice cream wasn't necessarily a bad choice. Sure, 4 Points+ seems like a lot for 6 ounces of ice cream, but Brian got Haagan Daz, and his was way more points!

Haagan Daz Rocky Road:

Serving size 1/2 cup (4 ounces)
Calories: 290
Total fat: 17 g
Carbs: 29 g
Protein: 5 g
Fiber: 1g

Points+ Value: 8!!

Weight Watchers Chocolate Fudge Brownie:

Serving size 6 ounces
Calories: 150
Total Fat: 1.5 g
Carbs: 33 g
Protein: 4 g
Fiber: 5 g

Points+ Value: 4


Also to my new friends, thanks for dropping by! Make sure to leave a comment so I can find and stalk you back :)

VICTORY: Size 16!

I have been shopping at Meijer for a while now. It's got clothes along the same line of Target but I am much more fond of Meijer. When I first started shopping there, I was a size 20 in jeans and a size 1X in tops.

Sad.

I started losing weight/inches and began shrinking a little. Eventually I was an XL (which, in this case, is smaller than a 1X) then even a L in some clothes (jackets, mostly). I shrunk in jeans too, getting down to a 16W (and those are feeling REALLY loose lately).

I was hell bent on getting a summer dress this year. I wanted one last year but they didn't have any thing cute in my size. I would get all depressed and blah blah blah.... but this year I was determined to find something I loved.

So we went to the mall. I looked in Torrid and Deb (they carry plus sizes now! YAY!)

I found a lot of things I loved and a lot of them cost $50+ which is too much (right now)

I went back to Meijer, where I found this beautiful dress. Tell me what you think...

Obviously, I feel a little sexy in this ... size 16 dress. And the color is so me! I love purple and teal, what better combo is there??

Stop Cryin'

So I finally put on my big girl panties and stopped moaning. Don't get me wrong- these are the worst cramps I've had in years. I just took some ibuprofen and laid around with a heating pad and watched Mythbusters blow shit up, as I am always inclined to do.

This has been an incredibly stressful last few weeks. Changing jobs, looking for jobs, and money issues are enough to worry anyone. But we had one more stressful thing happen to us 2 weeks ago. Brian and I had a contraceptive malfunction (a nice way of saying "the condom done broked") and I had no other back up. I freaked out. Flipped my lid. I was not ready to be a potential mom. I cried a lot. I obsessed over ovulation calendars. I couldn't remember what day, exactly, it was I started last- even though I had marked it on the calendar. I was early but I couldn't remember by how many days. And the way it was playing out on the ovulation/fertility calendar was not good. Either we missed the fertility window completely (oh please!) or we had our accident right smack dab on the most fertile day of the month for me (oh my god.)

No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not remember when I had started so I could get over this nightmare. I don't mind the thought of kids but right now we just could not handle it. We are too financially insecure to handle it. I was freaking out.  I took 2 tests on the 23rd. One said "no" the other said "yes". I took 2 more yesterday. One said "no" and the other said "invalid" and today, I started. So I definitely am not. I also ordered 2 months of birth control while I had the money to do so, and now I just have to wait until Sunday to NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN.

Having absolutely no one to talk to about this aside from Brian and my BFF Kayla until I knew for sure one way or another was torture. Kayla was happy- she's been bugging me to procreate since I got married, and Brian kept telling me "everything would be okay" and that he "was not overly enthusiastic, one way or another" What the hell does that even mean?!


BUT! That is why I decided to stop whinin' this month about cramps, cravings and what not. At least I am not pregnant! Hurray!

Thank god! Major feelings of relief!

Cranky: Monday Weigh In Cancelled

Mondays are the days I weigh in and it has been a great switch for me... overall.

I got attacked Friday with horrible cramps. I was bitchy. I hated everything and pretty much everyone. It was no bueno.

I craved salty and deep fried. I craved melty cheese. I craved I craved I craved. And I caved.

I got a chicken bacon and swiss from Arby's on Saturday. Sunday I was in the mood for calzones, but Pizza Hut was closed due to Easter. Dammit Thank goodness! So Brian went to the store for me and got fixings to make a homemade calzone. Which turned out really good, and far far far less greasy than the restaurant version. I wanted ice cream. We hit up DQ where the girl working the window proceeded to drop my blizzard on Brian's car. It's okay- Max licked it up.

I was in pain. I was crying.


I was PMSing.

I finally got over the horrible angry part but I am still at the horrible I want to eat everything in sight omg I am so bloated part.

And I do not need to add depression to my list of emotions for the day. So I am just going to not weigh in. I am going to save my shred of sanity and try my hardest not to eat the entire fridge today. I am trying so hard to be good now. The only chocolate in the whole house is the coffee creamer and it's all natural. Meaning it's milk, cream, and cocoa. 3 ingredients. How badly do I just want to guzzle it straight from the container, no coffee involved? Pretty darn badly.

Instead, diet soda. No coffee today. It just isn't safe. I'm not safe to be around.

I'll weigh in next week and it will be grand. GRAND.

I'm off to clutch my lower abdomen and cry while I watch Mythbusters blow shit up.

Photos: How I Used to Be

I finally scanned some pictures of me! Sometimes I have a hard time continuing on my journey. After all, it really seems depressing when I think about the last 2.5 years and how I have not really lost a whole lot of weight. 18.5 pounds is not a lot to sneeze at in 730 days, you know what I am saying?

But then I look back at these pictures and I finally am seeing that I am a completely different person than I used to be. 

Here I am in August 2006- 198 lbs. I felt so fat and gross here. Now I think I look pretty damn good. I also have a perm (ugh) which you can see peeking out from under the hat. 

That's my best friend Kayla, who is getting married in July. We should wear these dresses! 

Fast forward to December 2008- The night I graduated college. 

I was so bent on making sure my engagement ring was showing. I don't think any one is going to notice it... I'm so round and blimpish here. I cry a little when I look at this picture. 

Fast forward to May 2009- The cake cutting. Here I am, stuffed into size 16 jeans. They don't fit me now, so I don't know how I fit in them that day. I guess desperation? I wasn't fooling anyone that day except myself. 

Some serious muffin top going on!

And another pic of the wedding day. When Brian saw this pic, he said "Damn! I was fat too!" 

happily married.

Here I am over 2 years from my highest weight in 2008/2009 and still going strong despite all the set backs. I think I am looking pretty damn good. And while the scale is only showing 18.5 lbs lost, my body my smile my attitude is showing a totally different picture. 

In case you're wondering- size 16 dress pants.

And that one is worth 1000 words.

Unexpected Surprise

Yesterday at 3:30 I got a call from my mom.

"Do you want to go see Jerry Seinfeld tonight?"


UHM YES

I'm a huge Seinfeld fan. HUGE!! I love him!!

"I've got 3 tickets. Do you and Brian have a friend that can go?"

Do we ever!!

My grandma had been wanting to go, except she was feeling ill, and my dad didn't want to go, my mom had already seen him and that means I GOT TO GO!!

