Day 16- Where's the Exercise?

Ha! I've not exercised in two weeks. God. I keep meaning to. I just dont. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows.

I also had pizza last night. Pizza is one of my trigger foods. I love it so much. I just eat it all the time. I haven't had any in at least 15 days :) Anyway, we got a frozen one and we split it 60-40 (I got less) I hadn't eaten all day so I had all my calories in one fell swoop. It was so good, so delicious! After it was all gone I was really sad and contemplated getting another!!!!! but I assessed my feelings: My *body* was full (stuffed!) and my *mind* was missing the experience of eating eating eating eating. So I started crocheting and soon forgot about pizza. Though I did have to deal with the smell of roasted garlic and cheese all night long in my kitchen....

Also I totally weighed myself today! I cheated! YAY! Wait... that's a bad thing. Not really. I used to weigh myself at least once a day, now I have gone 2 weeks without looking at the scale and hey, guess what? Surprise! a 4 lb loss.

In two weeks.

Hallelujah!

But nothing is official until I get on the scale on Sept 14th.

It just proves to me that it was the scale messing with my head and that if I just *shock* ate in moderation I would lose weight. And this is a 4lb loss including Sunday- a day off plan- and Monday- delicious pizza day.

I ate a cheesy double beef burrito today (480 calories) and had 2 diet mountain dews. It was on sale, $4.50 for a 24 pack, which is usually $8. How could I refuse? Luckily I didn't have gobs of money free or I would have bought out the whole supply!

My new crochet project is a pair of slipper-sock-bootie-things for my mom. In purple, of course. they are called "Pixie Boots" and they look like elf boots but they are so cute! I was going to make some cottage socks but the pattern confused me so I will just have to decipher it another time.

I will be posting pics! I've already got another request for a second pair, from my dad. He hasn't seen what they look like only what the yarn feels like, so I may just work up his pair and not show him the pic haha :)
I also have to make hubby a beanie cap too. :) Im a busy woman!

this weekend is a great weekend planned, I have a day off work to enjoy spending time with my whole family at a labor day parade :) I will be taking pics that day too. There will also be sidewalk sales! I love sidewalk sales!

Day 15- Half-way there!

Firstly a recap of yesterday, Day 14

-Family function day! It was my mother in law's birthday celebration, so we went out to eat. I had made sure not to eat before hand. I knew it was going to be an "over budget" day.

We went to eat at a nice place and I had 2 pita chips with a spoonful of spinach-artichoke dip, 1 breadstick, and four bites of my awesome burger! It was a goat cheese and white cheddar garlic burger on a toasted garlic french roll. Needless to say, I was burping up garlic all day! I also had baked mac and cheese on the side, of which I sampled. I boxed up the rest and took it home. Then we headed back to the in-laws for cake and ice cream. I had one scoop of butter pecan ice cream and one modest slice of cake. I was sooo stuffed!

That's more than I've eaten in a long time! Later that night, I had the rest of the mac and cheese and the burger came split into two halves, hubby had one and I had the other that I had nibbled on earlier. Sooo good.

Yesterday was also the day I gave away the beautiful wrap I had been working on. I was sad to see it go *sniff sniff* but she loved it so much, it made me really happy. I almost cried. But keep that between you and me, internet!

I know I look upset, but I am trying not to drop my phone, I swear!

It's really big, bigger than my arm span, which is 5ft4 :)

The shell detail.

I ended up using over 13.5 ounces of yarn, which is 3.5 ounces more than the pattern called for, but when I completed it per the instructions it was way way too small, so I added another section (and another ball of yarn!)

Now I am going to make some socks. I'm nervous about it but I hope they turn out. I have some lovely warm yarn to use for them, purple of course! :) It's a beginner's level pattern but it's full of increases and decreases, so I have to practice that before I can start them. I have lots of practice yarn too.

Instead

Instead is such a great word. Let's use it in a sentence shall we?

i'd really like to have Ben and Jerry's cream cheese brownie ice cream right now, instead I'll have a frozen yogurt.

I'm so hungry for pizza but I will have a turkey and cheese sandwich instead.

I wanted to make frosted brownies, so I bought a brownie mix and frosting, but just ended up eating the frosting instead. Wait... that one didn't come out so good lol

Let me try another one... I wanted to run today but I slept instead.

I think you all get the point any way :)

PS Best ice cream ever.

Day 13- Battling the Inner Me

A short conversation with myself:


Me: Morning self, you have a busy day ahead working all day
Self: Yeah I know I am not going to feel like doing anything else
Me: Yeah its worth it in the end though.
Self: I should totally get some roast beef sandwiches from Arby's.
Me: Mmm I love roast beef.
Self: Let's go get some.
Me: No.
Self: Make hubby go.
ME: Tempting.
Self: You should. Do it.
Me: Really tempting. But no. I'll just have a sandwich.
Self: How about pizza? You love pizza just as much as I do!
Me: Maybe even more. That does sound good, but I can't control myself with pizza.
Self: It's ok! You deserve it. You've been good every single day!
Me: Ha! Nice try. Hubby will make me a sandwich.
Self: ....but I love pizza.
Me: We can have a pita pizza later. I'll make it with turkey pepperoni.
Self: *pouts*
Me: *ignores it*
Self: ...but I'm still hungry
Self: ....really hungry.
Self: Hey! I'm hungry! Do something about it!
Me: *drinks diet soda*
Self: Are you listening?
Self: Hello??
Self:....fine! When I starve to death it will be your fault.
Self: Why can't I have pizza?
Me: I already told you. I can't control myself. Sorry.

I'm still debating internally but basically it just goes back and forth "yes!" "no!"

Don't worry, I'm not going to succumb to the allure of pizza. I do love it but some day I will be able to have a piece and enjoy it. I hope. Sweets and chocolate aren't so hard to ignore, it's pizza and pasta that I love :(

Day 12- 30 days of me

Yesterday all I could think about was the scale. Today I went to mom's and hopped on her scale and made her look at the number. I stared at the ceiling. I want to see the number for myself but I know I would be discouraged if I did, even if I was doing great, I would be upset.

She told me "you've lost what you can expect to lose in a week and a half" which means the weight isn't falling off but slowly going down. Probably 2-3 lbs or so. Which is so much better than what I was afraid of and half expecting, which would be a 2-3lb gain. While I don't know the real number, or whether or not she was even telling me the truth, that I lost at all, I'm done with that battle.

I've been really out of it today. I took a shower and did my hair, make up, I even got dressed up (I wore a skirt!) but I can't seem to focus on anything today. It's so hard to connect the dots. I was supposed to bring by a cord to my mom so she can hook her iphone up to the tv, and that was the whole reason for my visit today. And I forgot it.
I couldn't find my keys, they were in my hand. I couldn't find my phone, it was in my pocket. I couldn't remember if I locked the door or not, did I stop at that stop sign? I can't remember.

My head isn't filled with other things or distractions but it's very hard to focus. I took my crochet stuff and I worked on my mother in law's wrap. I am almost out of yarn, that sucks. I've still got a row left to do and the edging. I thought I would have enough, but I guess the bigger it gets the more yarn it uses. Its fan shaped, so you use very little yarn at the bottom and more and more as you work your way out. Hopefully I can find some more in the same dye lot or I will have to pull out what I've got and finish it off then. Lucky me, right?

Goober was sick today, must have been something he ate because he jumped up next to me and threw up. Almost on my wrap, and then I'd have been ruined, because I don't think it would be salvageable. I did lose a bag in the process though. I'm not upset, I feel sorry he's sick, and I'm thankful he didn't get anything important. It does irk me however he puked on the day bed instead of the floor haha

I was a good kid and cleaned it up so mom didn't have to. :( Poor baby.

And that was my day. I lead such an interesting life. I know you are all so jealous. I'm going to try the Biggest Loser high impact cardio tonight. I am sort of afraid of how it will turn out. But what if I can do it?? What if my excuse of "It will hurt my ankle" is actually a crutch?! Ohhh revelation....

We will see. I'll let you know how I do

Freaking Out

I am freaking out. I can't tell if I've lost any weight or not. I've been eating on plan but nothing is getting looser. I haven't been exercising, but still... I should be losing lots due to calorie restriction alone!

I even went looking around the house for my scales, which I couldnt find. I have 3 of them. THREE!! That's how neurotic I am!! I gave up relatively quickly (thank goodness I'm lazy haha) and I didn't find any. I also thought of going to the neighbors to ask her if I can weigh myself then decided that would be rude. Also I would have to get dressed. And listen to her talk. So not worth it!

It's been on my mind all day. I feel like I am wigging out. Like a crack addict or something. I've got a case of the what-if's.

Then I went about my day. Did some laundry, some dishes, and played a game. Stopped to eat my fiber tablets. I'm up to 9 of the required 15 a day. Had a .5 cup of cottage cheese (4% 110 calories) later I had lunch, a turkey and muenster on a sandwich thin (260) with a small bag of chips (130) and an individual pack of mini oreos (130) which puts me at 630 for the day.

My caffeine headaches are mostly gone, I've got a small one now but I hardly notice it. I've been drinking water like crazy and I have noticed I am making trips to the bathroom once every 20 minutes. I also tracked how often I went on a normal day, not sucking down as much water as humanly possible, and I had 8 trips. Once every three hours. Like clockwork. I've already gone 10 times so far today and the day isn't over by a long shot.

I have not gone off the deep end yet, I haven't started threatening hubby to tell me the location of the scales, or begged and pleaded (which he would ignore anyway, I made him promise not to get them out until September 14th) There is a scale at my mom's but its analog and I am blind as a bat and can't read the numbers. I keep thinking I'm looking thinner, but I can't tell if it's because I've lost weight or because I'm delusional.

Just 19 more days and I will know anyway. I am going to work out tonight and see how I feel tomorrow, maybe take a walk or do another workout. Might run. You never know with me. I could run a 5k! Or at least, bike a 5k.

I also have a very busy weekend ahead. I have to finish my mother in law's wrap I am making for her birthday (almost done!! Last two rows and then the finished edging!) with her birthday get together on Sunday. I need to get that done. I also have a busy day Saturday with not much of a break. Hubby also is working on Saturday! Hurray! I love overtime!

I'll be sure to take pics of the wrap when it's finished! then I have to start on Christmas presents! Yay! I hope that I can get everything done hehe :D I might do some candles too.

Day 11

Today my mom and grandma are coming over- supposed to, anyway- to go swimming. However its been a lot cooler lately and I know that the season is changing and coming to an end because I wake up stiff and sore in my ankle every morning and it takes a bit of time to get my foot working like its supposed to.

I don't know if we are going swimming or not, the weather is supposed to be 74 which seems kind of cold since its been in the high 80s all summer.

I have been suffering from twitchy eye all day. My right eye lid keeps wigging out and twitching, not a spasm as it doesnt hurt but it is very annoying. It will go away though eventually.

Day 11. Wow. Only 19 more!

Day 10 Holy Crap

Holy crap I am already at a 1/3 of the way through my 30 days of me. I tell you what, it's been a blessing in disguise.

Every morning I wake up and head to my bathroom to get on the scale, but it isn't there. I pout for a moment thinking I should go look for it, because I want to seeee what I am doing. But it passes, mostly because I forget its existence soon after. I make hubby's lunch and hang out with him for a few moments before either returning to bed or turning on my game :)

I've been so obsessed with this game lately which I thought would be a bad thing, but it really isn't, I don't eat all day while I play. I stop when I notice I've gone light headed then its time for a chicken breast and some cottage cheese, which tides me over until hubby gets home late at night, then I make dinner. Lately it's been spaghetti.

Last night was the first night I really "pigged out" I had 1 cup of mac and cheese and 1 bbq pulled pork sandwich (without cheese! I know! Whats wrong with me!?) and I was s to the tuffed!

Im still full now and it's been over 15 hours.

I've been eating my little fiber tablets too they are starting to taste good. I guess that's what you get when you dont eat candy or sugar for a few days. I have been drinking my fruits too, oh yes my juice, I love juice. I know it has calories and thats probably why I havent felt hungry, I've been drinking my meals instead of eating them, but it really helps me feel fuller longer. I am often so stuffed with a glass of juice that I can't even think of eating anything on top of that. I hear my stomach slosh when I walk for hours :)

I cant believe its already day 10. I am starting to get nervous (what if I don't lose any?!) but in that case my backup plan has always been to go get my blood work done. If I am staying under 1200-1400 calories a day and not losing any weight at all (which shouldn't happen considering I was eating 2500 a day) then something else is wrong, something internal. It isn't my problem with food at that point, it's my body isn't working right.

I am going to get back to exercising too. I enjoy being on my butt all day playing video games but I also enjoy the feeling of being totally exhausted, omg I'm going to die, what do you mean the workout is over I made it through! yippee! that I get from working out.

Day 9 Where oh Where is my caffeine?!

Day 9

Second day without caffeine. I am dying here. I had bought a 12 pack of diet dew and it officially lasted me 2 days. I cannot drink it anymore. Its too expensive to be buying it every other day. And if I got a 24 pk or more, I'd go through it faster.

I have a huge headache. Everything hurts.

I have regular soda in the house and I could have a glass. But I dont want one.

I want a nice, dark, quiet room. Oh yes.


Unfortunately we have company coming over tonight which requires me to be functional! I've been cleaning all day and they are to be over in a few hours and there is still much left to do, no rest for the wicked!

We are having BBQ pulled pork sandwiches and mac and cheese tonight. I was going to make a pasta salad but I don't have all the ingredients, boo.

Day 7 & 8- 30 Days of me

Day 7 (Sunday)

Unremarkable in nearly every way, except I went grocery shopping. Huzzah!

Day 8 (Monday)

I went to my mom's to watch the latest episode of True Blood and while there, she mentioned she had cookies if I wanted one. Soft, delicious Lofthouse brand cookies. Sugar cookies with thick, sugary frosting and sprinkles. So good. So soft. So delicious. So... fattening. 320 calories a cookie. And I could eat all ten.

But today, I ate it slowly. I actually forgot I had the cookie in hand, as I was watching American Chopper. I ate a little more of it and gave the last bite to Goober. He always gets the last bite.

Also had half of a roast beef sandwich. Wasn't going to eat it. But then mom put cheese on it. Cheese is my kryptonite.

Then I had spaghetti for dinner.

I've been playing Oblivion lately, which is a fantasy-adventure game on the XBOX 360. Surprisingly little has been done around the house. I may have to restrict my own playing time until I get the house clean. No dishes are clean in the house and the laundry is piling up. But I am now officially the head of the Mages Guild, so take that! HAH!

Day 6- 30 Days of Me

Day 6

I am so tired, stupid tired too. I couldn't fall asleep last night, until really early this morning, about 7 am then it was only a few short hours of sleep as I had to work a lot today.

I have been grumpy and slow witted, sluggish all day. Even caffeine, my one true love very best friend, has not helped me wake up.

For eating, I had a bean and cheese burrito and a small bowl of spaghetti and garlic bread. I love garlic bread. Mmmm

That's all I got folks. Tomorrow will be a better day. I am headed off to la la land to have pleasant dreams of magnificently tall Swedish vampires. Named Eric Northman.

I'm so specific on what I dream about.

Day 5- Cheat Day- 30 days of me

Woah woah woah. I know what you are thinking. Lady can't even go a week with out cheating on her diet! What a failure!


But I didn't cheat. Nope. Not on my diet.

See hubby got paid today. And I didn't get to sleep until 6 am. I was tired. I didn't want to get up in 5 hours and make his lunch. Plus he was out of almost everything anyway. He had been so good all week. Eating my homemade lunches of sandwiches, celery and carrots, strawberries, chips and cottage cheese. He hasn't spent any money on soda at work (partially because I bought soda specifically for his lunches and partly because it's really expensive that way)

Today is HIS cheat day. Yep he gets to go to a local fast food joint and eat whatever his little heart desires. He gets this once every two weeks, on payday. The other friday, he gets leftovers from a home cooked meal :) See, everything worked out great. I also got a bit of a cheat day because I got to sleep longer. Mmm sweet, sweet sleep.