It was awesome. He was hilarious. I can't remember any of his jokes. I laughed so hard I cried and nearly peed myself.

If you get the chance to, you should definitely see him.

I'm having breakfast now.

Coffee- 2 stevia and 2 Tbl of creamer (raspberry chocolate) 2 points
(Turkey) bacon and egg scramble- 2 whole eggs (4 pts) splash of milk (0), 1/2 ounce extra sharp cheddar cheese (2 pts) and 2 slices of turkey bacon (1 pt) all mixed together in delicious silky heaven.

It's super hot today. I'm melting. I'm so tired. I was up until 6 am and had to get up before noon. Coffee will be my friend today, I'm sad to say.

We received some pretty good news JUST THIS MINUTE! Brian has an interview this week. Keep the good thoughts coming my way- I need one too!! :)

Numbers and Feelings

This is something I think we all struggle with, or maybe I am just special. I doubt it though.

Sometimes I think I forget that the scale is just a number. That's all. It's a unit of measurement on how much force gravity needs to exert to keep me in contact with the planet surface. It is not who I am or what I am. I do not walk around with a number over my head that screams "She weighs more than 200 lbs!!!!!"

No one has called me a fat ass in public. I wonder if people have looked on me with disgust/sympathy but no one gives a shit about anyone but themselves so I have finally let go of that. How narcissistic is that, though? to think that no one has anything better to think about except what a fat slob you are? Hahaha! Cracks me up.

Anyway, what I am saying is, lately there has been a change in thought for me. I used to wake up every morning and get on the scale. I would let whatever number that stared back at me to dictate my mood for the day- whether I felt "fat" or "thin"- and whether I felt sexy, successful, lucky or I felt ugly, unwanted, and barely able to function.

It's odd how much power I was giving the scale- this inanimate object that had nothing to do with my actual journey- to tell me how I was supposed to be feeling at a certain weight. I remember once I stepped on the scale, about a year ago and saw the number 219 looking back at me and I cried in shame... until I realized I had actually lost weight. I thought I had gained, the number 9 seemed so large to me. It's silly now, because it really is just a number.

I go more by feelings these days. Yes I still have a goal in mind, I would like to lose .75 lb each week. Not quite a full pound, and I am certainly not in a rush to lose it anymore.

I go by how I feel after a run on the elliptical- ecstatic, powerful, sexy. I feel happy because I have just done something I was not able to do a few years ago. I feel powerful because I am completely driven by my own leg power, I am sexy because I feel great about myself. I can't stop looking at my legs and I want to touch them. I want my husband to touch them. I want to show off. I can't help it. I don't want to help it. I love that feeling!! I haven't felt sexy since I got married, which is a shame really. Before I got married I was insatiable. Then I gained a bunch of weight, lost my job, got married while I was unemployed, was on birth control that messed with my hormones, I was having panic attacks left and right, and I was completely miserable.

Now I feel like the me I used to be. The insatiable, gotta have it now, instant gratification girl that I have always been- about everything. I want a job. I want another dog. I want a house. I want to spend hours a day in bed with my husband. I want to go for a bike ride. I want to cruise the town. I want I want I want.

That light bulb went off in my head the other day when I was feeling flubbish and sluggish and lazy the other day. I wondered why I was not feeling sexy. Why I did not want to track my food or work out and why I did not feel like eating. I wondered what was going on. Stress, yes. Xanax, check. I got on the scale and 219.4 stared back at me. I was nonplussed. The thought was "eh it's to be expected" Today, I wake up in a fantastic mood thinking this day could not get any better (I was wrong- it did!!) and I hop on the scale thinking, "hmm I wonder what I weigh?" And the number was the same 219.4. My point being that the number is no longer dictating what I feel, but rather is just what it is supposed to be- a unit of measurement.

I think that I am finally figuring out what makes me happy. And its not the number on the scale. It's life. It's family. Its puppy dog kisses first thing  in the morning. It's Max learning to roll over on command. It's the cute little Yorkie downstairs. Its the new apartment building. It's DUCKS!! It's ferrets, rabbits, and kittens on the web. It's coffee. It's video games. It's Netflix. It's Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters. It's reading my favorite trilogy while I listen along to the audio books. It's making dinner. It's friends. It's that bridesmaid dress in the closet. My happiness comes from me.

And when I am happy, eating is easy. It's also easy to over eat, it's not like I found the secret. It's easier to eat though, the things that are good for me and fill me up. It's easier to choose that apple over making pancakes at 3 in the morning. It's easier to pick my healthy cereal versus Brian's Cap'n Crunch berries. It's easier to say no to soda (diet or otherwise) and drink water.

I mentioned earlier that I had a "bad" run on the elliptical, numbers wise. It was slow, it was not very far, and it was challenging. However- I still loved it. I was on a high after. I was so sweaty, so pumped full of adrenaline as I plowed through. I was going fast enough to hit my maximum heart rate but not pushing myself so hard that I could not lip sing to all of my favorite songs. Britney Spears, Maroon 5, and Alkaline Trio. I felt fantastic after. 30 minutes. Less than 3 miles. But all me. The nice thing about ellipticals vs treadmills is I set the pace. I decide when I want to run hard, or when I want to walk. I decide how fast I go, not some belt. My legs are what drives the machine, not some belt. And that is why I feel powerful!! I mean look at what I can do!!

I have a formula I developed, so I will share it with you.

scale + measurements x feelings = happiness

It's working out for me so far. Enough rambling. I have to take my dog out to pee.

Worst Run Ever Best Feeling Ever

I had my worst run today- barely shy of 3 miles in 30 minutes. That meant I was averaging more than a 10 minute mile on the elliptical, when my average is just shy of 8 minutes a mile.

Why was it so hard? Probably because I conveniently forgot to go last week at all. I pretty much did not go this week either, until today. It was so nice to sweat though! I can't let the numbers ruin me, I was too high on the feelings and letting go of all the stress I have built up over the last few days.

I feel like a million bucks right now... frolicking through the meadow. What you thought I meant cash? I'm talking about deer!

I wish I had a million dollars though!

Tomorrow is Good Friday, but today is Great Thursday. Haven't you heard?

Well despite being told that I just wasn't liked by a company yesterday, I got one potential interview lined up from another today, and one definite interview lined up!

One company loved my app and said that they were looking to hire more employees but the General Manager was out of town until Monday and to call back after then and see about setting up an interview (score!)

Another today- I had turned in an app to a restaurant I wasn't sure was hiring but decided to give it a go anyway (can't hurt right?) and I got to talk to the manager. They said that they were definitely hiring and especially hiring for the position I applied for, and wanted to know if it would be okay to call me Monday? It would be 2 weeks before I could start working there, was that okay? And yes, it was! I even made the guy laugh! Always a plus! It doesn't hurt that Brian got a few good pieces of information as well today :) Let's keep the good news coming... lots of happy thoughts and prayers for us please!

I'm so tired. Time for a nap.

Under No Illusions

I'm not really one to bitch about companies or anything on my blog, but this one takes that rule and puts it on the back burner for a little bit.

I have been applying to various stores recently and I called Victoria's Secret to follow up on an app that I had placed late last week. I asked for a manager and got one on the phone. I told her who I was and why I was calling- "just wanting to follow up on an app I placed last week." And I got the rudest, most vicious, unprovoked response I have ever gotten.

"Well if we liked you, we would have, uhm, called you."

And then she hung up.

There was no "thanks for calling" or "Can I help you with anything else?" She didn't even wait for my response. She just hung up the phone.

Now, I am under no illusion that everyone in the world thinks I'm awesome or have the set skills to work at their company. But I do have people skills, I'm friendly, and I can count back change. I am not sure what other skills one would need to work in underwear?

Let me just say this to Victoria Secret: You have seriously lost a customer. If the manager in charge of the store- you know the one who is supposed to train all the employees to be empathetic, polite, and friendly- responds to a customer/potential employee in such a distasteful manner, why on earth would I want to work there? Let alone shop there!

I cannot believe how rude this woman was and I have to say that I am frankly appalled that she would say something like that to another person.

I wonder how they treat their employees if that is how they treat the prospective employees? What ever happened to 'best foot forward'? I guess it died out- and so did my passion for over priced lacy things.

I am not jaded because I "didn't get a job offer". I am upset at the way that I was treated. There are a million other ways to say "you're not what we are looking for in a candidate" other than "we just don't like you"

Some examples:

"Unfortunately, the position is no longer available."
"We felt that you did not meet our needs sufficiently"
"There was a more qualified candidate"
"Upon reviewing your application, we have decided to go another avenue"

See? All of those spell out rejection. None of those have ever personally hurt my feelings. But when a company says "We don't like you" it says to me that you must not want my money at all then. And it must be great to be in such a position that you can afford to lose customers in this economy. After all- you were only trying to hire someone, so I am sure that there is someone else out there just as shallow and petty as that particular manager.

Or maybe she was just hungry.

Summer Challenge: Week 1

Aside from catastrophically failing to meet any of my weekly goals, I did all right! I have not gained weight. Haven't lost either, so that is a steady pace... seems to be my style?

I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. Lots of highs and lows but haven't really felt the need to gorge on garlic bread... oh wait. Dammit!

Today marks another day! I started this week off right. I finally started tracking again. I am going to ride Stella today. I just don't really feel like hitting the elliptical. I'm busy trying to fill out applications and what not. I've got sh-t to do.

I'm so tired of this gray weather, and really excited for spring. I know its coming. I KNOW it is. Got to keep positive.

So week 1 was a bust (almost) for SLC but I promise to pick up the slack this week.

Now, I have to be off. I'm on a whirlwind adventure of follow up phone calls, and application-get! so I can be gainfully employed. Yay me! go team Christie!

Garlic Bread Over Dose

Last night we had awesome lasagna. I made 3 mini-loaf pans of lasagna and froze one. I would have frozen 2 but Brian insisted he would eat a whole pan by himself. I was skeptical... but he ate nearly all of it. If I had to give a percentage, I'd say 85%. Now, I knew it was enough lasagna for 2 people because as I was making it, I made it the same way I make a standard size lasagna, which I always cut into 6 pieces. See? 2x3=6! No conversions needed.

We also had garlic bread. It was my idea. All the bad for you but oh so good ideas are my ideas. I asked him to go to the store to get us a loaf of garlic bread. In my head, I thought we would get the tiny 'just for 2' size they had at the store. (which is a dollar) but Brian got the 'omg we are feeding an army size' which serves 9. I ate 2/3 of that loaf last night. (that's 6 servings...)

Now to be completely honest, we hadn't eaten really at all all day. I made us turkey sausage and toast for breakfast at 1 pm and we didn't eat dinner until 11 pm so that was 10 hours of not eating anything else.

Our gluttony can be blamed on that, also the fact it was really good. And also the fact I'm a horrible wife and made him do the dishes so I could cook. (I never do dishes! ha!)

So last night was filled with garlicy laced nightmares. I was so stuffed of bread and cheese. I dreamed I was in a lair of vampires and they weren't drinking my blood or turning me. They were just tormenting me. Awesome. Then I woke up, fell back asleep. Suddenly I'm at M5 (home to the Mythbusters- this one is logical- I had Mythbusters playing in the background) and then a troll attacks me. Also logical- I played a lot of Oblivion before bed.

Basically the rest of the night was just as unpleasant. I kept tossing and turning. Suddenly my comfortable Queen size bed is uncomfortable and barely bigger than a twin. I usually beg Brian to cuddle with me. (We sleep butt to butt most of the time, or as I refer to it "the headache position") Last night I just wanted the bed to myself.

The toilet in our master bathroom runs constantly. It needs some sort of new assembly, and I need to call maintenance to come and fix it, but that requires cleaning the bathroom. So its running and I can't hear Adam & Jamie destroying something that was once usable, and I am getting irritated. Brian fixes the toilet, lets the dog out and is generally very happy. It's annoying. I ask why. Someone paid up for their commission. I see. I turn over.

He's awake and I finally have the bed to myself. Max is all over Brian lately so it's really ALL MINE. Then it thunderstorms and the whole company retreats back to my bed. Brian hates storms. Max hates storms. I didn't even know it was storming! I'm grumpy now because I missed a storm and it's still before noon and I am still not sleeping.

So I wake up. It's now just a little after 1 pm. Brian and Max are cuddling in bed. I laugh. I go to the kitchen and discover the left over lasagna. I slapped it in the oven. I mourn the loss of the garlic bread. I look out side, and its raining. I need to go get the mail, but I have crazy lady hair. I decide when Brian wakes up, he can go get it.

I am no longer bloated and stuffed with bread and cheese (much to my dismay thank goodness!)

And that is why I can't do low-carb. I mean look how I act around carbs! If I tried to cut them out (which I have) I do okay for a while then I tend to go insane (which I have) and then I turn into some sort of Hulk-mixed-with-the-Cookie-Monster-beast lady and destroy everything I have done.

But the good news is, I did not eat the whole loaf. Like I wanted/could and it will not be in our house for another 3 months or so. Hurray!

Monday: Weigh In

I stepped on the scale at 219.2 today. Gaining .4 from last Monday.

I did not run on the elliptical all week. I ate out all day yesterday. ALL DAY. I had 2 bacon cheeseburgers, a cup of awesome chili and a chocolate shake.

WAY more than I usually eat, and definitely was feeling kind of full. I did not eat all that at once mind you- it was over 12 hours, but it was way more food than my stomach wanted.

I'm not really doing so hot on the losing .75 lbs a week am I?

Ah well. I had a special day yesterday so I'm over it.