And I dreamed about vampires! Squeal! I'm so pumped up for this week's epi of True Blood.

Anyway, so I just got up. I go look in the mirror and I can't stop looking at myself. Last night I was laying on the couch next to hubby and I kept asking him "Do my boobs look smaller?" I kept holding them, they felt lighter. I made him feel (like I had to make him pffft) and I got an "I think so." as an answer.

I'm pretty sure it's my imagination. I don't really think they would shrink noticeably in 5 days. But what the point actually is, is I feel like I am smaller, sexier, great. That's all that matters. Part of me is itching to find the scale ("Let's see how much I weigh now! I bet I've lost 5 lbs!") and the other part, the lazy part and responsible parts, ironically, are both saying "No!" Lazy doesnt want to go find it and the responsible part made a promise to hide the scale for 30 days.
Instant gratification will have to wait.

As I was up so late last night, I started a series of Tweets on Twitter. So here they are, in handy dandy list form, for those of you who like lists.

You Know You Are Fat When:

-You secretly hope for a tapeworm/illness/salmonella to speed up weight loss
-You have to buy a cake mix to justify that can of frosting in your cart, only to eat the frosting in your kitchen with a spoon.
-You scarf down your peanut butter m&ms so fast that they fall in between your tits and you don't notice until much later, but you EAT IT ANYWAY
-The only "buy one, get one free" offers that excite you are for fast food joints (my personal favorite, I chuckle everytime I read it)
-You have to put the brownie down to finish this sentence (courtesy of my mom, who was indeed eating a brownie when I asked her to finish the sentence hehe)

I'd love to hear your ideas! And yes, I have done all of those. :(

Day 4 (30 days of meeee)

Today was successful...ish.

I ate well and I got dressed did my hair, and took a pic. I need to take more pictures of myself. It took some time to find the motivation to get dressed, because, well.. I couldn't stop staring at myself. In the mirror. Nudey. I feel like my body is already lighter, thinner, and feeling stronger. I wont know for sure, until Sept 14th, but hey, I feel sexier even. That's what really matters, right?

Then I played a new game all day. Its called Oblivion, and it's not a new game as in it just came out, but more like, we just bought it. New to me.

I had 1 cup of dry cheerios for breakfast (140 calories)
I had 1 baked chicken breast for lunch (140 calories)
For dinner, which I am making right now, 1 cup of mac n cheese (210) 1 chicken breast (140) and 1 piece of garlic toast with cheese (200) 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80)

Total for the day 910 so far. I may eat another piece of garlic bread or have another serving of cottage cheese. Mmmm.

I have a mild headache, but I think that's from eating a lot less lately and my body is revolting getting used to my new eating habits.

Tomorrow: Day 5!!

Busy day tomorrow, I work a lot. So will try to keep my eating on track. It's getting easier as I keep my mind and hands busy, so I don't see any problems.

Day 3 (30 Days of Me)

Today was day 3 of my thirty days of me. Eating has been spot on, under 1200 calories weeee! Considering I've cut out over half of what I eat calorie wise, I've been dealing with my hunger rather well. I haven't been hungry really. I've been bored and lonely and have thought about food, but then I just go do something. And then I don't think about food at all.

I went to visit my mom again today, mostly because A) it gets me out of the house and 2) I like my family. I planned to take the dog on a "you know what" (w-a-l-k) but I decided I wasn't feeling up to it. So he got brushed instead. He also got cuddles and kisses and lots of treats. Because he loves his Big Sister (that's me... he's my furry little brother...Look, don't judge, I'm an only child...)

We cuddled on the day bed and laid around all day. It was awesome, I'm not going to lie. Then mom said that she didn't feel like cooking today and we should go get burgers at the burger joint. I then suggested I would make burgers and french fries, as it would be cheaper, lower in calories, and taste better as it's made with love :)

I peeled and cut the potatoes, made the hamburger patties and started frying them up in the skillet. I seasoned them with chopped onion and I went for the taco seasoning to give them a bit of flavor and klutzy me dropped it. In the pan. But it seasoned all of the burgers perfectly, so I meant to do that.

I made all the fries. I wasn't even lamenting that I wouldn't get any. I could have had some, I hadn't eaten all day. A burger and fries would have been ok. But I didn't even think of that. Instead I just concentrated on not burning my face off or the burgers, and I divvied up the fries between the parental units. I did eat one. They were great.

I had a burger with cheese, plain. I ate it slow. I drank dt mountain dew and watched the news. Then I fed the last bite to Goob. He always gets the last bite. In fact, I usually end up sharing half my meal with him whenever I am over. Spoiled rotten that dog.


Then I went home, and had a few hours to kill before hubby got home. I was lonely and bored, so I curled my hair. Then I watched Man Vs Wild. The man eats bugs, and I complain about needing a peanut butter cup? Whatever.

Hubby came home and needed feeding (again?! I just fed him yesterday... gosh) so I grilled him a couple burgers on the George Foreman and I made a chicken breast. I had it on a bun. With cheese. Surprised? Don't be. We shared a little pack of Frito chips too. He had a pickle, I had a diet dew. We talked about walking tacos, how you put taco meat in a bag of Frito chips with lettuce, tomato, cheese, guac, and sour cream and how good they are. Even though we were talking about how yummy they were and how much we enjoyed them, I didn't feel the need to run out to the store and buy the stuff to make them, like I usually do.

As we settled down for the night I grabbed a bowl and poured two cups of honey nut cheerios in and happily snacked on that. Now I am done calorie wise for the day (coming in at 1150, yesterday was 950 and the day before was 1300, so I am on track)

I felt a little obsessed, wondering what the scale said but was too lazy to go look for it, and I still have 27 days. I am 10% there.

Tomorrow: Day 4

Get up
Get dressed, do hair, makeup, etc.
BL workout
Honey nut cheerios for breakfast
Grilled chicken breast and cottage cheese for lunch
Grilled chicken breast on a bun with cheese for dinner
Watch Interview with a Vampire (favorite movie) while crocheting

30 Days of Me

Thirty days of me.

I had hubby hide the scales today (I have 3; 1 analog and 2 digital)
I am going to work out and stay under calorie budget for 30 days, not worried about weighing in or measuring. Last night I printed off a calendar with all the exercise I wanted to do for the next month.

Yesterday I did 2 of the Biggest Loser workouts and woke up sore. I was going to skip the workout today because of that excuse and then said "You're just giving up if you skip it." I did the low impact cardio work out because I didn't think I would be able to do the slim and sculpt one with how sore I was, I didn't need another excuse to quit! Even the cardio workout was tough. my thighs were burning. But every time I wanted to quit (and I did the whole time) I just kept saying I would be a failure if I did. Day 2 and a failure. I don't think so.

I ate very little today too. I had taken my fiber pills in the morning and had a diet mountain dew. I made hubby's lunch and then popped in the DVD just to "get it over with"

I was a bad bad girl though. I stepped on the scale when I woke up (228) so I was -1 lb. Then an hour ago, I stepped on the scale again (227) so I made hubby hide it. I will not be a slave to the number. It's nice to see a little "progress" right away though, it will keep me motivated. I had also wrote down my measurements too, so I will check those again on day 30

Two days of sensible eating under my belt as well as 3 workouts and I have more energy. I am stupid sore, everything hurts, but that's good. I know I am working out muscles I didn't know I had! Tomorrow is an 11 minute run on the EFX machine and Slim and Sculpt on Biggest Loser.

September 14th is my D-day.

My birthday is shortly after, October 5th. I can't go another year being fat and not doing anything about it. These are my prime years, my youth. I'm not going to be getting any younger from here! (Note: I'll be 23 lol)

The Blog About Veggies

Hello bloggy friends, how are you all doing today? Good I hope.
I have been feeling great today! Yesterday I worked out twice and I did a work out first thing this morning when I woke up, and although I am very sore, I still feel great!