I did see Gaucho's Brazilian Steakhouse on the way there, but once our friend said how much it costs and how he didn't care for it, we ended up going to Portillos. Which is awesome. Not so awesome I would drive nearly 3 hours one way to get it... but still pretty good.

Max did so well on the car ride. He was exhausted when we got there. I don't blame him because I was tired too! He kept turning his head to watch all the cars pass by! It was cute.

On the way home (we left at 11 pm our time) he slept the whole way. He didnt even want to wake up to go potty at the half way point, so we figured he could wait another hour.

We came home and both fell asleep at 2 am. I just woke up. It's 1:30 pm. :)

Wednesday is the first Summer Challenge check in so I will see you then! I need to get to running.

Westward Dreams

Brian and I have been thinking for a while now that we want to travel the US by train. I'm excited, the last time I was on a train was like.... never. Or maybe once? I can't seem to remember. I don't know if I went to Chicago by train or Charter bus in elementary school. Mom, do you remember? I'm pretty sure it was bus. (All I remember was this super annoying girl in my class was sitting in front of us with her super annoying dad and I couldn't wait for them to shut up.)

There's a connection from Waterloo, In (about 40 minutes outside of Fort Wayne) that takes us to Chicago, and then from Chicago to Seattle, Washington. It would be a 4 day trip, with most of a whole day in Chicago, and then almost a whole day in Seattle, and a lot of time sitting in a train staring out a window. It will be awesome!! The tickets alone are $500 but honestly, that isn't too expensive. Certainly cheaper than our honeymoon suite at Cedar Point for 2 nights ;) Of course, that is not counting the spending money we would need for Chicago and Seattle.

Right now this is all a pipe dream. We are working so hard to get back on track financially that dreaming is all I can do at the moment. I think it would be really awesome to be able to do that this year, but then again, it completely depends on how much we can manage to buckle down.

In other, completely unrelated news- I made enchiladas last night! I thought they were delicious and Brian thought they were okay. I browned up some ground turkey with onion and green peppers, then I added a can of rinsed black beans to the mix. I had bought a kit, which included 6 super tiny soft-taco size shells. They were so tiny, they were very difficult to roll and had almost no filling. Sad. I also had 4 burrito size shells left in the fridge, so I made up those as enchiladas. I am still left with a ton of filling mixture, so I saved it. I am going to make some rice and mix in some salsa with that and have it today as lunch.

Brian said he prefers my chicken enchiladas. Of course he prefers them. They take about 6 times longer to make.

I also bought some stuff for lasagna! I got little foil loaf pans too, so I am going to make 3 small lasagnas and freeze 2 of them. Then we will have lasagna all ready made, and just need to bake! I am so clever.

Tomorrow we are headed up to Valparaiso! Brian's friend Josh is leaving for basic training this week, so we are going up to say good bye and good luck. And also get up to some shenanigans. What kind? I have no idea!

It's been a blast having Brian home this week. So much stuff got done. Did you know my house is actually almost clean? I know, I'm surprised too.

Welp, I got to get to preparing things for the trip tomorrow. I really need to charge my camera. I should probably do that .... now.

See you all later! :D

Have any of you gone cross country on a train before? Advice? Thoughts? Monkeys?!

Windy Friday

Welp its Friday here and it sure is very windy. We actually have a wind advisory with speeds hitting up to 45 miles an hour in short gusts. Which is okay, since I am done with all of my errands for the day.

Its so awesome having Brian home this week, we have been out on the town every day, enjoying the sunshine and each other.

I turned in all of my apps and one place called the manager right away I got all excited thinking I would get a random interview


but no

she just told me that even though their website said they were hiring what they really meant was that they werent hiring until the summer.

lol

ok. not a problem

so I hope to hear from one of these places sometime next week or so.

My brother in law is coming over tonight to drop off his key so I can take care of his dog on Saturday and early Sunday. Hes going to Valparaiso to see his other brother and help him move to Chicago. Brian and I are headed up to Valpo Sunday afternoon because his friend is leaving for basic training next week. The brother in law is coming home Sunday afternoon. I havent decided if we are going to take Max with us or if I will have a friend look after him.

Max loves car rides and its a 2 hr drive one way. He loves people too. We will probably take him with us since we are only going to be gone for a day.

So much stuff to do. I'm exhausted.

I was supposed to take my measurements today but I totally forgot.

Apparently if my alarm goes off while I am sleeping and its not for something important, I turn it off and go back to sleep.

Hm. A nap sounds nice right about now.

Busy Day

Brian and I had to drop off his stuff to his old employer, go visit the new place, run around Jefferson Pointe mall and grab a bunch of apps for me (I got 6!)

It was such a busy day. I hope that I get in somewhere.

The whole point of another job for me is to pay off our debt so... wish me luck!!

in other news, I'm so tired.

Summer Challenge: Day 1 Stats

I know that I am late, even later than Alexia, putting this up. Forgive me. Its been a long long day.
Despite running on empty today, here's my stats!

Height 5ft4
Weight 220
Measurements

I even took a shower and did my hair and make up for the blog. I know.. you are all impressed. Truth be told I did not do the shower until 8 pm...  I took a nap instead but hey...it's the thought that counts.

Shh. Don't judge.

Since it's day one and we are going by tracking and what not... here is what I ate today

- turkey bacon, egg and cheese wrap 8 points
- stir fry 15 points
- chicken and mashed potatoes, 10 points  Macaroni and cheese, 11 points

30 minutes on the elliptical 3 hour nap

Tomorrow is another day!

St Jude

St Jude thank you for answering all of my prayers. You have been so kind in bestowing your gifts upon me, helping me in the most desperate of times. It was with your guidance and kindness that I am able to pull through. I offer to you this praise for all to see.

St Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. You can read about him here. If your case is desperate enough and you offer him your humble prayers, he may grant them.

Summer Challenge: Brought to You By Alexia

It's my first official group challenge! I know, I am crazy! I've been in the blogging "biz" for a few years now (and still haven't lost all my weight?! ha! patience, grasshopper)

The Summer Lovin' Challenge is in 2 parts, which is neat. 2 months of shenanigans!

The first phase starts on Wednesday, so I thought I would start listing some of the things I wanted to accomplish in 4 weeks.

Goal 1: Lose 3 lbs in 4 weeks. This is in accordance with my wedding goal: to lose 3/4 a lb every week.

*Mini goal A) To track 5/7 days a week
*Mini goal B) To eat no more than 20% my weeklies/activity points that I earn. That is 9 weekly points and 6 activity points. See below

Goal 2: To earn 28 activity points a week.
*Mini goal A) To run 3x a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 30 minutes each on the elliptical. (8pts per 30 minutes= 24 points)
*Mini goal B) To walk my dog for an hour a week. (4 AP)

Goal 3: To drink 64 oz of water a day.

*Mini goal A) cut back on the salt.
*Mini goal B) drink water before anything else coffee

Goal 4: To cook at home every day.

*Mini goal A): No eating out
*Mini goal B): Make it from scratch!