As promised, here is my blog (picture heavy) about the veggies I made the other day.

I made Mock Mashed Potatoes and Parmesan-Roasted Green Beans the other day with our steak and I took lots of pics as I prepared dinner.

Warming up the frozen cauliflower
Got my green beans all ready to go in the oven with some Parm on them

Cauliflower is done and now need to chop it up a bit to make it easier to mutilate via the Bullet

WILL IT BLEND?!


YES IT WILL!!!


Steak done


Green Beans done

Dinner done:



After I worked out I was getting ready to go to my mom's. Apparently my kittie thinks if she lays on my shoes, I can't leave!

Have a good night xo

A Shocking Discovery

I havent updated my weight loss tracker in a while. It's because I have been moving in the opposite direction. In two weeks I have GAINED 7 lbs.

SEVEN. Lucky number 7 it is not. Although I guess I am lucky that it was ONLY 7 lbs.

That put me back at 232.0 lbs. Only 5.5 from my highest weight, ever. I freaked out when I stepped on the scale Saturday and saw that number looking back at me. So I didn't eat half as much as I usually do. I started upping my fiber content to help stay fuller, longer. And I kept my hands busy crocheting. I drank lots of water. I slept. I walked.

And in two days, I've reduced the damage by almost half. I'm down 3 lbs today. 229.

Le sigh.

I am going the wrong direction here. I need to quit eating. Seriously. So the scale is being hidden. I am going to work out and I am going to eat a lot less than I am now. I need to focus on being busy instead of being hungry. I can do whatever I want in the world, I work from home. I should be in complete control but it's just the opposite. I'm completely out of control.

I like working out. I like moving. I like feeling great after and during. I know that I can do things now I had no idea if I could do them before or not. I know that I can run pretty damned fast. I know that I can make it through working out every day. I know that I can bike pretty damned fast too. I know I can bike 10 miles.

But what I was lacking was a follow through. I know I can do it so I stopped doing it. Then I began to doubt myself. Could I really lose the weight? Am I doomed to be a fatty mc fatterson for the rest of my life? Is my love affair with cheese over?!?!

No. I am not doomed. And I will always love cheese. Even if we have to take a break for a while.

So long, fatty mc fatterson pants. So long stomach flab. So long, self doubt.

Hello sexy me. Hello confidence. Hello world.

Hello world, my name is Christie. I am an eataholic. I like to eat. I think about food a lot. What I will have for dinner tonight, what I will buy at the store, when I can go out to eat. It's always food on my mind. Lately though I realized that this is all I do and it's got to stop. Food isn't what life is about.

Life is what life is about.

I'm going to work out again tonight. I feel like I can do anything in the world.

The Biggest Loser Workout DVD Review

I received the Biggest Loser Workout Vol. 1 (rated 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 4.1/5 stars Amazon)
in the mail via Netflix the other day and popped it into the XBOX 360 today to give it a shot. The dvd has some inspirational stories from the 1st season contestants and includes customizable workouts. It's a 6 week dvd and you alternate 2 workouts 6 times a week.

For instance, the first week is 6 days a week. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is a Low Impact Cardio workout, which I did today, and on the other days its Strength and Sculpt.

Week 2 is High Intensity Cardio and Boot Camp. You alternate these as well.

Week 3 & 5 is the same as Week 1. Week 4 & 6 is the same as week 2.

You also get the option to completely customize a work out from warm up to cool down, where you can add in any of the workouts that you like or all of them.

It's hosted by Bob Harper and some of the contestants from Season 1 (unfortunately I don't recognize any of them) Bob's philosophy is a little different from Jillian's. While she yells at you and pushes you to go harder faster come on do it you lazy ass no wonder you're so fat, Bob is more like Just do what you can if you cant do it this way you can do it that way there you go just keep moving yay you did it happy gay man voice weeee.

Also it helps seeing the contestants do it and struggle too. It worked me out a lot harder than I thought it would. I was sweating like a pig, and I still am. It was all low impact cardio, like lunges and squats and cardio boxing (squeal!!) as well as some kicking. Reminded me a little of Tae Bo which is probably why I liked it so much.

It gets your heart racing and your blood pumping, I feel really great after, and it doesnt take long to get your heart up but you aren't doing anything stupid or complicated, like dance moves or balancing, things I can't do anyway! It's all very simple movements and Bob is very encouraging. If you cant manage to step back, step forward, kick, punch punch, then he says do what you can, even if its just step forward, step back, just KEEP MOVING.

Its hard to compare to 30 Day Shred. I like both workouts. While Jillian's does strength, cardio, and ab work all in one workout, in circuit training, Bob's workout does one thing the whole time, whether it's cardio or sculpting, or bootcamp.

I've only done the low impact cardio today, but I kid you not- YOU WILL SWEAT. You will sweat hard, you will breath hard, and you will be crying when you are done. I'm nervous about the high impact cardio, but I will give it a shot. If it turns out I am unable to do it due to stress on my ankle then I will just do the low impact cardio. I'm not ashamed.


If you don't want to spend the money on the workouts on Amazon or wherever, you can try Netflix. If you haven't heard of it or tried it, it's a great DVD/Blu-ray rental system where you can get as many as 8 dvds out at a time and send them back to exchange or keep them as long as you want for one flat monthly rate. You can upgrade or downgrade any time, cancel any time, and you can get unlimited Instant Streaming to your computer or TV if you have a compatible device. I highly recommend it. You can get all of the work outs you have been meaning to try (with the exception of P90x/Insanity, however I did find Get Extremely Ripped: 1000, which claims to burn 1000 calories in an hour.)

I have added all of Jillian's workouts and all of Bob's too. I find it's nice that way I don't go out and buy a dvd just to figure out I can't do half the crap on it because I have the coordination of a drunken moose or it's 20 minutes of jumping jacks and butt kicks and I fracture my ankle. It's also always exciting to get something in the mail that isn't a bill or spam :D Wait... is it called spam if it's snail mail? or was it junk mail? I can't remember.

If you asked me to rate it, which you didn't but I am going to anyway, I'd give it a 3.8 out of 5. It's a great workout. I can't wait to try tomorrow's.

Also in other news, completely unrelated: I tried two new veggies yesterday. I'm working on the blog and I took pics too, so Weeeeee! Stay tuned!

and that's a wrap!

Hello bloggy friends how are you all doing today?

My arms hurt! my ankle is sore! I think its the running. I'm not limping (yet) but it is tender to put pressure on. Not sure why my arms are sore, unless those moving arm thingies really do work out your arms? Or it could be all the crocheting I'm doing lately!

I discovered it's something I'm really good at. I can do it quickly and consistently (which is always a problem in every other aspect of my life!) and I enjoy it a lot. I have the softest yarn too. In between working on my wrap I am cuddling balls of yarn. My husband thinks I have lost it. Maybe I have. What's so wrong about a woman wanting to rub her face with soft acrylic yarn? Better than rubbing it with Reese cups! I'd point that out to him but he'd probably ask why I would rub my face with peanut butter cups anyway, and I don't want to go there. LOL

I'm kidding. I wouldnt waste time on that when I could just eat them.

Anyway, hope that everyone has a great weekend, I think we are going to go see Scott Pilgrim vs the World, as it looks pretty funny.

Run like the Winnnnnd

I went running today. Just like I said I would. Aren't you impressed? I know I sure as heck am. I woke up early, like I mentioned, at 10am to be exact, and I decided, you know what? I'm going to go run today. Just like I said I would.

So I strap on my Shape-ups and I walk down to the office/fitness center. I had grabbed my check for rent, but they werent in the office. Oh well. I head down to the fitness center and thankfully, it's empty. I get on the elliptical and I tell myself "Ten minutes. You did 7 last time. If you can do 7, you can do 10. That's all I am asking."

It was rough getting started, I was thinking "GAWD this is going to take FOREVER!" I started running while I searched through my iPhone for some good tunes. Skip, skip, skip. This one is too slow this one makes me sad why is that even on here I don't like techno good lord where is all my music HELLO what am I supposed to listen to as I torture myself?