The mini goals are going to be daily goals to help keep me on track of what I said I would do. Its another way to keep accountable. I also promised Alexia that I would take pictures and post them on the blog/get them to her, so this is another fun thing I will do.

Day 1 starts Wednesday and runs through May 13th! Do you know what happens on May 15th? UHM that's my wedding anniversary, fools! May 14th-June 14th will officially kick off the summer shenanigans in the good ol' Midwest and by early June I should be sunbathing/swimming on a daily basis. I'll be nice and toasty tan for the wedding. Maybe in a bikini  new one piece!

What you can expect to see on Wednesday:

A weigh in- even though my official weigh in will be on Mondays still, the challenge states on Wednesday, so in order to get along with everyone, I will be playing by the rules.

Re-stating my daily goals.

Pictures.

I am also going to continue to post my measurements on Fridays.

Now that I look over my challenges, I realize a lot of them I am trying to do already, but it will be fun to give it my all with some of the fantastic people joining in the challenge. If you feel like you want to join, please stop by Alexia's blog and let her know I sent ya!

What He Wanted

Brian's got a little mini-vacation going on right now and today he wanted me to make him a big ol' breakfast. He wanted (turkey) bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Yes, I said "and pancakes"


I asked him if he was serious, after all that is a lot of food. He reiterated. "I want 2 slices of bacon, three eggs, and 5 pancakes."


Blink blink.

Okay then.

So I hop into the kitchen and I make the bacon, I stir the pancake batter and I decide that he really does not need 3 eggs or 5 pancakes. I gave him 2 eggs and 3 pancakes (which is actually a serving! but don't tell him that haha) and he had 2 slices of t-bacon. Which I burnt, trying to get everything else taken care of but that's alright. He said it was really good any way and he ate it all. Meanwhile, I had 3 slices of t-bacon (2 points) 1 whole egg, scrambled (2 points) 1/4 c. fat free shredded cheddar cheese (1 point) and a flour tortilla (3 points) to make a breakfast wrap. I'm sad that I was not able to get my Mission low carb tortillas (Brian said they were too expensive- which they are! $4.50 for 10, or $2 for 8 of the store brand)

I ask him if he wants toast as I am finishing up his meal, being a smart ass. Kind of like, geeze, you really need ALL of this food? And he pauses and thinks for a moment as if he is seriously considering whether or not he actually needs toast on top of all this, and then says "nah." I told him I was proud of him for not going full on glutton for me, just moderate glutton! (Again, being a smart ass)

I honestly love cooking for my husband and I only give him a hard time about how much he eats but really, he only eats one meal a day. I love making him a big meal it makes me feel like a real wife. I don't think he's a fat ass or anything (though to be honest, there is no way in hell I could eat all of that!)

He is all full and happy now and playing some video games. It's nice to have him home.

Monday: Weigh in!

Well hello again friends? How have you been doing?

Me... I'm good. I'm down another bit of weight this week. I stepped on the scale at 218.8 this morning

That is awesome! Just 3.8 lbs til my first mini-goal weight (215) and then I am going to go in 5 lb increments until I hit 175 (my ultimate goal)

I have to say that things are going very well for me in the weight loss department. I am so pleased with my progress lately. I know 2 major factors are contributing to my weight loss and that is not eating my extra points (eating 'less') and running 3x a week (moving more)

Kayla kindly reminded me that her wedding is in 3 months. My goal so far has been to lose 3/4 of a lb each week (on average) until the wedding. Something small, and readily attainable. In 4 weeks, I lost an average of 2.2 lbs, which puts me at an average loss of .5 lbs a week. Which is great! I still maintain that any loss is better than a gain and those little numbers do add up. That being said, I did not hardly track at all last week even though I still ran, and still reported a loss, I am getting back on the tracking thing. 

If I am able to maintain the average loss of .75 lbs a week until Kayla's big day, that would put me somewhere in the neighborhood of ~209 lbs. That would put me literally *thisclose* to my 10% weight of 207, which is my next WW milestone. It's also pretty smack dab in the middle of my weight loss journey. I will be down 30 lbs from my highest, and with only 32 lbs to go until my official and serious goal of 175. I can taste victory! I am so ready to be done with the high 210s-low 220s. I am ready... for real this time.... to get back down to the lower 200s. I am ready to do this. 

Thoughts on Different Eating Lifestyles

I have been giving some thought to where I want to be eating wise, next year. I know there are as many eating lifestyles as there are people in the world, so I thought I would ask some of you what your thoughts were, what you liked to eat, what you had struggled with embracing, etc.

For instance, theoretically, if I choose to embrace vegetarianism/veganism, I could do so. I like meat a little too much though and don't know if I would be willing to give that up

Then there is the organic/whole foods approach to eating, which is the most appealing to me at the moment. I love to cook so the thought of taking whole ingredients and turning it into delicious home made recipes is something very appealing to me. However- whole foods require a lot of fruits/veggies and that is something I definitely struggle with. How do you go about learning to like fruits and veggies? Aside from obliterating them in Magic Bullets and then mixing them with something tasty.

There is the Paleo diet, which my brother in law was telling me about. That is the whole "hunter/gatherer" lifestyle we used to do as a race eons ago (haha eons)

There is low carb/Medifast- which I could not do. I did Kimkins low carb and lost a bunch of weight on it then gained it all back and then some when I ate carbs again. I don't think I would do Medifast either, simply because it is so expensive.

The same thing goes for the Jenny Craig/Nutrisystem. Its nice and convenient, but too expensive.

Even more expensive than the WW meals.

I haven't really done a lot of research into these different lifestyles (aside from JC/Nutrisystem/low carb) and I am looking for more reading materials, etc. I am not keen on reading about how they torture our farm animals etc, but if you have anything else you would like to recommend, I am all ears for it. I really need help from former veggie haters to veggie lovers, and the same from fruit haters turned fruit lovers. This is what I struggle with the most. Short of just buying all fruits/veggies and buying nothing else (no meat, no bread, no pasta, no cheese...) I don't know what to do. I'd lose a lot of weight that week, that is for sure lol

Friends, Staying up late, and Sunshine

Brian's friend came over about 6pm last night and stayed over until 7:30 am but that is okay. I like this friend. I think he has a good head on his shoulders despite his circumstances.

This friend also offered to take us out for a meal and of course, since it was 4:30 AM when we went out, that left us at one of my favorite haunts, Steak and Shake.

Normally what I get there is like Points OVERLOAD because that place is just so fatty. I mean, I swore off S&S when I got on WW just because of how ridiculously 'expensive' it is with points values


Bacon Double Cheeseburger- 13 Points+ with 480 calories, 28g fat, 31g carbs, fiber <1g (I input 0), 25g protein.

Regular order of cheese fries- 16 Points+ with 610 calories, 34g fat, 67 g carbs, 6g fiber, 10g protein.

Which is to say, a lot.

This time I ordered something smaller (cheaper too) but it was still a lot of points.

Chili Mac- which is spaghetti noodles topped with beef chili. 23 Points+ (less than the burger and fries) and I was only able to eat about half of it. So that was 11 points. I tracked it, don't worry.

I was surprised that I did not eat it all, as I did not eat a whole lot yesterday at all.

As we were leaving I saw that they had bacon cheese fries. My mouth watered. I will not be stepping back there for a long long while.

I'm exhausted. I went to bed at 7:30 and had to get up at 1 to do some work but now I am able to go back to bed for a nap. Just thought I would share my little victory.

Its a sunny 76 degrees out side which is fabulous... except I will be missing it all. Sleeping the day away. We actually had to turn on our A/C today! hahah

Goals for April

My biggest goal in April is to get all caught up financially. But that's coming along well, so no point in re-hashing all of that.

I also want to start painting again. I did one fantastic painting in high school of a giant turkey in pointillism, which is my favorite form of painting.

I have a fantastic idea for a painting and I think it would make a fantastic Father's Day gift. I don't have any reason to worry my dad has no idea how to read my blog. I'd be shocked and confused if he ever found it without my mom's help.

I want to make a giant painting of their dog, Goober. My dad loves Goober pretty much more than anything and already has some awesome items. He has a stone etching of Goober when he was a puppy and their house has slowly been taken over of majestic goldens in paintings of wheat fields and whatnot.

I really wanted to get a wooden puzzle of a Golden. A user on Etsy made them with a saw, and you could customize the name. It would spell out "golden" but she could easily do "goober" except she wanted $40 for that, when the original was $12. Uhm. no thanks.

And then it hit me... I should start painting again! I really enjoy it and I can't think of a better subject (Goober is a ham for the camera... something I taught him when he was a puppy! It's all my fault! I pulled out my phone to grab so many pics now every time you pick up a phone he thinks its time for a picture and gives his 'best side')

I also want to fill our apartment with more paintings. I think this would be easier than buying them, since they are like $5,000,000,000 dollars and I am already -$5,000,000,001! hahaha. I'm thinking I should frame the turkey head I did, and then paint some geese/ducks/peacocks as well as some flowers and just slap them on the walls all over.

I also would like to get a sewing machine... anyone have one that they are willing to sell? As I have been looking and the cheapest one new I can find is $50 and the cheapest used I can find is like... $75.... so that will not do.


I ran outside for the first time today! Well jogged. With Max for about 40 seconds. Which is forty seconds longer than I have since like... ever. so that was a huge accomplishment. I may take C25K to the pavement and skip the treadmill all together. I want to do 1 C25K session outside this month. (With Max)

Sunshine and Rainbows

All is finally right in Brian's head! Hurray! He told me that he could tell he was feeling better because he actually dreamed last night. He dreamed he was Spider-man. Boys will be boys, I suppose.


Today he is having a friend come over which I think will further make him happy. I also plan on forcing encouraging him to take a walk with me since it's 65 degrees out and sunny. We have 2 hours before the friend shows up (ish... this friend is notoriously late to everything ever, so there really is no rush.) We said "come over after 4" which means he might show up at 9. Which is cool, I don't care when he's coming I just like to know that he is.


I'm so glad that Brian is doing great again. It was really hard watching him be all upset and trying to tell him that it would be okay and its not the end of the world. I have been on the other side of the situation myself so I knew what he was going through, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch. It was really tough. I'm glad it's over and I was able to be the strong (sane) one for once.

I think a nice hour walk will tire us all out. Brian, Max, and me all need a little sunshine!

Pancakes!

Now things have settled down in the Farrar household. Mr F has finally realized that he does not have to go back to his job because he has another one, so that means he is HYPER

I completely understand, I mean, when I went through my mini crisis, he said when I could tell I was just 'done' that I was a completely different person. You know, all happy and rainbows and other crazy crap like that.

I am so happy that he decided to follow his heart! He is a talented artist, and I know he is going places so that was one of the reasons I snatched him up. The other reason? Uhm he's hot and I'm shallow and I like pretty things and yummy men in my bed = fantastic. What can I say? ;)

Another reason we are both relieved is we will be able to spend more time together. Working less than full time kind of gives you that option, you know? :) It will allow him to see family more often. To hang out with friends more often. To eat pizza every day.

The great news about his new-old job is that he gets free food on a daily basis and while it would not be conducive to weight loss he can eat it all if he likes. He told me since I would be cooking less (!!) I could have more WW meals (!!!!) and then I wouldn't have to worry about portions (!!!!!!!)

He will also be around to work out with me. Bike rides. Running. Rollerblading. Walking the dog.

That will be awesome.

So to celebrate I made a giant pancake. The size of a plate

And ate it all.

I could do that you see

Because I have not had anything to eat all day.

Glad that I am feeling better (?) and my desire to eat pancakes has been sated.

The Decision- Part 2

Well Hubby finally decided that he cannot take another minute at his current job. He called off today and then went to his last job and asked for them to take him back. He will know Monday for sure but they said he had a great chance and he is like 95% positive that he will be accepted back into the fold.

Me? I'm just happy my husband stopped freaking out.

This week has been hell on his mental health.

Monday I get the fun task of turning in all his stuff and saying "he isn't coming back, he just can't handle it" hahahaha

Brian's worried his boss will yell at me. I guess his boss has anger issues and is a bit of a sexist jerk too. I told him that I wasn't going to even speak to his boss, just the security guard. And well, if I have to talk to the boss, I'm just going to say he isn't coming in and then leave. I am not worried. Brian thinks he might fly off the handle with me but I can hold my own when it comes to that sort of behavior. I'm laughing right now thinking about it. But that is what wifes do. They step up to the plate when they have to. I'm not the type who gets backed into corners easily or takes a lot of crap. I'm not going to yell at him or make him cry (I'm sure I could) I just am going to tell him that I'm sure he will find someone to fill the position and have a nice day, walk away. Brian is worried I might go a little nuts.

He's just worried about everything though lol

I can't say I blame him. I've been in a job where I've just felt the overwhelming sense that I needed to quit NOW and that I couldn't handle another minute of this place and I know that it happens to others too. I have quit a job on a moment's notice and had a mental breakdown in the process. I totally know how he is feeling and that is why I am okay.

I'm okay because I have been there. I am okay because he is making money off his commissions. I am okay because he likely has another job lined up. I am okay because he has a lot of art to keep him busy.
I'm okay because I can see the sense of relief in my husband. He's finally getting back to himself. He had no appetite for a few days, now every few minutes he's asking me what there is to eat. He wasn't sleeping at all and was tired, he is rejuvenated now.

I'm looking forward to the new beginnings.

Friday: Measurements

I woke up this morning and got on the scale 217.8 is staring back at me. I am thrilled and hope to keep this number going. After being 220 something on Monday, this fantastic!

I also am very stressed out. I like to pretend I am not, but my eating habits yesterday said otherwise.