I finally find a couple songs I like, one of them being Paparazzi by Lady Gaga, and before I knew it, I was at 5 minutes. I look at my distance.
3/4 of a mile. Can I do it? I wonder. I push myself harder. Can I make a mile in under 7 minutes on my second run ever? I grin in between bouts of panting. I bet I can. I push even harder. My heart rate is climbing through the roof. 195 beats per minute. Screw it. It's either hit the mile marker or pass out, I don't care. I keep running. I take a swig of water. I can do this. I will do this.

Seven minutes is rolling around, its 6:45 it's coming up! I'm at .98 miles. I jeep going, not blinking, my eyes never leaving that display. 7:00 hits and I am at .99 miles. Bummer. 7:04 and it ticks over to a mile. I don't care that I am 4 seconds over; I still beat my last mile time by 16 seconds. I am so pleased and exhausted. I want to quit. I slow down a little, let my heart beat go down and take a swig of water. I think "that's good enough. I beat my old time."

Then I realize I am doing exactly what I always do. I am giving up half way. It's not that I can't do it, its that I choose not to. I feel like I've accomplished something meaningful, so I let my personal goals slide. I wanted to run ten minutes, but I beat my time record, so I can stop, right?

This time, it was WRONG. No! You will run ten minutes whether you like it or not, and you will be damned proud of yourself for doing it! I kept yelling at myself mentally. It's only 10 f$cking minutes, you can't give me TEN minutes of your time? What would you rather do with it? Sleep? Eat?

That's right fattie, that's what you want to do. Eat. Boohoo, poor little fattie can't eat for ten minutes while she tries to avoid diabetes. (I was pretty harsh on myself. I kept thinking Jillian Michaels, mixed with my mom, mixed with that kid from the Christmas Story who had yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes!) I wanted to give up, but I kept telling myself that the only person who can make me do it is me. I have to want it. I can do this. I will never, ever give up. Ever. I am stronger than I know I am. And apparently faster too!

Before I knew it, the ten minutes were up and I had run 1.4 miles in total. I wanted to take a pic of my awesomeness, but if you don't keep moving, the display blanks out, and I couldnt get a clear pic while I was in motion. So you will just have to take it on faith.

I may be a fattie but I sure can move when I want to!

I ran crawled into the bathroom to wipe the sweat off of my face and take a few pics .


Aww I remembered to take one of me smiling. Aren't I cute?

I had to run to the store today to buy yarn for my gift I am making, they didn't have the color that I wanted but they had another color that was equally as pretty, so I bought 3 balls of that, a new crochet hook, and some things for Hubby's lunch next week, before I forgot. Then I walked past the workout clothes. Oooh. I wanted new workout clothes.

They were on sale! Even better!


The shirt was $5 from $7 and the pants were $8 from $11. I wanted to buy another set, but figured that one was good for now.

Yeah my room is a mess. It's actually a lot cleaner than it was haha :(

I started on my wrap, the yarn is sooo soft. It's Vanna's Choice from Lion brand yarn (yeah, as in Vanna White, she crochets!) and I am already on row 10 of 23. It's a really easy pattern, but it just takes a bit of time to do. In fact, the pattern is so simple at one point it says "go back and repeat steps 4-9 twice" and that is where I am now. I probably will get it done by the end of the weekend, even with how busy I will be.

Tomorrow I am going to run 11 minutes. If I can do 10, I can do 11. I am going to keep working my way up. I still have to do 30 Day Shred today, but I will do that after the hubster gets home. He likes to keep me accountable hehe.

Before Noon

I am up before noon! It's partially because I slept all day yesterday and partially because my mom started texting me in a frenzy this morning and I didn't have the heart to tell her I wanted to go back to bed, so I get up and chat with her for a few minutes then she said she's gotta go.

LOL so much for being friendly

So I made myself a protein shake in a wine glass (classy) and I am dressed and ready to go! I just need to put on my socks and running shoes and away I go! I can drop off my rent payment on the way too, since its in the same building. Wee! I have another month to live in my apartment weeeeeeeeee! Our lease is up in another month, but it looks like we are staying another year. As much as I want to move... I don't. I like our complex. Sans construction of course.

I am also in a much better mood today, if you hadn't noticed. Maybe it's all the sleep yesterday. Maybe it's because they are actually making progress on that stupid road. Maybe it's because I am just feeling better. Ear isn't plugged up anymore. All in all a good day.

I have errands today, which means "pay my bills online"

Spaghetti was awesome last night. We have enough now for the next few days. I love a big pot of soup or pasta or chili, something that is already made and just waiting to be reheated. Simplicity at its best. I have to go and buy my new yarn for my wrap today too, to get that started and out of the way. I also need a new hook, as I don't have the one the pattern calls for, which could be why my practice one looks a little scrunched.

I wonder if since I got up before noon, hubby will actually get up at 11 like he tries so hard to do every day but I convince him to stay in bed with me and cuddle a little longer :) I guess we will see in a few moments!

Slept All Day

I went to bed at 3am last night and fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up at 8 when my mom sent me a message and I had to fire off an email, which I did from my phone, then went back to sleep. 12:30 pm rolls around and I have to make hubby's lunch for work, he leaves at 12:40.

Sandwich made, carrots and ranch packed, chips stowed away, and I give him a kiss and a hug, and he leaves. I sigh. Another long day alone. I don't know why I get so lonely when he leaves, he used to work these same hours at his other job. I love his new job, its easier, he makes more money and we have great benefits. its in a fantastic location, only a few moments away from our apartment. he can even text me all day, its pretty laid back there. hell, i'd love to work there.

Anyway, this week is always hard on me. You know, special lady time. It's very depressing. It's just hard to imagine that I will be able to accomplish anything productive. Everything annoys me or just makes me sadder. It's like it's always night and I don't see dawn coming.

So I slept all day. All day. I went back to bed after he left and got up at 5 pm. Then I got up and played a game for an hour. Then I did a load of dishes. I worked a little, but my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't wait to go back to bed.

I've had a headache all day (no caffeine lately, so I'm pretty sure it's withdrawal) even taking Excedrin (with caffeine) didn't help. It was a full blown migraine for a while. I put an ice pack on my head and lay down.

Stupid lady time. I feel like a bloated squirrel left in a swimming pool all winter long... wait. That actually happened. Ok, I feel like a biscuit that soaked up too much gravy and now is a soggy mess. What was once delicious is now a hopeless dream.

Anyway, tomorrow is a better day. I am going to get off my rump and actually go running in the fitness center. I've been thinking about it so much but haven't had the motivation. I'll sleep in my running shoes if I have to tonight to make sure I have no excuse to go tomorrow. I'd go now, but it closes at 10pm and its 2:30 am so I missed the window by a smidgen.

I also picked up crocheting again today. I mentioned I was making my mother in law a wrap. We are on tentative terms now and it's important to at least play nice even if we won't get along, which is sad. I want everyone to love me. :( But I decided to practice the wrap to see if I can make it look nice. It's going well so far, I should have it finished by this weekend. Then I will be able to make the final version. I forgot how almost therapeutic it was. It's also nice to know that I am still quick with it. It's also an "intermediate" skill level which boosts my confidence.

I'll post some pics when I am done with it, I'm thinking of using it for decoration. I burnt my couch with a baking sheet (don't ask) and this can help cover that up.

Why So Angry?

I just figured it out.

I've been angry, antsy, restless and down right irritable all day long. I enjoyed the company of my family today but grew angry once I came home.

To hungry cats who were crying and mewing for my attention, feed us feed us! I fed them.

I wanted to take a nap but then hubby came home. And he was hungry. Feed me feed me. So I fed him. Then I wanted to lay down. I was so tired. Can't I just sleep?

Spend time with me, play this game. Ok, I play this game. Its not as fun as it could be. I'm tired.
Ok lets watch tv. We watch tv and I can't fall asleep.

I make some tator tots. Can you do me a favour? Heavy sigh. Can you wash this for me? Hubby wanted his water bottle clean. I stare at the sink full of dirty dishes and quite simply say no.