After a surprise visit to my parents in my home town yesterday- I devoured a Cadbury egg, 3.5 Reese's eggs, 2 salisbury steaks, 1 cup-ish of mashed potatoes slathered in gravy, *white* Sunbeam bread.....I haven't eaten white bread in years now....


I was stuffed. But wanted more.

Came home and fell asleep. Woke up and made Brian go to taco bell where I got a chicken quesadilla. Sigh. At least I am okay now.

Haven't even had coffee today.

On to measurements.

Significant changes! Over 4 inches lost this week! Yay! my lower abs (read: belly) is smaller than my boobs! (finally!)

Success!!

Measuring every week gives me the same sense of data that weighing every day does. It gives me a fantastic reference point. It points out mistakes to me quickly. It shows me what areas I need to improve on and what is already going. I am not sure what was up with the thigh measurement- maybe its muscle? Or maybe its swollen, since my legs are tender today. I don't know. I'm just happy I am seeing losses left and right on my upper body. Bust, waist, abs! Oh my!

I noticed that my pants are all now too baggy through the hips and thighs. I noticed that my bras don't dig into me any more (could they actually be comfortable to wear??) My Enell bra doesn't feel as tight on my ribcage- I feel like I can breathe! I love it.

Running rocks.

Oh and so does eating well (most of the time anyway... stupid Easter candy!)

Decisions

Well after a long talk (on my part) and many panic attacks later (on Brian's part) we finally decided that he was not happy where he was and that he needed a different line of work to feel complete.

I can't say this is a surprise. I mean, he's told me multiple times that he only likes his current job for the benefits and the bennies are great. However it's caused him more stress than I have ever seen from him and I fear that he might crack one of these days.

We even ended up going to the dr last month to see if he was actually having panic attacks (he was) and if he wanted medication for it (he doesn't) so they charged us $70 (go figure)

I thought that maybe he was stressed out about money. We have had a bit of financial trouble this month (but really who hasn't?) and since he started doing commissions, we've been right on track again. He kept having them.

As an interesting aside- we both get panic attacks but they manifest themselves in different ways. I get light headed, dizzy, nauseous and if I don't catch it right away, I pass out. Like- THUD!- I'm all of a sudden down for the count. He gets chest pains. He has a muscle in his chest/back that spasms and stress is a trigger for it. He used to get them sporadically but now has them on a daily/constant basis. The dr did in fact confirm it was stress related. So... that's how I know he's still having panic attacks. He grabs his chest and freaks out for a moment or two.

I feel awful for him. I want to make it better. But there is one rule*.

Thou shalt not leave a job unless thou has another one lined up 




He's getting up early tomorrow and he is going to talk to a previous employer and see what they can work out together. He really liked his last job, and I think I know why. It was never the same. It was constantly changing. There was not a lot of stress. There was busy and then there was busier. Not a lot of down time. This is the sort of situation he thrives in. He hates monotony, hates repetitive behaviors, and hates having down time. Which is all his job currently is.

Me? I like it. But this isn't about me. It's about him and what I have to do for him. I want my husband to be happy and mentally in a better place. I want him to be able to focus on his art work and concentrate on free lance, having a more flexible job will help that. I want him to do what he wants to do. I am concerned about finances, but I am still going to be looking for another job and honestly- we will be fine. I spend way too much time worrying about what might happen and then I realize- uhm it's already happened.

His other issue is he feels like he has to justify himself to friends/family. Especially my family, because he loves them so much and doesn't want them to think bad of him. But my family knows- You have to follow your gut instincts. He worries what his friends will think of him leaving a 'good job' when there aren't many out there.

I told him that there are only two people in this whole world he has to worry about pleasing. One is me and the other is him. If we are both on the same page, then that is what matters most.

And I am all for it.

Now he is all excited and wants to start this new chapter in his life and I feel like I have my old husband back. One who was passionate and strong willed, determined to follow his dreams. I feel like his creativity is coming back. I feel like he is becoming himself again. I actually saw him smile today.

But I am hella tired from our long talk all night. So I'm off for a nap.


*Thanks to Rachel for helping us own it and sticking to the rules.

All of Us- Part 2

Jayden, Colby, Ty, Bronson, Hunter, Brandon, Sandi, Shaylee
Dalin, Jazzi, Ellie, Sailor, Pickle, Jace, Kate, Hadley
with pets Charlie, Tang, Storm, and Calvin

Brian just finished his commission for the lovely Sandi over at Habitat4Insanity. Sandi has been a wonderful lady to work with and her kids crack me up. Brian and I had a great time looking through her pictures and deciding how to represent her family.

Not only that, but she is promoting his commissions too! What a great lady!

Of course, you don't have to be a reader of Sandi's to commission Brian. You can do that through me!

check out his website here
email him here

or if you dont want to talk to him
you can email me instead

We'll send you over an invoice and a questionnaire for you to fill out and return with your pictures.

I am of course his secretary so I will be handling all of the blog-related stuff and get his blog up to speed. In the meantime, however, you can check out his page on my blog.

Wednesday: C25K Week 1 Redux

So its another running day. I absolutely am looking forward to getting my run on.

I saw this fantastic quote on Twitter from Running Quotes that my friend Lindsay retweeted...

"If you run, you are a runner...There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run" 


Which reaffirms exactly what I wrote about here- basically you are a runner if you are moving faster than usual.

All of this makes me feel good about myself. It isn't about races. It's not about pace, or distance, or miles (those things help!) it's about me. Doing this. For myself. Because I need to. Because I want to

And that is a very powerful feeling. To look at yourself in the mirror and say "You know what I want to do? I want to go running."

I've never said that out loud, ever. Until very recently. I mean- it's always been a secret dream of mine. Something I thought I could never do. The thought of running feels to me the same as the thought of flying. Oh how I would love to be able to fly! (wings, not airplanes) How exhilarating it must be. And that is how I felt about running for a long time. It was something impossible. It wasn't even a pipe dream. I just thought I never would be able to, due to the history with the ankle and all. 

Yes my ankle still aches. It will always ache. But it doesn't hurt any more. I am finally pushing past that and becoming myself again. I am a runner, dang it!!

So all of this rambling aside, you probably are wondering how I have done on C25K today, right? Well I haven't gone yet. Give me 45 minutes an hour. (Max had to go out, then he saw children and wanted to herd them and I wasn't having it, so he wasn't going potty because he didn't get his way, then we came in and he whined because there were still children to corral and he was upset with me so he sulked and went into his crate, but I was going to put him there anyway... so I win! HA!)

---~~-- C25K Stats --~~---

Time: 30 minutes

Distance: 3.67 miles 

Pace: 8:02 minutes/5k; 8:10 minutes/mile overall

Power song(s): Cascada- Evacuate the Dancefloor; Britney Spears- If U Seek Amy; Alkaline Trio- Every Thug Need a Lady; Cake- The Distance

Mood: Fantastic! Despite the fitness center being busy and full of big burly men (some of whom were sexy and some of whom were not) and me being the only girl there, I did not get off of the elliptical even though I wanted to run away. I made a promise to myself to do the full 30 minutes and I did it! I started feeling epic around minute 18 and that carried me through the rest of the way. 

One great thing (but also slightly annoying at the same time) was my pants kept falling down! They are officially too big. I am going to have to go find some new ones or learn how to take them in before Friday. 

I am sure I looked a loon holding my pants up while running. I had on my Spanx too, to help keep my butt from bouncing and I think it just made my pants fall off faster. Whoops!

I also couldnt find my normal shoes so I was wearing my shape ups which turned out to be a bad idea. My whole right foot fell asleep and then it started traveling up my leg. Usually just my toes fall asleep. Am I wearing the wrong kind of shoes? Am I wearing the wrong kind of socks? Am I doing something wrong.... running friends, help me out!

Scale and Bones

I hopped on the scale this morning and was pleased to see 218.4 staring back at me. I am finally over my monthly horror and back to being normal again.

I think I may have solved Max's panty snatcher (and chewer) behavior. I got him a bone. And not just any bone, I mean this sucker came from a cow and it's like a femur or something. It's not a rawhide. He goes through those too fast. So far he's been chewing on it all night and all day and carries it from room to room while he does and won't let me near it.

He hasn't made a dent in it yet! Which is good, considering what a compulsive chewer he is!

Today is P90X arms. While I enjoyed it the first time around, now I've started getting in to running on the elliptical again and that is what I want to do today! I know I should take a break from cardio and do strength training, so P90X shoulders and arms it is....


After breakfast. Yes I know it's 2 pm. But I want pancakes and turkey sausage, dangit! And coffee too. Mm.

A Fantastic Day on Plan

Here it is, end of the day (for me anyway) and I have a lot of good news to report.

I got 'rid of' all of my weekly allowance and my APs earned so far for the week. My Monday looks insane! It appears I have eaten 87 Points+ for the day.... but in reality, it's only been 35.

I had a hard time getting to 35 points today. I just am not hungry. Here's what the day looked like...

Breakfast (at 2:30 pm hah!) 1 1/2 servings of coffee, with dark chocolate creamer and Stevia sweetener, 4 Points+

C25K:  25 minutes, 6 AP earned. - At this point, I'm "negative 2P+" for the day.

Lunch (at 7:30- note I went 5 full hours without eating) beef stir fry, for 12 Points+

- 3 ounces tri-tip steak, cubed
- 1 cup long grain white rice cooked
- Homemade sweet and sour sauce
- Onion & green pepper

Snack- Cadbury creme egg - 4 Points+

Dinner- 11:30- Seasoned french fries, 6 oz with 1/4 cup ketchup for 10 Points+

Snack- Turkey sausage links (3) and 2 slices of Aunt Millie's Healthy Goodness bread, 5 Points+

I drank tons of water and only had one diet Mt Dew (which lasted me several hours, impressive, I know!)

My knee and hip are protesting at me currently wondering why on earth I decided to run today but you know what, I'll push through. Aside from the protesting of angry joints, I feel fantastic.

Off to shower and then go to bed. Busy day for me ahead. That rhymed. I know, its silly :)

Fitness: C25K Week 1 Repeat

I decided to do Week 1 of Couch to 5K again since I was struggling so much with the second week. Part of that struggle may have been going to the gym with a full belly, or maybe it was PMS but I was getting all sorts of discouraged.

I went back to Week 1 and I am so glad I did. It was still challenging. I spent 10 minutes with the incline on 5 on the elliptical (it goes up to 20) and the other half of it at 1. Normally I run all at incline of 1.

Brian went with me to lift some weights. When we got there, a tall skinny overly tanned girl was walking on the max incline of the treadmill. I hopped on the elliptical and Brian did his thing. Then this chick gets off the treadmill and proceeds to lay down right in front of Brian on the floor in front of the mirror. Now, this fitness center has plenty of room in it. She definitely did not have to lay in front of Brian to be in front of the mirror.

She then does crunches and some other ab work. Then she gets some hand weights and does side-bends. As she does this, her short shorts move and you can see her ass. I'm watching this through the mirror and smiling to myself because I notice that Brian is not looking at skinny chick with her ass hanging out- he's watching my ass and boobs bounce!

She then proceeds to 'stretch'. I say it like that because well she kept fondling herself to be honest. She would bend over and grab her ankles then stroke her calves. She would prop her leg up on a bench and fondle her ass. Sure, she was "stretching"... except she did this for an excessively long time. Keep in mind she is wearing short shorts so there are panty shots left and right. I mean, if I were hot and I saw a hot guy in the gym I'd be showing off my flexibility too. But it's just funny to me.

Brian said that he wasn't looking and I don't care if he was to be honest. My rule is "look but don't touch." Of course she was doing all the touching herself so I don't think she really needed his help. ;)

My elliptical machine cut me off at 20 minutes again. I don't know why it does that. Sometimes it lets me go forever and other times, I have a strict 20 minute time limit. I reset it and did some more time. I finished at 27 minutes and did approximately 3ish miles. I have no clue on actual distance.

I did at one point run for 2 minutes straight, as hard as I could. I sent my heart rate sky high- I hit 200 bpm, which is *way* over what I should be at. 85% of my maximum heart rate is at 167.

My legs feel like jelly. I earned 6 AP and haven't eaten yet. Off to go make a sammich.

Monday: Weigh In!

Hello!

How are you all doing?

Great, glad to hear it.

Me? I'm alright thanks for asking.

How did my week go? Well compared to the previous weeks, it sucked.

I did not track hardly at all

I ate everything in sight (if it had salt in it)

I got addicted to crack diet soda again

I totally did not run or work out since last Monday.

The good news? I am back on plan today. Because all it takes is the decision to be, so there. It's done. I'm on plan and everything is going smoothly! I'm going for a run today. I drank lots of water yesterday. I also stopped the diet soda fixation. We're out and we will be out for a while. I had a huge migraine yesterday (lack of caffeine) and it made me physically ill.




It's going to be very warm today and very stormy so I will have to drive over to the fitness center so I don't get wet pants/shoes/self



Anyway enough stalling. Here's todays weight!


220.4 a gain of 1.2 lbs. Not surprising since I ate a lot of salt, but way better than the scale said yesterday. It told me 223.... so now I am back on track. I'm over it.


I'm off to get my run in before I lose motivation



My husband is finishing up his current commissions. Do you want one? Email me! groovygirl1140@gmail.com  Flat rate of $15 per caricature (which is a great deal. The ones you see at fairs/amusement parks are $30+ each!)

Measurements

I was supposed to take them on Friday, but forgot.

I was going to take them Saturday, but forgot

I finally took them today. I did not forget.

I have lost a net 1.25 inches! Wee! My thighs especially! They were almost a whole inch smaller. My calves are a little bigger and my arse is a little bigger. Boobs/low abs are smaller.

Here's the proof:

I will see you all tomorrow for weigh in.