I felt guilty for a moment. But then I recall having a conversation last night about this very water bottle and how if he wanted to soak it in soapy water all night, he could clean it. No guilt.

I wait for tator tots. I eat them. They are unsatisfactory. I can't get cookies out of my head and kick myself mentally at not going to get them when my mom asked me to. I could have had some home made delicious cookies today.

Cookies.

Cookies.

COOKIES!

Grumble grumble bark bark growl growl I march into the bathroom I'm annoyed that I have to go AGAIN

Then I remember...

I started today.

OOOH that's why I've been a big fat bitch. I hate hormones.

Sorry loved ones.

I will resume normal happy Christie in a day or so.

Food and the Effect on My Budget

Look we all know I like to eat. I know it, you know it, and my bank account sure as hell knows it.

I have signed up at Mint Financial, a free personal finance and budgeting software. You link it with your bank accounts and it pulls up all the information for you, like how much money you have. You can also link it with any credit cards, loans, or other outstanding debt that you have and it will put all of that in a profile for you.

I really enjoy it because it sends you weekly statements, you can set your budget on groceries, utilities, bills, and the like. It puts it all in a pie chart or bar chart, compares your spending to others in your area, and tells you if you are getting close to going over budget. You can even look at individual transactions and put labels on them, like if your grocery store doesn't have a grocery store name (Kroger or Whole Foods) and put the correct label on it so it goes into the right category. Sometimes it puts Wal-mart under "Clothing" when I really went grocery shopping.

The one draw back though: It doesnt have any security questions if you forget your password. It just emails it to you. So either set up a private email specifically for your account or just don't forget your password. God forbid you hand it out to someone because they can get into your email account! although they can't really access your personal information, like checking or routing numbers, debit/credit numbers, just how much money you have in them. But don't give anyone an incentive to go hunting that info down.

Anyway, like I was saying, its a neat little program if you are incapable of budgeting, or if you just want a quick overview, or if you are too lazy to purchase a budgeting software (I'm all three!)

I have been looking at the pie chart recently of my food expenditure. It breaks it down into categories for me. Heres a look at what I spent in July.


That is $300 on groceries, $104 on fast food, $53 in restaurants and $10 in coffee shops (all of which is hubby's fault, he buys a soda at Dunkin Donuts at work hehe)

That is THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS on groceries and ONE HUNDRED FIFTY SEVEN on eating out. That's almost five hundred dollars. On food. On FOOD.

FOOD!

No wonder I was so damn poor I had to borrow money from my parents so my husband could get gas to go to work. No wonder we were so poor, we had to eat ramen for a few days. Good lord.

I couldn't figure out why we were so poor, we make more than enough to pay for our bills and we don't spend a lot on frivolous things. I guess I didn't realize how frivolous food really is.

I mean, I spent $20 on food and it lasted us 5 days. What the hell was I making last month that cost $300?! LOBSTER?! And why didn't I get any?! Was I going for a champagne taste on a beer budget, or was I just being Instant Gratification Girl again? Needing cookies and candies and sodas and steak and enchiladas?

Feh.

It's not an entirely new revelation, just one that I had to think about again. It was a rough month and it didn't need to be. I thought by eating at home a lot, I would be saving money as we were missing out on a paycheck last month. I guess I was paying just as much for groceries as I was on eating out, and I didn't even save any leftovers.

Live and learn. All caught up on bills now, and possibly coming out ahead too. I am going to pare down my grocery bill and see how much money I can save this month. Maybe then I'll be able to afford a lobster dinner.

LOL

Also, my mother in law's birthday is coming up on the 29th. I always have trouble figuring out what my in laws are into, as they don't really do much. I was thinking of crocheting her something nice. Fall is around the corner, so I thought a nice shawl/wrap or scarf would be good. Hubby assures me her favorite colors are pink and purple, so if she tells me they arent her colors I can blame him. :)

I found a couple patterns I'd like to do, and I just need to find a yarn I like.

Cookie Monster

I was craving sweets. And hubby who is so sweet to me, gives me everything I want, decides yeah, you can get something sweet.

We go to the store and I see a container of chocolate chunk cookies with M&Ms in them. YUMMY!! There are a lot of them too, so I will be able to pack them for hubby's lunch! I mention this and he gets all excited, okay, we will buy them.

Two pounds of cookies.

Two pounds of deliciously soft, moist, home made baked cookies. Oh yeah, they were BAKERY cookies. Not Chips Ahoy! or Oreos, but real live bakery baked cookies.

Super moist. Super delicious. The good chewy, the perfect amount of chewy and crumbly fall apart in your mouth awesome cookies. With chocolate chunks. Dark chocolate. And m&ms.

Heaven!

Hubby liked them as much as I did. We ate the entire container in 24 hours.

I'm pretty sure I ate a few more than he did, but it was before he had even tried one. As soon as he did, we were eating them cookie for cookie.

I'm also pretty sure thats where my weight gain came from haha. At 350 calories a cookie, and 20 cookies.... Yep. There you go. 2lbs.

Gluttony. Pure (delicious) gluttony.

He never got to take any with his lunch.

Needless to say, we won't be buying those again any time soon. Sadly :(

Ear-itated

This ear infection sucks. The decongestant (taken 2x daily) makes me sleepy and cranky. The ear drops (taken 4x daily) make it impossible to hear anything, ever. So I'm effectively deaf and dumb.

This makes me sleep a lot, not eat much, and growl at everything. I was going to go visit my parents today to watch the latest True Blood, but since I am on the verge of mean, I think I will just stay home today.

It's safer for all involved haha


Good news! I'm getting a $6.03 refund from my cable company for canceling cable last month! woot! Also hubby is getting reimbursed for my doctor's appointment and prescriptions this week! Huzzah! If there is one thing that is guaranteed to make me happy, it's money! Free money! Reimbursement! Weeee!!!

30 Day Shred Day 2

I took yesterday off from 30 Day Shred, as I was sore. I am glad that I did, in retrospect, even though I felt guilty.

I was still as sore as I was yesterday, today. But I turned on 30 Day Shred, level 1. I started out protesting a little, oooh that... that's a little hard to do. Ahhh, okay, okay...

But as it went on, it just got *harder* and *harder* to keep going. I was panting, sweating, shaking, aching, moaning, gasping. I wanted to quit so badly. I wanted to give in. I wanted to say, sorry I am too sore, I can't do this today. Tomorrow I will. I wanted to stop.

But then I said one little word, and it gave me all the resolve I needed to keep going.


DIABETES.

It was either do the work out, despite how bad I was hurting, or give in to the eventuality of medical complications and diseases.

I decided to push through it.

I grit my teeth. I swore. Every time even a hint of doubt came into my mind, a second of "let me just catch my breath" I chanted it. Diabetes! diabetes! I will not give in to it.

I am stronger than that. I will rise above.

I did every minute. I did the anterior lunges with arm raises. I did the squats and presses. I did the dumbbell rows. I did the jump rope, the jumping jacks (modified), the butt kicks, the cardio boxing. I did the crunches, reverse crunches, the oblique crunches and the bicycle crunches.

I did them all. I hated every minute of it.

My abs protested. My thighs were like rusty bolts, unyielding at first, but then started to loosen up.

I couldn't catch my breath.

When the last minute of abs came around (the bicycle crunches) I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and tried as hard as I could to KEEP GOING. As Jillian counted down the last 5, I silently prayed. It was almost over. "Three....Two.... ONE!"

I relaxed, inhaled deeply. It was over. I kept trying to breath. It was over, it was over, thank God it was over. It was over. I did it. It's over.

Then we had to stretch to cool down.

I got into position. I stretched out my calves and my arms. I started crying. I couldn't help it. I was simultaneously proud that I finished it and relieved. I did it. I cried for the moments I wanted to stop but I kept going. I cried because it helped relieve the pain. Then I wiped my sweat and tears away and finished my stretching, took a drink of some water, washed my face, and sat down in front of the fan.

I was a shaking wreck. My muscles refused to do anything. It was a chore to just lay there.

I took a nap and I have to say, I am no where near as sore as I was yesterday. My abs are the only thing killing me at the moment. I was going to go running today too, but between my prescriptions for my ear infection, I'm either laying on my side putting drops in my ear or drowsy waiting for the decongestant to kick in.

Day 2 complete. 28 more to go.

I already feel the changes. Let's hope I will be able to see them too.

Distorted Body Image

I still have body image issues. I look around the blogging community and stumble across someone who started their journey at 240+ lbs (there are lots of us bigger than that too) and I always think "God, 240 lbs. Who does that to themselves?" for a brief instant before


UMMMMM Hello I weighed 240 pounds when I started!! (dumbass)

Why don't I see that?

I think that I still have self body image issues. I think I see myself closer to 200 lbs than 250 and that is NOT the case.

So, for a bit of perspective... Yes I am a big fat ass.

I need to stop pretending that I am closer to my goals than I am. I am no where NEAR that. I have a lot of hard work left to do. I'm not so great with hard work, but this time I don't have an option.

I don't like being fat. I don't like the option of giving up and dying. I only have one option- change. And change is violent, no matter how "small" or "easy" we try to make it seem.

Think about it. To lose weight you have to get your heart rate up, you have to sweat, you have to fight mental battles with yourself. There are casualties. Sore muscles, bruised egos, moments of temptation and betrayal. Self respect and self loathing. All in a single 20 minute session. And you are supposed to do this 5 days a week? While cutting back calories and re-training your taste buds to not like crap?

....Pffft. No wonder I am "failing". I say "failing" in quotes because a) I have kept 10 lbs off since January. b) I have lost 20" since January. c) I have had a lot of little successes in endurance and physical appearance, but I haven't lost any more weight (I actually gained weight ugh)

I look at all of these success stories and think "why can't that be me?" and the truth is, I haven't *wanted* it enough. Sure there are incentives (Bahamas, anyone?) but that's just not doing it for me. It seems either so daunting "I'll never get that far" or so far away "Meh, I'll get around to it."

I'm so worried that I will be pre-diabetic (or worse.) It's a major health scare in the making for me. It's got me on my toes. I want to have a good blood test. I WANT to be normal. I want a clean bill of health.

So, I pledge to stop worrying about where I will end up. I pledge to stop worrying about others. I pledge to do this for me, because I need it, I want it, and I don't want to deal with any medical complications. I pledge to be the best me I can be, because no one else will do it for me.

Grumble grumble

Not much grumbling, I promise :)

I went to the doctor, turns out its an inner ear infection. Fantastic. A drainage tube is either inflamed or blocked up, causing improper drainage, hence water in the ear for four days. I had to see another doctor than my usual one, and I could barely understand him, he was very soft spoken.

He put me on two meds, a decongestant and some ear drops. The ear drops are to help clear the infection and also stop my ears from itching. My ear itches because there is water trickling down my ear, so the drops.... do the same thing. 2 drops 4 times a day, and one pill for the decongestant.

I spent an hour there and at the pharmacy. It still cracks me up that even though I have been going to that pharmacy for years and know everyone by at least sight, that they freak out I'm Mrs Maiden-name. LOL They never remember that I am married.

Oh well.

I am extremely sore today (YAY!!) and I have been laying around. I went to visit my mom and we just watched True Blood and chatted all day long. I made dinner. I cuddled with the dog.
I didn't do much else.

I'm not sweating it. But tomorrow, 30 day shred.

I got my lab order for my blood work but I am going to wait a few months to get it done, I want to make sure my insurance covers it before I attempt to get it done only to find out I have to pay in full. I'd also like to nip any potential problems in the bud before hand.

I mean, no sense in waiting to find out from the lab results that I am pre-diabetic, right? Wouldn't it be best to work off a few (dozen) pounds and get on the right track? That way it's not such a shock?

Blood pressure was a little high, because I was nervous and didn't take a Xanax (left them at home, stupid me!) 132/80 not too bad.



the worst part is those stupid drops.

the best part was seeing my parents and hanging out with them. God I missed them so much.

I am the CHAMPION!! again

So I started running yesterday. Yep, I did a mile, just to prove I could, and at a great time of 7 minutes and 20 seconds (I'm still beaming from that) I know that I did well because I posted it on my facebook and I got lots of congratulations :) one of my friends (who is perfectly slim) says she can't run a mile in under 10 minutes. I'm not sure how much I believe that, but I appreciate it all the same.

I also did 30 day Shred today. I was so ready to quit half way through. So ready to give up, but every time I was about to I'd say just one more (squat, push up etc) and then we would be at the next section. The worst part is the bicycle crunches. It's the last minute of the whole work out and for me the most taxing. Gaaawd.

I was drenched in sweat. Every pore was spewing out sweat. It was really disgusting. I did the cool down and then hit the shower. My legs were so weak, they were trembling. My arms were so sore, it hurt to lift them to wash my hair. I was worried I would collapse so I made it a quick shower and then went to sit down and drink some water while I recuperated.

That is the most intense 28 minutes I've done. I tried level 2 and omg I am not ready for it.

Tomorrow's game plan:

-Protein shake for breakfast
-If we get paid, then to my hometown to visit my mammy and take the dog for a walk.
-Failing that, a walk on the local trail. In capris.
-10 minute fun run on the elliptical.
-If I can, go to the doctor to get my ear checked out and set up my blood work appointment. I've had water trapped in my ear for 4 days now, it also itches like crazy.
-Lunch of leftover hamburger helper
-Take pictures.
-Upload said pics.
-Dinner of chicken nuggets and tator tots. Hubby's fav hehe

Eff. I am now nervous about going to the doctor and getting weighed. UGH. Like a band aid... like a band aid.

I'll let you all know how that goes later on.

Thighs... Like.... Noooooodles!

Ooooh yeah. I'm feeling it. My thighs are like noodles. Giant, jelly noodles that protest every time I get up.

"Stop, you vile woman," they cry out in desperation. "We beg you to reconsider!"

Reconsider? I don't think so, thighs.

Listen, I know you like to lay around and not do much. In fact, asking you to support my laptop while I use it is about as far as you are willing to go most days, thighs. And most days, that's all I ask from you. But you see, hubby got his health screening and it came back with some bad points. And it's got me a little worried. If my perfectly in shape husband who loves his fruits and veggies isn't healthy enough and at risk, then where does that leave me? A one way ticket to 6 feet under, or a life of needles and insulin. No thanks.

I get the feeling you aren't listening, thighs. You are saying "but we will do it another time" I hear you, I really do. I'm going to ignore you though. I don't want to end up as a Fat Disability Woman. I don't want to wait until I am out of options where it's either bypass surgeries or die. I don't want to be FAT anymore.

So shut up and run. It was only 7 minutes. I can't have 7 minutes of your time?

I understand you arent used to this behavior. Me either. I don't like being sore, or having jelly legs but we HAVE to SWEAT if we want to be healthy. Disgusting I know, but then again, so is eating a whole jar of frosting before you even bake a cake. Or using "garage sale day" as an excuse to buy a dozen donuts and eat them all yourself. Or making Christmas candy all week long before Christmas and eating it all. Then having to go out Christmas Eve to battle the hordes just to get the ingredients AGAIN so you can have something for your family functions.

I just got a chuckle and sad at the same time. I've done most of those things (8 donuts out of the 12, but everything else, accurate)

I know that I will never be a runner, legs. Ankle prevents me from being a trail runner, one of those "let's just tie our shoes and run like the wind!" folks. But I know that I can run, occasionally, with the aid of an EFX machine. And I know that it's less stressful on you, knees. So let's all band together and help pull thighs through this. Heart, lungs, and abs will thank you for it. Heck, everyone will.

Make me proud.

A Mile in 7 Minutes

Last night, I posted this tweet on Twitter:

"I had a dream where I met Jillian Michaels and asked her if she wanted to play Doodle Jump with me, she said after we work out first"

A few moments later I got this back

"Jillian Michaels @groovygirl1140 Yes work out first, doodle jump later?"

Believe me, I was beyond ecstatic! I showed hubby, LOOK Jillian Michaels responded to me on Twitter! ME!!

It was true though, I really did have a dream where I met her (in Walmart) and she made me and a bunch of other people work out for a while (in Walmart) and I was so excited to meet her.

Anyway, after that I felt like a lazy slob being on Twitter at 1 in the morning, so I decided today would be an intense work out day. It's beautiful, sunny, and 90 degrees out.

If I had gotten a little gas money, I would have gone home to see my parents and take their dog, Goober out for a walk. He's my baby bruddah, so I like to spoil him when I come over :)

Unfortunately that didn't work out, so my back up plan was to go to the fitness center in our complex and run on the Elliptical machine for a mile or ten minutes, whichever I came to first. If someone was on the machine when I went, I was going to walk on the trail near our apartment.

I took a bottle of water with me. I was wearing a pair of maroon sweatpants (they were the only ones with pockets) and I knew it was 90 degrees out. It's not that far of a walk to the office, so I decided that I would be ok. I figured it was air conditioned in there, so I wouldn't even notice. It's also in the basement, which makes it cooler than if it were on the ground level.

No one was there (lucky me, or I'd have left) and I got on the elliptical. It was a daunting machine. A behemoth.

When I stood on it I could touch the ceiling. Literally! I turned it on to "burn calorie" mode and began a slow pace. It's really hard to control pace on that as it's sort of like riding a bike, the more you pedal, the faster you go, and before you know it, the pedals are making YOU go.

Anyway, it tells you the time, the distance, the calories burnt, how many strides per minute you are doing and it even has a fan, that doesn't point at any specific direction, but its a nice thought.

I ran for a whole mile in 7 minutes and 20 seconds. I was so exhausted, I checked my heart rate on the machine and I was pushing into the "danger zone". I felt light headed and really weak, so I decided to call it done.

I felt guilty that I couldn't do more, or even ten minutes, but hey! It's not worth passing out over.

Also: it's the first time I've ran this summer. In pants. A mile in 7.5 minutes!
When I was in high school and 80 lbs lighter, I could never finish a mile in under 8 minutes, which was their standard for "healthy and active lifestyle"

If I couldnt run a mile in under 8 minutes when I was 16 and 150 lbs but I can run one in under 8 minutes now that I am almost 23 and 225 lbs what does that say? (Besides my weight correlating with my age GASP)

I think I am a little fitter today than I was yesterday :)

Now if you dont mind I am going to go lay in front of the fan

Pretracking

I pre-tracked all my meals today! Yes I did! Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all written down in my handy dandy Lose it! App! I have 300 calories to spare too, for a snack. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and do an hour of exercise.

I got the idea from Sheryl, over at Bitchcakes. She said she got it from one of her friends, and its really helped her. I think she may be on to something, because it really helps ease the anxiety of "what will I eat? how many calories/points is that? what do I have left?" all the questions I deal with when I journal. That's why I HATE journalling. I hate figuring that stuff out while I am making my sandwich or making my dinner. It takes all the fun out of the preparation.

I love cooking and that will never change. I hate doing anything that distracts me from cooking. So why would I like journaling? I don't.

But pre-tracking is great! I sit there and say to myself "Self, for lunch I want a turkey sandwich. Let's go look and see what it would be calorie wise." Then I add it all up and say "self, put that in your app." and then I do. A few hours later, when lunch time rolls around, I make it. Exactly as I said I would.

There's no temptation of adding chips or a Hostess Swiss Roll to my lunch because A) we don't have any chips :) and 2) the swiss rolls are hubby's.

I did it for dinner too. "Self, tonight we are having left over spaghetti, go and track it!"

I think it helps because when I look at my app, it tells me how many calories I've had for the day, and I see that I am mostly done. It makes me feel like I've already accomplished something, and the calories are gone. Spent. Like money. No getting it back until tomorrow. Sorry.

The same holds true for the exercise, but in the opposite way. If I put that I ride my bike for 500 calories, I feel like I've already done it, even though I haven't. And that's not good. So I will actually have to do that one afterward.

I feel so in control today. Despite sleeping all day yesterday and having no energy, feeling a little down in the dumps (weather related, was rainy all day) it's a new day for me, and I've done twice as much as I did yesterday! I've done two loads of dishes and two loads of laundry! I picked up around the house a little bit (I'm so messy, which is probably why I'm not any good at keeping organized in my weight loss)

I read a blog today that made me feel great. It was one of those "every day matters, every step, every choice, its yours" and it's so true.

Today is my day. Tomorrow, I'll try for that too. What are you doing with your today?

Delicious Spaghetti

OMG it was so delicious.

I am a bit of a diva (ya think?) and I usually buy name brand things, especially when grocery shopping because I think the off brand or store brand will "taste funny".

I'm trying to be a bit more frugal too and the biggest expense outside of bills in our house hold is duh duh duuuuuuh food.

I love to cook big, elaborate meals. I think I need to quit thinking like that. Hubby's favorite meals are cheeseburgers and spaghetti.

Blink blink so why am I trying to make lasagna, enchiladas, pot roasts etc? A simple man wants simple meals!

Anyway, shopping on a budget this week, I got stuff to make spaghetti. Three lbs of ground beef for $5.59 (I put a lb in the freezer for later this week) a big jar of store brand spaghetti sauce for $1 and two lbs of spaghetti noodles for $1.25

This will feed us for a few days!

Thats pretty cheap

Normally I have to plead to have leftovers, or they never sound appealing day two. I am just going to make simple meals from now on and we will have special meals (ie lasagna) once a month. I already made a food calendar for the month and yes, we are having spaghetti once a week and hamburgers at least once a week too.

I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches last week out of a pork tenderloin and a bottle of BBQ sauce it was the best I'd ever made, usually I make the sauce from scratch.

Surprisingly hubby really liked that too. I guess a hot sandwich is all he wants in life lol

Stay frugal friends! I know I am going to.

On Plan

Today I:

-got up at 12:30 pm to make hubby's lunch and spend a few minutes with him before he left.

-went back to bed at 1p,

-slept until 4 pm

-made a bag of microwave popcorn, without any salt or butter.

-ate the entire bag.

-had a glass of apple juice (.5 serving of fruit)

-did a load of dishes

-took the moving handlebars off of my stationary bike. (I don't feel they work out my arms and they hit me a lot if I try to change my song on my ipod)

-tested out the bike. I like it a lot.

Still left to do:

-make spaghetti.

-sing a song based on the tune of "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child while making spaghetti... I don't think you're ready for my sketti...

-work out for an hour. I think I'll do 30 day shred for 30 minutes and bike for 30.

-load of laundry.

what an exhausting day, no wonder I sleep half of it away haha

Keep it together

That's all this week is about. Keeping it together.

I've started up a monthly and weekly menu for hubby and I. I'm really excited because it gives me a chance to add in more healthy options. (In the form of V8 of course) that way we can get all our veggies! I don't really have a problem with them as much anymore. Mostly fruits now.

But I love apple juice and hey, that counts.

Tomorrow, going to do 30 Day Shred again. God, it's going to kill me. But I am looking forward to it.

Bloodwork

Now that hubby has great insurance I am going to get my bloodwork that my doctor has been asking me to do for a while now.

I'm nervous. I'm not a fan of needles in any sense, but I do donate blood on a semi-regular basis (twice a year, trying to get hubby to do it more often too, because he has "pure" blood and they always need that)

I'm going to have my thyroid checked, to see if there are any underlying issues (ie pre-diabetes, diabetes, whatever else) and it's a great idea. I just don't want to do it. But I am not going to let my reluctance or apprehension to stand in the way. Just because I don't want to face facts doesn't mean they aren't there. Or maybe nothing will be wrong. Who knows? That's why I am doing this in the first place.

There is some family history that concerns the dr, and he is just doing his job and looking out for me. I'll make an appointment for after the 15th and see what I have to do.

It would be so easy to go ostrich on this one. To bury my head in the sand. But I am not.

I'll keep you all updated. Wee!